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Circumfrenstance
You need not stand alone
To build your fencing;
The world will place your posts
And hold the nails.
Society selects
The souls it’s sensing,
And leaves you to construct
Your chosen jails.
The saplings we have sown
From our re-seeding
Now grow like great gray ghosts
To ring us in.
Perimeter protects
Our self-belonging,
While wooden ranks obstruct
What might have been.
So fairy circle time
Is oddly passing,
With decades in a week
Or week in year,
The moments pile on
In fond amassing,
They cluster ‘round the soul
But don’t adhere.
The daily hours rhyme
Without contrasting,
While sentences we speak
We quote by rote,
And when we join the swan
Within its summing,
We leave a neat round hole
Within our moat.
To build your fencing;
The world will place your posts
And hold the nails.
Society selects
The souls it’s sensing,
And leaves you to construct
Your chosen jails.
The saplings we have sown
From our re-seeding
Now grow like great gray ghosts
To ring us in.
Perimeter protects
Our self-belonging,
While wooden ranks obstruct
What might have been.
So fairy circle time
Is oddly passing,
With decades in a week
Or week in year,
The moments pile on
In fond amassing,
They cluster ‘round the soul
But don’t adhere.
The daily hours rhyme
Without contrasting,
While sentences we speak
We quote by rote,
And when we join the swan
Within its summing,
We leave a neat round hole
Within our moat.
The rhyme and rhythm schemes here are pretty cool. A little of the rhythm is forced, but not much, and the only rhyme that feels weak is in/been. (In particular, I often try to avoid rhymes (or rhythms, for that matter) that don't work in both British and American English).
I liked the theme at the beginning of the poem, but as it went on, I lost my sense of what it was about. By the end, I no longer could follow what it was saying. The penultimate stanza did pop back up for me as something I got, but then the finale lapsed into a head-scratcher again.
Overall, a pleasant read, but a bit over my head. Unless the end is deliberately nonsense, saying that when you break out of your rut, you regaining your liveliness?
I liked the theme at the beginning of the poem, but as it went on, I lost my sense of what it was about. By the end, I no longer could follow what it was saying. The penultimate stanza did pop back up for me as something I got, but then the finale lapsed into a head-scratcher again.
Overall, a pleasant read, but a bit over my head. Unless the end is deliberately nonsense, saying that when you break out of your rut, you regaining your liveliness?
