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Fridge
It wasn't every day that something like this happened. Should've seen the signs, but like some idiot, I decided to take my chances and see where it led me. Not like this was the first time I'd gotten a strange job request.
"So, detective, are we in agreement on the job?" the voice asked me, echoing all through the office and giving me the feeling that there really was someone else standing next to me.
Of course, that wasn't the case at all. As my hand tightened its grip on the fridge's handle, I couldn't help but wonder just what kind of bad shit I had taken the night prior.
"I'm still waiting, detective," said the fridge, its tone distant, impatient, cold.
I ran a hand over my face and shook my head. "I’m sorry, but It's too early to be dealing with shit like this." I moved to close the fridge, but not before taking the bottle of synthetic energy juice I had wanted in the first place.
I moved away from the kitchen and into the 'office' space that was my miserably small apartment. A lone table facing away from a pair of double windows overlooked a drop of nearly one million floors. I really felt bad for the fools who had been unfortunate enough to be placed in the lowermost parts. Then again, no one asked to be stuck here along with the rest of the oranges.
"Hey, you didn't give me an answer, detective!" said the fridge, the two doors bursting open and allowing a deep cold to cover most of my apartment. "I'm seeking you out because you are the best of the best."
I sighed and turned to face the damn apparatus. "Listen here, you little piece of crap," I said, furiously trying to put out of my mind the fact that I was yelling at a fridge. "I like where I am right now. Ten thousand years I spent clawing my way out from the warrior caste. I am by no means going to risk my good life just to please some voice coming out of my fridge."
"I told you already, my name is T'chon, and I am an old god that has been stuck in this hellhole for the last million years. Had it not been for your human masters punching their way into this dimension and setting up this tower, I would have never been able to free myself as I have."
I snorted. "Oh? If that's the case, then why didn't you speak to one of my masters then? I'm sure they're far more fascinated by the idea of elder gods."
"I can't speak to them. Humans have evolved to a point where they themselves could be considered elder gods. Elder gods don't mix well with each other. Hence, why we work through lower species."
I crossed my arms. "Okay. Say I believe that shit. Why pick me?"
"Like I said, you are the most capable of your kind. A former warrior who has lived for ten thousand years and first orange to almost rival human conscience. Compared to you, the rest of your species might as well be primordial ooze!"
I rolled my eyes. "Keep trying to sweet talk me. See where that gets you." I scooted my chair over and took a seat. "But say you are correct about me being some kind of 'superior' member of my race. It doesn't change the fact that I'm quite powerless compared to them.”
"I can help you with that," said the fridge in a chipper tone than before. "Altering genetic material from lesser races is kind of our specialty."
The fridge's words game me pause. "did you say 'ours'? As in, plural?"
"Yes. I'm not the only one stuck in this hellish dimension."
I again crossed my arms. "So, that's what this is about. You want me to help free your kind, and in return, you're going to reward me with something."
"Yes. With the combined might of all my kind, we can make it so you oranges ascend to the same level as your masters. This is your one shot at power!"
I paused at the fridge's words. "I must be crazy," I said as I stood up and walked towards the fridge. "But you know what, I'll take you up on that offer."
And just like that, I became something greater.
But that's a story for another time.
"So, detective, are we in agreement on the job?" the voice asked me, echoing all through the office and giving me the feeling that there really was someone else standing next to me.
Of course, that wasn't the case at all. As my hand tightened its grip on the fridge's handle, I couldn't help but wonder just what kind of bad shit I had taken the night prior.
"I'm still waiting, detective," said the fridge, its tone distant, impatient, cold.
I ran a hand over my face and shook my head. "I’m sorry, but It's too early to be dealing with shit like this." I moved to close the fridge, but not before taking the bottle of synthetic energy juice I had wanted in the first place.
I moved away from the kitchen and into the 'office' space that was my miserably small apartment. A lone table facing away from a pair of double windows overlooked a drop of nearly one million floors. I really felt bad for the fools who had been unfortunate enough to be placed in the lowermost parts. Then again, no one asked to be stuck here along with the rest of the oranges.
"Hey, you didn't give me an answer, detective!" said the fridge, the two doors bursting open and allowing a deep cold to cover most of my apartment. "I'm seeking you out because you are the best of the best."
I sighed and turned to face the damn apparatus. "Listen here, you little piece of crap," I said, furiously trying to put out of my mind the fact that I was yelling at a fridge. "I like where I am right now. Ten thousand years I spent clawing my way out from the warrior caste. I am by no means going to risk my good life just to please some voice coming out of my fridge."
"I told you already, my name is T'chon, and I am an old god that has been stuck in this hellhole for the last million years. Had it not been for your human masters punching their way into this dimension and setting up this tower, I would have never been able to free myself as I have."
I snorted. "Oh? If that's the case, then why didn't you speak to one of my masters then? I'm sure they're far more fascinated by the idea of elder gods."
"I can't speak to them. Humans have evolved to a point where they themselves could be considered elder gods. Elder gods don't mix well with each other. Hence, why we work through lower species."
I crossed my arms. "Okay. Say I believe that shit. Why pick me?"
"Like I said, you are the most capable of your kind. A former warrior who has lived for ten thousand years and first orange to almost rival human conscience. Compared to you, the rest of your species might as well be primordial ooze!"
I rolled my eyes. "Keep trying to sweet talk me. See where that gets you." I scooted my chair over and took a seat. "But say you are correct about me being some kind of 'superior' member of my race. It doesn't change the fact that I'm quite powerless compared to them.”
"I can help you with that," said the fridge in a chipper tone than before. "Altering genetic material from lesser races is kind of our specialty."
The fridge's words game me pause. "did you say 'ours'? As in, plural?"
"Yes. I'm not the only one stuck in this hellish dimension."
I again crossed my arms. "So, that's what this is about. You want me to help free your kind, and in return, you're going to reward me with something."
"Yes. With the combined might of all my kind, we can make it so you oranges ascend to the same level as your masters. This is your one shot at power!"
I paused at the fridge's words. "I must be crazy," I said as I stood up and walked towards the fridge. "But you know what, I'll take you up on that offer."
And just like that, I became something greater.
But that's a story for another time.
Okay. Well. Um.....
I totally don't get this one. O.o
Is this some sort of pop culture reference I'm simply oblivious to? Because I am totally lost here.
I'll keep an eye out for other reviews on this one. Maybe someone else can explain it to me...
I totally don't get this one. O.o
Is this some sort of pop culture reference I'm simply oblivious to? Because I am totally lost here.
I'll keep an eye out for other reviews on this one. Maybe someone else can explain it to me...
Talking fridges is a good start. I'm not sure about the slipstreaming going on here; while avoiding infodumping is good, dribbling in details too slowly can sometimes confuse the audience, or leave the continually reacting to the most recent fact, and that makes for a less pleasant reading experience I think. Elder god humans and literal talking oranges? This is interesting, but I feel like the weirdness is sort of underutilized. Drama-wise, this felt fairly tame.
But that's a story for another time.
Too bad, because the beginning is kinda cool. It's only a beginning and worldbuilding. Human gods, talking oranges, that sounds like the start of a good joke, a joke I want to hear but we never reach the outcome.
The beginning is engaging but the story left me halfway without anything to get.
facing away from a pair of double windows Does that make four windows total?
That vaguely reminds me of a Sci-Fi short story which begins by a guy trying to smash his alarm clock silent (old type, with a dial and a bell) just to realise it tried to bite his hand. It then drifts quickly into multi-dimensional beings, sorta what happens there too.
But yeah, I agree with the other commenters here: we don’t really get to know what’s going on. We have apparently godlike humans (haha, that's a laugh), a sapient orange talking to a sapient fridge which seems to be an elder god, but elder gods know why, is trapped under this ridiculous shape, despite its godlike powers. That doesn't really add up, and the last line is much like a confession “I wanted to write more, but, you know, I banged my head against the limit”.
So, yeah, the premise is somewhat fun, but too much is left dangling and unexplained for us to fully enjoy this.
That vaguely reminds me of a Sci-Fi short story which begins by a guy trying to smash his alarm clock silent (old type, with a dial and a bell) just to realise it tried to bite his hand. It then drifts quickly into multi-dimensional beings, sorta what happens there too.
But yeah, I agree with the other commenters here: we don’t really get to know what’s going on. We have apparently godlike humans (haha, that's a laugh), a sapient orange talking to a sapient fridge which seems to be an elder god, but elder gods know why, is trapped under this ridiculous shape, despite its godlike powers. That doesn't really add up, and the last line is much like a confession “I wanted to write more, but, you know, I banged my head against the limit”.
So, yeah, the premise is somewhat fun, but too much is left dangling and unexplained for us to fully enjoy this.
What even is this? Gotta echo the other comments. I spent the whole read with an eyebrow raised wondering what was going on, and then it ended. No, that's not quite right, I can tell what's going on, but it makes about as much sense as colorless green ideas sleeping furiously.
Uh. The prose is okay, and there's some sort of structure, maybe? Some kind of purposeful absurdism? Is it a parody of light novels, or something along those lines? I liked the joke about the fridge's voice being cold? I got nothing.
Gonna have to put this near the bottom, voteswise. No hard feelings, though. I get the impression this wasn't exactly trying to medal. I'm not sure what it was trying to do (best guess: some sort of parody that went too far and missed the mark) and look forward to reading author's notes to find out. Thanks for writing, though!
Uh. The prose is okay, and there's some sort of structure, maybe? Some kind of purposeful absurdism? Is it a parody of light novels, or something along those lines? I liked the joke about the fridge's voice being cold? I got nothing.
Gonna have to put this near the bottom, voteswise. No hard feelings, though. I get the impression this wasn't exactly trying to medal. I'm not sure what it was trying to do (best guess: some sort of parody that went too far and missed the mark) and look forward to reading author's notes to find out. Thanks for writing, though!
>>TheCyanRecluse
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Fenton
>>Monokeras
>>Ranmilia
Well, so much for being weird, heh. Maybe next time, I'll work out better.
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Fenton
>>Monokeras
>>Ranmilia
Well, so much for being weird, heh. Maybe next time, I'll work out better.