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Curled up in Your Secret Place · Original Short Story ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 2000–8000
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#1 · 2
I am in.
#2 · 2
· on The Best Spot
"Nobody will notice me..."
#3 ·
I won't have time to participate in the writing phase for this round, but I wish everyone involved the best.
#4 · 2
· on The Cat Lady
There's kind of a fun comical undercurrent running through this, so it did keep me interested, though I'm not sure what I read. There are quite a few editing mistakes that I won't take the time to copy out. Mainly, there seems to be a lot of extraneous detail, and the POV switches a lot. I'm trying to figure out if this has a conclusion. The conflict is solved, but it was kind of obvious something like that would happen from early on. It's just waiting to see how their trickery plays out. Still fun, but I didn't find an overall point it was making. Just poking fun at the government?
#5 · 2
· on Grunhilio and Priscilla · >>Heavy_Mole
Nice language use, and the strength of the writing kept me interested throughout. I do feel for Grunhilio's predicament, but to me, there wasn't a payoff at the end. I was prepared for her devotion to nature to have earned her respect in the gods' eyes or something, but in the end, she's just led a cursed life that ended up being pointless (partly through her own doing, to be fair, from her own stubbornness and rejection of Priscilla). Maybe the painless death is a mercy afforded by the gods? It could potentially be better than the rest, who run and hide and gradually get tracked down and killed one by one. The end effect is that I liked it while reading it, but it's not sticking with me long after.
#6 ·
· on Grunhilio and Priscilla · >>Pascoite
If I might ask, did it stand out to you that the words of the helmeted soldier were similar to Grunhilio's thought, after he/she had slain the doe back in the first paragraph? Or was it lost in the wash?
#7 ·
· on The Cat Lady · >>Griseus
I would add that in dialogue passages with more than two participants the skillful use of 'speech' tags is important. It is true that you should want to avoid repetitive prose; but you must also avoid treating the text like a "transcript", where the reader has something like a screen or a vivid memory against which they can "check" your presentation.
#8 ·
· on Grunhilio and Priscilla
No, I didn't catch that. I'm not necessarily the best person to gauge that by, as details don't always stick with me well, but I do think maybe it was buried a bit. There's a limit to what you can expect a reader to remember. I've told authors when editing before that the minor reference to something from 5 chapters ago is not something they can expect any reader to notice. 3k words back is more reasonable, but it probably would have stood out better if some emphasis was given to it, or it just stood out naturally anyway, like if it was the very first line of the story.
#9 ·
· on On the Way
So, I promised GGA a review of all pictures.
Not bad. Could’ve been a bit more elaborated, but does its job in a few lines.
Is the girl reading Ian Mc Ewan’s Nutshell? :p
#10 ·
· on The Best Spot
This cat is just adorable.

But it’s not really the sweetest spot for the felid. I was expecting a specimen deeply ensconced into a pile of cushions. Or buried under a blanket, or whatever impossible places you sometimes find cats in.
#11 ·
· on The Heart Makes Its Own Rules
Actually, that’s a nice one. But what's that really supposed to mean? People are animal hearted? Is that a new Zodiacal classification? The animal they’ll get reincarnated into when they die?

Also I don’t see why the eyes of the second woman are highlighted. And is that a worm she carries inside of her, or a snake?
#12 ·
· on The Cat Lady
Have no clue what you are talking about. What do you mean "skillful use of 'speech' tag"?