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The Blame Game · Poetry Short Short ·
Organised by Anon Y Mous
Word limit 100–2000
Show rules for this event
#1 ·
· on Feel the Need to Peep · >>Griseus
Some low-level grammar problems. I assume this is inspired by everyone staying at home for a while now, and there's a nice sentiment. I like the way stanzas 3 and 4 (and kind of 2) use a repetition from the previous one. It might have been a cool thematic link if you'd carried that out more formally and through the whole thing. Structurally, there doesn't appear to be any rhythm intended, but there's a clear structure and an ABB rhyme scheme. There seems to be a disconnect with the last stanza though. The first 4 were more about getting back out into the world, but they didn't speak to someone neglecting to take action. Then the last one is more an exhortation to get out and do things, which didn't quite follow from what came before. I think that could use a stronger link.
#2 ·
· on Black
I like the mood of this. I feel like it's right on the edge of a lot of things. Structurally, it mostly has a rhythm, but not quite. I'm lost on whether any rhyme was intended. The first stanza has two lines that are a real stretch for a rhyme, to where I can tell if that was the intent, but the last two rhyme cleanly. Go to the second stanza, and the two line pairs are both a real stretch for a rhyme. Third has a kind of slant rhyme and a clean one, fourth has a slant rhyme and nothing close to a rhyme. It makes it look like all the rhymes that do exist might have been unintentional.

Thematically, it seems to be about prayer. It starts off quoting a popular one, then speaks to a hope that there's something more to life. I could see the last stanza meaning either that the speaker has reaffirmed his beliefs and is earnestly engaging in prayer again (nice seeming contradiction of rising to one's knees that carries a meaning to it) or casting off those beliefs and feeling freed by it, though it skews more to the former to me.
#3 ·
· on Spring Cleaning
I feel like the meaning is vague here, but that may be more on me. I think the narrator wants to lose weight to feel better about himself, but he wants to make sure he's really doing it for himself instead of to silence his critics. The repeated stanza provided good structural unity, though I would have liked to see it used in more concrete and creative ways. One was him playing a mental game with those insulting him, one may have been a mental game against his own internal voice, and I think one may refer to actually getting outside and playing games, i.e., getting some exercise. The rhythm is mostly regular, and the rhymes are all clean.

It's going to be hard to rank these.
#4 ·
· on Feel the Need to Peep
No, I just suck or didn't care or both.