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The Blame Game · Poetry Short Short ·
Organised by Anon Y Mous
Word limit 100–2000
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Feel the Need to Peep
Cold weather fades as the days grow with possibilities
The self is ready to break out of it's shell
Mood should improve but you are stuck in hell

If it's not the weather then it's the people
The lack of people causes insanity
The abundance in turn cause anxiety

If' it's not the people then it's the possessions
Never having enough to fill up your life
Having too much to drown you in strife

If it's not the possessions then it's the positions
Living here, there or anywhere is not the best
Doesn't mater where you lay your head to rest

Hold onto these blames and you'll find
Around but around the sun and moon dance
Procrastinating on things so you don't advance
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#1 ·
· · >>Griseus
Some low-level grammar problems. I assume this is inspired by everyone staying at home for a while now, and there's a nice sentiment. I like the way stanzas 3 and 4 (and kind of 2) use a repetition from the previous one. It might have been a cool thematic link if you'd carried that out more formally and through the whole thing. Structurally, there doesn't appear to be any rhythm intended, but there's a clear structure and an ABB rhyme scheme. There seems to be a disconnect with the last stanza though. The first 4 were more about getting back out into the world, but they didn't speak to someone neglecting to take action. Then the last one is more an exhortation to get out and do things, which didn't quite follow from what came before. I think that could use a stronger link.
#2 ·
No, I just suck or didn't care or both.