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#17754 · 4
· on Thank You for Coming
Sunset and Starlight's dueling was pretty funny. And you could do a pretty good story about searching for more alicorns. But this just didn't cohere for me. Which is to say I don't really have a lot to add to the criticism that has already been given. Loved Starlight's switchblade, though, that got a good laugh out of me.
#20293 · 4
· on All I'm Saying Is, It Could Work
I'm not going to lie: this wasn't my most inspired story. I mean, it's basically a 700 word suicide joke. If I was going to post this anywhere else, the synopsis would basically be what >>Samey90 said:
Everyone who survived the apocalypse is a millenial

Thanks for reading it though.
#16872 · 3
Woot! It's in.
#17757 · 3
· on Big Important Wizard · >>Paracompact
The names of supporting characters usually aren't very important, but naming one "Feghoof" is a dangerous game. It took me out of the story for a moment to wonder what the punchline was going to be. That's no good, and it's sad to see the rest of the story overshadowed by a throwaway detail like that.
#18905 · 3
I'm in! It's... words alright.
#14138 · 2
Well, there's my "story" in. I see a lot of people saying their entries are pretty strange, so that makes me fell a little better.
#17758 · 2
· on First Contact of the Fifth Kind · >>BlueChameleonVI
I smell a crackfic. There's not really a lot to say about this one, I think. It knows what it is.
#18935 · 2
· on Honed in the Dark
It feels too short. Yes, it's a minific round, but it just runs into the word limit and stops instead of trying to give us a conclusion. It doesn't work as a minific, I think--I want to read the novel this feels like it's from.

"Taking the fight to Mars" looks right to me. It's talking about going from fighting Martians on earth to fighting Martians on Mars.
#19617 · 2
· on Warning: contains Pinkie Pie
What! it didn't make finals! how can this be?

All joking aside, at least now maybe my eye will stop twitching over that uncapitalized 'c' in the title.

I can't dispute this criticism, I'm afraid. Looking back, I can't seem to remember that I was trying to do anything with this beyond present a very weird situation. It was one of those stories that started out as a clear mental image, and ended up just being a description of that, rather than trying to live on its own as a story.

One thing I want to mention, which I'll relate to the stories failure to really say anything, since I can't figure out how else to segue into it: I stole the idea for this (in broad strokes). The image this story is based off of is a rip off of a scene from Gravity's Rainbow ("It was a giant Adenoid!..." pg 14), a book which, while even more absurd than this, certainly has quite a lot to say.

Thank you for the advice, it is much appreciated. This particular story I think I might just take behind the shed instead of rewriting (my only hesitation in doing so is the first line, which I'm a little attached to), but I will think about this stuff the next time around.

Thank you all again, for the feedback and not calling my piece a trollfic. Have a wonderful writeoff.
#17613 · 1
I'm in!

I'm not as happy with the execution as I am with my idea, but I'm in.