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>>Hap
>>Miller Minus
>>georg
>>Whitbane
>>Monokeras
So this did better than expected :D Seriously, it's been a while since I did a mini-fic write-off, as pretty much everyone picked up on when I completely messed up the paragraph spacing. Ah well, given that that seemed to be the only major criticism I figured this story might be a bit of a sleeper hit and wasn't disappointed, which is good because I got pretty fond of good old Humph!
This story, as most of my good entries are, was an inspired piece. As in, I was sitting trying to come up with something to write and putting off cleaning up all the spiders than have infested my flat over the summer. I've always wondered what spiders think about us destroying their hard built webs. It was only a little jump to make the humans the annoying pests with some incomprehensible creature looking down on them, fretting about whether it was cruel to go about squishing them.
Anyway, thanks again everyone who voted and left a review. To answer a bit of specific feedback
It's a fair point. This probably needs a few more passes to be properly clever rather than just funny for the weirdness value. The original idea was that, despite the preface telling you the analogy is useless, it's actually exactly what's happening. That kind of fell flat a bit in the execution. Again, it needs some work to go from smart sounding to actually clever.
I'm not sure I ever said they were evil. The subversion of the Lovecraft trope is actually kind of the point. Humphrey isn't some benevolent god looking over the welfare of Humanity, but he really doesn't want to do anything proactive about the problem and has rationalised it away as a vague protective inclination. He's not acting in a moral way that we'd understanding, but practically he's still showing sympathy towards Humanity. Kind of like me and the spiders, I wasn't looking after them but by not doing the cleaning I was still helping them out.
Though, I did actually clean up the spiders in the end...
>>Miller Minus
>>georg
>>Whitbane
>>Monokeras
So this did better than expected :D Seriously, it's been a while since I did a mini-fic write-off, as pretty much everyone picked up on when I completely messed up the paragraph spacing. Ah well, given that that seemed to be the only major criticism I figured this story might be a bit of a sleeper hit and wasn't disappointed, which is good because I got pretty fond of good old Humph!
This story, as most of my good entries are, was an inspired piece. As in, I was sitting trying to come up with something to write and putting off cleaning up all the spiders than have infested my flat over the summer. I've always wondered what spiders think about us destroying their hard built webs. It was only a little jump to make the humans the annoying pests with some incomprehensible creature looking down on them, fretting about whether it was cruel to go about squishing them.
Anyway, thanks again everyone who voted and left a review. To answer a bit of specific feedback
Your analogy structure is charming, but it is still a bit of a cop-out, and I wonder if the laughs couldn't be elevated through some bits and pieces of what I can't understand.
It's a fair point. This probably needs a few more passes to be properly clever rather than just funny for the weirdness value. The original idea was that, despite the preface telling you the analogy is useless, it's actually exactly what's happening. That kind of fell flat a bit in the execution. Again, it needs some work to go from smart sounding to actually clever.
You tell us that the story is about evil sort of “gods”, but nowhere I see them being really “evil”. They rather seem to be mild, or even meek. You try to give us a sort of Lovecraftian twang, but Lovecraft’s gods seem way more ruthless and threatening.
I'm not sure I ever said they were evil. The subversion of the Lovecraft trope is actually kind of the point. Humphrey isn't some benevolent god looking over the welfare of Humanity, but he really doesn't want to do anything proactive about the problem and has rationalised it away as a vague protective inclination. He's not acting in a moral way that we'd understanding, but practically he's still showing sympathy towards Humanity. Kind of like me and the spiders, I wasn't looking after them but by not doing the cleaning I was still helping them out.
Though, I did actually clean up the spiders in the end...
Man, there are a lot of werewolf stories in this one. Probably should have seen that coming.
Huh, I actually finished something. That hasn't happened for half a dozen write-offs or more. Now to edit... for all of half an hour before I have to go to bed. XD
Wow, even the art round was pretty short on entries. Was everyone out watching an eclipse or something?
Aww man, I really thought this one was going for a medal. Ah well, there were some really strong entries this round so I'm not surprised I got squeezed out. Congrats to the medallists!
Now, on to a retrospective.
The Roe King's Tomb
I want to say before anything else, I had no idea why everyone keeps going on about fish eggs. I figured this is an across the pond thing, but in the UK I've never heard of a roe being anything other than a species of deer. A little googling suggests that roe is a fairly common term for fish eggs, but I'd honestly never heard of it being used like that. I guess I don't eat as much caviar as you guys ;)
So, onto the story. About 90% of issues this story had was time. I had a busy Friday and work on Monday, so this was more of a 48 hour challenge for me and the idea I had turned out to be way, way too long for the word limit. My pre-edit draft of this was 8,800 words so a full 10% of the story was chopped before I could post it. A lot of nuance and character ended up on the cutting room floor and worse than that I ran out of words for the end. The actual exploration of the tomb was supposed to be at least another 1,000 words to properly build up tension and the epilogue both lost a lot of character and one of the key points of the story. It was noted a few times that this was a missed chance to detail Celestia and Luna's ascension, but this was never that story. This was the story of how the sisters became immortal.
I did not have the room to explain this. Spelling it out was at least 200 words and by the time I realised I needed that segment I was way past 8,000. I had this as a potential post-epilogue snip:
But its not very funny, not descriptive and I really didn't have the words to spare. In the end I cut it and went with the more generic blessing interpretation.
The lack of space also prevented me from putting in many of the world-building elements I had in my back-pocket. This story is actually a prequel to another one of my write-off stories The Age of Harmony, although that's right at the end of Celestia and Luna's time as wandering adventurers and this is the very beginning. After that story got a really good reception I went away with Orbiting-Kettle and we brainstormed some ideas for a Sword and Celestia MLP setting full of dead gods, dead kingdoms and the pillars of the world crumbling beneath their hooves. I didn't really have time to write anything serious off the back of those, but I've been itching for the chance to use the setting for something.
Ultimately, if I was going to do anything to fix this story it would be to blow out the word limit and maybe double the length. Not sure if I'm going to do this, Ranmilia pointed out the FiM link isn't very strong so I might even re-write this as a wholly original setting. Better pacing, stronger world building and more space for the actual adventure would do a lot to improve the story.
>>Rao Thanks Rao, glad you had so much fun. This review brought a huge grin to my face, so thanks. One of my longest running themes with the Royal Sisters has always been the idea of 'still waters run deep', giving them far less regal and composed histories than other writers tend to and its great you enjoyed that interplay. Come to think of it, this is my fourth story with a bawdy and mischievous Celestia, so I'm surprised that didn't give me away.
I'm also pleased to see you picked up on the Deer references. There's so much narrative hidden away in the idea that the the Equestrians change the seasons and move the heavens. Its played as a harmony thing in the show, but you can also read it as a world that's so fundamentally broken that the ponies have to hoof turn the engine of creation. There's a lot of mileage to that idea, I think.
>>horizon Ah, spelling and grammar errors. I think 'a strong entry despite spelling and grammar issues' is my tagline on this site. Mostly it was an eyes too big for my stomach moment as I had at best an hour to edit this, and most of that time was cutting content to fit under the wire. Ah well, next time time management!
>>Fenton Thanks :) This was very-headcanony so that's a fair critique. I didn't go for the alicorn transformation in the end because I really didn't think enough had been done to really justify it. Instead I went with a more subtle boon that, alas, got lost in the shuffle.
>>Xepher Sorry to hear you slipped the hook, Xepher. Overall I agree with a lot of what you say, the story had too much in it to be tight but not enough to properly explain itself. Grail's a good example of a nice character, but there's just not enough room for his purpose (explaining the class system and Luna's mixed blood) to actually pay off in the story. I would have replaced his role with another scene with Comet with infinite time to tweak, but Write-off...
>>Ranmilia Urgh, that one's bad. Glad you had fun, though.
>>Posh
While it got answered in comments, regarding family, feudal times are complex, messy and don't always conform to modern morality. But in short Strawberry had Celestia with Radiance then Luna with Comet. Whether she married Comet before having Celestia I never decided, it wouldn't be usual to marry late after both parents are well established and its definitely not unusual for the Lord of the Manor to sleep with the staff. A lost line mentioned Comet being more guilty about flubbing a contraceptive spell than being caught sleeping with Strawberry.
It would probably have been simpler to drop the half sibling thing, but it did a good job of pulling Luna in two very different directions. Which turned out to be pretty key to the drama.
>>Not_A_Hat Thanks Hat, a lot of the tomb scene got lost due to word count so I'll fully agree that there should have been more skill in exploring the tomb. Alas, time and words were against me.
>>AndrewRogue Sorry to hear I didn't grab you. Not sure what went wrong with the chemistry but I'm sure some polish will do a lot of good, as you said.
And that's all the comments. Thanks everyone for their feedback!
Now to get this, and like a dozen other Write-off stories, onto FiM...
Now, on to a retrospective.
The Roe King's Tomb
I want to say before anything else, I had no idea why everyone keeps going on about fish eggs. I figured this is an across the pond thing, but in the UK I've never heard of a roe being anything other than a species of deer. A little googling suggests that roe is a fairly common term for fish eggs, but I'd honestly never heard of it being used like that. I guess I don't eat as much caviar as you guys ;)
So, onto the story. About 90% of issues this story had was time. I had a busy Friday and work on Monday, so this was more of a 48 hour challenge for me and the idea I had turned out to be way, way too long for the word limit. My pre-edit draft of this was 8,800 words so a full 10% of the story was chopped before I could post it. A lot of nuance and character ended up on the cutting room floor and worse than that I ran out of words for the end. The actual exploration of the tomb was supposed to be at least another 1,000 words to properly build up tension and the epilogue both lost a lot of character and one of the key points of the story. It was noted a few times that this was a missed chance to detail Celestia and Luna's ascension, but this was never that story. This was the story of how the sisters became immortal.
I did not have the room to explain this. Spelling it out was at least 200 words and by the time I realised I needed that segment I was way past 8,000. I had this as a potential post-epilogue snip:
"Oh, Luna. I was going to ask, when's the King's healing thingy going to wear off? Only, I nicked myself with a knife this morning and it healed before I could blink."
"Don't worry about it, I'm sure it'll fade in a few days."
But its not very funny, not descriptive and I really didn't have the words to spare. In the end I cut it and went with the more generic blessing interpretation.
The lack of space also prevented me from putting in many of the world-building elements I had in my back-pocket. This story is actually a prequel to another one of my write-off stories The Age of Harmony, although that's right at the end of Celestia and Luna's time as wandering adventurers and this is the very beginning. After that story got a really good reception I went away with Orbiting-Kettle and we brainstormed some ideas for a Sword and Celestia MLP setting full of dead gods, dead kingdoms and the pillars of the world crumbling beneath their hooves. I didn't really have time to write anything serious off the back of those, but I've been itching for the chance to use the setting for something.
Ultimately, if I was going to do anything to fix this story it would be to blow out the word limit and maybe double the length. Not sure if I'm going to do this, Ranmilia pointed out the FiM link isn't very strong so I might even re-write this as a wholly original setting. Better pacing, stronger world building and more space for the actual adventure would do a lot to improve the story.
>>Rao Thanks Rao, glad you had so much fun. This review brought a huge grin to my face, so thanks. One of my longest running themes with the Royal Sisters has always been the idea of 'still waters run deep', giving them far less regal and composed histories than other writers tend to and its great you enjoyed that interplay. Come to think of it, this is my fourth story with a bawdy and mischievous Celestia, so I'm surprised that didn't give me away.
I'm also pleased to see you picked up on the Deer references. There's so much narrative hidden away in the idea that the the Equestrians change the seasons and move the heavens. Its played as a harmony thing in the show, but you can also read it as a world that's so fundamentally broken that the ponies have to hoof turn the engine of creation. There's a lot of mileage to that idea, I think.
>>horizon Ah, spelling and grammar errors. I think 'a strong entry despite spelling and grammar issues' is my tagline on this site. Mostly it was an eyes too big for my stomach moment as I had at best an hour to edit this, and most of that time was cutting content to fit under the wire. Ah well, next time time management!
>>Fenton Thanks :) This was very-headcanony so that's a fair critique. I didn't go for the alicorn transformation in the end because I really didn't think enough had been done to really justify it. Instead I went with a more subtle boon that, alas, got lost in the shuffle.
>>Xepher Sorry to hear you slipped the hook, Xepher. Overall I agree with a lot of what you say, the story had too much in it to be tight but not enough to properly explain itself. Grail's a good example of a nice character, but there's just not enough room for his purpose (explaining the class system and Luna's mixed blood) to actually pay off in the story. I would have replaced his role with another scene with Comet with infinite time to tweak, but Write-off...
>>Ranmilia Urgh, that one's bad. Glad you had fun, though.
>>Posh
...That avoids all the cliches implied by that premise, and takes the story in a unique, creative direction.I aim to please :D
While it got answered in comments, regarding family, feudal times are complex, messy and don't always conform to modern morality. But in short Strawberry had Celestia with Radiance then Luna with Comet. Whether she married Comet before having Celestia I never decided, it wouldn't be usual to marry late after both parents are well established and its definitely not unusual for the Lord of the Manor to sleep with the staff. A lost line mentioned Comet being more guilty about flubbing a contraceptive spell than being caught sleeping with Strawberry.
It would probably have been simpler to drop the half sibling thing, but it did a good job of pulling Luna in two very different directions. Which turned out to be pretty key to the drama.
>>Not_A_Hat Thanks Hat, a lot of the tomb scene got lost due to word count so I'll fully agree that there should have been more skill in exploring the tomb. Alas, time and words were against me.
>>AndrewRogue Sorry to hear I didn't grab you. Not sure what went wrong with the chemistry but I'm sure some polish will do a lot of good, as you said.
And that's all the comments. Thanks everyone for their feedback!
Now to get this, and like a dozen other Write-off stories, onto FiM...
Last story with only one review, so I thought I'd leap into this one.
Cliff-notes, I really liked this one. Its in an odd place for me, I'm not a huge fan of the elaboration style fic. While it can be fun to pencil in the details its not something I'll seak out. Still, this one does a very good job of telling Sunset's 'fall' and Celestia's reaction to it, and it's Celestia's reaction that really sells this fic. It just goes to show as long as you hit those key structural beats then the story will always come together well, good job.
There's a few quibbles. The story is kind of struggling with a few too many PoV's, or maybe not properly defining its PoV's. I'm not sure if that the Celestia reveal precludes just spelling it out, but I didn't feel the mystery mare question really added much to the core of the story so I'd focus on keeping the viewpoint strong. There's also something to be said for avoiding some of the Sunset cliches, I know her story is well set by canon, but mixing up motivations or throwing in some new goals might have made it more fresh.
Anyway, a strong entry. Best of luck.
Cliff-notes, I really liked this one. Its in an odd place for me, I'm not a huge fan of the elaboration style fic. While it can be fun to pencil in the details its not something I'll seak out. Still, this one does a very good job of telling Sunset's 'fall' and Celestia's reaction to it, and it's Celestia's reaction that really sells this fic. It just goes to show as long as you hit those key structural beats then the story will always come together well, good job.
There's a few quibbles. The story is kind of struggling with a few too many PoV's, or maybe not properly defining its PoV's. I'm not sure if that the Celestia reveal precludes just spelling it out, but I didn't feel the mystery mare question really added much to the core of the story so I'd focus on keeping the viewpoint strong. There's also something to be said for avoiding some of the Sunset cliches, I know her story is well set by canon, but mixing up motivations or throwing in some new goals might have made it more fresh.
Anyway, a strong entry. Best of luck.
>>Posh Ah, fair enough. I'd forgotten that particular detail of cannon. That makes the ship a little more believable.
I struggled with this one. Mostly with the narration which I see was what >>Novel_Idea called out as great but I found it extremely confusing, so confusing I'd be hard pressed to tell you what actually happened.
The narration is just so rambling and choppy that I never really followed what was going on. There's a desperate need for names in this story. I didn't even realise who the School-teacher was until writing this review (in hindsight its obvious but I thought she was Sunset for a long while) and really there's no reason why not to just spell it out. I didn't twig who was murdered until the comments section either, and I couldn't even begin to tell you why he was murdered or what happened to Troubleshoes.
That's probably not very helpful, sorry author, but this one lost me badly.
The narration is just so rambling and choppy that I never really followed what was going on. There's a desperate need for names in this story. I didn't even realise who the School-teacher was until writing this review (in hindsight its obvious but I thought she was Sunset for a long while) and really there's no reason why not to just spell it out. I didn't twig who was murdered until the comments section either, and I couldn't even begin to tell you why he was murdered or what happened to Troubleshoes.
That's probably not very helpful, sorry author, but this one lost me badly.
So, first story on my slate and I'll admit that I quite enjoyed this one, even if I'm not much for romance fics. The characters were all nicely fleshed out and its a nice dive into anxiety and the problems with living vicariously. My biggest problem, however, was the romance itself.
Now that second one is probably the most controversial bit but I think its fair. Its an open question as to why this story is a romance fic rather than a story of unrequited love. I can fully understand Marble's pining for a larger than life hero to come and sweep her away, the problem is that Marble really don't come across as Sunset's 'type'. I realise that arguing over whether fictional characters have a preference in partners is a recipe for disaster, or at least a flame war, but this was my biggest break in SoD. We are told that Sunset finds Marble attractive, but there really doesn't seem to be much reason behind it even in Sunset's own head. For someone who canonically is both straight and into athletes its a jump and one that the story didn't bridge for me.
Side note, how old is Marble anyway? From the show I guessed she's the youngest child but if Pinkie's in highschool then she's got to be low teens, which does make the relationship a lot harder to swallow.
Anyway, I thought the monster had build-up and I liked the idea of a [sp]spirit of the land responding to the distress of the residents[/sp]. I found it very weird that there didn't seem to be any pay-off to the blade, mostly because it got so much screen-time (and even a name), but I did read this on my phone so I might have missed that. I think if a rework happens the biggest thing to focus on is Sunset's relationship with Marble and either switching away from a reciprocated relationship or allowing for a slower build up to an actual kiss.
Now that second one is probably the most controversial bit but I think its fair. Its an open question as to why this story is a romance fic rather than a story of unrequited love. I can fully understand Marble's pining for a larger than life hero to come and sweep her away, the problem is that Marble really don't come across as Sunset's 'type'. I realise that arguing over whether fictional characters have a preference in partners is a recipe for disaster, or at least a flame war, but this was my biggest break in SoD. We are told that Sunset finds Marble attractive, but there really doesn't seem to be much reason behind it even in Sunset's own head. For someone who canonically is both straight and into athletes its a jump and one that the story didn't bridge for me.
Side note, how old is Marble anyway? From the show I guessed she's the youngest child but if Pinkie's in highschool then she's got to be low teens, which does make the relationship a lot harder to swallow.
Anyway, I thought the monster had build-up and I liked the idea of a [sp]spirit of the land responding to the distress of the residents[/sp]. I found it very weird that there didn't seem to be any pay-off to the blade, mostly because it got so much screen-time (and even a name), but I did read this on my phone so I might have missed that. I think if a rework happens the biggest thing to focus on is Sunset's relationship with Marble and either switching away from a reciprocated relationship or allowing for a slower build up to an actual kiss.
Okay, this has never been relevant before but apparently this one got away from me. How much wiggle room do we have on the word cap?
A big part of me wants 'Charts and Maps' win just to see what the art round comes up with.
Yeah this one rather bounced for me, for much the same reason as others have noticed. Luna comes off as, not serene and detached which might have worked, but thick and oblivious which is a weird line to follow. I spent a few paragraphs expecting the Widow to be Twilight, which would have made Luna an ass (pardon the racial slur) but not stupid as time really would have healed all wounds.
That said, I quite like the concept of an immortal just not quite wrapping their head around death. Kind of the old Greek idea of endless life but with a cost, where despite a perfect body a little of you life is forgotten every year until you reach the point where reincarnation seems logical just because you keep seeing similar faces over and over again. That's a far more tragic story than this one, however, and I think that might be the crux of the problem. The story is trying to be funny, but it's cringe humour when it should be black or even just played straight.
That said, I quite like the concept of an immortal just not quite wrapping their head around death. Kind of the old Greek idea of endless life but with a cost, where despite a perfect body a little of you life is forgotten every year until you reach the point where reincarnation seems logical just because you keep seeing similar faces over and over again. That's a far more tragic story than this one, however, and I think that might be the crux of the problem. The story is trying to be funny, but it's cringe humour when it should be black or even just played straight.
Huh, actually submitted something. That's the first one for a few Write-offs I think. Good luck everyone.
>>shinygiratinaz
Hmm, thought for the format. How about writers can opt into blinding out the artist's prompt? That way they only work off what's been drawn rather than subconsiously encorporating the prompt.
creative game of artistic telephone.
Hmm, thought for the format. How about writers can opt into blinding out the artist's prompt? That way they only work off what's been drawn rather than subconsiously encorporating the prompt.
Playing the Game
Right, retrospective time.
So this was the second story I wrote in this particular round and I started about three, three and a half hours before the deadline. I do love the mini-fics but there are times when the 24 schedule can really mess you up. In the case of Playing the Game, it grew from a lost scene from my neglected FiM story, Alicornitus which also is exploring the themes of the girls having a great deal more political power than they demonstrate in the show. Unfortunately time ended up being the enemy of this fic and I can to seriously cut the first draft to fit into the format, I think it lost almost a quarter of the length and this drove a lot of the issues people identified.
Funnily enough, most of the issues seemed to be built around the suspension of disbelief around Applejack's farm debts. Given how much time she spends going the extra mile to squeak a few more bits in the show, I'm surprised that this was a major issue, but I guess you can never know someone else's head canon. For the record, mortgaging a farm or part of a farm is a fairly standard way of generating capital for either expansion or dealing with hard times and having a mortgage is pretty common for anyone who owns land.
Anyway, this really comes down to length. Applejack does not get enough room in the story to breathe and so you kind of have to accept everything on faith. The little digression with Twilight being tricked into ruling a province was fun, but it sapped space from the actual story and probably should have been saved for an FiM version. Ah well, I find with the 24 hours runs there's rarely enough time to fix problems like that.
Now for some responses:
>>GroaningGreyAgony
Thanks, Celestia's master plan was definitely my favorite moment to write.
>>Ritsuko
Glad you enjoyed it, a yes taxes are unavoidable even in Equestria. They're that universal.
>>Posh
Yeah, I ran out of words near the end and the whole Twilight thing really needs another 750 to work. Though I will say that Rarity isn't defrauding anyone, its entirely Twilight's prerogative to give out cash. The dissonance between a monarchy and democracy was one of the things I wanted to highlight in this fic.
>>SPark
I always see Applejack as having a very set list of right and wrong ways to earn money. She's ruthless with things on the list but she wouldn't dream of say, just asking for a huge stack of bits from a friend.
>>FanOfMostEverything
Glad you found things funny. Yeah, Twilight really needs to be more proactive, but she's not used to the game yet.
>>Rao
Thanks.
'Cantervale' is actually one of those things I wondered if would give me away, as its something I've used before as a piece of fanon. Logically, there's a couple levels of government between Mayor Mare and Celestia so Cantervale (literally meaning the Canterlot valley) is the province I typically fold Ponyvile into.
>>AndrewRogue
Thanks :)
>>horizon
And thank you very much horizon. I had a lot of fun with this one and hopefully it'll be even better with more room to breathe.
Right, retrospective time.
So this was the second story I wrote in this particular round and I started about three, three and a half hours before the deadline. I do love the mini-fics but there are times when the 24 schedule can really mess you up. In the case of Playing the Game, it grew from a lost scene from my neglected FiM story, Alicornitus which also is exploring the themes of the girls having a great deal more political power than they demonstrate in the show. Unfortunately time ended up being the enemy of this fic and I can to seriously cut the first draft to fit into the format, I think it lost almost a quarter of the length and this drove a lot of the issues people identified.
Funnily enough, most of the issues seemed to be built around the suspension of disbelief around Applejack's farm debts. Given how much time she spends going the extra mile to squeak a few more bits in the show, I'm surprised that this was a major issue, but I guess you can never know someone else's head canon. For the record, mortgaging a farm or part of a farm is a fairly standard way of generating capital for either expansion or dealing with hard times and having a mortgage is pretty common for anyone who owns land.
Anyway, this really comes down to length. Applejack does not get enough room in the story to breathe and so you kind of have to accept everything on faith. The little digression with Twilight being tricked into ruling a province was fun, but it sapped space from the actual story and probably should have been saved for an FiM version. Ah well, I find with the 24 hours runs there's rarely enough time to fix problems like that.
Now for some responses:
>>GroaningGreyAgony
Thanks, Celestia's master plan was definitely my favorite moment to write.
>>Ritsuko
Glad you enjoyed it, a yes taxes are unavoidable even in Equestria. They're that universal.
>>Posh
Yeah, I ran out of words near the end and the whole Twilight thing really needs another 750 to work. Though I will say that Rarity isn't defrauding anyone, its entirely Twilight's prerogative to give out cash. The dissonance between a monarchy and democracy was one of the things I wanted to highlight in this fic.
>>SPark
I always see Applejack as having a very set list of right and wrong ways to earn money. She's ruthless with things on the list but she wouldn't dream of say, just asking for a huge stack of bits from a friend.
>>FanOfMostEverything
Glad you found things funny. Yeah, Twilight really needs to be more proactive, but she's not used to the game yet.
>>Rao
Thanks.
'Cantervale' is actually one of those things I wondered if would give me away, as its something I've used before as a piece of fanon. Logically, there's a couple levels of government between Mayor Mare and Celestia so Cantervale (literally meaning the Canterlot valley) is the province I typically fold Ponyvile into.
>>AndrewRogue
Thanks :)
>>horizon
And thank you very much horizon. I had a lot of fun with this one and hopefully it'll be even better with more room to breathe.
Aw man, that was a really close fourth place. Congrats to the winners, I'd read a surprisingly few number of the top slots so they were a nice surprise.
Also, Haze why did you guess you wrote everything?
Also, Haze why did you guess you wrote everything?
Done and done. I think I managed to slice more than a hundred words out of that last one, so that's going to end well :P
Paging WIP