I wonder if someone will compile these into an entry...

Like those before me, I find myself wishing we'd had more time to digest the little nuances that made Solana and Ismerelda compelling characters.

I honestly have to congratulate you on that front. While they didn't veer too far from the traditional clichés of fantasy, the characters had depth, and that youcould pull that off in a little under four thousand words is a sign of your skill.

Still, the story is marred by the infodump-heavy dialogue and the rush of character development. Giving an abridged version of events that would span entire stories of their own is bad per se, but maybe spending a bit more time with the characters instead of telling us of all those adventures they had off-camera would have done wonders to help the reader connect more with Solana's plight of having lost a partner and Ismerelda's inability to be what her hero needed of her.

I have no doubt that if you'd had a few extra days to beat this into shape, this could be a surefire winner, but as it stands it's juuust a bit short of getting there.

Oh, and if you ever expand upon this little universe, let me know. ^ ^

So... What happens if I promise to leave the woods? Do the faes just take me out of spite?

I like the story, even if the heavy lore was a bit daunting early on, it slowly grew on me. Nicely done. I still wish we could have gotten to know the characters a bit more. Specially the girls, Khulan and Sarnai didn't get enough development, and their deaths did little more than move the plot forward, they didn't resonate with me as much as they could have if we had, say, spent a scene with the group of girls.

Nonetheless, I still very much enjoyed the story presented.

Boy, you feel you know someone and then they turn out to be barely constrained blood-thirsty sociopath who flips at the first signal of perceived power.

Go fall down a well, Mike.

>>Not_A_Hat

I have no idea what your title means.

My guess is that the story takes place in the near future and half of the characters are robots but they don't know who is who, so they all take care of each other.

Early on, I figured the protagonist's muse was either dead or meant to represent some unattainable abstract concept of a significant other. This didn't make the road to the end unbearable, though. Accompanying the main character through his/her life and inner workings of their mind and how everything in their life is secondary to "her" was truly enjoyable, and I was eager to see how that would resolve.

...and then it didn't.

Yeah, main character accepts that Sarah is dead and will never reply to the poems, but it all happens so fast I feel it's a tad anticlimatic. One moment we're reading about how the memories of Sarah are coming back, and two paragraphs later, the story is over.

Eh...

She assured me that whoever I was writing for

Yeah... The protagonist's mom never told the therapist about Sarah? Because her death must have happened very closely to the moment the writing started, someone must have noticed.

I liked the protagonist, and the way his/hers view of life is portrayed, but overall, the story didn't hit me as hard as it could have.

Do you moonlight as a screenwriter for Lifetime Movies?

This was a great character piece, a nice compelling glimpse into the lives of three college girls that manages to make them feel like real people despite not showing much. It's really the small idiosyncrasies that paint a vivid portrait of each of them.

As far as complaints go, I guess I would have liked a bit more time to get to know each character on their own at the very beginning instead of geting introduced to the three of them simultaneously, though we get a nice set of interactions in exchange.

The ending does feel a bit subdued, but maybe it's appropriate for the tone of the story. Definitely one of the better entries I've read so far.

There, he had immersed himself in politics, starting as a junior dogcatcher

I gave a hearty chuckle when I read this. Curiously, the pun at the end didn't make me laugh as much, though it did bring a smile to my face.

But yeah, I'll echo the above sentiments. While I enjoyed the story more than Mr. Elephant for Lunch before me, I still feel there was too much padding, making the story as a whole feel bloated. Too many details and plot points are brought up and then resolved before they amount to much. The scene with the sons, particularly. Couldn't any of the ideas debated have been discussed with Katrice instead? That would've been a nice character building moment.

So... while I enjoyed the whole slightly fairytail~ish approach, all the unnecessary fluff drag the story down for me.

>>Not_A_Hat

The bit on the way to the mountaintop is another example of pointless escalation to me

...
Heh...

Not going to lie, I had to read this a couple of times to fully get it. Repeat readings should enhance the experience, not be a requirement to get the full enjoyment.

But hey, maybe I just didn't get it. I still feel the back and forth between real time events and flashbacks could have been better integrated. Had something happening in the story that triggered the flashback instead of seguing into dreams, the connections could have been streamlined without compromising much of the subtlety of the story.

Let me say that I liked the story that you told, it's a nice tale of loss and regret , I just didn't fully appreciate the way it was presented.

>>Remedyfortheheart
That seems to be the case.
I won't complain, the more detailed feedback, the better. Though it makes me and my one-paragraph impressions feel inadequate.

Behind her the elflings had started another argument, this time about hybrid races.

Definitely not a creepy thing to talk about just after your sister revealed she's in a mix-raced relationship. Nope, not at all.

Anyway. I like fantasy settings, and this is an interesting one. The little glimpses of this universe you gave us painted a very colorful scene.

I guess my biggest issue is the lack of resolution. Okay, Stella admits she has a human boyfriend and that she used to be nerdy like her brother and his friend are. But in the end we don't even find out if they'll make it out of the forest alive! Will they make it home? How will Stella's parents react when they find out what happened? And how will they react once they find out about Stella's human boyfriend?

Echoing Remedy's thoughts, it does feel like the episode of a show, but only the first half of a two-parter.

I felt as though I watched an eighties feel-good movie. And not just because truckers.

This was a really, really nice character-driven piece, pun only partially intended. I loved the little quirks that gave us glimpses into Rudy and Scarlet's personalities, a lot was said with those little details. I don't have much to complain about, perhaps maybe that I wanted more.

Conversely, I'd like to read more of Rudy's Rig Runs, meeting new people and helping them in their lives.

Ride on, Rudy, you angel with chromed wings.

"It isn't fair that my own interpretation of fate makes people suffer, so I'll kill reality itself instead, thus dooming all of humanity to a fate worse than what their own destinies could be!"

While existential nihilism isn't my cup of tea, I still managed to get some enjoyment out of the story. I can't say I sympathise with Jo, though. I mean, if the universe wants my partner dead that badly, maybe just try to enjoy all the time you've had together and then move on with your life. If you're unable to let go to the degree Jo is, then use your time travelling powers to re-live all the time you've had together. Seriously, are you so self-centered that you don't think you can't ever love anyone ever again?

But yeah, other than Jo's questionable logic, I liked the story.

Is this thinly veiled Quantum Leap fanfiction?

My heart hurts.

I want to believe one of Beatrice's grandchildren grew up hearing stories about how much fun her grandma had in the rivers that surrounded her neighbourhood. Then, once they became an adult, went on to have a career in politics where they advocated for pro-enviromental laws until they managed to start a program to cleanse London's rivers.

It was a pity the Lady of the River couldn't love Adam the way he loved her, but I'm happy to know they could remain friends even after all that time.

Lovely story, it felt as if I was being told a fairy tale of modern times. Good job.

The story starts off a bit too telly, and I feel some of the infodumps and worldbuilding could have been better weaved into the narrative. Overall, though, it was an engaging read. For all his flaws, I can say I got to care about Jon.

However, I have to wonder what will be his fate. He's relapsed and is probably going to keep the habit for a while. How is he going to conceal that from his handlers in the long run? Just keep working his rounds and adding more Numbers to his stash?

I really wished there had been a clearer, stronger resolution. Nonetheless, I still enjoyed the story very much.

I must have spent an equal amount of time writing as I did watching informative videos and being disappointed in government agencies.

Anyhoot, I managed to finish my submission. Hopefully next time I can start writing earlier.

I wish all of you the best!

I have an idea, little over thirty hours, a playlist of ambience music, a whole bag of multiple types of nuts and raisins... Also, the kettle just finished boiling.

Lᴇᴛ's ᴅᴏ ᴛʜɪs

Here's hoping I get to participate in this round.
^ ^

I'd Kill For Some Hayfries

...

We've been through one already, could we please not?

Everyone ready?

>>Ceffyl_Dwr
Thanks!
I'll be sure to make an even better story next time. ^ ^

This is the best I've done in a writeoff so far. Yay for progress!

>>billymorph
>>Icenrose
>>Not_A_Hat
>>horizon
>>Monokeras
>>Xepher
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>Ratlab

It was a fun experience, and I feel I've learned a little bit. Do you know what wasn't fun? Checking halfway through writing to see if I was getting close to the word limit and realising I had already gone beyond it and having to scramble to condense what I already had written and wrapping it up.

Still, that doesn't change I had a blast participating and will make an effort to keep delivering better stories in future events.

Just to make sure everything is clear, the story deals with a girl who had a falling out with her family, and they drift apart. Once her father dies, she attends the funeral while still conflicted about the whole ordeal. She latched onto the fact that the family's offering food to the people who came as though that was the reason she came and not because she's devastated about her dad's death.

Silly, perhaps, but better than the excuse for a title drop I also wrote.

Anyway, regarding the actual criticisms:

It was too subtle for me at times; her reaction at the end was a little surprising. Given the detail of the body language, the description of the surroundings was sparse. Possibly intentionally. You might consider using the other senses more.

Yeah, I had to cut a few of Sarah's reactions due to going overboard with the wordcount. I originally had a few more lines of her sitting wistfully while trying not to be sad and avoiding everyone's stares.

My bad.

On the first time through, a lot of the things like "I omitted the here" make zero sense, as we've not been told where we are at all.

With the benefit of hindsight, the opening paragraph and setting scene probably wasn't the best place to cut out sentences to diminish the wordcount. I guess at the moment I didn't think it would make such a difference, since I was trying to focus more on Sarah's feeling of isolation and wanting to be somewhere else, the actual place wasn't as important as to why she was there and even more so her desire to not be there. But I see how failing to better establish the context for the scene could lead to confusion, you're definitely correct with that interpretation.

Duly noted.

There's also some confusion with the pronoun "he."

Yeah... Maybe I should have made Jamie be Sarah's sister, instead. Seeing how I also had to cut another line of dialogue between them, the confusion was probably justified.

I should have tried to be more clear with their relationship, I've more than enough ambiguity throughout the story, after all.

for the vast majority of the story I was reading about a woman confronting the ex who still loves her at some event like a class reunion.

The "I didn't mean to hurt him" does sound more melodramatic than intended, now that you mention it. It's meant to be about the part about having plans that won't let you stay long in your own dad's funeral, but I can see how it'd line up with your interpretation of the story.

Food at a viewing seems odd to me.

I think it may be up to local customs and family tradition. Maybe avocado sandwiches are a bit too much, though.

---

I'll blame the failings of this story on my sub-par editing, if only to salvage my fragile ego. Once again, thanks a bunch to all of you. Your comments meant a lot to me, and I'll be sure to deliver an even better story in the following events.

Cheers!

>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>horizon
>>Monokeras

It's an odd thing. I've skipped out of several writeoffs due to not being able to come up with any viable idea when the prompt comes up. So when this one gets selected, I was more than a bit miffed at myself for immediately thinking of a somewhat interesting story to go with it. Good thing that one still is in the running, otherwise this would be awkward.

So... yeah.

While I'll admit that this is transparently a bit of a rant against the silly prompt we got this round, I still tried to make it a somewhat enjoyable read. I seemed to have at least made some people groan in frustration, so I'll count that as a success. ^ ^

I wish I'd spent more than a cursory glance to edit this before submitting. I originally meant this to be closer to the 400 word mark, so as to better deliver the joke, with less strenuous details, but we all saw how that worked out...

I'd still like to thank everyone for the feedback, I'll be sure to take it to heart. The WriteOff's been a great experience, and I'll be sure to participate more often.

Thanks a bunch, once again. Here's hoping my other story fares better.

>>Not_A_Hat
The reader is never directly addressed. The fourth wall remains unbroken, albeit somewhat battered.

Random thought: as I read, I couldn't help but notice several entries had very similar concepts. You could almost pair them.

Huh...