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The Red Parade is Dead!
To Those at the End
Original Minific
#24247 · 1
· on Snail Mail Delivery
A short little heartwarming story, definitely one of the lighter entries compared to the others. It's a nice mix of military/sci-fi jargon without getting to technical, which I appreciate greatly. It sets up the story quickly and efficiently without much effort and executes the twist well, all while staying within the confines of the word count.

A nice interpretation of the prompt that's well thought out and well executed. I guess there were some other directions it could have gone at the end, but I think given the word count it's exemplary. Besides that I don't really have any other complaints about it.
#24248 · 1
· on All Deafening on the Home Front · >>Miller Minus
A nice, gut punching twist that was well set up and well executed. I kind of figured out where it was going based on some clues dropped in the beginning, but that didn't hurt my experience too badly. I guess I kind of am questioning the odds of everything playing it out the way it did, what with the timing of everything and all (They're making his uniform before he's notified that he's been drafted? Or does he already know and hasn't told his mother?) but again, I think the emotional impact makes up for it.

I liked the way the character of Mrs. O'Hare is developed, with little lines that show us how she really feels about this. I personally would like to see more of this, but given the word count I think this is fine. Nice job!
#24249 ·
· on Time-Traveling Salesman Problem · >>Comma Typer
I had a hard time with this one. There's a lot of science and terminology that sails way over my head. It's definitely dark and well thought out, but I just have a hard time following what's happening. I think I'm supposed to side with the past salesman but I really don't. In fact I find it hard to get behind the actions of either character.

I also don't get what happened at the end there. I mean, I see where you're going with the twist, but the execution just feels odd and rough. I would have preferred if the past salesman had just succeeded in offing himself with the gun because as it stands, I don't see what the future salesman was trying to accomplish. Still, not bad though.
#24250 ·
· on Starlight Angel · >>No_Raisin
Definitely a raw, evocative piece that draws on quite a bit of emotion. The twist is pretty out of left field, but doesn't hurt my experience all that much. As a whole there's definitely a lot of world-building and lore setting going on, which is admirable given the word count, but there doesn't seem to be much connection between the first and second half of the story.

Still, I appreciate the emotional appeal and how raw the story feels, so well done on that front!
#24251 ·
· on Disenchantment
Interesting. I think that this story tries to accomplish too much and in turn doesn't really achieve what it was hoping to do. While it definitely carries a sad and pitiful tone, I'm not really sure if there's a bigger takeaway or message that I'm missing. To pull a line from the story itself, it quite literally feels like a sad story with nothing to say.

The story is vague enough where I can draw my own interpretations from it, but in turn it's kind of confusing given that it tries to go in so many different directions at once. I think it just tries to be bigger than it really is, and that in turn leads to its downfall.
#24252 ·
· on Draw Your Own Conclusion
Don't really know what to take away from this one if I'm being honest. I read it through a few times and still can't quite figure out what's happening, but I'm guessing the plot has something to do with a heaven and a hell. I appreciate the author going for a lot of symbolism and imagery but it just kind of gets muddled and confusing in the end.

The ambiguity is most likely intentional, giving the reader room to "draw their own conclusions," but in turn I don't feel like I have enough information to make a conclusion. Also, the last line seems to be a 180 from the character's original personality and I don't know how to feel about this. Still a well constructed piece, but I don't really follow the plotline at all and just feel confused by it.
#24253 ·
· on Down to the Finish · >>GroaningGreyAgony
I think I have the same issues with this as I did with 'Draw Your Own Conclusions' in that I can't figure out for the life of me what's happening. It might be because I'm just stupid, but I can't really figure out where it's going. The writing itself is pretty solid, but I can't really find the plot or understand where it's going.
#24254 ·
· on With Apologies · >>Baal Bunny
I like the concept of this one and how it plays with the idea of time. I think this one executes it a little better than 'Time Travelling Salesman' did because it's more clear and more simplified when it comes to the theory and terminology so I had an easier time following along.

But, on further reading, I am a bit confused as to how the logistics of this all is going to play out. Sending a letter to a future is dependent on that future happening. By moving the world away from that future and into another one, how can we assume that either of the two futures laid out are going to happen? But besides that, I think it's pretty solid.
#24255 ·
· on Post-Nuclear Feminism
A punchy, comedic piece with some commentary about modern society in a not so modern setting. Nice. I like the choices you made regarding language and character development and how this one doesn't show any restraint when it comes to comedy. Don't really have much else to say. Nice job.
#24256 ·
· on Decades · >>No_Raisin
There were quite a few entries starting with 'D.' Strange.

I don't know how to feel about this one. It's packed with emotional appeal and buildup, and I think the abrupt ending is a perfect way to finish, but beyond that I'm having trouble with it just because I don't know who these characters are or why they're facing this fate. The main character doesn't seem to show any remorse for his actions but I find it strange he doesn't have a 'life flashing before his eyes' experience, because I think this would be a good way to give us some more context as to who this is.