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A Word of Warning · Original Minific ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 400–750
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How to Play
"You're sure you know how to play?" I asked. Usually the people who challenged me were of a different nature. They prided themselves with their vast collections, their claims of profound "gaming knowledge," and min-max algorithms that would make university professors cry. She was entirely a different breed of human.

"Yep." She nodded with a smile and sat across me. She seemed about five years younger, probably still in college, goth-blue hair, and an attitude of absolute unguvefuckness. I quickly scanned her clothes for vintage game pins, stickers, or anything I'd expect from people at a boardgame convention. Other than a I love NMoon on her jeans there was nothing.

"Okay." I started shuffling the deck. "It's an abstract game, so font worry if you don't get everything on the first time." I began with a pseudo explanation to gage her. "We start with five cards and can play one card each turn. A bit like Munchkin, but with differences."

No reaction. Dud she even know games? More likely she had just come to gave some fun. Which, come to think of it, was not a bad idea. So what if I'd get an easy win? At least I had the potential to talk with someone nice fir a change and not get into arguments about game rules and mechanics.

"It's simple." I gave her the deck. "You play a notion, then I gave to respond something connected." She cut the cards and handed them back to with a sweet smile. I felt myself look down to avoid her glance. "Here we go." I clumsily dealt five cards each. "If—"

"A word of warning," she cut me off. I froze. Panicking, I looked at her. She was sitting there smiling, holding a card in front of her.

"Oooh!" Right. The card. An interesting start. Personally, I'd save it for later. It was a god-card that could be used in any occasion. "An adventurer in peril," I responded placing my own card on the table. "Now you can play a card or draw. If you draw I continue my chain. First one out of cards wins."

"I know." She leaned back. She wasn't even looking at my cards, rather staring at me so intently I felt I had forgotten to brush my hair. "Why did you enter gamedev?" She asked all of a sudden. "Isn't it a male dominated field?"

"Not anymore." It was, but I didn't want to tell her that.

"Well, I thinks it's cool." She took a card without looking. "A maiden in distress."

Damn! That was a good card. I had several to counter it, but should I play them? I could draw to get a better hand and start my victory chain. She'd reach two cards, but the game would be mine.

"Draw." I took a card from the deck. "How did you get into games?"

"I've always found them interesting." She started sliding her cards face down along the table. "I like the people more, though. Those who actually make them, not the smartasses who think they know it all. A hoarding dragon."

Not the best link to the maiden, but definitely allowed.

"Well, it's less fun than you think," I grumbled more to myself than to her. Time and experience had made me jaded. "A sword of destiny." Now she could only draw or play a shield notion. Either way I had a wizards folly—another god-card that had next to no counter. To my surprise she only shook her head.

"That's a pity." For a moment her smile faded. "A shield of time."

Just as I predicted. There was no way she could win now.

"A wizard's folly." I placed the card down. A pity. I had started enjoying the conversation. I so much wanted it to go on. Instead she'd probably just thank me for the game, then move on, leaving me to the mercy of the usual crowd. Yay... this was the joy of working in gamedev.

"A word of warning," she said.

I blinked. This was impossible! There was just one copy of that card in the deck and she had started with it. How could she do a repeat? Confused, I looked at the table. Her card was face down, place just over mine.

"I think I like you." She leaned forward, her eyes shining with an unmistakable spark.

I didn't say anything. Instead I put my hand down and started gathering the cards. No doubt about it—she had won.
« Prev   11   Next »
#1 · 2
· · >>JudgeDeadd
Card games are something I have very little knowledge of, to be honest, so I can't comment on how engaging the game's strategy itself is. It didn't bring me in, to be honest, but the conversation itself was interesting. I liked to mindset that the gamedev had, and I liked how mysterious the lady is. I wonder if there's a connection between the characters interaction and the cards they play, like playing the Wizard's Folly to make him feel powerful, only for her to give him a warning about his view on her and the game. The sword on attack and shield on defense also provides a potential contradictory commentary; he, being the polite one, is throwing out a sword, while she, who seems to be pressing him for conversation, is putting up a shield.

I don't know if that's the case, but in either case, I liked it.

If I were to whine complain about anything, I didn't like how little the lady engaged with him, or how little his mindset didn't work to figure her out. That comment runs the risk of making the story what I want it to be, rather than what it actually is. But for such a niche group, and a tight conversation that could be had here, it seemed very surface. The cards themselves were an interesting touch with possibilities, but what is there feels like there's more that could be had.

Reading over that, I sound kinda dumb. Let me get to the point, then: I think that the conversation could have a lot more focus to it, and it would make the card game a lot more tense.

I'm interested to see where this would be taken, should you choose to continue on with it.
#2 ·
· · >>Not_Worthy2 >>Monokeras
>>Not_Worthy2
he, being the polite one, is throwing out a sword

I'm pretty sure the narrator is a woman, judging from this fragment:
"Why did you enter gamedev?" She asked all of a sudden. "Isn't it a male dominated field?"
#3 ·
·
>>JudgeDeadd
Huh, I can't believe I completely missed that. Thank you for pointing that out.
#4 ·
· · >>horizon
card games?! board game conventions?! now this is my area of expertise
hrmm.... doesn't seem all that accurate to my experience. they tend to be family-oriented these days.
but I'll assume it's true for the sake of the story.

Is the goth girl secretly Princess Luna? I wish, but I can't find any supporting evidence. just to give her a name, I'll call her "Moon."

It's an abstract game

I think the word you mean here is "aesthetic", a game kinda like Dixit, or that fairy tale game horizon showed me at Bronycon (actually it's a LOT like that one). from what little I can tell, it appears to have very loose and minimal rules, and is playable in about 3 minutes? if this match is any example, it seems to mostly depend on luck. Not sure why it's exclusively attracting min-max gamers to the table...

Anyway, here's what's really throwing me off. I have to assume that Narrator is the designer of this (unnamed) game. How else could Moon identify Narrator as a gamedev? I can't be sure if this game is already well-known or brand-new, because Narrator is simultaneously teaching the rules and being "challenged" by convention goers. Anyway, it seems very patronizing that after Moon answers she knows how to play, Narrator goes ahead and explains the rules to her.

HOWEVER:
So what if I'd get an easy win?

This is inconsistent if Narrator is playing a teaching game for a newbie. It doesn't matter who wins.
I suppose it's not impossible, if Narrator is meant to be one of those same min-max gamers she talked about. But it just doesn't match up with this image of a veteran game creator who's doing this for advertising or publicity.
Time and experience had made me jaded.

need some details for this important bit of characterization to work. jaded of what, exactly?

Instead she'd probably just thank me for the game, then move on, leaving me to the mercy of the usual crowd.

Then let her win. Play another round, it's an extremely short game. An average "short" boardgame lasts about 30 minutes. Is there a line of people waiting behind her?

Sorry if this seems endlessly nitpicky, focusing on the subject rather than the story construction, but this is just my view as someone who's very familiar with this stuff. (I met the creator of Arkham Horror once!)

I did like the "word of warning" moments, little suspenseful moments, but it didn't feel that powerful at the climax. I can kinda understand using the game as metaphor for the conversation going on (at least it's not Chess, whew) but the conversation is a bit quiet and dull. is "I think I like you." meant as the warning? There's not much I can read into it, so I guess it's just meant as romance, but I'm not really sure why Moon is flirting with her. is it just because of her job title?
#5 ·
· · >>horizon
Okay, I’ve never played that many card games before, so I was going into this at the risk of being confused. But I have to give credit: the story was written well enough that I could get the general gist of the game. There was also an interesting back and forth between the two characters: You could tell the main character was a bit full of themselves, while the competitor was a girl who was good at hiding her true hand.

However, I have to admit that I left the story feeling rather unsatisfied. I knew what was going on, but I didn’t really know why it was going on. Is the main character supposed to be humbled by their defeat? Is the competitor supposed to be overcoming a shyness by revealing her feelings? Stories don’t have to spell out why they’re occurring, but it’s also frustrating as hell to read a story and not really ‘get’ what it’s about. Maybe that’s more my fault than the author’s, but I’m still rather unimpressed at the end of the day.

Also, maybe I’m just being a picky English major, but those spelling errors were driving me up the wall.
Dud she even know games?

to talk with someone nice fir a change

The rest of the story is written adequately enough, so the spelling mistakes really stood out for me.

At the end of the day, this isn’t really a bad story. I understand what’s happening and the characters are believable. It’s just kind of dull and pointless for me personally. I’ll be curious to see other reactions to it, just so I can gauge if there’s something I’m missing or if this really is as bland as I take it to be.

(Just for giggles, but I was listening to Motorhead's "The Game" while reading this story. Funnily enough, it kind of fit.)
#6 ·
· · >>horizon
While I liked most of this quite a bit, I can't help but find the ending a bit unsatisfying. When the narrator says 'she won', they're obviously not talking about the actual game. However, I'm also not sure what they are talking about. Is there another competition going on here that I missed? I thought the subtexts I found were interesting, perhaps I didn't notice one? If so, maybe it would be better off being more obvious... or maybe I'm just not in your audience.

Anyways, this was pretty good otherwise. These people who've actually been to board-game conventions seem to have more in-depth criticism, but I felt your command of character and dialogue were enough for me to enjoy myself most of the time.
#7 · 2
· · >>horizon
>>Haze
or that fairy tale game horizon showed me at Bronycon ...


I am summoned! **appears**

The referenced game would be Once Upon A Time, which technically has win conditions and technically is played competitively, but even the game manufacturer says "The object of the game, though, isn't just to win, but to have fun telling a story together."

Although this story's game has a similar sort of fairy-tale flavor, it does seem a bit more directly competitive. I'd actually call it closer to the classic wizard's battle (my favorite variant of which has always been Neil Gaiman's classic take in Sandman) than any particular card game I'm aware of, although the start-with-five,-draw-when-you-pass,-be-out-first model really is directly closest to Once Upon A Time. Speaking of:

A bit like Munchkin

Uhh ... no. This game is like Munchkin the same way that Monopoly is like Snakes and Ladders (because both of those have little game pieces that move around a preprinted board). Which is to say, the differences between the games overwhelm any similarities they might share.

So what about the story? Unfortunately, a lot of the same things bothered me that bothered Haze -- most especially the patronizingness at the beginning, because that (wo)mansplaining wrecked for me the idea that Moona might be interested in our narrator (I guess let's call her Sunny). Also agreed with Haze that I don't know why Sunny doesn't let Moona win, though I'll go farther and say that Sunny comes off as straight-up assholish: she is looking for an "easy win" despite the fact she's playing a game apparently of her own design against someone she's explaining the rules to, which is a huge amount of game-rigging. It's like a D&D table having a "killer GM" who views slaying the PCs as an accomplishment despite the fact that they are the arbiter of the rules and creator of the world: there's a point at which it just crosses the line into power-tripping.

Above and beyond that, I've done a bit of tabletop game dev work myself (ask folks who went to Bronycon this year about "Purple Prose"), and so Sunny's approach to her game isn't just rude but also broke my suspension of disbelief in one crucial way: any sane game developer showing off their product at a convention is looking either for a sale (if it's finished) or playtest feedback (if it isn't), both of which are totally incompatible with the ego-boost of playing for easy victories.

(I suppose it's possible Sunny isn't this game's developer, but all of the context of the story seems to point that way.)

She took a card without looking. "A maiden in distress."


Nitpick: By the rules you established, since Moona drew, Sunny should have played. (Which, by the way, means that the tactical use of passing is VERY limited. You're giving up two plays' worth of momentum: letting your opponent drop a card while adding one of your own. The only reason I can think of to do it is to shift the board position while you preserve a finishing combo you don't expect the opponent to be able to break. Though, depending on the cardbase, that might be an integral part of the game mechanics here.)

"Isn't it a male dominated field?"

"Not anymore." It was, but I didn't want to tell her that.


I genuinely don't understand why Sunny feels a lie benefits her here.

The good news is that there are things I already like about this story. Moona comes across as cool and a bit mysterious, right in the sweet spot of where you want her; and the core mechanics of your game sound like they could work out in practice (with lots of care paid to the composition of the cardset). The conversation runs smoothly and the ending twist is pretty neat. The bad news is that nothing about Sunny is in that list for me, and your protagonist is gonna be pretty crucial to selling this one.

Tier: Needs Work

>>Not_A_Hat
When the narrator says 'she won', they're obviously not talking about the actual game. However, I'm also not sure what they are talking about. Is there another competition going on here that I missed?


Pretty sure that Sunny is interpreting their conversation as yet another game -- which would be effective characterization (and another point in the asshole column) if it were consistent, but she specifically noted earlier "At least I had the potential to talk with someone nice for a change", so just comes across to me as yet-more-inconsistent-Sunny subtext.

>>libertydude
(Just for giggles, but I was listening to Motorhead's "The Game" while reading this story. Funnily enough, it kind of fit.)


"Luna's Ruse" came up on my playlist while I was typing this up, which seems oddly apropos.
#8 · 2
·
Someone in the discord chat mentioned that they were writing on a phone. Maybe it was the same author, and that would explain the numerous misspellings. Distracting, but not a huge detraction from the story as far as I’m concerned.

I rated this story slightly above average. It had an interesting tone and setting that stood out in the crowd, but it also had some unfortunate choices that left me feeling… icky. From my reading, the whole story was about a chance-meeting with a possible new romantic partner. I guess that most writers here come from fimfiction background and are used to gay horse stories. However I found that bringing such an aggressive pickup strategy to a realistic setting felt intrusive and unwanted.

As a thought experiment, can we imagine everything written exactly as-is, but with the opponent being a guy that fancies himself suave? Suddenly the tone shifts, and the whole “I think I like you” lean in eye-sparkle thing is a whole lot more invasive, especially in a convention setting. My thoughts are, if this would not be OK for a guy to do, it should not be OK for a girl either. A preference to same-sex shipping should probably not override basic necessities of establishing a likable character rapport.

Kind of related, I felt that the “women in videogames” line used to introduce the fact that the protagonist was a girl came too late – an earlier indication as to the protagonist’s gender would have been appreciated, given that it’s important to the story. The line itself also felt a bit clunky in execution, almost as if its only purpose was to convey that single fact and nothing else. In that case, ditching it altogether and giving a clear indication earlier in the story (preferably first paragraph) would’ve been better.

It feels like I am going really hard on this story. It was just one of the few that really stuck in my mind, and as a result I might’ve ended up overthinking it. Overall, again, a slightly above average story with cool use of title drop, but just not one I could personally find much enjoyment in.
#9 ·
· · >>horizon
Hmmm… Well, I wasn’t especially sold on the story. It’s not about the numerous typos and sometimes odd constructions, but I think the text proceeds from the same premise as There’s an app for that in that it is not a real story but a way to tell us (flog) about a game. Agreed, there’s more characterisation in this minific than in said other one, but really — except for some considerations about the game industry – my personal take away is: “there’s a game that’s called XXX whose rules are YYY and a basic strategy to play it would be ZZZ”.

Also a tinge of pony in the background, granted. All that leads me to believe 90% that the author is … :P

So yeah, entertaining, but otherwise a bit shallow to me.

>>JudgeDeadd
I'm pretty sure the narrator is a woman, judging from this fragment:
"Why did you enter gamedev?" She asked all of a sudden. "Isn't it a male dominated field?"

But that could also be interpreted as: “I get you’re a womaniser, so what do you do in an industry male dominated?”
#10 ·
· · >>Monokeras
>>Monokeras
But that could also be interpreted as: “I get you’re a womaniser, so what do you do in an industry male dominated?”


The story supports that interpretation, but if true it paints Sunny (see >>horizon) in an even worse light than if Sunny was female. Asking why a female is joining a male-dominated field is a socially innocuous question about why they put up with the extra difficulty of a field where they're a minority (and get judged based on their gender for everything they do, and get treated differently because of their gender, and get endlessly hit on by desperate gamer guys who don't see many women around). The alternative interpretation implies that Sunny's reputation as a womanizer precedes him, in which case he's done some hugely asshole-ish things to have that reputation spread even to total strangers, and also adds a huge squick factor to why she -- knowing his reputation -- would still romantically pursue him.

In short, I really hope that line was meant to imply Sunny was a female.
#11 ·
·
>>horizon
Yeah, I quickly scanned the story again to see if there was any hint of wooing on Sunny’s side but found none, so you’re correct. The girl would’ve to detain pre-existing knowledge about the narrator.
#12 ·
·
The Great

Cute idea, and using game action as a parallel for reality is always cute.

The Rough

Technical flaws. Looks like it was written on a phone, maybe? Needs a definite cleaning pass.

That rules explanation set my teeth on edge. I'm a pretty experienced tabletop person, and having something like "you each play once card a turn" FURTHER EXPLAINED enrages me. Especially given this seems to be an actual even where gamers are expected to be, that seems immensely condescending. Which just kind of builds into the larger problem that the narrator feels unlikable. Like, if I went to the Dev Day at VPC this weekend, I don't think I'd want to play with this person.

This trails into I'm not really sure I buy the flirting on the part of Moony, here.

Echoing Haze and Horizon a bit here in that the terminology surrounding the game is rather off. To take that a bit further, honestly, the game itself feels kind of lacking. Like, I'm kind of envisioning it as a slightly less interesting Fluxx, which... is not a good place to be considering my feelings re: Fluxx. Making up games is definitely challenging in a narrative, as is then making the gameplay interesting! But for a story like this, making the game engaging feels absolutely necessary.
#13 · 1
·
I rarely post comments, but this time I wanted to thank everyone for the comments (I always do, I just don't post it :)) and clarify a few things.

-The protagonist is female.
-If a designer is well known, they get comments about games other than the ones they were presenting at the convention itself ("in game x, you mixed up the special skill of y with z! Also J is op!")
-Munchkin was used as a test, being more mainstream, although having no common elements with the game.
-The game itself, while closer to Fluxx, is actually a version of the battle of fates in Sandman (start of the first comic, when Dream goes to hell to get some of his artifacts back),
-The goth was just a goth, the badge was an attempt at a joke mixing Nightmare moon and the video clip of Sexy aboy (by Air)

Again, thanks for all your kind words. :)
See you next round