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End of an Era · FiM Short Story ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 2000–8000
Show rules for this event
The Rainbow Crossing
It was raining when it first happened. The sky was the typical dreary gray that filled took up most of the evening. People would look out of their windows, complain, criticize the weather, although they had no intention of going anywhere and then return to the safe topics of everyday life. In this instance, however, there was something different. Those who paid attention saw a small rainbow colored dot flash in one of the clouds, growing into a speckled ring of light, before fading away into grayness once more.

"Isn't that interesting," Misses Edminton from 9 Poppy Lane said, as she petted a large white cat.

"I say! Remarkable weather phenomenon," sergeant Phillips (retired) from 10 Ironcast road muttered, fumbling his pockets to find the phone his grandson had given him last Christmas. It was a large and overly complicated device, but sergeant Phillips had learned how to use it to take pictures, and later brag about it in the local pub.

Firefly was in the forest resting on a branch when she saw it. She enjoyed looking at the rain, admiring its softness and freedom. It was the closest thing of home she could have. Usually, she would remain there motionless until the rain would stop, then, after every last person of the village had gone to sleep, would shake off the water, span her wings and enjoy a night flight over the fields and meadows. The piece of rainbow changed everything.

The smell of familiarity kicked her in the muzzle with the force of a raging bull, bringing Firefly to her hooves. The pony's ears flicked. Wings trembled with anticipation, as she leapt off into the air. A sense of wonder lured her into the clouds, towards the place where the dot had been.

"I feel you," she whispered, a smile forming on her face. After all this time, she could feel it again—the faint aroma of ozone, magic and butterscotch cookies all mixed in one.

Firefly flew up, stopping just below the tree's crown. She preferred to avoid flying during the day. People could see her then. Years ago it wasn't a big deal. Even if they did no one would believe them. Today there were cameras and cellphones to worry about. If Megan were here she would tell her how dangerous it was, how it was better to remain hidden and let others checked it out.

Danger is my life, Firefly thought. And I've missed it. Licking her lips, she darted upwards. The wind, mixed with raindrops passed through her mane, giving the sensation of swimming. Clouds parted before her, tearing apart as if they were made of cotton candy. For the most part they smelled of chemicals and bitterness, but the closer she got to the rainbow dot's location, the more they changed. She could feel traces of magic still lingering along with echoes of laughter, cheers, and pegasi wings flapping in earnest.

A jog? She wondered. No, a race! A pegasi race! For the briefest of moments one of the clouds hollowed up revealing a patch of the sky far different that anything around. Putting every ounce of strength into her wings, Firefly sped forward. Sadly, before she could reach it the patch faded away.

"Ponyfeathers!" Firefly humphed as she made a barrel roll. Just a second longer and she would have had it. Serves me right for growing fat on milk and chocolate. I'm slower than a mule on a propeller plane. Anyone else would have been upset, devastated even. Firefly, however, lived in the here and now. It didn't matter what could have been. Minutes ago she had never expected to sense a real rainbow fragment, let along see one. And if there had been one, there could well be more.

"Don't you worry, rainbow," she spun through the clouds with the grace of an Olympic figure skater. "I'll be in shape next time." Quitting chocolate was going to be difficult. Her mouth watered at the mere thought she would have to give up all her Catbury bars and Milka ice cream, not to mention the Mozart marzipan she so much enjoyed. Her stomach growled, yet not loudly enough to change her mind. From he on it was only apples, hay, and practice for her, with the occasional lump of sugar. Next time the rainbow appeared,she was going to be ready.




The second time it happened, Megan was in her dormitory. Mid terms had just ended and with them the desire of students to remain at campus. Some had gone back home to see their parents, most has preferred to spend the time on vacation, partying in weird and exotic places. Mega had done neither. She skyped with her family daily, and as for a vacation—going to England was her vacation. Maybe after a few more years she would get bored with it, but for now she found the place fascinating.

An email notification popped up in the lower right corner of her laptop. Hopefully, it wasn't another spam letter. Megan was just about to open it, when a knock on the window distracted her. What's that? She turned around then kept perfectly still an silent. It was too early for Halloween and too late in the semester for freshman pranks. Could it be a trick of the mind? A second knock suggested otherwise. Confused but curious, Megan stood up from her bed and went to open the window. Initially she expected to find one of the boys throwing stones in an attempt to serenade her again. The had happened on a few occasions already. It would have even been sweet, if the person who did it wasn't so full of himself, and also if it he didn't choose to do it in winter. Even in her nightgown, Megan felt an annoying chill as she went towards the curtains. Pulling them aside she suddenly froze, staring into a large eye purple pressing against the windowpane.

"Hello." A cheerful greeting sent Megan stumbling back and falling onto the floor.

"Firefly?" It took a few seconds for the girl to regain her senses. "What are you doing here?" Megan hadn't seen the pony in months. The two had come to England practically together: Megan had taken a standard economy class flight, while Firefly had used her own wings. Afterwards, they had gradually gone out of touch. Megan had studies and Firefly had crisscrosses the island in search for a nice lazy village to call home.

"Let me in?" Firefly asked. "I'm freezing out here."

It wasn't easy getting a small winged pony into a one room dorm. The window was narrow and half the room was cluttered with the belongings of Megan's ever absent roommate, but with enough effort they managed to finally squeeze her through. Landing on the bed, Firefly shook off the snow gathered on her mane, then lied down comfortably in front of the small heater.

"Mmm, so gooood!" Closed her eyes with a satisfied grin. "They should really fire the weather people. Completely incompetent! It was supposed to be a calm flight here, nothing but clear skies. Instead I get stuck in a blizzard."

"Well, not everyone has your talent." Megan glanced out of the window, making sure no one had been watching, then closed it shut and pulled the curtain. You are so reckless sometimes, girl! I hope no one does a surprise dorm inspection. Having a winged horse in my room will be tricky to explain. "I'll see if I have some chocolate left." She went to the small fridge, yet what she was really saying was 'Why didn't you tell me you'd be coming?' There was a reason she had given the pony her second smartphone. The thing had such a large touchscreen that even Firefly could easily operate it with her muzzle.

"Just an apple, thanks," Firefly answered, earring her a strange look on the girl's part. "What? I'm cutting down."

"That's unlike you." Megan opened the fridge. The Firefly she knew would never turn down chocolate. Apples, apples, apples... There wasn't one single apple. Just sandwiches in plastic casings, three kinds of mustard, a three-month old can of beer given to Megan as a gift from her roommate, and a single orange. "You okay with an orange?" Megan looked over her shoulder. The winged pony shrugged. "I'll take that as a yes." Megan took it out and closed the fridge.

"Cool place you got here." Firefly look around casually. It was obvious she didn't know how to start the conversation either. Just like Megan she was beating around the bush, focusing on trivial topics.

"Summers are great, but it could use a bit more heating about now." Megan went to her bed and sat down. Her feet had started feeling old, she she listed them up and covered them with a blanket. A small pocket of warmth still remained, making her feel that much better. And of course, you're hogging all the heat. A smile crossed her face. "How's the village?" The girl started pealing the orange.

"It's nice." Firefly stretched her wings. Drops of wet snow fell off onto the floor. "Quiet and nice. A few people saw me once, but I was too fast for them to take a photo."

"Why are you really here, Firefly?" Megan finally asked the question. It hurt slightly doing so. There was a time when she didn't have to ask to know what was going on. Back then it was almost impossible to get the pony to shut up. Now they were treating each other like distant relatives who only met at family dinners and recycled old stories time and time again. I must be getting old.

"It happened," Firefly was quick to answer, here eyes sparkling with joy and wonder. "Twice."

"You saw what?" Megan wasn't sure what to think. She knew of course what Firefly was referring to. At the me time she was afraid to admit it, even to herself.

"The rainbow. I saw the rainbow!" Firefly was about to say more, but Megan stood up and placed the pealed orange in front of the pony.

I really hope you're sure, Firefly. I just started getting good grades. Right now is the worst time for me to vanish on another adventure. Of course, she knew she was lying to herself. Megan wasn't afraid that of finding out the pony's hope was false. On the contrary, she was terrified that it might turn out real, dragging her into pony land again. Technology had developed quite a lot since then, she could make video clips of her experiences now. The thought tickled her fancy. Do I become the YouTuber who talks with ponies? That would be a laugh. It would also pay my way through college, I bet.

"I really saw it, Megan," the pony said after she gulped down the orange. "Twice! That orange was really bad. Where did you get it? Tesco?" She coughed.

"Oh, grow up!" the girl laughed. She missed those back and forth a they used to have. "Where did you find it, though?"

"Random places," the pony winced in the most horrible way possible. "I need some water now. Do you have mineral? Sparkling?" Megan gave her a surprised look. "Sparkling feels nice on my tongue."

Haven't you become picky? There was a bottle of sparkling water by the bed, but that was reserved for her. Then again, she could always get a new one in the morning. "I'll get a bowl." She stood up again. "How do you think it happened? The rainbow became chemically resistant?"

"Nope. It came from the other side." Firefly waited for the bowl to be placed and filled in front of her, then started drinking. Megan waited patiently. Several questions came to mind.

"I thought only you were fast enough to ride a rainbow." The girl's hand moved to the heart shaped locket round her neck. Once it had held a full rainbow—the greatest magic in existence. It had the power to let her travel between worlds, purge evil, and defeat any threat there was. What Megan hadn't know at the time, was that it was also finite.

"Not anymore." Firefly tapped the bowl with her hoof indicating she wanted more. With a smile and a sigh, Megan obliged. "Someone new has learned to. I just hope he's a hot stud."

"Firefly!" Megan tried to act shocked, but keeping a straight face was out of the question. Neither of them were children anymore. And of course, that meant both had developed a linking of the opposite sex. It had been far more difficult for Firefly, though. Unlike Megan, she didn't have anyone of her kind to court. As a result had spent her time daydreaming and writing bad romance novels.

"Hey, a mare can dream," Firefly humphed.

"I know." Megan sat next to her. "So you're going back?"

"You got that right. It's been nice here, but it's no pony land." The pony took another few gulps from the bowl. "Can't wait to see what has happened to the place. Might have to smuggle in some gadgets. Have an MP3 player I can borrow?"

"I'll find you one." You're avoiding the question again. This time I won't be the one asking it. "And you're sure you'll be ready?"

"I will." Simple and to the point. There was nothing to be added to that. Megan knew the pony had made up her mind. "It happened twice, it will happen again. And next time I'll catch it."

I bet you would. Thirteen years. That much time had passed since either of them had been to pony land. If Firefly was right and someone there had learned the ability to ride a rainbow, maybe they could visit again. Rather, Firefly could. Megan wasn't a child anymore. It would be impossible for her to ride Firefly, especially since the pony had to be as fast as the wind to pass through. Will you find a way to pull me through? Another crazy adventure? Either well I'll be ready for when it happens. One way or another, I'll be ready.




The last time when it happened was during Megan's graduation. Firefly had originally wanted to see the young woman appear in her silly robes, so she could ridicule her later. She had managed to make her very own phone holder, made form fishing cord and parts of selfie sticks. It had never come to that. The moment the rainbow dot had perched the sky, Firefly had dropped everything and dashed towards it at full speed. She had missed a dozen chances to catch the rainbow, but she wasn't missing this one!

*Bang* A dull boom filled the air. The noise startled Firefly, but not enough to lesser her resolve. She had bumped into fighter jets before, even the Concorde, when that was a thing. No simple pop would scare her, though it did intrigue her. She didn't know of any other pegasus capable of breaking the sound barrier.

Firefly, stop dreaming, girl! Chances of finding your dream match are less than winning the lotto. Flattening her ears against her head she push on on forward. The rainbow had already formed a circle. In less than a second it would fade away dispersing in the clouds. Then again, half a second was a lot of time. When in top form, Firefly had managed to go through an entire box of skittles in half a second. Time for my best. The pony gritted her teeth, aiming for the patch of sky within the rainbow circle. Time stretched. Reaching her top speed, everything around Firefly seemed to slow down: clouds, birds, even a young couple playing badminton all were moving in slow motion, as she was getting closer and closer to her goal... until she crashed into the air.

"Oumph!" Firefly went, struggling to remain in the air. Everything had gone black, and her head hurt as if she had run into a brick wall. Much to her surprise the air oumphed back.

Huh?! the pony thought. Air wasn't supposed to complain, especially when it was its fault for crashing into her. Barreling back, Firefly opened her eyes. In front of her, less than two wingspans away, was another pegasus, another female pegasus. Firefly's heart raced. After over a decade, the impossible had happened—a new pony had appeared putting an end of Firefly's long period of isolation. The unmistakable smell of magic, sweet apple cider, and adrenalin emanated from the newcomer, bringing back memories of Firefly's youth. And in this pivotal moment, when there were so many questions Firefly could ask, she went for the most unexpected greeting in the history of both worlds.

"I knew it was too much to expect a stallion," she grumbled, still massaging her forehead.

"Wha? Huh?" the other one pegasus asked, trying to make sense of the situation. Her cyan blue feathers trembled as she attempted to get her bearings, and failed in amusing fashion, making Firefly chuckle.

"Breath, girl," Firefly made a loop around the newcomer. "Just don't inhale the clouds. They're nasty."

"What who?" The other kept turning her head in very direction, like a kidnapped chicken. "Where am I?"

"Cool mane," Firefly commented. Changing the subject, she hoped to get the other to relax. At the same time, she was also a bit envious. Rainbow manes were rare, extremely rare. Firefly herself couldn't remember anyone having more than four colors, and this pegasus had them all. My coat is better, though! "You must get all the dates, huh?"

"Dates?" The newcomer snapped out of her confusion. "What are you talking about?" Her voice was unusually raspy. "Who are you?"

"The one and only Firefly." Firefly zipped to the pegasus' other side. "How'd you learn to ride the rainbow?"

"What the what?" The Pegasus seemed more than a bit annoyed. Level expression on face he glared at Firefly. "Are you drunk or something? Cloudsdale is gone, I don't think we're even in Equestria anymore, and you keep asking stupid questions!" She took a deep breath, only to start coughing moments later. "The clouds here really stink!"

"Told you." Firefly shrugged. "You haven't been rainbow walking for long, huh? Just a newbie."

"Who're you calling a newbie?!" The rainbow-maned pony got incredibly agitated. "I'm a Wonderbolt!" Firefly didn't react. "And the fastest pegasus in Equestria!"

"Must be a really slow place." Firefly couldn't resist ruffling the other's feathers. You're just a kid, after all.

"And the only mare that can do a sonic rainboom!" The mare pretended to ignore the comment, puffing her chest up as she spoke. "Oh, I'm also an Element of Harmony, who has saved E—" she suddenly stopped mid sentence, her jaw hanging like at the season finale of Daredevil. "What do you mean must be a small place?! You're from Equestria! Right?"

"Nope, doesn't ring a bell." Firefly tried to remember. She prided herself in having explored more of pony land than anyone else, but she'd never come across a place called Equestria. Must be somewhere east.

"Cloudsdale? Canterlot?" The other pegasus started to enumerate. Both times Firefly shook her head. "The Crystal Empire? Princess Celestia?" Another two nos. "Discord? Queen Chrysalis? Tirek?"

"Ah, I fought him," Firefly said, making a loop. "Nasty piece of work. Tried to take over pony land, but yours truly stopped him."

"Really?" Something akin to a smile formed on the mare's face. "I stopped him too!" Finally they had found something in common. "I wasn't alone, though. Name's Rainbow Dash, by the way."

"Nice." This was mildly concerning, however. Firefly thought Tirek had been defeated for good, along with his rainbow of darkness. Clearly that hadn't been the case. He had just moved elsewhere and tried to do the conquer the world thing all over again. Some creatures never learn. "Ever heard of Dream Valley?" Now it was Dash's turn to shake her head in response. So much for hoping.

Firefly wasn't sure how to continue from there. Somehow she had imagined meeting someone from pony land far more exciting. This was like a casual meeting with Megan. No fanfares, no cheers, no group of friends to welcome her back. There was no doubt Firefly's mind that they missed her, just as she had missed them. They were bound to have asked questions, to try and find a way to reach her. At first at least. She had to admit that after the first five years even she had chosen to go on with her life.

[i]Pity Megan's not here.[i/] She would have asked all the right questions. If she wasn't with that dorky boyfriend of hers. The guy was practically a walking disaster. He could even gold on those horseback riding contests.

"So, how's the food back home?" Firefly broke the silence with another stupid question.

"The food?" Rainbow Dash looked at her as if she were insane.

"Rainbow," Firefly sighed. "I've been locked in this world for seventeen years. My friends probably think I'm dead, I can barely remember what home looked like, and let's not forget I'm the only talking pony in this world, with a grand total of three people I can talk with, two of which I haven't seen in over an year." Wow, I sound like my grandma. "So, excuse me if I'm a it curious what's home like these days." Rainbow's eyes widened in a mixture of pity and dread. Maybe I was a bit too harsh on the girl. "I also talk funny."

Rainbow Dash froze. Firefly watched her fight the humor of the last comment with all her will. It lasted for a few seconds.

"Yeah, you can say that again." Rainbow game up trying to keep a straight face and let out a laugh. It didn't last long, but at least was heartfelt. Firefly could sense the magic in it,just as her had been ages ago. "Seventeen years. Mare, that's ro—" She let herself fall backwards aiming to land on a nearby cloud.

"Don't lie on the clouds!" Firefly shouted, but a moment too late. Rainbow Dash was already glowing down, yet upon reaching them, instead of stopping she passed through like a birth in water. Her expression changed from calm to utterly confused, as if trying to figure out why the laws of nature had suddenly decided to play a trick on her. Firefly didn't wait. Shooting down she darted though the cloud, catching Rainbow Dash and pulling her out. "You can't walk on clouds anymore."

"Ya think?" Rainbow Dash coughed, trying to get the clouds out of her lungs. "What are these things made of? Old horseshoes?"

"Ask no questions hear no lies," Firefly smiled. She knew exactly what clouds were made of. Well, the dominant theories anyway.

"And you you lived in this place all this time? Alone?" A faint hint of awe shined through Rainbow's words. "Stars and clouds, Firefly! How aren't you crazy?"

"Who says I'm not?" Firefly toggled her eyes up and down, making Rainbow Dash to jump away startled. "Just a little joke," she laughed. "And it wasn't that bad. You get used to it. Also tablets and chocolate are nice." Her stomach growled. She still hadn't been enjoying as much chocolate as she would like. Even sneaking a Mars bar a week didn't bring much satisfaction, just a guilt trip.

"Well, I don't know about tables, but nothing could beat Sugarcube Corner when it comes to chocolate," Rainbow said with the confidence of a football coach. "I'll take you there. My treat."

"Sounds good. Any cute stallions there?" Firefly couldn't help herself.

Rainbow Dash started to say something, but halfway in reconsidered. She stared over Firefly from head to tail, then shook her head with a sympathetic smile. "Yes, there are cute stallions. Just wings off my coltfriend! I'm serious!" The warning was no joke, yet Firefly laughed all the same. "Come on," Rainbow Dash nudged her. With a wave of her head she flew straight up. Firefly followed. Their speed pierced clouds, and air, then finally sound, bursting in all the colors of the rainbow.

Aren't you the show off? Firefly thought, yes she had to admit she was amazed. This definitely was a new way to create a rainbow. Her entire body trembled with excitement, as she looked around soaking in everything she could see. This was pony land! Not the home one remembered, but the one she knew to be home. Only here the skies were filled with magic and the wind with caramel laughter.

"Welcome to Equesatria," Rainbow Dash beamed with pride. "Let's go. There's a special on chocolate mousse muffins till noon."

Seventeen years alone in that world, Firefly thought. A lifetime of isolation gone in a second. She was here now, and if Rainbow Dash didn't need a Rainbow to travel between worlds, Megan could come here as well. Almost like old times. Flying next to Rainbow Dash, Firefly chuckled.

"What's so funny?" the blue Pegasus asked.

"Oh, nothing," Firefly tried to keep a straight face. Megan will be so mad when she finds out. A whole era of isolation ending in a talk of chocolate and stallions. Uh-huh, she's really going to be pissed.
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#1 ·
· · >>LiseEclaire
the first half of this was quite thrilling. and nostalgic. it got my attention and pulled me along effortlessly. I love this kind of thing, G1 characters colliding with the human world (well, it already HAD a human world. so really it's our contemporary human world)

loved how the conversation with Megan was so.... cozy, yet awkward? my heart was melting a little there. and that was just the moment when I figured out what the rainbow signified, and that got me all excited and giddy. the possibilities! what's gonna happen?!

(I might be slower than average at figuring these things out, I bet others will figure it out sooner, but it accidentally was the perfect timing for those emotions to strike me all at once)

after that.... I was expecting some explosion of emotion, or new complications and drama for both characters. but instead of hitting the ramp, the story pressed the brakes. seems to tie up too neatly: the old era is ending, pay no attention to the new era behind the curtain.

more typos and missing words and formatting errors pop up here. those things don't bother me, but I do notice them, and here it leads me to guess that the ending was rushed. understandable, what with the time limit. this seems like a concept that would take much more days of planning and writing to be fully realized. I did enjoy this draft, quite a lot, but I'd really like to see it in its glorious final form.
#2 ·
· · >>LiseEclaire
Hmm. G1 elements. Interesting.

This is definitely in need another proofreading sweep. Aside from the typos, there are missteps like Megan asking “You saw what?” when Firefly says “It happened.”

Wait, if Megan is thinking of using ponies as a means of monetizable Internet fame, why doesn’t she just record Firefly?

There definitely needs to be more emotion at the ending. Almost twenty years of isolation have finally come to an end for Firefly, and that’s just on her side of things. This merits a little more reaction than looking forward to something she can sink her teeth into, be it scone or stallion. Put more polish and thought into this and it will be quite nice.
#3 ·
· · >>Astrarian >>LiseEclaire
This is an interesting take on G1 Firefly and how she and Megan would be doing now, but I think it needs some work.

It was raining when it first happened.


This is a bad opening line for several reasons:
--Weather is a clichéd topic to start a story on (e.g. it was a dark and stormy night). It’s often uninteresting as an opening line.
--[It was raining] is passive voice. Passive voice is not as interesting as active voice, and it should be avoided if possible and if appropriate, which is most of the time when it comes to fiction (note: I now realize that usually passive voice is okay when describing weather, but I think the problem is that the very first line is in passive voice).
--[when it first happened] is intentionally vague. In this context, I’m not terribly interested to find out what “it” is. If the rest of the sentence was more interesting, sure, but here, not really.

I don’t know what the purpose of cutting to the villagers is, other than establish that this is the human world, which it does poorly—nothing hints that these are humans except the word “people”. MLP has used “people” before within the show, so I was still under the impression these were ponies (since this was written for an MLP writeoff). I wondered if the technology meant that this was a future Equestria that caught up to our tech. The moment I realized it was the human world was when Firefly said “people could see her again”, which wouldn’t really be a concern in Equestria and is often a concern for PoE stories.

I don’t know why Firefly visited Megan. Firefly didn’t learn anything new from visiting her. She didn’t need anything from Megan (except food—but she hadn’t seen Megan in months, so she must’ve been doing fine without her). She didn’t say goodbye to Megan before trying to get to Equestria again. It just felt unnecessary.

I think the plot derails at the part where Rainbow Dash shows up. Firefly has expressed that she wants to go home, and she tries to hunt down that rainbow in order to ride it. However, when she almost reaches the rainbow in the last scene and bumps into Rainbow Dash, their conversation does not immediately focus on the rainboom, but instead they have a surface-level conversation about stallions and the clouds and the differences between Equestria and pony land. This feels out of character for Firefly the way you’ve written her.

There’s another issue with that scene. Rainbow appears, trying to figure out how she got there, but never reaches that moment of realization that the sonic rainboom is what teleported her to Earth. Firefly would never know what caused the rainboom—only that she’s seen it now and again and it feels like pony magic. However, both of them somehow independently and wordlessly reach the conclusion that a sonic rainboom will take them back to Equestria, and then they go there. It just didn’t follow a logical progression to me.

There are several typos and some instances of awkward phrasing. The jokes don’t land. There were instances of telling unnecessarily, as opposed to showing ["Mmm, so gooood!" Closed her eyes with a satisfied grin.] [It was obvious she didn't know how to start the conversation either. Just like Megan she was beating around the bush, focusing on trivial topics.] ["Who're you calling a newbie?!" The rainbow-maned pony got incredibly agitated. "I'm a Wonderbolt!"]. The conversations don’t flow well at some points.

I think this needs some more work, because it doesn’t feel like a story, but more like simply nostalgia for G1.
#4 · 1
· · >>LiseEclaire
"It happened," Firefly was quick to answer, here eyes sparkling with joy and wonder. "Twice."

"You saw what?"


Editing mishap? To be blunt, the editing in this piece is pretty sloppy all around. Another pass or two over it to proofread would have done wonders.

I liked parts of this, but was let down by others. The interplay between Megan and Firefly, the way the first scene built tension and set up Firefly's conundrum, were both executed well.

But I was sorry to see that it didn't go anywhere particularly interesting with its premise. The meeting between Dash and Firefly is pretty humdrum; Firefly's reaction to Equestria not being the same home that she remembered is to casually accept it, as opposed to being further convinced that she'll never go to her real home or see her friends again, and their whole conversation is too light and insubstantial considering the context. Two individuals with very similar personalities from two different universes are meeting in a third which is alien to them both, and they treat that fact like a simple conversation piece.

With work, and a little bit of extension, you could probably round this out into a more complete story.
#5 ·
· · >>LiseEclaire
I'm not really sure what to think of this one. I like the idea behind this, but it doesn't come out as anything special to me. Maybe part of the problem is that I know almost nothing about the previous generations of ponies. Still, I think that with a bit of work, this could become a great story.
#6 ·
· · >>LiseEclaire
I was pretty intrigued by this. It needs work, and I agree with much of what >>FrontSevens said, but I didn't feel like it was just nostalgia - although I don't know much about G1. Maybe that contributes to my interest.

I do think it needs more space to continue so it can finish on a more satisfactory note - answering questions about how the rainbow arrived, how Firefly reacts to being in Equestria, separation from Megan, etc.

But yeah. Colour me pleasantly surprised and intrigued. I'd definitely read more if you expanded this. Nice work.
#7 ·
·
>>Haze
>>FanOfMostEverything
>>FrontSevens
>>Posh
>>The_Letter_J
>>Astrarian

A huge apology to you all (as well as everyone else who read the story). The third scene was never supposed to have happened. The only reason for its existence is that I lost the thread halfway through writing this and came up with something plausible at the very last moment. The idea was to have the old rainbow rider meet the new sonic rainboomer, but I botched it really bad.

Many thanks for the advice and kind comments :) Will try to do better next time.