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Once, I Had Wings
Sometimes, after a tiresome day, when the moon and stars showered overhead and the night beckoned for her company, Celestia dreamed of her childhood.
She dreamed of milky skies, of a time when Luna and her soared. Two youthful alicorns, lost in play, where the concept of life and death weren’t relatable, and almost even forbidden to even think about.
During those times life wasn’t a challenge, but her life was filled with challenging Luna. Scavenger hunts. Hide and seek. And racing. It was their favorite of an endless assortment games. They raced everywhere: through the courtyard, through the stratosphere, across the fertile sea. They raced against the Wonderbolts, soldier trainees, or Earth pony speedsters. And most of the time, they won.
When they raced against each other, Celestia usually won. Luna called her a cheater because she was a foot taller, but they still kept racing nevertheless. Once, she posed a game to breach the open air—Luna, to the moon, while she, to the sun. Celestia knew she wouldn’t burn. It'd burn other ponies, it'd burn Luna. But not her.
The race never happened. It was deemed unfair.
Sometimes, she was jealous of Luna’s mark. The moon was serene, almost majestic, and probably as cool as ice.
But even ice can burn. Who knew that the moon and its long, cold stare, could burn such a hole through her heart?
That was when Celestia truly understood life and death. And eventually, Spring came.
***
Sometimes, Twilight would recall the time when she didn’t have wings.
It was a curious time. What she lived for was studying and trying to live up to Celestia’s standards.
Friend was just a word on a paper. An intrinsic notion that most ponies seemed to relate to, seemed to identifiably need, but it was something that Twilight, in all her delusions, felt was unnecessary.
But then she had friends. Then she had wings. And then she could finally understand life from Rainbow’s perspective.
But while Rainbow was born to fly, Twilight wasn’t. And, though she would never say this to her, Twilight knew that Rainbow didn’t truly understand what it meant to fly. Certainly, Rainbow knew the feeling: the cold wind whipping her face, the steady beating of her wings with the tingling sensation of every feather building layer upon layer of airborne magic, and most importantly, the ecstasy and thrill of freefall where , for a moment, just for a moment, everything aligned, and you and the sky were one, and gravity and its indispensable laws of tethering you to earth, were unable to keep its grip on you.
For that moment, a barrier was broken. And the world and everything in it finally made sense.
***
Sometimes, after waking from his long nap, nostalgia hit, and Spike would faintly remember the feeling of flying on Twilight’s back. He was a baby back then, a laughable youth, and even as he cringed at the naivety of that lifetime, he still missed those days.
He used to love riding on Twilight’s back, but once he had outgrown Twilight, they flew together. Or, sometimes, Spike gave her a ride. Those were the later years, when her wings weren’t working as well as before.
He had a late growth spurt, his wings growing as fast as his lanky, scaly body. And though he tried not to be, he had, in a sense, grown lazy. It was too be expected since he was a dragon. Being prone to sleep everything few years or so often made a dragon lazy, though Spike tried his hardest to combat it.
Nowadays he was used to solitary flight. He’d travel the western skies, take in the smell of salt and sulfur as he rode to the Dragon Lands to have monthly tea with Ember. Sometimes, even Garble. Or he’d go back to Canterlot, and most often always, meet with Celestia.
They’d talk about dreams. Of sights from long ago, if not from the present.
“I dreamed of the Golden Oak today” or “I dreamed of the Equestria games,” he’d say. He tried not to give too much detail.
But somehow, he’d still say it: “I dreamt about Twilight today.”
“As did I,” Celestia would reply.
And before the tears could come, they’d take to the skies. And though they both were two friends, with memories filled with a multitude of lifetimes, they still chased. Chased after their own lives, soaring after the unknown.
She dreamed of milky skies, of a time when Luna and her soared. Two youthful alicorns, lost in play, where the concept of life and death weren’t relatable, and almost even forbidden to even think about.
During those times life wasn’t a challenge, but her life was filled with challenging Luna. Scavenger hunts. Hide and seek. And racing. It was their favorite of an endless assortment games. They raced everywhere: through the courtyard, through the stratosphere, across the fertile sea. They raced against the Wonderbolts, soldier trainees, or Earth pony speedsters. And most of the time, they won.
When they raced against each other, Celestia usually won. Luna called her a cheater because she was a foot taller, but they still kept racing nevertheless. Once, she posed a game to breach the open air—Luna, to the moon, while she, to the sun. Celestia knew she wouldn’t burn. It'd burn other ponies, it'd burn Luna. But not her.
The race never happened. It was deemed unfair.
Sometimes, she was jealous of Luna’s mark. The moon was serene, almost majestic, and probably as cool as ice.
But even ice can burn. Who knew that the moon and its long, cold stare, could burn such a hole through her heart?
That was when Celestia truly understood life and death. And eventually, Spring came.
***
Sometimes, Twilight would recall the time when she didn’t have wings.
It was a curious time. What she lived for was studying and trying to live up to Celestia’s standards.
Friend was just a word on a paper. An intrinsic notion that most ponies seemed to relate to, seemed to identifiably need, but it was something that Twilight, in all her delusions, felt was unnecessary.
But then she had friends. Then she had wings. And then she could finally understand life from Rainbow’s perspective.
But while Rainbow was born to fly, Twilight wasn’t. And, though she would never say this to her, Twilight knew that Rainbow didn’t truly understand what it meant to fly. Certainly, Rainbow knew the feeling: the cold wind whipping her face, the steady beating of her wings with the tingling sensation of every feather building layer upon layer of airborne magic, and most importantly, the ecstasy and thrill of freefall where , for a moment, just for a moment, everything aligned, and you and the sky were one, and gravity and its indispensable laws of tethering you to earth, were unable to keep its grip on you.
For that moment, a barrier was broken. And the world and everything in it finally made sense.
***
Sometimes, after waking from his long nap, nostalgia hit, and Spike would faintly remember the feeling of flying on Twilight’s back. He was a baby back then, a laughable youth, and even as he cringed at the naivety of that lifetime, he still missed those days.
He used to love riding on Twilight’s back, but once he had outgrown Twilight, they flew together. Or, sometimes, Spike gave her a ride. Those were the later years, when her wings weren’t working as well as before.
He had a late growth spurt, his wings growing as fast as his lanky, scaly body. And though he tried not to be, he had, in a sense, grown lazy. It was too be expected since he was a dragon. Being prone to sleep everything few years or so often made a dragon lazy, though Spike tried his hardest to combat it.
Nowadays he was used to solitary flight. He’d travel the western skies, take in the smell of salt and sulfur as he rode to the Dragon Lands to have monthly tea with Ember. Sometimes, even Garble. Or he’d go back to Canterlot, and most often always, meet with Celestia.
They’d talk about dreams. Of sights from long ago, if not from the present.
“I dreamed of the Golden Oak today” or “I dreamed of the Equestria games,” he’d say. He tried not to give too much detail.
But somehow, he’d still say it: “I dreamt about Twilight today.”
“As did I,” Celestia would reply.
And before the tears could come, they’d take to the skies. And though they both were two friends, with memories filled with a multitude of lifetimes, they still chased. Chased after their own lives, soaring after the unknown.
A bit of a melancholy story, this is about three characters and their linking flying and wings to freedom.
My biggest problem with this story is that Twilight’s bit in the middle doesn’t feel connected to the other two; while it, too, deals with freedom, it doesn’t feel like it has the same sort of emotional tenor behind it as the other two did. Celestia and Spike’s bits are both about nostalgia, while Twilight’s is about the present. It doesn’t work thematically.
My advice would be to rework it somehow so that all three parts are linked thematically to nostalgia.
My biggest problem with this story is that Twilight’s bit in the middle doesn’t feel connected to the other two; while it, too, deals with freedom, it doesn’t feel like it has the same sort of emotional tenor behind it as the other two did. Celestia and Spike’s bits are both about nostalgia, while Twilight’s is about the present. It doesn’t work thematically.
My advice would be to rework it somehow so that all three parts are linked thematically to nostalgia.
… What?
This tries to sound deep, but it just comes across as incomprehensible. The glimpse of Celestia’s youth is full of bizarre word choices (a showering moon, a milky sky, etc.) and seems to imply a time before form and mortality… up until you mention mortal ponies (including the Wonderbolts, who weren’t formed until after Luna’s banishment.) Twilight says Dash doesn’t know what it means to fly, then lists all the reasons why she does. And then Twilight is apparently still mortal?
I have no idea where you going with this beyond trying to make me sad that time passes. Sorry, but this didn’t work for me at all.
This tries to sound deep, but it just comes across as incomprehensible. The glimpse of Celestia’s youth is full of bizarre word choices (a showering moon, a milky sky, etc.) and seems to imply a time before form and mortality… up until you mention mortal ponies (including the Wonderbolts, who weren’t formed until after Luna’s banishment.) Twilight says Dash doesn’t know what it means to fly, then lists all the reasons why she does. And then Twilight is apparently still mortal?
I have no idea where you going with this beyond trying to make me sad that time passes. Sorry, but this didn’t work for me at all.
The title confuses me, and I suspect it's saying something subtle, like "Twilight was my 'wings'," or something poetic? But that isn't clear enough, so it doesn't make sense to me. The comma means "I used to have wings and now I don't", and this doesn't apply to any of the characters.
I would echo TD's comment about Twilight being disconnected, although I think the problem is more about her not thinking of anypony other than Dash. There should be some clues in there about her life that allow reflection on her absence. Currently, the disconnection does serve the purpose of making Twilight seem like a distant memory, but I'm not sure that's worth the schizy bits.
"too be" should be "to be".
I would echo TD's comment about Twilight being disconnected, although I think the problem is more about her not thinking of anypony other than Dash. There should be some clues in there about her life that allow reflection on her absence. Currently, the disconnection does serve the purpose of making Twilight seem like a distant memory, but I'm not sure that's worth the schizy bits.
"too be" should be "to be".
I think there are a few occasions where the poetic style of the writing trips itself up, but I liked the sombre and reflective undercurrent to the narrative, as well as the alternating and returning themes between the pieces. It would have been better if Twilight's section was interwoven with Celestia or Spike's, rather than focusing on Dash (that bit didn't really go anywhere), and more tonally effective if the chronological order was played with, for example, but all that aside I enjoyed this. Thanks very much for sharing.
Genre: Sad
Thoughts: I'm a sucker for abstract but emotionally evocative pieces, especially when they're powerful enough to compensate for their lack of clarity.
This moves me to sadness and joy when I read it. Having a clearer plot or narrative thrust would help it stand better as a story, rather than a series of vignettes.
Tier: Almost there
Thoughts: I'm a sucker for abstract but emotionally evocative pieces, especially when they're powerful enough to compensate for their lack of clarity.
This moves me to sadness and joy when I read it. Having a clearer plot or narrative thrust would help it stand better as a story, rather than a series of vignettes.
Tier: Almost there
Once, I Had Wings - A — I’m a sucker for melodrama. Beautiful word porn with no real underlying plot is fine, I just felt a little lost after getting done reading it. If there *is* a plot buried in the interplay, I missed it solidly. (checks reviews) TD caught it, and I *should* have because I’m working on a pony-ish story that reflects back on Huck Fin, and in it, the river represents freedom. In this, flight represents freedom. If so, a suggestion: have Celestia stop flying after Luna is banished, actually come out and say why Spike doesn’t fly with Twilight, and imply something about Twilight’s wings allowing her to spread friendship across Equestria instead of just being limited to Ponyville.
After the first section, I thought the fic was gonna be an "Avatar: the Last Airbender"-style story about someone whose only power is death being jealous of someone who can give life.
Then the second section came, and I thought it was gonna be about taking things for granted (like Rainbow with her flight).
Then Spike came and... I dunno.
I don't get the point this story is trying to drive home. Unless it's a Red Bull advert. Then I get you so hard.
(I think the second section would be stronger if we were ever told what flying means to Twilight; right now, we're only told that Rainbow doesn't understand what it means to fly, and are left guessing as to what it really means)
Then the second section came, and I thought it was gonna be about taking things for granted (like Rainbow with her flight).
Then Spike came and... I dunno.
I don't get the point this story is trying to drive home. Unless it's a Red Bull advert. Then I get you so hard.
(I think the second section would be stronger if we were ever told what flying means to Twilight; right now, we're only told that Rainbow doesn't understand what it means to fly, and are left guessing as to what it really means)