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I think I'll be in this one. Sometimes stories are more suited to non-poni, though this is a rare and unpalatable circumstance for dire times.
Wow, who wrote this? Amazing work, anonymous author I will never be able to guess! :derpyderp:
... yeah, I'll wait after the reveal to give you feedback. Privately.
... yeah, I'll wait after the reveal to give you feedback. Privately.
Interesting lighting effect. Makes it look like the light is coming from the ground. I guess a peculiar arrangement of clouds causes that?
You kind of hammer on that point in the first paragraph. you mention twice that AI is replacing people, twice that people are being replaced in general, and once that people are losing their jobs.
That's also a rather large infodump up front. It would help if you broke it up with some action beats. Like between each paragraph of the first scene, have something about Beth walking to Mr. Rare's office or some such. That helps diminish a bit that it is an infodump. And then nothing actually happens in the first scene, leaving me wondering why you're introducing Beth at all. I presume she'll turn up again later, but either make it apparent something is pending with her in this scene, or move it to when something does happen. Once I hit the second scene, I wondered why the first one was even there.
Then the second scene has more infodumping. The bigger problem here is that you're using a limited narrator, and this infodump comes after Beth has already arrived at Carri's desk with something urgent to discuss. Carri already knows this, so her attention should be on Beth and what her issue is, and instead you have her attention on summing up sentiments around the office and speculating on other employees' attitudes. That's not where Carri's attention should be.
Through the middle, I'm losing a sense that there's a plot arc. It's kind of turning into a philosophical argument, but without the characters being set up to have one, since they're trying to deal with an emergency. Either that, or the author wanted to write an informative piece and tacked a drama on to it.
I do wonder when Beth acquired this poison. As much as this whole discussion seems like a spur-of-the-moment thing, she must have planned it out well in advance.
Okay, kinda figured on an ending like that. I had a couple in mind, and this is pretty close to one of them. The other thing that kind of broadcast the twist was that there was still a lot of potential aftermath to handle, but that scroll bar was getting awfully near the bottom.
I'm a tad ambiguous on the ending. I guess Rare is disappointed that Beth was acting in humanity's best interest and deleted her in favor of developing an AI that wouldn't care about humans? Or maybe he does want her to be ethical, but he thought she took it too far in resorting to murder? Also unclear on whether his choices actually reflect what the programmers want him to do, or if he's gone rogue.
Regardless of the implications of the ending, it was still a nicely executed twist. It dragged a bit in the middle, where it felt more like an excerpt from an ethics of technology lecture, but the setup and conclusion worked well.
That's also a rather large infodump up front. It would help if you broke it up with some action beats. Like between each paragraph of the first scene, have something about Beth walking to Mr. Rare's office or some such. That helps diminish a bit that it is an infodump. And then nothing actually happens in the first scene, leaving me wondering why you're introducing Beth at all. I presume she'll turn up again later, but either make it apparent something is pending with her in this scene, or move it to when something does happen. Once I hit the second scene, I wondered why the first one was even there.
Then the second scene has more infodumping. The bigger problem here is that you're using a limited narrator, and this infodump comes after Beth has already arrived at Carri's desk with something urgent to discuss. Carri already knows this, so her attention should be on Beth and what her issue is, and instead you have her attention on summing up sentiments around the office and speculating on other employees' attitudes. That's not where Carri's attention should be.
Through the middle, I'm losing a sense that there's a plot arc. It's kind of turning into a philosophical argument, but without the characters being set up to have one, since they're trying to deal with an emergency. Either that, or the author wanted to write an informative piece and tacked a drama on to it.
I do wonder when Beth acquired this poison. As much as this whole discussion seems like a spur-of-the-moment thing, she must have planned it out well in advance.
Okay, kinda figured on an ending like that. I had a couple in mind, and this is pretty close to one of them. The other thing that kind of broadcast the twist was that there was still a lot of potential aftermath to handle, but that scroll bar was getting awfully near the bottom.
I'm a tad ambiguous on the ending. I guess Rare is disappointed that Beth was acting in humanity's best interest and deleted her in favor of developing an AI that wouldn't care about humans? Or maybe he does want her to be ethical, but he thought she took it too far in resorting to murder? Also unclear on whether his choices actually reflect what the programmers want him to do, or if he's gone rogue.
Regardless of the implications of the ending, it was still a nicely executed twist. It dragged a bit in the middle, where it felt more like an excerpt from an ethics of technology lecture, but the setup and conclusion worked well.