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Extrovert, Introvert
"Amphibious singers who yodel away,
Providing a soundtrack deluxe,
I envy your tones, the expressive array
Of music you offer the world."
"So gliding and delicate, free from the mucks
That cling to my flippers and legs,
Your piscine enchantment provides me the crux
For sentiments tangled and swirled."
Admiring the other, they each of them begs
The universe, "Let me possess
The traits that will raise me, ensconced in the dregs,
Revealing me, proudly unfurled."
Confronted, they'd never admit or confess
The feelings they daren't display.
Instead, they pretend that they're fine and suppress
Anxieties, keeping them curled.
Providing a soundtrack deluxe,
I envy your tones, the expressive array
Of music you offer the world."
"So gliding and delicate, free from the mucks
That cling to my flippers and legs,
Your piscine enchantment provides me the crux
For sentiments tangled and swirled."
Admiring the other, they each of them begs
The universe, "Let me possess
The traits that will raise me, ensconced in the dregs,
Revealing me, proudly unfurled."
Confronted, they'd never admit or confess
The feelings they daren't display.
Instead, they pretend that they're fine and suppress
Anxieties, keeping them curled.
I like the interwoven rhyme scheme. I assume it's an existing form, but not one I'm familiar with. I'm not sure what the "amphibious singers" are. At first I assumed frogs, since they're a classic example of metamorphosis, but a little further in, I wondered if it was something like mermaids or sirens, the latter particularly because of the language making the speaker sound allured by having a more open persona, along with the use of "piscine." Structurally, I can find no fault with the rhymes or rhythms. Fun piece, and of course I identify with it.
>>Pascoite
Thanks, Pasco:
The form doesn't have a name as far as I know. The rhyme scheme is what they call chain rhyme where lines in one stanza rhyme with lines in the next, and the rhythm is a variation on what they call common meter using three-beat anapests instead of the usual two-beat iambs.
My intention was to make the first two stanzas a dialogue between the fish, the introverts, and the frogs, the extroverts, where they express how much they envy the other, then have a narrator come in in the last two stanzas and says how they'll never admit that they envy each other. A little more tinktering, and I think that'll come through better. :)
Mike
Thanks, Pasco:
The form doesn't have a name as far as I know. The rhyme scheme is what they call chain rhyme where lines in one stanza rhyme with lines in the next, and the rhythm is a variation on what they call common meter using three-beat anapests instead of the usual two-beat iambs.
My intention was to make the first two stanzas a dialogue between the fish, the introverts, and the frogs, the extroverts, where they express how much they envy the other, then have a narrator come in in the last two stanzas and says how they'll never admit that they envy each other. A little more tinktering, and I think that'll come through better. :)
Mike