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The LMNOPs of Harmony
"Hey, Lashie!" Rovera pulled the bowl of hot gravy from the puffy pink fur under her ears and slapped it with a rattle onto the counter. "D'you ever think about alternate universes?"
Her snout already buried in the gravy, Brindle Lash paused her lapping and glanced up at Vera. She didn't much want to get pulled into any of Vera's weirdness this morning—with the Comets starting their show season next month, Lash had been running practice courses since dawn. But Vera's weirdness wasn't the sort of thing a pup could just wish away, Lash had learned. It was gonna happen whether she was ready for it or not.
So— "Alter nut whats?" she asked.
"Alternate universes!" Vera waved her front paws. "A place that's exactly like this but totally different, too!"
Despite herself, Lash glanced around Milkbone Corner, pups scarfing down their breakfasts at the tables in the dining room. Outside the windows, the sun shone through a crystal blue sky over the roofs of Pupville, Towser and a bunch of the other farm pups getting the market set up to start another day.
"Huh." The plot of Ruffen Ready and the Black Mirror popped into Lash's head, the whole thing with the evil twin world that had tried to spill out and take over the regular world. But that didn't seem to be what Vera meant. "So, we'd all be changed? Like, you a whippet and me a poodle?" She moved her paw back and forth between them.
"Bigger, Lasshie!" Eyes sparkling, Vera leaped up onto the counter. "We'd all be cats or badgers! Crows or eagles! Horses or frogs or monkeys! A whole alphabet soup full of possibilities! And we'd have adventures all over the place and learn valuable lessons about friendship and just have the best time ever!"
It said a lot, Lash thought, about Pupville and Rovera that only a few of the diners even bothered looking up from their breakfasts. "Vera?" Mrs. Stew called from the door that led back into the kitchen. "If you're gonna do a song-and-dance number, don'tcha know, could you please take it outside?"
Vera's curly fur almost seemed to collapse. "Yes, Mrs. Stew," she more sighed than said, then she slumped back onto the floor.
Which was just about enough of that, Lash thought. "Vera, didn't we face down Rustling Whisper and turn her back into Princess Night Sky? Didn't we face down Pandemonium and get him to not be such a jerk anymore?" She had to shrug. "I mean, yeah, Lacey did most of the work on that, but we all helped. And what about beating Snapcrack and meeting Ruffen Ready and getting Gloaming into shape so she could turn into a princess? Weren't those adventures big enough for you?"
"Yeah..." Vera rose onto all fours again behind the counter and shook her head. "But I guess the grass is always greener when you're not peeing all over it."
Lash rolled her eyes, sucked down the last of her gravy, reached over, and gave Vera a pat. She was a good girl, sure, but she could be one crazy bitch sometimes.
Her snout already buried in the gravy, Brindle Lash paused her lapping and glanced up at Vera. She didn't much want to get pulled into any of Vera's weirdness this morning—with the Comets starting their show season next month, Lash had been running practice courses since dawn. But Vera's weirdness wasn't the sort of thing a pup could just wish away, Lash had learned. It was gonna happen whether she was ready for it or not.
So— "Alter nut whats?" she asked.
"Alternate universes!" Vera waved her front paws. "A place that's exactly like this but totally different, too!"
Despite herself, Lash glanced around Milkbone Corner, pups scarfing down their breakfasts at the tables in the dining room. Outside the windows, the sun shone through a crystal blue sky over the roofs of Pupville, Towser and a bunch of the other farm pups getting the market set up to start another day.
"Huh." The plot of Ruffen Ready and the Black Mirror popped into Lash's head, the whole thing with the evil twin world that had tried to spill out and take over the regular world. But that didn't seem to be what Vera meant. "So, we'd all be changed? Like, you a whippet and me a poodle?" She moved her paw back and forth between them.
"Bigger, Lasshie!" Eyes sparkling, Vera leaped up onto the counter. "We'd all be cats or badgers! Crows or eagles! Horses or frogs or monkeys! A whole alphabet soup full of possibilities! And we'd have adventures all over the place and learn valuable lessons about friendship and just have the best time ever!"
It said a lot, Lash thought, about Pupville and Rovera that only a few of the diners even bothered looking up from their breakfasts. "Vera?" Mrs. Stew called from the door that led back into the kitchen. "If you're gonna do a song-and-dance number, don'tcha know, could you please take it outside?"
Vera's curly fur almost seemed to collapse. "Yes, Mrs. Stew," she more sighed than said, then she slumped back onto the floor.
Which was just about enough of that, Lash thought. "Vera, didn't we face down Rustling Whisper and turn her back into Princess Night Sky? Didn't we face down Pandemonium and get him to not be such a jerk anymore?" She had to shrug. "I mean, yeah, Lacey did most of the work on that, but we all helped. And what about beating Snapcrack and meeting Ruffen Ready and getting Gloaming into shape so she could turn into a princess? Weren't those adventures big enough for you?"
"Yeah..." Vera rose onto all fours again behind the counter and shook her head. "But I guess the grass is always greener when you're not peeing all over it."
Lash rolled her eyes, sucked down the last of her gravy, reached over, and gave Vera a pat. She was a good girl, sure, but she could be one crazy bitch sometimes.
Pics
Okay, I love the penultimate paragraph, but I find the very last one a bridge too far. Yes, yes, bitch as in female dog, I get it. In a longer story, that could be worked in in a way that's funny, but I think that here it undercuts the largely sweet humor of the rest of the fic because it's so short; it makes it feel like you wrote this specifically to make a bitch joke, which is kind of a different tone of intent than I was getting from the first 730 words.
Past that, though? It's a cute idea, and I enjoyed reading it. I think you could really pump up the name puns/sound-alikes--I'd aim for every single changed name to be at least two of dog pun, FiM soundalike, and different word/identical meaning--but it's very respectable work for 24 hours. It's an insubstantial little story in the end, but that's fine: not everything needs to have a deep message, especially not in 750 words or less. I think you found something here that's a good fit for the length, and I appreciate that in a story.
As a nitpick, I'm not sure why you had Dash/Lash being the one to argue against cool adventures; that sounds like more of an AJ attitude to me, or maybe Twi, or Rarity, or... well, any of the other main six but Dash, really. One could chalk it up to the AU, but since Pinkie/Vera is explicitly playing to type, it seems odd to have Dash/Lash play against it.
But all in all, this one got a few smiles out of me, and that's never something I'm going to complain about!
Past that, though? It's a cute idea, and I enjoyed reading it. I think you could really pump up the name puns/sound-alikes--I'd aim for every single changed name to be at least two of dog pun, FiM soundalike, and different word/identical meaning--but it's very respectable work for 24 hours. It's an insubstantial little story in the end, but that's fine: not everything needs to have a deep message, especially not in 750 words or less. I think you found something here that's a good fit for the length, and I appreciate that in a story.
As a nitpick, I'm not sure why you had Dash/Lash being the one to argue against cool adventures; that sounds like more of an AJ attitude to me, or maybe Twi, or Rarity, or... well, any of the other main six but Dash, really. One could chalk it up to the AU, but since Pinkie/Vera is explicitly playing to type, it seems odd to have Dash/Lash play against it.
But all in all, this one got a few smiles out of me, and that's never something I'm going to complain about!
What >>Chris said:
That last paragraph really doesn't work with the tone of what's come before, and, well, there's no real story here, is there? All the ponies are dogs, and they've had their own doggy adventures there in Dogestria—Caninia, I suppose? But other than that? It's fun, but with more than 200 words till you reached the limit, author, I would've liked a little story...
Mike
That last paragraph really doesn't work with the tone of what's come before, and, well, there's no real story here, is there? All the ponies are dogs, and they've had their own doggy adventures there in Dogestria—Caninia, I suppose? But other than that? It's fun, but with more than 200 words till you reached the limit, author, I would've liked a little story...
Mike
I pretty much agree with >>Baal Bunny. There are plenty of solid lines, but there's not really a plot as such, and "parallel universe except they're dogs" isn't quite enough to hang a story on.
Dash/Lash didn't feel against type to me - she's not arguing against adventures, just pointing out that lots of adventures are already happening.
Is there a wordplay I'm missing with respect to Rovera's name? All the other names seem to be referencing their pony equivalents, so I assume there is, but I can't figure out what it would be.
Dash/Lash didn't feel against type to me - she's not arguing against adventures, just pointing out that lots of adventures are already happening.
Is there a wordplay I'm missing with respect to Rovera's name? All the other names seem to be referencing their pony equivalents, so I assume there is, but I can't figure out what it would be.
I like the last line. It’s no cheap pun.
The creators of said puppy show would no choice but to use ‘bitch’ as a general noun, if they are as obsessed as the creators of the pony show (and the fanfiction authors therewith) are with inserting horse terminology, even where it is not really needed, as a mark of virtuosity.
If you can have “Fillydelphia”, why not “Bitchigan”?
The creators of said puppy show would no choice but to use ‘bitch’ as a general noun, if they are as obsessed as the creators of the pony show (and the fanfiction authors therewith) are with inserting horse terminology, even where it is not really needed, as a mark of virtuosity.
If you can have “Fillydelphia”, why not “Bitchigan”?
Congrats to our medalists:
And thanks, >>Rubidium, >>Heavy_Mole, and >>Chris again for the comments. Like I said earlier, I wasn't planning on entering 'cause minifics and I have never gotten along. But the prompt drew me in, and I didn't have time to do anything more than what's here before the deadline hit. I think there might be a story here somewhere, but I'm gonna hafta think about it some more. Oh, and "Rovera" is just "Rover" with an "a" at the end to make it a girls' name... :)
Mike
And thanks, >>Rubidium, >>Heavy_Mole, and >>Chris again for the comments. Like I said earlier, I wasn't planning on entering 'cause minifics and I have never gotten along. But the prompt drew me in, and I didn't have time to do anything more than what's here before the deadline hit. I think there might be a story here somewhere, but I'm gonna hafta think about it some more. Oh, and "Rovera" is just "Rover" with an "a" at the end to make it a girls' name... :)
Mike