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Do or Die
Two quarts of milk
One for the brownies
And one for me
That I won’t drink
That came from the store on the hill
With the old coolers and the cheek prints
Of a child, forty years ago
And one for the brownies.
Your spaghetti
Angry noodles
Pulled by an angry hand
From a timorous can
Just for me
Sauce and all
I won’t eat that shit
Of origin unknown
Like the dusty household
And your stranger, angry hands.
Brownies, you remind me
We have brownies
Within these forgotten brown walls
With brown pictures
And brown spots on the furniture
Our browned hands
Fisting over whipped cream.
One for the brownies
And one for me
That I won’t drink
That came from the store on the hill
With the old coolers and the cheek prints
Of a child, forty years ago
And one for the brownies.
Your spaghetti
Angry noodles
Pulled by an angry hand
From a timorous can
Just for me
Sauce and all
I won’t eat that shit
Of origin unknown
Like the dusty household
And your stranger, angry hands.
Brownies, you remind me
We have brownies
Within these forgotten brown walls
With brown pictures
And brown spots on the furniture
Our browned hands
Fisting over whipped cream.
Lovely imagery:
But I'm not sure what it's in service to. There's unhappiness here, but that's about all I'm getting...
Mike
But I'm not sure what it's in service to. There's unhappiness here, but that's about all I'm getting...
Mike
Like Augie, I enjoy the imagery and language used, but I'm not following the thread of what it's about. The narrator seems absent-minded, where he starts talking about milk and brownies, and the note about childhood seems to say he's feeling wistful or nostalgic. But then we jump over to spaghetti, and I don't see the connecting thread. Then back to brownies again, just cementing the feel that it's a flighty thought process that's not trying to draw a thematic connection between the parts.