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It Does Heal Burns Though
"Time heals all things, you know." His friend opined as they walked down the university path, between bar and dorm. Streetlights guided the path as the journey stretched on unto eternity. Why does such a short, practiced distance always seem to go so long when occupied with a poignant conversation? His friend thought.
"Age." He retorted back. Because you walk slower, he thought.
"Well, sure. But even the passage into the other side offers some peace." His friend tried again for the silver lining.
"Which wouldn't be necessary if aging weren't such a crippling process. Caused by the passage of time." He once more pointed to the storm cloud within.
"Well, memories that cause us pain, to be more appropriate. Those heal with time, surely."
"Of course, of course they do. Alzheimers alone is sure of that."
"It brings about great change! Civilization advances!"
""My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!", come on, give me a hard one."
"My fist suffice?"
"Of course, but a bruise time will heal. Our friendship might not."
They walked on in thoughtful silence. The threat had been made in jest, of course, but the retort was something to genuinely dwell on.
"Wouldn't the slight fade, with time, like the bruise?" His friend noted, reaching into his pocket for a mint to chew thoughtfully.
"Could do, could do," he admitted, holding his hand out. A mint was placed in his hand as well, and the two continued down the path chewing as much on their thoughts as the gum, "But it could fester, and grow, even as the reasons fade into obscurity."
"Time heals the reasons, then?"
"Makes irrelevent, I'd argue. Like poor Ozymandias."
"Well, I've tried. It's so easy to condemn. Time heals a lot of wounds."
"Except," he argued, raising a finger high into the air, "Except aging, feuds, architecture, stability, entropy states, death, cancer, bleeding out, alzheimers, most fashion cycles, amputations, debt, compound interest, anything with 'chronic' in the title, and thinking socks with sandals is acceptable to wear in public."
"Huh."
"Yeah."
They both chewed their gum a little longer.
"You know something?" His friend stated again, as they approached their dorms finally.
"I suspect so." He admitted, "But I can't say with certainty until you elaborate."
"I think I'm beginning to see," his friend stated with finality, fumbling with their keys, finally finding purchase in the lock with a 'click', "why she dumped you."
He stood outside a moment considering that. He needed a moment.
"Age." He retorted back. Because you walk slower, he thought.
"Well, sure. But even the passage into the other side offers some peace." His friend tried again for the silver lining.
"Which wouldn't be necessary if aging weren't such a crippling process. Caused by the passage of time." He once more pointed to the storm cloud within.
"Well, memories that cause us pain, to be more appropriate. Those heal with time, surely."
"Of course, of course they do. Alzheimers alone is sure of that."
"It brings about great change! Civilization advances!"
""My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!", come on, give me a hard one."
"My fist suffice?"
"Of course, but a bruise time will heal. Our friendship might not."
They walked on in thoughtful silence. The threat had been made in jest, of course, but the retort was something to genuinely dwell on.
"Wouldn't the slight fade, with time, like the bruise?" His friend noted, reaching into his pocket for a mint to chew thoughtfully.
"Could do, could do," he admitted, holding his hand out. A mint was placed in his hand as well, and the two continued down the path chewing as much on their thoughts as the gum, "But it could fester, and grow, even as the reasons fade into obscurity."
"Time heals the reasons, then?"
"Makes irrelevent, I'd argue. Like poor Ozymandias."
"Well, I've tried. It's so easy to condemn. Time heals a lot of wounds."
"Except," he argued, raising a finger high into the air, "Except aging, feuds, architecture, stability, entropy states, death, cancer, bleeding out, alzheimers, most fashion cycles, amputations, debt, compound interest, anything with 'chronic' in the title, and thinking socks with sandals is acceptable to wear in public."
"Huh."
"Yeah."
They both chewed their gum a little longer.
"You know something?" His friend stated again, as they approached their dorms finally.
"I suspect so." He admitted, "But I can't say with certainty until you elaborate."
"I think I'm beginning to see," his friend stated with finality, fumbling with their keys, finally finding purchase in the lock with a 'click', "why she dumped you."
He stood outside a moment considering that. He needed a moment.
Hmm…
Permission to speak candidly?
I don't get it. It's half story, half meta, and I don't get why those two discuss the prompt. It feels forced, or uncalled for. It's more that: it lacks an introduction, a context, a raison d’être. Beginning in medias res can be apt, but here, in such a short format, it leaves us disconnected from the characters. Besides the dialogue is very abstract (prolly something intended) but sounds glib.
Permission to speak candidly?
I don't get it. It's half story, half meta, and I don't get why those two discuss the prompt. It feels forced, or uncalled for. It's more that: it lacks an introduction, a context, a raison d’être. Beginning in medias res can be apt, but here, in such a short format, it leaves us disconnected from the characters. Besides the dialogue is very abstract (prolly something intended) but sounds glib.
I think this story is partly silly and partly pretentious, but all in all I think it misses the mark.
First, to get it out of the way, the thoughts are a bit jarring. It would help to format them differently. I've often seen italics used for this, as in [Why does such a short, practiced distance always seem to go so long when occupied with a poignant conversation? his friend thought.]. Otherwise, I don't know it's a thought until the last sentence, because until then it could've been 3d person limited POV.
Second, I think it's important to note that this story is not about the characters so much as the conversation, since that's where the focus is--very little time is spent describing or distinguishing the characters. Is that a good decision? Well, if the conversation is interesting enough, then sure, I suppose.
Now, I'm a fan of silly and ridiculous, and I do like that two college students (perhaps philosophy majors?) are discussing such high-level philosophy. I'm not sure what it's going for, though. If the story is pretentious, well, you lost me. If the point is to be pretentious, then you're close to something great here, I think. I don't know what could make it great, and that's sort of up to the author. Perhaps the contrast could be more clear that a high-level philosophy discussion is being had, amongst a couple of dudes (one of which just broke up with someone), but in this entry the latter isn't clear. Perhaps one character could be the high-level philosopher, and the other is just a dude who's like "yeah, whatever you say, man". Or, he's just a dude who mock-argues for the heck of it. The high-level language they use might be a bit much, maybe. Perhaps that could've been toned down.
Again, that's not my call to make, and I hate to offer ideas and put words in the author's mouth, but as is, it's a good concept that just isn't there for me yet.
First, to get it out of the way, the thoughts are a bit jarring. It would help to format them differently. I've often seen italics used for this, as in [Why does such a short, practiced distance always seem to go so long when occupied with a poignant conversation? his friend thought.]. Otherwise, I don't know it's a thought until the last sentence, because until then it could've been 3d person limited POV.
Second, I think it's important to note that this story is not about the characters so much as the conversation, since that's where the focus is--very little time is spent describing or distinguishing the characters. Is that a good decision? Well, if the conversation is interesting enough, then sure, I suppose.
Now, I'm a fan of silly and ridiculous, and I do like that two college students (perhaps philosophy majors?) are discussing such high-level philosophy. I'm not sure what it's going for, though. If the story is pretentious, well, you lost me. If the point is to be pretentious, then you're close to something great here, I think. I don't know what could make it great, and that's sort of up to the author. Perhaps the contrast could be more clear that a high-level philosophy discussion is being had, amongst a couple of dudes (one of which just broke up with someone), but in this entry the latter isn't clear. Perhaps one character could be the high-level philosopher, and the other is just a dude who's like "yeah, whatever you say, man". Or, he's just a dude who mock-argues for the heck of it. The high-level language they use might be a bit much, maybe. Perhaps that could've been toned down.
Again, that's not my call to make, and I hate to offer ideas and put words in the author's mouth, but as is, it's a good concept that just isn't there for me yet.
Ooo, burn!
Okay, I'm done, sorry for that. So this is a bit of a weird story, falling very much into the 'half a story' sentiment above as there's very little to characterise the characters until the final humanising punch. In a way I like that, we've all met a person willing to blow up the ground beneath them in order to 'win' the conversation, but it's also harshly to its detriment in actually drawing the reader in. Worse still much of the story is repetitive, the back and forth is endless and pointless after a while and there's really no reason not to skip to the end after the first third. The idea is reasonable, but it could be much, much streamlined.
Okay, I'm done, sorry for that. So this is a bit of a weird story, falling very much into the 'half a story' sentiment above as there's very little to characterise the characters until the final humanising punch. In a way I like that, we've all met a person willing to blow up the ground beneath them in order to 'win' the conversation, but it's also harshly to its detriment in actually drawing the reader in. Worse still much of the story is repetitive, the back and forth is endless and pointless after a while and there's really no reason not to skip to the end after the first third. The idea is reasonable, but it could be much, much streamlined.
Looks like this might be another one that only I enjoy.
I do think the beginning needs some work. It's more difficult than it should be to figure out what the thoughts, narration, and dialogue are all up to. And even when I reread the first few paragraphs, they still seem a bit murky.
But once it gets going, the argument isn't too difficult to follow, for the most part, and I think you do a great job of characterizing the one friend as the type of guy who just likes to be contrary, turn your words against you, and "win" the conversation. I see a bit of myself in him, to be honest. :twilightsheepish:
But of course the best part of this story is the ending, which does a great job of adding a reason to the conversation and tying it together with what we learned about the guy's personality, as I just described.
Great job, author. I'm sorry that the rest of the people here don't appreciate this story as much as I do. ;P
I do think the beginning needs some work. It's more difficult than it should be to figure out what the thoughts, narration, and dialogue are all up to. And even when I reread the first few paragraphs, they still seem a bit murky.
But once it gets going, the argument isn't too difficult to follow, for the most part, and I think you do a great job of characterizing the one friend as the type of guy who just likes to be contrary, turn your words against you, and "win" the conversation. I see a bit of myself in him, to be honest. :twilightsheepish:
But of course the best part of this story is the ending, which does a great job of adding a reason to the conversation and tying it together with what we learned about the guy's personality, as I just described.
Great job, author. I'm sorry that the rest of the people here don't appreciate this story as much as I do. ;P
Haven't much to say that everyone else hasn't said already, except:
Man, his friend's a penis.
Man, his friend's a penis.