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Okay, by the end of this, I'm super into the whole R-rated Zootopia setting you've got going on here. You do a really good job of presenting Beven's character, and bouncing him back and forth between situations in which he's confident or unsure in himself. It really does add that extra bit of investment that helps the narrative gel together, even if the resolution was a little expectable. The pacing here is also really, really solid, with each scene moving us nicely along and telling us what we need to know to get to the next.
The first bit of this story really did make me feel dumb, though, because it took me going back and re-reading the entire first scene before I figured out that this was an anthropomorphic animal setting. I'm not exactly sure why it took me so long to get oriented, considering on re-reads, I do notice that you put in a lot of signposts. Maybe I'm just out of it, today. :P
I also had the slightest bit of trouble figuring out the tech-level/time-period. "Constable" instead of "officer" and "inspector" instead of "detective" suggested late 19th or early 20th century to me, but then we have sports cars and tranq guns. Not narrative-breakingly distracting, but just something in the back of my mind.
Really, my concerns about introduction of the setting are nitpick level. There's really enough here to sink your teeth into (ha), and I think it's presented in a clear and engaging way.
Thanks for writing!
The first bit of this story really did make me feel dumb, though, because it took me going back and re-reading the entire first scene before I figured out that this was an anthropomorphic animal setting. I'm not exactly sure why it took me so long to get oriented, considering on re-reads, I do notice that you put in a lot of signposts. Maybe I'm just out of it, today. :P
I also had the slightest bit of trouble figuring out the tech-level/time-period. "Constable" instead of "officer" and "inspector" instead of "detective" suggested late 19th or early 20th century to me, but then we have sports cars and tranq guns. Not narrative-breakingly distracting, but just something in the back of my mind.
Really, my concerns about introduction of the setting are nitpick level. There's really enough here to sink your teeth into (ha), and I think it's presented in a clear and engaging way.
Thanks for writing!
I don't read:
A lot of mysteries 'cause I'm no good at figuring out "who done it." But then this isn't a "who done it" so much as a "how do we prove they done it" like the old Columbo TV show. It might be nice to make things a little more ambiguous--maybe Ms. Esme can appeal to Beven as a fellow carnivore in an attempt to drive a wedge between him and the inspector. I'm a little uncertain, too, about the whole "villain goes crazy and attacks" thing at the end. If you want to do that, I'd recommend planting the seeds for it earlier by showing Ms. Esme having to clamp down on her temper a few times or something.
Mike
A lot of mysteries 'cause I'm no good at figuring out "who done it." But then this isn't a "who done it" so much as a "how do we prove they done it" like the old Columbo TV show. It might be nice to make things a little more ambiguous--maybe Ms. Esme can appeal to Beven as a fellow carnivore in an attempt to drive a wedge between him and the inspector. I'm a little uncertain, too, about the whole "villain goes crazy and attacks" thing at the end. If you want to do that, I'd recommend planting the seeds for it earlier by showing Ms. Esme having to clamp down on her temper a few times or something.
Mike
Thanks to the voters:
And congrats to the other medalists. Yeah, again, I think there's a good framework here if I wanna do some revising. I might as well, huh?
Mike
And congrats to the other medalists. Yeah, again, I think there's a good framework here if I wanna do some revising. I might as well, huh?
Mike