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Of course, something as abstract as poetry may mean different things to different people, so I may be way off the mark in what I'm reading. I read this as being about the modern political climate, where both sides treat the other as inherently stupid or malevolent. But I can't tell whether it's lamenting that condition or supporting it. I think the former, but I'm not sure. Either way, I wonder whether the "all that's left" has an intended double meaning. I found it clever.
Structurally, there is a pattern, but the meter isn't very regular, and some of the rhymes are stretched. It kind of feels like slam poetry in that regard, and the subject matter would fit that style too.
Sorry to see only 3 entries, but having it concurrent with a short story round no doubt held participation down.
Structurally, there is a pattern, but the meter isn't very regular, and some of the rhymes are stretched. It kind of feels like slam poetry in that regard, and the subject matter would fit that style too.
Sorry to see only 3 entries, but having it concurrent with a short story round no doubt held participation down.
So... this is from the perspective of a tiny being living on the surface of an apple? Or, I guess, that's the analogy being made, but some huge creature is drinking off the oceans before it takes a bite out of the planet? there's the literal interpretation that this is a disaster actually happening, but I could take the separate italicized stanza two ways. One, as in the explanation for what's happening in the first part, or two, inverting that, such that the italicized piece is what's really happening, and the rest is the imaginings of someone eating an apple. I kind of prefer it the second way, since that makes it sort of fun, whereas the actual disaster would leave me wondering about the context.
Structurally, I don't know if the arrangement buys anything. It's more a prose poem either way, and with the way the language is, I still would consider it poetry even if it were presented as a paragraph. Though maybe my preferred interpretation of it would tend to make that last stanza lend the rest a feeling of purple prose more than poetry? I guess it visually sets my head up to consider it poetry, but I don't know that I'd read it differently either way.
Structurally, I don't know if the arrangement buys anything. It's more a prose poem either way, and with the way the language is, I still would consider it poetry even if it were presented as a paragraph. Though maybe my preferred interpretation of it would tend to make that last stanza lend the rest a feeling of purple prose more than poetry? I guess it visually sets my head up to consider it poetry, but I don't know that I'd read it differently either way.
Nice sonnet form, and I didn't notice any flubs in the structure. Though it's interesting how you kept the standard rhyme scheme, yet split up the stanzas in groups of 3 lines instead of 4. With only one exception, you kept those 3-line stanzas as discrete thoughts, and I'd wondered if you'd set yourself a challenge of doing so: Making the rhyme scheme at different intervals than the narrative units. But then I'd bet there's already a formal type of sonnet that does this, and I've just never heard of it.
My take on this is that it's about someone who's become prominent in some manner of closed world, probably video games, though possibly some D&D type thing that's not necessarily virtual in an electronic sense, but now that world has become obsolete or non-functional or abandoned to the point the narrator realizes spending any more time there is a waste. So he's now venturing into the real world and resolving to learn how to interact in it.
All the poetry is pretty good this round. Relatively speaking, someone has to finish last, but none of them in isolation struck me as something I would have expected to finish last.
My take on this is that it's about someone who's become prominent in some manner of closed world, probably video games, though possibly some D&D type thing that's not necessarily virtual in an electronic sense, but now that world has become obsolete or non-functional or abandoned to the point the narrator realizes spending any more time there is a waste. So he's now venturing into the real world and resolving to learn how to interact in it.
All the poetry is pretty good this round. Relatively speaking, someone has to finish last, but none of them in isolation struck me as something I would have expected to finish last.
I love the ragged meter here:
And the slant rhymes. They really contribute to the whole "clenched teeth" feeling of the piece, like the author's just too spitting mad to make all the bits come out right. It all works even better when we see at the end who the author's really mad at. Nicely done.
Mike
And the slant rhymes. They really contribute to the whole "clenched teeth" feeling of the piece, like the author's just too spitting mad to make all the bits come out right. It all works even better when we see at the end who the author's really mad at. Nicely done.
Mike
Having a definite first-person narrator:
In that first line and then an implied but different first-person asking me the question at the end gets me shaking my head. Structurally speaking, I'd prefer the POV to remain consistent especially since the perspective becomes pretty darn omniscient as the piece goes along. I'd recommend keeping that wide "disaster movie" view right up till the stinger in the last two lines deflates it. A lot of fun, though.
Mike
In that first line and then an implied but different first-person asking me the question at the end gets me shaking my head. Structurally speaking, I'd prefer the POV to remain consistent especially since the perspective becomes pretty darn omniscient as the piece goes along. I'd recommend keeping that wide "disaster movie" view right up till the stinger in the last two lines deflates it. A lot of fun, though.
Mike
This is a terza rima thing:
Where the 1st and 3rd lines of each stanza rhyme, and the 2nd line rhymes with the 1st and 3rd lines of the following stanza. You then pop a little couplet in at the end of each section, and you've got something that looks sort of like a sonnet but isn't.
As for the subject matter, I could use a little more, another section maybe to strengthen the idea of why our narrator wants to get out into the real world. But I always want more, don't I? :)
Mike
Where the 1st and 3rd lines of each stanza rhyme, and the 2nd line rhymes with the 1st and 3rd lines of the following stanza. You then pop a little couplet in at the end of each section, and you've got something that looks sort of like a sonnet but isn't.
As for the subject matter, I could use a little more, another section maybe to strengthen the idea of why our narrator wants to get out into the real world. But I always want more, don't I? :)
Mike