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Missio Day
“I think this is an excellent idea.”
Celestia was quickly finding it tempting to stick her horn through her sister’s eye from across the dinner table.
“Truthfully, I think otherwise,” she stated, making do with driving her fork through a cherry tomato instead. “I also think you should stop talking with your mouth full, Luna.”
A loud crunch, followed by a splatter of lettuce leaves across the floor. “Why?” Luna asked, though it was less of a ‘why’ and more of a ‘warg’, which was pretty much what she was sounding like anyway.
“We’re royalty, that’s why.”
“Up until seven months ago.” Thank the stars, Luna swallowed before she spoke this time. “We’re retired now, Tia. I assure you, there shall be none left in this day and age who would bother to judge the manners of princesses emeritus, a pair!”
“Except the caretakers.”
“Except the caretakers, those fiends, fastidious and foul!” Luna screeched at one of them standing across the room. “Heed me, infidel! Were it not for the relinquishment of my powers, the rind of the moon shall render asunder thy plump posterior!”
“Manners maketh the mare, dear Luna,” Celestia sternly reminded. “Need I also point out, sister dearest, that I had intended this retirement to be a solo venture. I did not ask you to join me, yet you’ve insisted on tagging along.”
“I still think it’s not a bad idea.”
“I never said it was.”
“You think it. I know you well, sister.” Luna chomped down on another forkful of lettuce, sending bits of it scattering about the room once more. “Why do you think I suggested this for you in the first place?”
The heftiest sigh of the day left Celestia’s lips as she once again returned to what was laid before her. It was a book, one atrociously thick with pages wrinkled yellow from having constantly being dipped into diluted mugs of coffee over the past few months, all of it bound together inside a dubiously-procured leather cover complete with an intricate etching of the sun.
"You know, I really don’t mind if you just got me a bouquet of hydrangeas for my birthday, Luna.”
“But sister, I thought you hate hydrangeas.”
“I was making a point.”
“How crude,” Luna said with a scrunch in her snout. “Do you not understand the importance of a good gift? And what better gift than one that you never knew you needed in the first place?”
“And why would you think I need a homemade book in the first place?”
A gasp of shock. “Wow. Okay, firstly, it’s not ‘homemade’— the proper terminology here is ‘artisanal’. Secondly, it’s extremely obvious to me and everyone else in Equestria why you need to have this book! In fact, I’m surprised you haven’t realized it yet!”
Celestia rolled her eyes, before setting her fork aside. “Just enlighten me, Luna.”
Luna glanced around before leaning in towards her sister for a low whisper.
“You miss it.”
“Miss what?”
“You know! Power! Authority, rule of law, that old song and dance of yours! You miss it to bits!”
“I’ve told you this already, Luna, I have no intention of returning to power,” Celestia insisted, even as a panther’s smirk pounced from her sister’s lips. “And suppose that’s even remotely true, what does this book have to do with any of it?”
“I’m glad you’ve asked! Now, this tale dates back to a more innocent time, a time when you and I were still the keepers of the Canterlotian throne, when the days are fairer and the nights more tranquil—”
“Just get to the point.”
“Ugh. Fine,” Luna haughtily groused. “Basically, your dearest Twilight recounted to me of the strange practices she had encountered during her excursions in the world beyond the Crystal Mirror. Apparently, on certain mornings, the creatures on the other side would hold massive congregations in these small palaces to perform a ritual where they would keep their heads down and chant these archaic incantations. What’s even stranger is that each and every one of them— mare, stallion and foal alike—each of them are carrying, in their flimsy appendages, a book.
Celestia glanced back to the book before her. “You mean like this one?”
“Exactly, though I’ve adjusted this one according to scale.” Luna proceeded to flip open the book, revealing the empty pages within. “Now, Twilight did explain to me what these books were for but frankly, I wasn’t really paying attention by the time she got to that part. All I know is that these books and their dictums hold incredible power and influence over the creatures over there—”
“And you want me to replicate that power. Here, onto our fellow citizens of Equestria.”
Luna gleefully nodded. Celestia could only let out a grave sigh.
“Sister, you do remember what happened with the Friendship Journal, right?”
“That’s different.”
“How is it any different?”
“Because that one was plainly about Twilight and her friends’ exhaustingly boring lessons! What they lack was the je nais se quois, the obscurity, the mystique! Where they failed, sister, you and I shall succeed.”
“And will it be just this one book?”
“It will be the first of many. Fear not, for I’ve already acquired all publishing rights for this book already!” Luna puffed her chest out with pride, much to her sister’s consternation. “Better to be prepared even for the impossible, I’d say!”
Reluctantly, Celestia returned her gaze back to the empty pages of the book. She couldn’t deny, there was certainly something strangely exciting about this whole affair. To have the words in this book be treated with the veneration of her speeches of old? Perhaps there was some truth to Luna’s assertions after all?
“So what am I supposed to write?” she asked.
“Anything.”
“Anything?”
“Anything.”
Celestia bit her lip. “How about this?” she said, breaking into a grin as she began to write. “Those who feast must do so with their mouths shut.”
“How shrewd of you,” Luna grumbled, pouting. “Also, do you really have to make do with the salad dressing?”
“It’s the only thing lying around that I can use.” With a careful splat, the first sentence was completed. “There. How about you give it a go, Luna? This was your idea, after all.”
“If I may be so honored!” Luna declared, the two of them giggling. “Let’s see, let’s see… how about this: all caretakers ignoble shall have their plump posteriors render asunder by the rind of the moon!”
Celestia couldn’t help but laugh at the squiggles of mayonnaise sinking into the pages. “You know, we should probably categorize these. For archival reasons.”
“The spaces are limited, however.” Luna paused for thought. “Perhaps we can abbreviate them?”
“Wonderful idea!” With her magic, the elder alicorn swiped the nearest bottle of ketchup. “I shall label this one ‘MATT’, for ‘Manners At The Table’.
“And mine shall be ‘PSA’, for ‘Punishments, Suggest Administering.’ Rather formal, if I do say so myself!”
Another hearty laugh left Celestia’s lips. “You know, maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all.”
“I knew you would come around, dear sister.” Luna beamed. “Perhaps, once we’re done, we shall have Twilight look it over? Make a few quick revisions before publishing?”
“Brilliant!” Celestia clapped her hooves together. “I can’t wait to hear what she thinks about this!”
"Luster Dawn, if I catch you sneaking this out from the forbidden section again, I will personally render your posterior asunder, you hear me!"
Celestia was quickly finding it tempting to stick her horn through her sister’s eye from across the dinner table.
“Truthfully, I think otherwise,” she stated, making do with driving her fork through a cherry tomato instead. “I also think you should stop talking with your mouth full, Luna.”
A loud crunch, followed by a splatter of lettuce leaves across the floor. “Why?” Luna asked, though it was less of a ‘why’ and more of a ‘warg’, which was pretty much what she was sounding like anyway.
“We’re royalty, that’s why.”
“Up until seven months ago.” Thank the stars, Luna swallowed before she spoke this time. “We’re retired now, Tia. I assure you, there shall be none left in this day and age who would bother to judge the manners of princesses emeritus, a pair!”
“Except the caretakers.”
“Except the caretakers, those fiends, fastidious and foul!” Luna screeched at one of them standing across the room. “Heed me, infidel! Were it not for the relinquishment of my powers, the rind of the moon shall render asunder thy plump posterior!”
“Manners maketh the mare, dear Luna,” Celestia sternly reminded. “Need I also point out, sister dearest, that I had intended this retirement to be a solo venture. I did not ask you to join me, yet you’ve insisted on tagging along.”
“I still think it’s not a bad idea.”
“I never said it was.”
“You think it. I know you well, sister.” Luna chomped down on another forkful of lettuce, sending bits of it scattering about the room once more. “Why do you think I suggested this for you in the first place?”
The heftiest sigh of the day left Celestia’s lips as she once again returned to what was laid before her. It was a book, one atrociously thick with pages wrinkled yellow from having constantly being dipped into diluted mugs of coffee over the past few months, all of it bound together inside a dubiously-procured leather cover complete with an intricate etching of the sun.
"You know, I really don’t mind if you just got me a bouquet of hydrangeas for my birthday, Luna.”
“But sister, I thought you hate hydrangeas.”
“I was making a point.”
“How crude,” Luna said with a scrunch in her snout. “Do you not understand the importance of a good gift? And what better gift than one that you never knew you needed in the first place?”
“And why would you think I need a homemade book in the first place?”
A gasp of shock. “Wow. Okay, firstly, it’s not ‘homemade’— the proper terminology here is ‘artisanal’. Secondly, it’s extremely obvious to me and everyone else in Equestria why you need to have this book! In fact, I’m surprised you haven’t realized it yet!”
Celestia rolled her eyes, before setting her fork aside. “Just enlighten me, Luna.”
Luna glanced around before leaning in towards her sister for a low whisper.
“You miss it.”
“Miss what?”
“You know! Power! Authority, rule of law, that old song and dance of yours! You miss it to bits!”
“I’ve told you this already, Luna, I have no intention of returning to power,” Celestia insisted, even as a panther’s smirk pounced from her sister’s lips. “And suppose that’s even remotely true, what does this book have to do with any of it?”
“I’m glad you’ve asked! Now, this tale dates back to a more innocent time, a time when you and I were still the keepers of the Canterlotian throne, when the days are fairer and the nights more tranquil—”
“Just get to the point.”
“Ugh. Fine,” Luna haughtily groused. “Basically, your dearest Twilight recounted to me of the strange practices she had encountered during her excursions in the world beyond the Crystal Mirror. Apparently, on certain mornings, the creatures on the other side would hold massive congregations in these small palaces to perform a ritual where they would keep their heads down and chant these archaic incantations. What’s even stranger is that each and every one of them— mare, stallion and foal alike—each of them are carrying, in their flimsy appendages, a book.
Celestia glanced back to the book before her. “You mean like this one?”
“Exactly, though I’ve adjusted this one according to scale.” Luna proceeded to flip open the book, revealing the empty pages within. “Now, Twilight did explain to me what these books were for but frankly, I wasn’t really paying attention by the time she got to that part. All I know is that these books and their dictums hold incredible power and influence over the creatures over there—”
“And you want me to replicate that power. Here, onto our fellow citizens of Equestria.”
Luna gleefully nodded. Celestia could only let out a grave sigh.
“Sister, you do remember what happened with the Friendship Journal, right?”
“That’s different.”
“How is it any different?”
“Because that one was plainly about Twilight and her friends’ exhaustingly boring lessons! What they lack was the je nais se quois, the obscurity, the mystique! Where they failed, sister, you and I shall succeed.”
“And will it be just this one book?”
“It will be the first of many. Fear not, for I’ve already acquired all publishing rights for this book already!” Luna puffed her chest out with pride, much to her sister’s consternation. “Better to be prepared even for the impossible, I’d say!”
Reluctantly, Celestia returned her gaze back to the empty pages of the book. She couldn’t deny, there was certainly something strangely exciting about this whole affair. To have the words in this book be treated with the veneration of her speeches of old? Perhaps there was some truth to Luna’s assertions after all?
“So what am I supposed to write?” she asked.
“Anything.”
“Anything?”
“Anything.”
Celestia bit her lip. “How about this?” she said, breaking into a grin as she began to write. “Those who feast must do so with their mouths shut.”
“How shrewd of you,” Luna grumbled, pouting. “Also, do you really have to make do with the salad dressing?”
“It’s the only thing lying around that I can use.” With a careful splat, the first sentence was completed. “There. How about you give it a go, Luna? This was your idea, after all.”
“If I may be so honored!” Luna declared, the two of them giggling. “Let’s see, let’s see… how about this: all caretakers ignoble shall have their plump posteriors render asunder by the rind of the moon!”
Celestia couldn’t help but laugh at the squiggles of mayonnaise sinking into the pages. “You know, we should probably categorize these. For archival reasons.”
“The spaces are limited, however.” Luna paused for thought. “Perhaps we can abbreviate them?”
“Wonderful idea!” With her magic, the elder alicorn swiped the nearest bottle of ketchup. “I shall label this one ‘MATT’, for ‘Manners At The Table’.
“And mine shall be ‘PSA’, for ‘Punishments, Suggest Administering.’ Rather formal, if I do say so myself!”
Another hearty laugh left Celestia’s lips. “You know, maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all.”
“I knew you would come around, dear sister.” Luna beamed. “Perhaps, once we’re done, we shall have Twilight look it over? Make a few quick revisions before publishing?”
“Brilliant!” Celestia clapped her hooves together. “I can’t wait to hear what she thinks about this!”
"Luster Dawn, if I catch you sneaking this out from the forbidden section again, I will personally render your posterior asunder, you hear me!"
Pics
Technical issues first:
It should be "princesses emeritae" since "princesses" is feminine plural and "ae" is the feminine plural ending in Latin. "Were it not for the relinquishment of my powers, the rind of the moon shall render asunder thy plump posterior!" - this sort of contrary-to-fact conditional statement ought to employ the subjunctive: "would render asunder" or "should render asunder". "when the days are fairer" should be past tense: "when the days were fairer". "their dictums" - since this is Luna talking, I'd prefer that she use "dicta," the correct old Latin plural for the word. "I’ve already acquired all publishing rights for this book already!" - uses the word "already" twice, and how can she acquire the rights to a book that hasn't been written yet? "shall have their plump posteriors render asunder by the rind of the moon!" - should be "rendered". And the last line of the story, being a question, should end with a question mark.
There's also an exchange in the middle where Celestia says, "I had intended this retirement to be a solo venture." But Luna then says three paragraphs later, "Why do you think I suggested this for you in the first place?" It sounds to me like they're each claiming to have originated the idea of retirement and that they'd each only meant for Celestia to retire. So that confused me.
But then, the whole story confused me. From the title and the talk in the middle about the rituals Twilight observed "beyond the Crystal Mirror," I'm guessing that the story wants to be a parody of organized religion, but I'm not sure about that at all. A better approach to that sort of thing might be Twilight confronting Celestia and Luna after they've written this book and it's spawned some sort of cult that Twilight's trying to get a handle on. As the story's structured now, it's really missing the mark for me...
Mike
It should be "princesses emeritae" since "princesses" is feminine plural and "ae" is the feminine plural ending in Latin. "Were it not for the relinquishment of my powers, the rind of the moon shall render asunder thy plump posterior!" - this sort of contrary-to-fact conditional statement ought to employ the subjunctive: "would render asunder" or "should render asunder". "when the days are fairer" should be past tense: "when the days were fairer". "their dictums" - since this is Luna talking, I'd prefer that she use "dicta," the correct old Latin plural for the word. "I’ve already acquired all publishing rights for this book already!" - uses the word "already" twice, and how can she acquire the rights to a book that hasn't been written yet? "shall have their plump posteriors render asunder by the rind of the moon!" - should be "rendered". And the last line of the story, being a question, should end with a question mark.
There's also an exchange in the middle where Celestia says, "I had intended this retirement to be a solo venture." But Luna then says three paragraphs later, "Why do you think I suggested this for you in the first place?" It sounds to me like they're each claiming to have originated the idea of retirement and that they'd each only meant for Celestia to retire. So that confused me.
But then, the whole story confused me. From the title and the talk in the middle about the rituals Twilight observed "beyond the Crystal Mirror," I'm guessing that the story wants to be a parody of organized religion, but I'm not sure about that at all. A better approach to that sort of thing might be Twilight confronting Celestia and Luna after they've written this book and it's spawned some sort of cult that Twilight's trying to get a handle on. As the story's structured now, it's really missing the mark for me...
Mike
First Impressions:
Uncouth Luna is a mood.
Now the Formal Review:
Baal beat me to it, so I figured I send it out now.
Good take on Tia and Luna bored out of their minds while retired. My assumption is that they were enjoying time in paradise with no tasks whatsoever. But the details of a person (or pony) missing their daily routine of work after retirement is another plotline of its own.
I do have a couple of problems. Not with your prose― that is solid as steel. My problem is self-inflicted. As I said in another review, my comprehension skills are less than decent. If I’m missing something obvious, forgive me.
My first questions have to do with the book. I am with Baal on the fact that the type of book is unclear. Is it a songbook? Is it a book that contains law? Is it an arcane spell book? I am little confused there.
I like the playfulness of Tia and Luna writing down whatsoever they wish for the sole purpose of messing with each other and the (laws of Equestria apparently?). That part was good. Sometimes, the characters need to let loose a little. Have some fun.
On the final note, the Punchline went over my head. Sorry. I don’t know what Luster Dawn and Twilight have to do with the first scene. I’m getting the vibe that Luna and Tia have published the book and Twilight wants to keep the book in the forbidden section because of its contents, but that may be completely off also.
As always, take this with a grain of salt. I’m don’t know exactly what I’m doing most times.
Thanks for Writing!
Uncouth Luna is a mood.
Now the Formal Review:
Baal beat me to it, so I figured I send it out now.
Good take on Tia and Luna bored out of their minds while retired. My assumption is that they were enjoying time in paradise with no tasks whatsoever. But the details of a person (or pony) missing their daily routine of work after retirement is another plotline of its own.
I do have a couple of problems. Not with your prose― that is solid as steel. My problem is self-inflicted. As I said in another review, my comprehension skills are less than decent. If I’m missing something obvious, forgive me.
My first questions have to do with the book. I am with Baal on the fact that the type of book is unclear. Is it a songbook? Is it a book that contains law? Is it an arcane spell book? I am little confused there.
I like the playfulness of Tia and Luna writing down whatsoever they wish for the sole purpose of messing with each other and the (laws of Equestria apparently?). That part was good. Sometimes, the characters need to let loose a little. Have some fun.
On the final note, the Punchline went over my head. Sorry. I don’t know what Luster Dawn and Twilight have to do with the first scene. I’m getting the vibe that Luna and Tia have published the book and Twilight wants to keep the book in the forbidden section because of its contents, but that may be completely off also.
As always, take this with a grain of salt. I’m don’t know exactly what I’m doing most times.
Thanks for Writing!
I'll admit, despite having only three entries to review this time around, every one of these stories isn't exactly in my reviewing wheelhouse, my own included. Regardless, I'll try my best to give some substantial feedback as per usual.
So, this is a lighthearted comedy about Celestia and Luna creating some sort of religion, I guess? I do concur with my fellow reviewers above that it does seem a bit unclear about what our two princesses are doing with the book, though in a sense I guess the princesses don't really know what to do with it either. I do like the playfulness of the two though— the dialogue in general is just fun all around, and is definitely the main highlight of the story.
One gripe I do have with is that the story does feel a bit rushed as it neared its end. Case in point, the decision of sending the book to Twilight for reviewing does come about quite abruptly. I feel like there's a little bit more that could be done also to have the ending serve Celestia and Luna more than it's doing currently. You know, make it a bit more personal to them, give the story a sense of purpose beyond this scene. Either way, I think most of my issues with this could definitely be solved with a more robust word count, fellow Author. Wouldn't mind reading an extended version of this.
Thanks for writing, and good luck!
So, this is a lighthearted comedy about Celestia and Luna creating some sort of religion, I guess? I do concur with my fellow reviewers above that it does seem a bit unclear about what our two princesses are doing with the book, though in a sense I guess the princesses don't really know what to do with it either. I do like the playfulness of the two though— the dialogue in general is just fun all around, and is definitely the main highlight of the story.
One gripe I do have with is that the story does feel a bit rushed as it neared its end. Case in point, the decision of sending the book to Twilight for reviewing does come about quite abruptly. I feel like there's a little bit more that could be done also to have the ending serve Celestia and Luna more than it's doing currently. You know, make it a bit more personal to them, give the story a sense of purpose beyond this scene. Either way, I think most of my issues with this could definitely be solved with a more robust word count, fellow Author. Wouldn't mind reading an extended version of this.
Thanks for writing, and good luck!
Making my best effort to review this as if I don’t know who wrote it, how it placed, et cetera. Apologies for the late review. It’s been a week here.
One thing I like here is the initial chemistry/charisma between Celestia & Luna. It’s fun to see them looking for antics to get up to post-retirement. I’m also intrigued to see the story bringing in aspects of Earth-like religions in the EqD world. This is something that I’ve done before myself and absolutely intend to continue doing because I think there’s deep and less-obvious value in exploring such things. The concept of these two sitting down and writing a holy book for themselves is funny, irreverent, and strong with potential.
I think where this breaks down for me is that there isn’t a lot of scene-setting, movement, or other compositional diversity. I scribbled the phrase “Talking Heads of the Divine” at some point while I was reading this, and I keep coming back to it as a summary of where I’m at. I like what the concept is doing, and I think it sets up the ending reasonably well, but I’d love to see the dialogue broken-up with other elements.
Granted, it’s a dialogue-heavy story, and there’s nothing wrong with that per se. Just if we’re checking in on these characters and their world after they’ve been away for a while, it’d be enjoyable to see more of where they are and what they’ve been up to.
One thing I like here is the initial chemistry/charisma between Celestia & Luna. It’s fun to see them looking for antics to get up to post-retirement. I’m also intrigued to see the story bringing in aspects of Earth-like religions in the EqD world. This is something that I’ve done before myself and absolutely intend to continue doing because I think there’s deep and less-obvious value in exploring such things. The concept of these two sitting down and writing a holy book for themselves is funny, irreverent, and strong with potential.
I think where this breaks down for me is that there isn’t a lot of scene-setting, movement, or other compositional diversity. I scribbled the phrase “Talking Heads of the Divine” at some point while I was reading this, and I keep coming back to it as a summary of where I’m at. I like what the concept is doing, and I think it sets up the ending reasonably well, but I’d love to see the dialogue broken-up with other elements.
Granted, it’s a dialogue-heavy story, and there’s nothing wrong with that per se. Just if we’re checking in on these characters and their world after they’ve been away for a while, it’d be enjoyable to see more of where they are and what they’ve been up to.