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Win the Game
Harsh lights shone in my eyes, sweat dripped down my brow, and the crowd sung and stamped their feet to the rhythm of Queen.
The captain of the enemy team stood across from me, close enough that I could smell her breath. She met my eyes and grinned, flashing her teeth. I could see how eager she was.
This was it. The culmination of all our efforts, our blood, our sweat, our tears. Everything we worked for led up to this one game.
All I had to do was win.
I could win the game to get the girl. That’s how it happened in all the movies, right? The protagonist proved that they’re worthy by saving the day at the last minute, then the girl swooned into their arms.
She was out there, watching me, cheering for me. Becky. My best friend. She believed in me, had supported me through every rough patch. She wanted me to win as badly as I did.
All I wanted was for Becky to look at me the same way I looked at her. But that would never happen. Becky was straight as an arrow. She had a boyfriend, and while that loser probably wasn’t the one, she was sure as any to achieve her apple pie dream of a successful husband, white picket fence, two kids and a dog.
No matter how good I was at basketball, there would never be a place for me by her side.
It hurt, knowing that. But I didn’t have any other choice but to accept it.
I could win the game to bring my parents together. In the past, I dreamed silly little fantasies like that one. Mom and Dad were both out there today, watching me. I’m sure they’re quite proud of their little girl. Both of them being able to make it was a minor miracle in and of itself.
But no matter how proud they were of me, no matter how far I climbed, no matter how good I was at ducking, dodging, dribbling, and shooting, nothing I could ever do would make the two of them love each other again.
Sometimes I wondered what it would be like if I could go back in time, and tell that sad little freshman who signed up for the team that her dreams would never come true.
I could win the game to secure my future. This was the big one. The state championship. We’ve crushed every other team in our path to make it this far. Winning here would open up scholarships, opportunities, a chance to make something of myself.
But was that really the right ladder to climb? Thousands and thousands of girls reach for these heights across the country. Only a few succeed. I’m good, but am I really the best? But more importantly, what’s waiting for me at the top? The WNBA? Please. I could spend years and years honing my skills to perfection, to enjoy maybe a decade of success at middling pay, only to retire with nothing else to fall back on. If I’m really lucky, I might end up on a Wheaties box.
I’m sure I’d be far better off if I focused on my education. I could get a degree in medicine, or law, or business. Hell, maybe even something STEM related, I’ve always loved computers.
I could win the game for the team.This wasn’t just about me. My teammates have been with me the entire time. I owed it to them to be the best I can be. Whatever I wanted for myself, they all had their own struggles to face.
The horn sounded, announcing the start of the game. The ball was thrown into the air and I leapt for it, fingers outstretched. The enemy captain mirrored my movements, fire burning in her eyes. This was her game too. What dreams did she have? Was I about to steal those all away?
My fingers connected first, and I slapped the ball towards my teammates. My feet hit the ground and I started running. Adrenaline coursed through my veins, and I felt myself smile.
I could win the game because I wanted to win.
The captain of the enemy team stood across from me, close enough that I could smell her breath. She met my eyes and grinned, flashing her teeth. I could see how eager she was.
This was it. The culmination of all our efforts, our blood, our sweat, our tears. Everything we worked for led up to this one game.
All I had to do was win.
I could win the game to get the girl. That’s how it happened in all the movies, right? The protagonist proved that they’re worthy by saving the day at the last minute, then the girl swooned into their arms.
She was out there, watching me, cheering for me. Becky. My best friend. She believed in me, had supported me through every rough patch. She wanted me to win as badly as I did.
All I wanted was for Becky to look at me the same way I looked at her. But that would never happen. Becky was straight as an arrow. She had a boyfriend, and while that loser probably wasn’t the one, she was sure as any to achieve her apple pie dream of a successful husband, white picket fence, two kids and a dog.
No matter how good I was at basketball, there would never be a place for me by her side.
It hurt, knowing that. But I didn’t have any other choice but to accept it.
I could win the game to bring my parents together. In the past, I dreamed silly little fantasies like that one. Mom and Dad were both out there today, watching me. I’m sure they’re quite proud of their little girl. Both of them being able to make it was a minor miracle in and of itself.
But no matter how proud they were of me, no matter how far I climbed, no matter how good I was at ducking, dodging, dribbling, and shooting, nothing I could ever do would make the two of them love each other again.
Sometimes I wondered what it would be like if I could go back in time, and tell that sad little freshman who signed up for the team that her dreams would never come true.
I could win the game to secure my future. This was the big one. The state championship. We’ve crushed every other team in our path to make it this far. Winning here would open up scholarships, opportunities, a chance to make something of myself.
But was that really the right ladder to climb? Thousands and thousands of girls reach for these heights across the country. Only a few succeed. I’m good, but am I really the best? But more importantly, what’s waiting for me at the top? The WNBA? Please. I could spend years and years honing my skills to perfection, to enjoy maybe a decade of success at middling pay, only to retire with nothing else to fall back on. If I’m really lucky, I might end up on a Wheaties box.
I’m sure I’d be far better off if I focused on my education. I could get a degree in medicine, or law, or business. Hell, maybe even something STEM related, I’ve always loved computers.
I could win the game for the team.This wasn’t just about me. My teammates have been with me the entire time. I owed it to them to be the best I can be. Whatever I wanted for myself, they all had their own struggles to face.
The horn sounded, announcing the start of the game. The ball was thrown into the air and I leapt for it, fingers outstretched. The enemy captain mirrored my movements, fire burning in her eyes. This was her game too. What dreams did she have? Was I about to steal those all away?
My fingers connected first, and I slapped the ball towards my teammates. My feet hit the ground and I started running. Adrenaline coursed through my veins, and I felt myself smile.
I could win the game because I wanted to win.
Come back in three weeks Rainbow, you're early.
Seriously though, this was a solid story of a single moment in an athlete's life and a reflection on how much their future pivots on a ballgame. The imagery is strong but I fear this one got a little caught up in the navel gazing and so lacked punch. In many ways this is the prelude to the decisive moment in the character's life, not the moment itself and that saps a lot of my enthusiasm for the piece. Does what it does well, but I'm not convinced its the right point to tell the story, if that makes sense.
Seriously though, this was a solid story of a single moment in an athlete's life and a reflection on how much their future pivots on a ballgame. The imagery is strong but I fear this one got a little caught up in the navel gazing and so lacked punch. In many ways this is the prelude to the decisive moment in the character's life, not the moment itself and that saps a lot of my enthusiasm for the piece. Does what it does well, but I'm not convinced its the right point to tell the story, if that makes sense.
A decent story, but it has a few too many flaws for me.
The first one is that I think you delay telling us what game is being played for too long. Once you started going into the first hypothetical outcome without telling us, I figured that that would be the big reveal at the end, and it would turn out that they're playing Candyland or something. But then you do give away that they're playing basketball, and I suddenly had no idea what the point of the story was. It wasn't hard to figure out what the point actually was after that, but it was still an unneeded distraction.
The next problem is with the "win to secure my future" part. She acts like the only way that basketball can help her in the future is if she eventually joins the WNBA. But immediately before that she mentions that she could get a scholarship for playing basketball, and immediately afterwards she talks about her schooling being important. Well, why not win the game to get a scholarship to pay your way through school? She does say she should focus on her education, but it feels to me like she mostly ignores this point.
Furthermore, by the time the state championship game is happening, she should probably have already made a decision on this point. Colleges would be sending out acceptance letters at around this time, and I would expect her to have taken "will I play basketball for this school" into consideration back when she was applying, unless she had already decided that she wasn't going to. But I never played sports in high school, so I could be making some incorrect assumptions here.
Then there's the "win for my team" part. This one is lot shorter than her other thoughts, which isn't a problem in and of itself. The problem is that she never dismisses this idea like she does the others. So it seems like that's the reason she's settled on, which is perfectly fine. But then, at the very end, she gives a new reason that she has apparently decided on. So I suppose the problem is really that this thought breaks the format of the others for no clear reason.
Finally, I have to echo what >>billymorph said about this seeming like the prelude to the decisive moment instead of the moment itself. The parts at the beginning about standing near the opposing captain made me think that this was probably taking place before the opening tip, but the thoughts and emotions the narrator has don't seem to match that. I would expect these sorts of thoughts while she was preparing to take a game-winning foul shot or something. Not because she wouldn't be thinking about her motivations before the game began, but because the opening tip is, at most, a tiny bit of intensity followed by thirty minutes of mostly relatively low-intensity action. It's building up an emotional high, but that's not going to be carried through the rest of the game and will quickly calm down.
It's a bit like telling a story about a little girl who's really excited to finally go to Disneyland, but at the end you reveal that the story is taking place as the family packs up their car for a twelve hour drive. It's not a perfect analogy, but it's the first thing that came to my mind. (And actually, that could be an amusing story, but it's not the sort of thing you're going for here.)
I don't dislike this story as much as I'm probably making it seem. I don't think it's bad, just a bit flawed. And as someone who usually doesn't care much about sports, the fact that you got me to write this much about a sports story is a bit impressive.
The first one is that I think you delay telling us what game is being played for too long. Once you started going into the first hypothetical outcome without telling us, I figured that that would be the big reveal at the end, and it would turn out that they're playing Candyland or something. But then you do give away that they're playing basketball, and I suddenly had no idea what the point of the story was. It wasn't hard to figure out what the point actually was after that, but it was still an unneeded distraction.
The next problem is with the "win to secure my future" part. She acts like the only way that basketball can help her in the future is if she eventually joins the WNBA. But immediately before that she mentions that she could get a scholarship for playing basketball, and immediately afterwards she talks about her schooling being important. Well, why not win the game to get a scholarship to pay your way through school? She does say she should focus on her education, but it feels to me like she mostly ignores this point.
Furthermore, by the time the state championship game is happening, she should probably have already made a decision on this point. Colleges would be sending out acceptance letters at around this time, and I would expect her to have taken "will I play basketball for this school" into consideration back when she was applying, unless she had already decided that she wasn't going to. But I never played sports in high school, so I could be making some incorrect assumptions here.
Then there's the "win for my team" part. This one is lot shorter than her other thoughts, which isn't a problem in and of itself. The problem is that she never dismisses this idea like she does the others. So it seems like that's the reason she's settled on, which is perfectly fine. But then, at the very end, she gives a new reason that she has apparently decided on. So I suppose the problem is really that this thought breaks the format of the others for no clear reason.
Finally, I have to echo what >>billymorph said about this seeming like the prelude to the decisive moment instead of the moment itself. The parts at the beginning about standing near the opposing captain made me think that this was probably taking place before the opening tip, but the thoughts and emotions the narrator has don't seem to match that. I would expect these sorts of thoughts while she was preparing to take a game-winning foul shot or something. Not because she wouldn't be thinking about her motivations before the game began, but because the opening tip is, at most, a tiny bit of intensity followed by thirty minutes of mostly relatively low-intensity action. It's building up an emotional high, but that's not going to be carried through the rest of the game and will quickly calm down.
It's a bit like telling a story about a little girl who's really excited to finally go to Disneyland, but at the end you reveal that the story is taking place as the family packs up their car for a twelve hour drive. It's not a perfect analogy, but it's the first thing that came to my mind. (And actually, that could be an amusing story, but it's not the sort of thing you're going for here.)
I don't dislike this story as much as I'm probably making it seem. I don't think it's bad, just a bit flawed. And as someone who usually doesn't care much about sports, the fact that you got me to write this much about a sports story is a bit impressive.
This story is tell-y, but I guess that's the nature of it when it all takes place in a few seconds in a basketball player's head.
I wasn't really engaged. I didn't really know where this story was going until [I could win the game to bring my parents together.] when I first sensed the pattern. First of all, that line took me out of it because this player was previously talking about her crush, and then all of a sudden starts talking about her parents. And then, it was a bit boring. This is a bit of a dive into the mind of a star high school sports player thinking about her future, which, in each of the scenarios or ways she could win, it wasn't all that surprising or interesting. Yeah, okay, she can't win for her crush, she can't bring her parents together...
Which, really, this story dove into all the reasons she didn't want to win, and then ended on the only reason she wanted to win, which was simply to win. I don't know if I have a problem with this. It just feels a bit too simple, perhaps, and not character-defining enough. Then again, it explores a bit of her character when she discusses the things she can't win in...
All I mean to say is that I wasn't engaged, and I'm not sure why, so the above is a bit of speculation.
I wasn't really engaged. I didn't really know where this story was going until [I could win the game to bring my parents together.] when I first sensed the pattern. First of all, that line took me out of it because this player was previously talking about her crush, and then all of a sudden starts talking about her parents. And then, it was a bit boring. This is a bit of a dive into the mind of a star high school sports player thinking about her future, which, in each of the scenarios or ways she could win, it wasn't all that surprising or interesting. Yeah, okay, she can't win for her crush, she can't bring her parents together...
Which, really, this story dove into all the reasons she didn't want to win, and then ended on the only reason she wanted to win, which was simply to win. I don't know if I have a problem with this. It just feels a bit too simple, perhaps, and not character-defining enough. Then again, it explores a bit of her character when she discusses the things she can't win in...
All I mean to say is that I wasn't engaged, and I'm not sure why, so the above is a bit of speculation.
*skips other reviews*
Hmmm.. Not much to say about this one. It's not bad, and it's technically competent... But I'm afraid that the character just doesn't speak to me. It's like.. A list of tropes being debunked in the shape of a story. You don't get the girl, your parents don't magically fall back into love, you're not going to be a superstar... And the other team isn't a bunch of mindless jerks, but other human beings with their own hopes and dreams. (I particularly liked that part, I'll admit... The recognition that her opponent isn't that different from her... And probably isn't a bad person, per se.) Aside from that however, it just sorta... failed to fire up my imagination. Not a particularly useful review, I know, but I that's the best I can do I'm afraid. Sorry!
Hmmm.. Not much to say about this one. It's not bad, and it's technically competent... But I'm afraid that the character just doesn't speak to me. It's like.. A list of tropes being debunked in the shape of a story. You don't get the girl, your parents don't magically fall back into love, you're not going to be a superstar... And the other team isn't a bunch of mindless jerks, but other human beings with their own hopes and dreams. (I particularly liked that part, I'll admit... The recognition that her opponent isn't that different from her... And probably isn't a bad person, per se.) Aside from that however, it just sorta... failed to fire up my imagination. Not a particularly useful review, I know, but I that's the best I can do I'm afraid. Sorry!