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The Cutie Mark Crusaders Create a Compost Pile
Cheerilee placed the chalk back on the tray, turning and smiling at the class.
"And that's why composting is so important!"
The class was filled with the sounds of pencils scratching at papers as students diligently took notes. Cheerilee sat down at her desk and pulled out a stack of papers to sort when she saw three particular fillies turn to face each other. She felt an old, familiar dread begin to set in.
Apple Bloom grinned at her friends. "Are you girls thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"
They jumped out of their chairs, uniting in an epic hoofbump and shouting, "Cutie Mark Crusader Compost Pilers, yay!" before falling on their desks.
Diamond Tiara quirked a brow. "Why did you do that? I mean, you three have your cutie marks now."
Sweetie Belle glanced at her. "Yeah, but we've been feeling nostalgic lately,” she said, finishing with a smile that quickly fell to a wince and a groan.
Cheerilee sighed and rubbed the side of her head, idly wondering how much trouble she'd get in if she started stocking some of her sister's vintage in her desk.
Cheerilee walked through Ponyville, feeling refreshed after a nice, quiet weekend. As the school came into view, the relaxation fled from her mind as she saw the Cutie Mark Crusaders in front of a wooden crate. Dread and tension set in as the stench hit her.
As she walked up, Scootaloo beamed and pointed at the crate. "Look, Ms. Cheerilee! We're composting!"
Cheerilee took a deep breath to brace herself, but immediately regretted it as she gagged. "Girls, I appreciate the enthusiasm, but you can't start a compost pile right next to the school."
"What? Why not?" Scootaloo asked.
Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. "Because it'll smell bad. I already told you that!"
Scootaloo glared at her. "And I told you it doesn't make sense! How can something that does good stuff not smell good? You must've done something wrong!"
Cheerilee chuckled nervously, hoping to head off the brewing argument. "Sweetie Belle is right, Scootaloo. Composting is just going to smell."
Sweetie Belle smirked and turned her head up in a move Rarity would surely praise. "See?"
Scootaloo crossed her forelegs and pouted. "Whatever."
Sweetie Belle blew a raspberry at Scootaloo, who in turn growled and tackled Sweetie to the ground. Sweetie shrieked and tried to push the (not actually all that) aggressive pegasus off of her.
Apple Bloom stepped up next to Cheerilee and shook her head. "What a couple of knuckleheads." She chuckled and looked up at her teacher. "Guess that's just how foals are, huh, Ms. Cheerilee?"
Cheerilee looked between the yellow filly at her side and the two bickering fillies in front of her and sighed as she felt an all too familiar headache setting in. A glance in her saddlebags confirmed that she had brought that vintage with her today.
"And that's why composting is so important!"
The class was filled with the sounds of pencils scratching at papers as students diligently took notes. Cheerilee sat down at her desk and pulled out a stack of papers to sort when she saw three particular fillies turn to face each other. She felt an old, familiar dread begin to set in.
Apple Bloom grinned at her friends. "Are you girls thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"
They jumped out of their chairs, uniting in an epic hoofbump and shouting, "Cutie Mark Crusader Compost Pilers, yay!" before falling on their desks.
Diamond Tiara quirked a brow. "Why did you do that? I mean, you three have your cutie marks now."
Sweetie Belle glanced at her. "Yeah, but we've been feeling nostalgic lately,” she said, finishing with a smile that quickly fell to a wince and a groan.
Cheerilee sighed and rubbed the side of her head, idly wondering how much trouble she'd get in if she started stocking some of her sister's vintage in her desk.
Cheerilee walked through Ponyville, feeling refreshed after a nice, quiet weekend. As the school came into view, the relaxation fled from her mind as she saw the Cutie Mark Crusaders in front of a wooden crate. Dread and tension set in as the stench hit her.
As she walked up, Scootaloo beamed and pointed at the crate. "Look, Ms. Cheerilee! We're composting!"
Cheerilee took a deep breath to brace herself, but immediately regretted it as she gagged. "Girls, I appreciate the enthusiasm, but you can't start a compost pile right next to the school."
"What? Why not?" Scootaloo asked.
Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. "Because it'll smell bad. I already told you that!"
Scootaloo glared at her. "And I told you it doesn't make sense! How can something that does good stuff not smell good? You must've done something wrong!"
Cheerilee chuckled nervously, hoping to head off the brewing argument. "Sweetie Belle is right, Scootaloo. Composting is just going to smell."
Sweetie Belle smirked and turned her head up in a move Rarity would surely praise. "See?"
Scootaloo crossed her forelegs and pouted. "Whatever."
Sweetie Belle blew a raspberry at Scootaloo, who in turn growled and tackled Sweetie to the ground. Sweetie shrieked and tried to push the (not actually all that) aggressive pegasus off of her.
Apple Bloom stepped up next to Cheerilee and shook her head. "What a couple of knuckleheads." She chuckled and looked up at her teacher. "Guess that's just how foals are, huh, Ms. Cheerilee?"
Cheerilee looked between the yellow filly at her side and the two bickering fillies in front of her and sighed as she felt an all too familiar headache setting in. A glance in her saddlebags confirmed that she had brought that vintage with her today.
In solidarity with Cheerilee: why?
It's not really about the CMC who do a thing then bicker, it's not really about Cheerilee who finally caves to the stress and brings alcohol to work, it's not really about the compost... Why? Setting-wise, the observation about already having their cutie marks is superfluous -- these events could reasonably take place at any point after Season 1 and the founding of the Crusaders.
As a side note, I was tickled that the title's initialism, CMCCCP, contains as a substring the Cyrillic for the USSR (CCCP).
It's not really about the CMC who do a thing then bicker, it's not really about Cheerilee who finally caves to the stress and brings alcohol to work, it's not really about the compost... Why? Setting-wise, the observation about already having their cutie marks is superfluous -- these events could reasonably take place at any point after Season 1 and the founding of the Crusaders.
As a side note, I was tickled that the title's initialism, CMCCCP, contains as a substring the Cyrillic for the USSR (CCCP).
There is a disconcerting lack of Cheerilee fics in the world, so you've won brownie points from me for writing one. The voices here sound strong, and the prose does a great job of getting out of the way and letting the events unfold.
I have to admit, though, that this one didn't have an awful lot of payoff for me. It kind of structures itself as a comedy, but there are only two jokes here—the fact that compost smells, and casting Cheerilee as a daydrinking teacher. Both of these ideas have potential, but we only really get a very surface-level exploration of them.
In terms of conflict arc, I'm also having trouble feeling satisfied. There's a mini-arc about Scootaloo learning that compost does stink, and there's another about Cheerilee deciding to bring booze to class. But neither one feels very developed, because in the case of the first, the solution/answer is too obvious to the reader and in the case of the second, it feels a little like a repetition of the same joke that we ended the first scene on.
So in the end, I think this piece needs some refocusing for its payoff to work correctly. For example, I can see a ridiculous physical comedy involving the CMC gathering the compost, or a character-based comedy focusing on Cheerilee's growing "I-can't-deal-with-this-shit"-ness. Right now, you might be spreading yourself a little to thin for the scale of a minific, which makes the jokes feel sparse.I think if you laser-focus on the aspect of this situation that you find the most humorous, you'll be able to squeeze out a lot more laughs-per-word with the concept you have here.
Thanks for writing!
I have to admit, though, that this one didn't have an awful lot of payoff for me. It kind of structures itself as a comedy, but there are only two jokes here—the fact that compost smells, and casting Cheerilee as a daydrinking teacher. Both of these ideas have potential, but we only really get a very surface-level exploration of them.
In terms of conflict arc, I'm also having trouble feeling satisfied. There's a mini-arc about Scootaloo learning that compost does stink, and there's another about Cheerilee deciding to bring booze to class. But neither one feels very developed, because in the case of the first, the solution/answer is too obvious to the reader and in the case of the second, it feels a little like a repetition of the same joke that we ended the first scene on.
So in the end, I think this piece needs some refocusing for its payoff to work correctly. For example, I can see a ridiculous physical comedy involving the CMC gathering the compost, or a character-based comedy focusing on Cheerilee's growing "I-can't-deal-with-this-shit"-ness. Right now, you might be spreading yourself a little to thin for the scale of a minific, which makes the jokes feel sparse.I think if you laser-focus on the aspect of this situation that you find the most humorous, you'll be able to squeeze out a lot more laughs-per-word with the concept you have here.
Thanks for writing!
Yeah, this is a little aimless.
A compost pile, by itself, isn't that funny. It has humor potential, but just saying "they're making a compost pile" doesn't really bring it out. And Cheerilee perceiving this as a reason to drink when the CMC have, frankly, done so much worse... I dunno. This needs to be more absurd, I think. You don't have a lot of space and you waste a lot of it on things that are very normal rather than funny and then there isn't really a climax of any kind, or even much of a punchline.
A compost pile, by itself, isn't that funny. It has humor potential, but just saying "they're making a compost pile" doesn't really bring it out. And Cheerilee perceiving this as a reason to drink when the CMC have, frankly, done so much worse... I dunno. This needs to be more absurd, I think. You don't have a lot of space and you waste a lot of it on things that are very normal rather than funny and then there isn't really a climax of any kind, or even much of a punchline.
Genre: S1-S2-ish
Thoughts: I enjoyed the first half or three-quarters of this greatly. The prose is cracking, and the shenanigans are promising. Cheerilee considering bringing alcohol to school to handle dealing with the CMCs is a good joke and I don’t care what anyone else says. The self-awareness of the whole thing was a delightful cherry on top.
Let me be blunt with my “but” here, though: right now it kind of just ends, as opposed to ending somewhere. But Author, I have significant faith in your ability to stick that landing a little better when this jumps to FimFiction. It’s otherwise A-class, top-tier writing and light comedy. Thank you sir, I’d like another!
Tier: Almost There
Thoughts: I enjoyed the first half or three-quarters of this greatly. The prose is cracking, and the shenanigans are promising. Cheerilee considering bringing alcohol to school to handle dealing with the CMCs is a good joke and I don’t care what anyone else says. The self-awareness of the whole thing was a delightful cherry on top.
Let me be blunt with my “but” here, though: right now it kind of just ends, as opposed to ending somewhere. But Author, I have significant faith in your ability to stick that landing a little better when this jumps to FimFiction. It’s otherwise A-class, top-tier writing and light comedy. Thank you sir, I’d like another!
Tier: Almost There