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A Bit More Cozy, A Little Less Glow
It was a beautiful day in Canterlot. With summer break having just started, many youths could be seen walking around the various stores in the downtown shopping district enjoying themselves. Sitting at an outdoor table in front of a tea shop was Sunset Shimmer, idly watching the shoppers pass by with her head resting on her hand. A large straw rested on the end of her lips as she occasionally took sips from her Boba Tea, hoping that it’s calming taste would alleviate her exasperation. It was only mildly working.
“Everything is going to work out fine, Twilight.” Sunset turned to look at the fidgeting girl across from her. “The girls and I have it covered and even if we do have a problem, you are just a hop, skip and portal dive away. So, relax.”
Twilight, holding a Boba Tea herself though seemingly immune to any calming effect, continued to sift through and look over the various papers scattered on the table in front of her.
“I can’t relax, this is too important for anything to go wrong.”
Sunset reached across the table and took the frantic hand in hers, which finally caused Twilight to look up for the first time in several minutes.
“I know, that’s why we have prepared as well as possible. Look, “Sunset lifted a page from the stack, “we even triple checked the list. Even the part that says to double check. That’s six checks, Twilight! I’ve read this list so many times the words are starting to not look like words anymore.” Sunset gave a sarcastic grin.
Twilight lowered her head and sighed. “I’m sorry, it’s just that there is so much at stake here and with tomorrow being the day I am getting nervous.” Even with the evidence of all their preparation sitting in front of her, the worry wouldn’t abate for the newest princess.
Sunset gave a comforting squeeze the purple hand, waiting for Twilight to look up again. She searched the eyes across form her, worry written on her face. “This is about more than just Cozy Glow, isn’t it?”
Twilight shrugged as she pulled her hand free in order to wrap it together with her other one. “No, but also yes. I am nervous about bringing Cozy over here and all the possible trouble it could create for you and the girls. Also, a bit about whether she can change while over here, as I don’t like the idea that a foal that young is so far gone as to not be able to change.” Twilight gripped her arm with her right hand. “But my biggest worry is Prin…Celestia.”
Sunset’s eyes widened, not expecting that answer. She held herself back from asking and gave Twilight time. After a few moments of biting her lip in worry, Twilight continued.
“When Cozy Glow and the others were defeated and turned to stone, I saw the way Celestia looked at her. I’ve never seen her look so angry. But even more, I also saw her fear. I don’t think Celestia chose the punishment she did because it was the right punishment.” Twilight looked away. “I think she did it because she was scared.”
“What do you mean?” Sunset asked.
“Before those three took over, things were already falling apart. Chrysalis had been disguising herself and creating distrust between the pony races. When they finally stepped out and made their attack, the nation was completely divided. It took all our efforts to reunite them again in order to put up resistance. And that was only because of the personal relationships my friends and I had with various ponies and races that it even worked. Had we been captured, it’s likely everpony would have stayed divided and we would have lost everything.”
“So Celestia was angry and scared because they almost succeeded?”
Twilight shook her head, “I know Chrysalis, and while she is capable using a pony’s emotions against themselves, and is more than willing to turn ponies against each other, she is too conceited to have thought about turning the races against each other. She would have used it before if she had thought of it, but she saw ponykind as one entity that was beneath her.”
She took a steadying breath, “No, I think the plan had to come from somepony else. Somepony who knew how friendship works but didn’t believe in its values. Somepony who knew how to manipulate, and scheme based upon a pony’s nature.” Twilight looked at Sunset, “I think it was Cozy Glow, and I think that’s why Celestia is terrified of her.”
Sunset’s brow furrowed in concentration. After parsing what Twilight had told her and organizing her thoughts, she returned Twilight’s gaze. “Ok, I can understand her being concerned about that, but what makes you think it’s just Cozy Glow and not all three of them? Why is Cozy the scary one?”
“I have been giving it a lot of thought ever since they were sentenced. Wondering what made this attempt at a takeover so different from all the ones in the past. And I think it was magic.”
Sunset tilted her head in confusion, “Magic?”
Twilight nodded, “Yes, or well, the absence of magic. All the villains we had faced tried to take over with magic, and once they lost their magic then they would no longer be a threat. While magic was also used this time, it wasn’t what allowed them to almost succeed. If you remove Queen Chrysalis’s and Tirek’s magic, then they are easy to handle and imprison. But Cozy Glow is just as dangerous with out magic as she is with it. Even if Celestia removed her magic s..”
“…she would still be threat,” Sunset interrupted. “I think I understand now. Cozy Glow’s plan showed that ponies were not as united as we would like to believe.”
Twilight nodded, “Exactly, it revealed that it is surprising easy to cause distrust among the races. And even after a thousand years, Celestia hadn’t tied together the nation as tightly as she had thought. If even a thousand years of peaceful cohabitation wasn’t enough, what could we possibly change in the immediate future to prevent it?”
“It makes perfect since, now.” Sunset slumped in her chair. “Celestia’s greatest weakness has always been those who wouldn’t concede to her reputation and status, but would instead challenge her views. She's so used to being seen as the all wise leader that she has lost the ability to persuade. It’s why I ended up going so far down the wrong path once I started. Because I stopped seeing her as my superior, her suggestions were no longer effective.”
“That’s my thoughts also.” Twilight grimaced, “And now it turns out that Celestia wasn’t just the ruler of Equestria, she was basically the only thing that held it together. Pony’s unwavering trust in her leadership allowed them to live in harmony with one another. Take that away and the harmony crumbles. Cozy Glow is the greatest threat precisely because she had the drive and special talent to undermine that.”
Both Twilight and Sunset sat in silence. The bright clear sky and laughter of shoppers surrounding them felt at odds with the serious implications just discussed. After five minutes of silent thought, Sunset sat up straight again. She cleared he throat to grab Twilight’s attention.
“Ok, so I understand how big of a threat Cozy Glow can be, but isn’t that why we are being so careful in rehabilitating her? Her cutie mark won’t have any affect over here and while she can be manipulative, I know how to see through that.” Sunset put on a smug look, “I mean, I might have turned to bribery and blackmail out of convenience in my later bullying days, but my first couple years here I was all about manipulating people to do what I want.”
Twilight burst into giggles.
Having broken the heavy atmosphere Sunset smiled, “So what’s the big worry about Celestia? Is she going to pass on her vacation and spend it over here secretly spying on Cozy?”
Twilight’s expression immediately turned worried again. “She uh…she doesn’t know that I’m doing this,” she looked away again.
“Wait, what!? You didn’t tell her you are releasing Cozy?”
Twilight took a moment to take a deep breath before looking back at Sunset. “As I am now ruler, it is my decision to make. I don’t believe that keeping Cozy Glow stuck as a statue for years is the most appropriate action, so I have organized one I think will have better results.”
Sunset continued to stare at her.
“Ahem…I also don’t think Celestia is in the right state of mind to make this decision. If Cozy Glow starts to show improvement then I will write a letter and tell her, and if not, I can return her to the statue.” Twilight took on a hard look of determination.
Sunset raised her hands in acquiescence. “I’m not questioning your actions, Twilight, I just wanted to hear the reason. I’m fully on board with second and even third chances, especially considering Cozy Glow’s second chance wasn’t really a chance at all. And as someone who has also lied, manipulated and harnessed dark magic all to take my teachers place, I think we have a bit in common.” Sunset smiled out of the side of her mouth. “If you are sure this is the right way to go about it, I trust your judgement.”
“Thank you, Sunset. I really believe this is the best course of action.”
Sunset leaned back and took a drink from her warming tea. “So, if Cozy Glow being here is supposed to be a secret, how are you going to cover up her missing from the fearsome threesome exhibit?”
“I had a duplicate statue made. The real statue will be in a hidden room inside the castle. Even if I wasn’t attempting this, I learned my lesson with Discord that keeping statues containing past foes in public places is a bad idea.” Twilight rolled her eyes as Sunset snorted into her straw.
After several minutes, Twilight broke the companionable silence. “Thanks for meeting me today, Sunset. Maybe we didn’t need to meet four…”
“Five.”
“…five times to review things, but I feel better now.”
Sunset got up and walked to the other side of the table, pulling Twilight into a hug. “As my sometimes neurotic but mostly awesome teacher and friend has taught me, 'a friend in need is a friend indeed'.”
Both girls laughed and hugged tighter.
Cozy Glow continued to stare at herself in the statue mirror. This form unnerved her as it was all the worst parts of Tirek with none of the good. I mean, at least his ugly half had horns. A few steps away Princess Twilight was giving hugs and saying goodbye to a group of creatures who had oddly recognizable appearances, including one that looked just like Princess Twilight. Cozy was annoyed by the gag inducing sight, but that was only a slight annoyance considering how the past twelve hours had gone.
She had woken up in a windowless room that looked as if it had been undisturbed for a long time. Dust covered the various boxes and unused furniture situated around the room, and behind her was her former allies still frozen in stone. As she regained her bearings, she recognized the form of Princess Twilight standing before her and immediately hate seethed through her. Oh, she had wanted to attack here then and there, but Cozy Glow was no fool. She knew she wasn’t the match of a teenage geek, much less an alicorn princess. Faking a coughing fit, she use the time grasp the likely situation she was in and formulated a course of action.
Before Twilight had even said a word, Cozy Glow started to cry and latched onto her front canon. Having the words, ‘I’m sorry’, come out of her mouth made her want to vomit but she powered through, repeating it over and over for effect. When the princess didn’t immediately turn her back to stone but instead motioned for her to follow, she knew she had a way out.
Now though, after following through that strange mirror and being informed she would be in the custody of these gross creatures, Cozy was less certain. But that doubt was soon alleviated as she found out the princess was not staying. She couldn’t help but sneer inwardly while her face continued to look repentant. Once the annoying princess was gone, she could slowly manipulate these fools into doing what she wanted. Cozy had never been discouraged by a setback, and that’s what this was, merely a setback. When she had a better understanding of this world and how the portal work, she could formulate her revenge plan.
Keeping on her best behavior, she waited for Princess Twilight to give once last look before disappearing into the statue base. After that, the red and yellow maned creature approached her.
“Alright, Cozy Glow. As Princess Twilight has already explained, my name is Sunset Shimmer and I will be your jailer, warden and parole officer all rolled up into one. I have complete authority for your care on this side so it’s best if you follow exactly what I say. Is that clear?”
Cozy almost laughed in her face, but instead forced herself nod while looking down. “I understand Miss Sunset. I know I am in big trouble.” She rubbed her eyes hard to help force some tears before looking up at Sunset. “I’m really, really sorry for everything I did. Queen Chrysalis and Tirek were making me do bad things and I was so scared I didn’t have the courage to tell them no. I wanted to tell the princesses, but they turned me to stone before I could even explain.” Cozy Glow laughed inside when she saw Sunset’s eyebrows pull together in pity. Another easy to manipulate fool.
Bending over to better look her in the eyes, Sunset reached out her hand with a large smile. Cozy Glow took her hand and returned the smile, already celebrating her first step towards revenge. Just as she was thinking of her next move, the necklace dangling from Sunset’s neck glowed and her eyes shined a bright white. It lasted only a few seconds before returning to normal. Cozy Glow leaned back and her eyes widened in shocked confusion.
“You’re a pretty good actress and had it been anyone else they might have fallen for it,” Sunset said, her smiling growing even larger and looking a bit more menacing, “but you can’t beat me, I cheat.”
Cozy Glow’s smiled instantly fell as she looked on wide eyed. She felt Sunset’s hand on her back as she was pushed towards the group that was waiting off to the side.
“I think the first lesson on the docket is honesty. Right now, though, let’s go introduce you to your teachers.”
“Everything is going to work out fine, Twilight.” Sunset turned to look at the fidgeting girl across from her. “The girls and I have it covered and even if we do have a problem, you are just a hop, skip and portal dive away. So, relax.”
Twilight, holding a Boba Tea herself though seemingly immune to any calming effect, continued to sift through and look over the various papers scattered on the table in front of her.
“I can’t relax, this is too important for anything to go wrong.”
Sunset reached across the table and took the frantic hand in hers, which finally caused Twilight to look up for the first time in several minutes.
“I know, that’s why we have prepared as well as possible. Look, “Sunset lifted a page from the stack, “we even triple checked the list. Even the part that says to double check. That’s six checks, Twilight! I’ve read this list so many times the words are starting to not look like words anymore.” Sunset gave a sarcastic grin.
Twilight lowered her head and sighed. “I’m sorry, it’s just that there is so much at stake here and with tomorrow being the day I am getting nervous.” Even with the evidence of all their preparation sitting in front of her, the worry wouldn’t abate for the newest princess.
Sunset gave a comforting squeeze the purple hand, waiting for Twilight to look up again. She searched the eyes across form her, worry written on her face. “This is about more than just Cozy Glow, isn’t it?”
Twilight shrugged as she pulled her hand free in order to wrap it together with her other one. “No, but also yes. I am nervous about bringing Cozy over here and all the possible trouble it could create for you and the girls. Also, a bit about whether she can change while over here, as I don’t like the idea that a foal that young is so far gone as to not be able to change.” Twilight gripped her arm with her right hand. “But my biggest worry is Prin…Celestia.”
Sunset’s eyes widened, not expecting that answer. She held herself back from asking and gave Twilight time. After a few moments of biting her lip in worry, Twilight continued.
“When Cozy Glow and the others were defeated and turned to stone, I saw the way Celestia looked at her. I’ve never seen her look so angry. But even more, I also saw her fear. I don’t think Celestia chose the punishment she did because it was the right punishment.” Twilight looked away. “I think she did it because she was scared.”
“What do you mean?” Sunset asked.
“Before those three took over, things were already falling apart. Chrysalis had been disguising herself and creating distrust between the pony races. When they finally stepped out and made their attack, the nation was completely divided. It took all our efforts to reunite them again in order to put up resistance. And that was only because of the personal relationships my friends and I had with various ponies and races that it even worked. Had we been captured, it’s likely everpony would have stayed divided and we would have lost everything.”
“So Celestia was angry and scared because they almost succeeded?”
Twilight shook her head, “I know Chrysalis, and while she is capable using a pony’s emotions against themselves, and is more than willing to turn ponies against each other, she is too conceited to have thought about turning the races against each other. She would have used it before if she had thought of it, but she saw ponykind as one entity that was beneath her.”
She took a steadying breath, “No, I think the plan had to come from somepony else. Somepony who knew how friendship works but didn’t believe in its values. Somepony who knew how to manipulate, and scheme based upon a pony’s nature.” Twilight looked at Sunset, “I think it was Cozy Glow, and I think that’s why Celestia is terrified of her.”
Sunset’s brow furrowed in concentration. After parsing what Twilight had told her and organizing her thoughts, she returned Twilight’s gaze. “Ok, I can understand her being concerned about that, but what makes you think it’s just Cozy Glow and not all three of them? Why is Cozy the scary one?”
“I have been giving it a lot of thought ever since they were sentenced. Wondering what made this attempt at a takeover so different from all the ones in the past. And I think it was magic.”
Sunset tilted her head in confusion, “Magic?”
Twilight nodded, “Yes, or well, the absence of magic. All the villains we had faced tried to take over with magic, and once they lost their magic then they would no longer be a threat. While magic was also used this time, it wasn’t what allowed them to almost succeed. If you remove Queen Chrysalis’s and Tirek’s magic, then they are easy to handle and imprison. But Cozy Glow is just as dangerous with out magic as she is with it. Even if Celestia removed her magic s..”
“…she would still be threat,” Sunset interrupted. “I think I understand now. Cozy Glow’s plan showed that ponies were not as united as we would like to believe.”
Twilight nodded, “Exactly, it revealed that it is surprising easy to cause distrust among the races. And even after a thousand years, Celestia hadn’t tied together the nation as tightly as she had thought. If even a thousand years of peaceful cohabitation wasn’t enough, what could we possibly change in the immediate future to prevent it?”
“It makes perfect since, now.” Sunset slumped in her chair. “Celestia’s greatest weakness has always been those who wouldn’t concede to her reputation and status, but would instead challenge her views. She's so used to being seen as the all wise leader that she has lost the ability to persuade. It’s why I ended up going so far down the wrong path once I started. Because I stopped seeing her as my superior, her suggestions were no longer effective.”
“That’s my thoughts also.” Twilight grimaced, “And now it turns out that Celestia wasn’t just the ruler of Equestria, she was basically the only thing that held it together. Pony’s unwavering trust in her leadership allowed them to live in harmony with one another. Take that away and the harmony crumbles. Cozy Glow is the greatest threat precisely because she had the drive and special talent to undermine that.”
Both Twilight and Sunset sat in silence. The bright clear sky and laughter of shoppers surrounding them felt at odds with the serious implications just discussed. After five minutes of silent thought, Sunset sat up straight again. She cleared he throat to grab Twilight’s attention.
“Ok, so I understand how big of a threat Cozy Glow can be, but isn’t that why we are being so careful in rehabilitating her? Her cutie mark won’t have any affect over here and while she can be manipulative, I know how to see through that.” Sunset put on a smug look, “I mean, I might have turned to bribery and blackmail out of convenience in my later bullying days, but my first couple years here I was all about manipulating people to do what I want.”
Twilight burst into giggles.
Having broken the heavy atmosphere Sunset smiled, “So what’s the big worry about Celestia? Is she going to pass on her vacation and spend it over here secretly spying on Cozy?”
Twilight’s expression immediately turned worried again. “She uh…she doesn’t know that I’m doing this,” she looked away again.
“Wait, what!? You didn’t tell her you are releasing Cozy?”
Twilight took a moment to take a deep breath before looking back at Sunset. “As I am now ruler, it is my decision to make. I don’t believe that keeping Cozy Glow stuck as a statue for years is the most appropriate action, so I have organized one I think will have better results.”
Sunset continued to stare at her.
“Ahem…I also don’t think Celestia is in the right state of mind to make this decision. If Cozy Glow starts to show improvement then I will write a letter and tell her, and if not, I can return her to the statue.” Twilight took on a hard look of determination.
Sunset raised her hands in acquiescence. “I’m not questioning your actions, Twilight, I just wanted to hear the reason. I’m fully on board with second and even third chances, especially considering Cozy Glow’s second chance wasn’t really a chance at all. And as someone who has also lied, manipulated and harnessed dark magic all to take my teachers place, I think we have a bit in common.” Sunset smiled out of the side of her mouth. “If you are sure this is the right way to go about it, I trust your judgement.”
“Thank you, Sunset. I really believe this is the best course of action.”
Sunset leaned back and took a drink from her warming tea. “So, if Cozy Glow being here is supposed to be a secret, how are you going to cover up her missing from the fearsome threesome exhibit?”
“I had a duplicate statue made. The real statue will be in a hidden room inside the castle. Even if I wasn’t attempting this, I learned my lesson with Discord that keeping statues containing past foes in public places is a bad idea.” Twilight rolled her eyes as Sunset snorted into her straw.
After several minutes, Twilight broke the companionable silence. “Thanks for meeting me today, Sunset. Maybe we didn’t need to meet four…”
“Five.”
“…five times to review things, but I feel better now.”
Sunset got up and walked to the other side of the table, pulling Twilight into a hug. “As my sometimes neurotic but mostly awesome teacher and friend has taught me, 'a friend in need is a friend indeed'.”
Both girls laughed and hugged tighter.
Cozy Glow continued to stare at herself in the statue mirror. This form unnerved her as it was all the worst parts of Tirek with none of the good. I mean, at least his ugly half had horns. A few steps away Princess Twilight was giving hugs and saying goodbye to a group of creatures who had oddly recognizable appearances, including one that looked just like Princess Twilight. Cozy was annoyed by the gag inducing sight, but that was only a slight annoyance considering how the past twelve hours had gone.
She had woken up in a windowless room that looked as if it had been undisturbed for a long time. Dust covered the various boxes and unused furniture situated around the room, and behind her was her former allies still frozen in stone. As she regained her bearings, she recognized the form of Princess Twilight standing before her and immediately hate seethed through her. Oh, she had wanted to attack here then and there, but Cozy Glow was no fool. She knew she wasn’t the match of a teenage geek, much less an alicorn princess. Faking a coughing fit, she use the time grasp the likely situation she was in and formulated a course of action.
Before Twilight had even said a word, Cozy Glow started to cry and latched onto her front canon. Having the words, ‘I’m sorry’, come out of her mouth made her want to vomit but she powered through, repeating it over and over for effect. When the princess didn’t immediately turn her back to stone but instead motioned for her to follow, she knew she had a way out.
Now though, after following through that strange mirror and being informed she would be in the custody of these gross creatures, Cozy was less certain. But that doubt was soon alleviated as she found out the princess was not staying. She couldn’t help but sneer inwardly while her face continued to look repentant. Once the annoying princess was gone, she could slowly manipulate these fools into doing what she wanted. Cozy had never been discouraged by a setback, and that’s what this was, merely a setback. When she had a better understanding of this world and how the portal work, she could formulate her revenge plan.
Keeping on her best behavior, she waited for Princess Twilight to give once last look before disappearing into the statue base. After that, the red and yellow maned creature approached her.
“Alright, Cozy Glow. As Princess Twilight has already explained, my name is Sunset Shimmer and I will be your jailer, warden and parole officer all rolled up into one. I have complete authority for your care on this side so it’s best if you follow exactly what I say. Is that clear?”
Cozy almost laughed in her face, but instead forced herself nod while looking down. “I understand Miss Sunset. I know I am in big trouble.” She rubbed her eyes hard to help force some tears before looking up at Sunset. “I’m really, really sorry for everything I did. Queen Chrysalis and Tirek were making me do bad things and I was so scared I didn’t have the courage to tell them no. I wanted to tell the princesses, but they turned me to stone before I could even explain.” Cozy Glow laughed inside when she saw Sunset’s eyebrows pull together in pity. Another easy to manipulate fool.
Bending over to better look her in the eyes, Sunset reached out her hand with a large smile. Cozy Glow took her hand and returned the smile, already celebrating her first step towards revenge. Just as she was thinking of her next move, the necklace dangling from Sunset’s neck glowed and her eyes shined a bright white. It lasted only a few seconds before returning to normal. Cozy Glow leaned back and her eyes widened in shocked confusion.
“You’re a pretty good actress and had it been anyone else they might have fallen for it,” Sunset said, her smiling growing even larger and looking a bit more menacing, “but you can’t beat me, I cheat.”
Cozy Glow’s smiled instantly fell as she looked on wide eyed. She felt Sunset’s hand on her back as she was pushed towards the group that was waiting off to the side.
“I think the first lesson on the docket is honesty. Right now, though, let’s go introduce you to your teachers.”
For years I've thought the Tori Amos song "Teenage Hustling" was perfect for a story about Sunset dealing with a younger villain who works by manipulation like she did.
Teenage Hustling
But I didn't know who the villain would be, until I read this story. Great idea. I honestly think that Sunset wouldn't actually have needed magical assistance to tell that Cozy is lying; she was a manipulator herself. She knows Cozy's type. In a way, she was Cozy; she was someone who understood the power of "the magic of friendship" and thought of it solely as a way to rise to the top and dominate others. But unlike Cozy, in the end, she had a conscience and could be shocked into awareness of what she'd become. Cozy is sociopathic in the extreme and has no conscience. (I wonder sometimes if she is a malevolent spirit who's possessed the body of a filly, rather than an actual child.)
Teenage Hustling
But I didn't know who the villain would be, until I read this story. Great idea. I honestly think that Sunset wouldn't actually have needed magical assistance to tell that Cozy is lying; she was a manipulator herself. She knows Cozy's type. In a way, she was Cozy; she was someone who understood the power of "the magic of friendship" and thought of it solely as a way to rise to the top and dominate others. But unlike Cozy, in the end, she had a conscience and could be shocked into awareness of what she'd become. Cozy is sociopathic in the extreme and has no conscience. (I wonder sometimes if she is a malevolent spirit who's possessed the body of a filly, rather than an actual child.)
Lots of good in this.
As well as some small mistakes. For example:
I feel like some of these questions would have been answered before the fifth meeting.
This is excellent Cozy Glow.
But this seems a bit ham-handed for Cozy
Overall, excellent story, but it feels like the setup to a longer Cozy Glow (failed) reformation story where I expect everyone would have regrets.
No, but also yes
But Cozy Glow is just as dangerous with out magic as she is with it.
I learned my lesson with Discord that keeping statues containing past foes in public places is a bad idea.
Once the annoying princess was gone, she could slowly manipulate these fools into doing what she wanted.
As well as some small mistakes. For example:
dangerous with out magic
she use the time grasp the likely situation she was in
I feel like some of these questions would have been answered before the fifth meeting.
This is excellent Cozy Glow.
She rubbed her eyes hard to help force some tears before looking up at Sunset. “I’m really, really sorry for everything I did.
But this seems a bit ham-handed for Cozy
Queen Chrysalis and Tirek were making me do bad things and I was so scared I didn’t have the courage to tell them no.
Overall, excellent story, but it feels like the setup to a longer Cozy Glow (failed) reformation story where I expect everyone would have regrets.
I'm going to be honest with you, Author. I think that, with a little expansion of the second scene of this story, the first scene would be rendered irrelevant.
What the first scene in this story essentially does is explain the premise of the story that is about to happen, but in and of itself it doesn't have any story. I was wondering, during that whole scene, where Cozy Glow was, if this story was so about her. If the story you were going for were more about Sunset and Twilight's relationship told via Cozy's reformation, then I could see the first scene working better, but as I understand it Twilight is about to disappear and leave Cozy and Sunset to play out the real story. So why not start there? The line about Cozy trying to come to terms with this body she hates would be such a great hook.
You may notice I'm talking like the story has only just gotten started. I really think it has! As has been mentioned, this is a wonderful idea that could make for a rocking good time. But, as is, it feels like it's resting on its laurels a bit too much. We have a premise, here. Now tell the story!
Otherwise, I wanted to give you kudos for your voicing change between both scenes. Switching to the perspective of a nefarious schemer was something you handled well. If you do expand this story, I reckon you might have a reader in me :)
Thanks for submitting!
What the first scene in this story essentially does is explain the premise of the story that is about to happen, but in and of itself it doesn't have any story. I was wondering, during that whole scene, where Cozy Glow was, if this story was so about her. If the story you were going for were more about Sunset and Twilight's relationship told via Cozy's reformation, then I could see the first scene working better, but as I understand it Twilight is about to disappear and leave Cozy and Sunset to play out the real story. So why not start there? The line about Cozy trying to come to terms with this body she hates would be such a great hook.
You may notice I'm talking like the story has only just gotten started. I really think it has! As has been mentioned, this is a wonderful idea that could make for a rocking good time. But, as is, it feels like it's resting on its laurels a bit too much. We have a premise, here. Now tell the story!
Otherwise, I wanted to give you kudos for your voicing change between both scenes. Switching to the perspective of a nefarious schemer was something you handled well. If you do expand this story, I reckon you might have a reader in me :)
Thanks for submitting!