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The Fox in the Backyard
There once was a little fox who lived in the backyard of an old house. His parents had been killed in a road accident, and so he grew up all alone, searching for food in the neighbors’ garbage, sleeping under a heap of cardboard boxes and broken washing machines. Children had played here, in times that he had not lived through, when the house had not been abandoned. Families had moved in, grown up, and died.
Before that, the house had not even been there. But then, men had come who talked to each other in loud voices, operating big, smelly machines. They had covered the grassy plains with concrete and asphalt, spreading gray cancer on the once blooming land. And what came before that, who could really know. The fox, in any case, was quietly unaware; for him, the house and the garden and his nest of garbage had always been there, and always would. Anything else was unimaginable.
The city was big and attracted many foxes and other animals with the rich mass of food that the humans brought with them. Some lived behind garbage cans, others in parking lots or scrapyards. And while they might not be welcome guests they managed to survive taking whatever they needed from the humans. And so, one faithful day, this fox, who was not quite that little anymore, came across a vixen in the street who was the most gorgeous being he had ever seen.
What happened in the humans’ world did not affect them much during those days. The two foxes lived in the backyard together, raising their pups in the den of garbage, and they were happy with just that.
But too soon the loud men came back, this time with bigger machines than before, even louder and smellier. They tore down the walls of the old house until there was nothing left but dust and debris. Then they poured even more concrete onto the ground, not only in the foxes’ backyard, but in the entire neighborhood.
The growing little fox family had to go on a journey for a new home, a journey that would be long and cost two of their pups their lives. They never came back, thus never witnessing the rise of skyscrapers and shopping malls and restaurants and night clubs. The generations that followed did not know anymore of the city that had once been their home.
Times changed. Foxes did not live in the city much longer; they either ran away, or were killed by humans, who became much more rigorous against them. The city had become a grave, and no fox ever set paw in it for a time that no fox could have counted.
But not forever.
The seasons changed. First, they got warmer, then colder again. At some point, the entire city was covered in ice. Even humans did not stay any longer. The cold took some of them, while most died by the hands of famine, disease, or war. Whether humans still lived elsewhere in the world the foxes did not know, but as the temperatures became milder and warmer again they came back. Plants were now growing wild in every crack and every niche in the concrete, hungry to reclaim the ground that had once been theirs, and with them came all sorts of insects and rodents and reptiles and birds.
The foxes built their dens in the ruins of fallen skyscrapers and hunted through what once had been shopping malls, and in one of those, a little fox found a place to stay. He could not know that in this exact same place, a long time ago, an old backyard had been, in which his ancestor had grown up. Still, deep inside, he felt as if he was returning home.
Before that, the house had not even been there. But then, men had come who talked to each other in loud voices, operating big, smelly machines. They had covered the grassy plains with concrete and asphalt, spreading gray cancer on the once blooming land. And what came before that, who could really know. The fox, in any case, was quietly unaware; for him, the house and the garden and his nest of garbage had always been there, and always would. Anything else was unimaginable.
The city was big and attracted many foxes and other animals with the rich mass of food that the humans brought with them. Some lived behind garbage cans, others in parking lots or scrapyards. And while they might not be welcome guests they managed to survive taking whatever they needed from the humans. And so, one faithful day, this fox, who was not quite that little anymore, came across a vixen in the street who was the most gorgeous being he had ever seen.
What happened in the humans’ world did not affect them much during those days. The two foxes lived in the backyard together, raising their pups in the den of garbage, and they were happy with just that.
But too soon the loud men came back, this time with bigger machines than before, even louder and smellier. They tore down the walls of the old house until there was nothing left but dust and debris. Then they poured even more concrete onto the ground, not only in the foxes’ backyard, but in the entire neighborhood.
The growing little fox family had to go on a journey for a new home, a journey that would be long and cost two of their pups their lives. They never came back, thus never witnessing the rise of skyscrapers and shopping malls and restaurants and night clubs. The generations that followed did not know anymore of the city that had once been their home.
Times changed. Foxes did not live in the city much longer; they either ran away, or were killed by humans, who became much more rigorous against them. The city had become a grave, and no fox ever set paw in it for a time that no fox could have counted.
But not forever.
The seasons changed. First, they got warmer, then colder again. At some point, the entire city was covered in ice. Even humans did not stay any longer. The cold took some of them, while most died by the hands of famine, disease, or war. Whether humans still lived elsewhere in the world the foxes did not know, but as the temperatures became milder and warmer again they came back. Plants were now growing wild in every crack and every niche in the concrete, hungry to reclaim the ground that had once been theirs, and with them came all sorts of insects and rodents and reptiles and birds.
The foxes built their dens in the ruins of fallen skyscrapers and hunted through what once had been shopping malls, and in one of those, a little fox found a place to stay. He could not know that in this exact same place, a long time ago, an old backyard had been, in which his ancestor had grown up. Still, deep inside, he felt as if he was returning home.
I have some trouble with the narrative voice. It meanders too much between human perspective and fox perspective, and it's too telly in places. Try telling the same story without using words like "skyscraper" and without speaking outside of the fox experience.
The romance between the two foxes (I presume the initial one was a reynard/tod) seemed abrupt and out of place among the rest of the story, probably because it started to get actually story-like before retreating to the original voicing.
I think the story would be better as a series of vignettes from different fox lives, and let the reader piece together the clues.
The romance between the two foxes (I presume the initial one was a reynard/tod) seemed abrupt and out of place among the rest of the story, probably because it started to get actually story-like before retreating to the original voicing.
I think the story would be better as a series of vignettes from different fox lives, and let the reader piece together the clues.
Eh, well all right then.
So the humans came and caused problems for the foxes, and then the humans wiped themselves out, and then the foxes had no more problems. Okedoke. It's not much more than that, though.
The story spends less words on the fox story and more about the big picture, which makes the story a little less intimate and a little more heavy-handed. Also, I'm sensing a pattern--fairy-tale type stories and climate change >.> Which is to say, this story doesn't feel unique in that regard.
I like some of the little details [But then, men had come who talked to each other in loud voices] but the focus seemed to waver too much between little details and the big picture.
So the humans came and caused problems for the foxes, and then the humans wiped themselves out, and then the foxes had no more problems. Okedoke. It's not much more than that, though.
The story spends less words on the fox story and more about the big picture, which makes the story a little less intimate and a little more heavy-handed. Also, I'm sensing a pattern--fairy-tale type stories and climate change >.> Which is to say, this story doesn't feel unique in that regard.
I like some of the little details [But then, men had come who talked to each other in loud voices] but the focus seemed to waver too much between little details and the big picture.
>>FrontSevens
I agree with you about the ham-hoofedness of the message. The idea that humans are inconsequential is an important and well-told element of the story, but the story seems in places also to be pushing the idea that humans make things worse for foxes, while providing ample evidence to the contrary.
Foxes have hard lives with humans. Without humans, they have different hard lives.
I agree with you about the ham-hoofedness of the message. The idea that humans are inconsequential is an important and well-told element of the story, but the story seems in places also to be pushing the idea that humans make things worse for foxes, while providing ample evidence to the contrary.
Foxes have hard lives with humans. Without humans, they have different hard lives.
I can appreciate the intent of the story, and I like stories that portray the sweep of time. I'll agree with FrontSevens and Trick_Question that the style is sometimes telly, and that a series of fox-eye viginettes would be more cohesive. (this may be my personal bias showing through, though)
Mechanically sound, though the wording is occasionally clunky. One that stood out for me was
I did like the imagery, though, I'm always a fan of description.
Mechanically sound, though the wording is occasionally clunky. One that stood out for me was
Children had played here, in times that he had not lived through, when the house had not been abandoned.
I did like the imagery, though, I'm always a fan of description.
It's a story about foxes, but not actually any specific foxes, just foxes as a whole. Or something like that.
Anyway, this story just isn't doing anything for me. I'm not sure that I'd say it's bad, but I do find it pretty boring and very forgettable.
Anyway, this story just isn't doing anything for me. I'm not sure that I'd say it's bad, but I do find it pretty boring and very forgettable.
My time is a little tight, which I apologize for, but I still want to take the opportunity to thank everyone who reviewed this.
I won't argue with the criticizm, but there's one thing that I realized and wanted to discuss real quick. The idea for this story was showing how the wounds that humankind inflicts on earth (urbanization, in this case) will heal, because life in general will probably persist way longer on earth than humans. However, >>Trick_Question makes a very good point about how foxes (and they are only one example) actually benefit from human culture in many cases. Life in the wild is not some sort of paradise that's ultimately better than the alternatives. And that wasn't my point to begin with, which is why a different approach of the theme might have been a smarter choice for me to make.
Also, just to clarify, I use an omniscient narrator and, in this particular case, went for the very telly style with full intention. Might be I didn't do a good job with it since I don't have any experience with the perspective, but at least that's the reason why you don't see a fox POV or anything.
I won't argue with the criticizm, but there's one thing that I realized and wanted to discuss real quick. The idea for this story was showing how the wounds that humankind inflicts on earth (urbanization, in this case) will heal, because life in general will probably persist way longer on earth than humans. However, >>Trick_Question makes a very good point about how foxes (and they are only one example) actually benefit from human culture in many cases. Life in the wild is not some sort of paradise that's ultimately better than the alternatives. And that wasn't my point to begin with, which is why a different approach of the theme might have been a smarter choice for me to make.
Also, just to clarify, I use an omniscient narrator and, in this particular case, went for the very telly style with full intention. Might be I didn't do a good job with it since I don't have any experience with the perspective, but at least that's the reason why you don't see a fox POV or anything.