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Sparring
Clamps grasped the ship with a hydraulic groan. The engine thrum receded. At the prow, Scorpia smiled and rubbed her claws together.
“Well, here we are!” she said. “Back in the warm again. Now, as for, uh, hanging out, I was thinking –”
She saw Catra was no longer standing beside her.
Being a talent Scorpia herself lacked, Catra's ability to move almost unnoticed impressed her far more than any feat of strength. But there were times when its exercise was frustrating.
“Oh. Alright then. Well, I .. I guess now isn't the best time,” she said to the absence, and headed for the gangplank.
Catra was already off the ship, bounding along one of the docking clamps to the loading bay beyond. “Get that thing to Hordak, ASAP!” she shouted at the running dockworkers and technicians. “Tell him the mission was success. And be careful. If anyone damages it …” She stood in that confident hands-on-hips pose that Scorpia loved, and scowled a silent threat at everyone. “The rest of you, unload the ship.”
Lonnie, Kyle and the lizard guy whose name once again escaped Scorpia gave more detailed orders. Nervous workers trying to balance speed and caution rolled the disk down the gangplank. Others manned craned in the loading area or boarded the ship.
Scorpia crossed the loading bay to meet her. “So, Catra – ” she began.
“I'm going with it!” Entrapta cried, running after the disk.
“Fine, whatever,” said Catra.
Catra turned back to Scorpia, who was about to try again.
“Get this unloaded,” Catra told her, turning away.
Scorpia's tail drooped. “Sure thing,” she said. After a moment's hesitation, she stepped forward. “Just, uh …”
Catra turned back to face her. “What is it?”
“What we said about hanging out.”
Catra was already striding away when she answered. “When I'm free.”
“Yeah, sure,” said Scorpia. “When you're free. I'll … I'll just help unload the ship. You can count on me!” She waved after Catra, who didn't turn round again.
Once Catra was out of sight, Scorpia went back to the ship. Unloading, yeah. She could do that. Well, she could certainly lift the containers. And she knew she had to move them off the ship. After that things got a little hazy.
Lonnie joined her on the way back to the ship. She had to take two steps for each one of Scorpia's.
“Sounds like everything went well,” said Lonnie.
“Oh, yeah! Yeah, totally,” said Scorpia. “I mean, it was touch and go there for a moment, but in the end, it all worked out!”
“Pretty big piece of Ancient tech,” said Lonnie.
“Ancient tech?” Scorpia stared at Lonnie and scrabbled for context. “Oh. Right, yes! Ancient tech. Yes, we succeeded in getting the piece of Ancient tech. Which was our mission.”
“Right,” said Lonnie, the syllable almost a grunt.
Standing before the containers, Scorpia clapped her claws together with a sharp clonk. “Alright then,” she said. “Let's get this thing done!”
She cut through the rope securing them, picked up a stack of three containers, turned around, and realised that she could no longer see where she was going.
“Oh, shoot,” she said. “I was … not expecting that. Er, Lonnie?”
Lonnie, who had just picked up a single, rather small, container, sighed. “Hold on,” she said. After hefting her own cargo under one arm, she put her free hand on Scorpia's claw. “Follow me.”
They made several trips like this, Lonnie guiding Scorpia by the claw: “Stop! Okay, keep going. This way.” And when the ship was unloaded, they headed out of the docks together.
“Catra agreed to hang out with me!” Scorpia said as they headed down broad walkway. “I'm so excited! But … when I tried to arrange something, well, there wasn't enough time.”
“Well, what did you expect?”
“I know, I know,” Scorpia said. “But she's busy! She has to do almost everything here, she told me herself.”
“Okay, okay,” said Lonnie, a little too loudly. “Forget I said anything.” She sighed.
“It'll be okay,” said Scorpia.
They walked in silence for a while, until Lonnie said, “I … guess you have some free time, then?”
“Yeah.” Scorpia sighed.
“The thing is, I need a new sparring partner. The robots aren't good enough. And Kyle is being a huge baby about it and won't spar with me since he broke his arm.”
“What about Jelly-oh?” said Scorpia.
“Huh?”
“Lizard guy, about so high.” Scorpia held up her claw.
“Rogelio.”
“That's the one! What about him?”
“Well,” said Lonnie. “He won't spar with me … since he broke his arm.”
Oh. So what you want,” Scorpia said flatly, “is a sparring partner you can punch as hard as you can without having to worry about them getting hurt?”
“Yeah, kinda.”
Scorpia grinned. “I can totally do that!” She gave Lonnie a friendly thump on the back. “Let's go! … Hey, Lonnie, you want help getting up?”
“No, no … I'm good.”
“Okay, try and hit me.”
“You mean hit you hit you? 'Cause that seems …”
“Whatever. Think fast!” And then Lonnie was running at her. Scorpia took a swing, missed, took another swing, missed again. On the third attempt, Lonnie ducked under her claw and landed the first blow.
Lonnie was nearly as agile as Catra, Scorpia realised. Neat! And she could certainly throw a punch. But now she had come to a momentary halt. Scorpia swatted her lightly and sent her flying into the opposite wall.
“You, uh, you alright?” she asked.
Lonnie came up laughing. “Now that's what I want in a sparring partner!” she cried.
They got into a steady rhythm, Lonnie attacking, trying to hit Scorpia, and then getting out of range before Scorpia could knock her down. After a few attempts, they got talking in between rounds.
“You know … the Flay Desert?” Lonnie asked between breaths. She was circling Scorpia, looking for an opening.
“The one with all the rocks?”
“Well … rock formations. Yeah.”
Lonnie launched herself at Scorpia before she'd finished speaking and dived under a belated swing to get past her. Behind her, she leapt up and hooked her arm around Scorpia's neck and hung there.
“Hey, no fair,” said Scorpia, scrabbling ineffectually to grab her.
“I could ride around like this all day!” said Lonnie, laughing.
Scorpia backed into a wall to try and dislodge her. Lonnie landed her punch and leapt away before Scorpia hit the wall.
“Another point for me,” said Lonnie. She stood up and brushed herself down. “Yeah, the Flay Desert. I'm gonna go hiking across it when I get some leave. One place in the Fright Zone where you can get away from all this.” She gave a vague gesture at the whole room.
Scorpia looked around them. “Walls?” she ventured.
“Sure. Walls. Ceilings. Lights. Pipes. Wires. Metal and concrete,” said Lonnie. “Don't get me wrong, I wanna stop the Rebellion as much as anyone, but you gotta have downtime, don't you? Hell, Hordak knows you can only work so long before your effectiveness drops. He wouldn't give us leave otherwise, would he?”
“No. No, I guess not,” said Scorpia. Truth be told, she'd never really considered the matter.
“Anyway, what about you?” said Lonnie. You were a force captain before everything got all weird, weren't you? What did you use to do back then?”
Scorpia hesitated for a moment, then gave a small, embarrassed laugh. “Oh, nothing. Nothing important, really.” She waved her claw to dismiss the topic. “It doesn't matter.”
Lonnie looked up at her, grinning. “Now I have to know.”
Scorpia tapped her claws together. She knew when she was beaten. “I … read.”
Lonnie stared at her. “Seriously?”
“Yeah.”
“You?”
“Yeah.”
“Huh.”
“Yeah.”
“So, uh, do you mean like those trashy romance books that fall apart when you open them?”
“Not quite,” said Scorpia. “I read older stuff.”
“Like what?”
“The pre-Maran classics..”
“Right, right …” Lonnie frowned. “Wait. How do you, y'know … turn a page? I mean, everyone knows you can't stand paperwork 'cause you keep dropping it.”
“I have a reading stand and this sticky stick.”
“Sticky stick?”
“It's a stick, and the end is slightly sticky so it can lift a page. Like this.” Scorpia mimed the motion.
“That is so …” began Lonnie.
Scorpia's face fell. She shouldn't have said anything. Her fellow cadets hadn't even believed her when she told them.
“ … cool!” said Lonnie. “I totally did not expect that at all.”
“Aw, shucks. Well, thanks, Lonnie.”
“And here's something you won't expect,” said Lonnie, pointing behind her.
“What?” Scorpia turned around to look.
The next thing she knew, Lonnie had leapt up to grab her back again. “Yeah! Gotcha!”
Scorpia found Catra in her office, shouting at a group of force captains: “I don't care how you do you, just get it done. We're slipping. We have to take the offensive. Understood? Good. Now get out of here.”
Scorpia jostled past the line of force captains as they were trying to get out. “Catra! Hi!”
“What is it?” said Catra.
“Well … I've been thinking about what you said, about how we could work something out later,” Scorpia explained. “And now is later. So maybe we could, y'know, arrange something?”
Catra put her forehead in the palm of her hand and groaned. Her ears fell flat against her head. “Do you know how busy I am?”
“Well, well, yes, But …” Come on, you can't fail now. “But!” Scorpia straightened up to offer her lecture. “You can only work so long before your effectiveness dropped. Even Hordak knows that,” she added wisely. “He wouldn't give us leave otherwise.”
“Okay, fine,” said Catra. She looked through the mess on her desk for a moment, then gave up with a shrug. “I think I've got a couple of free hours the day after tomorrow. We can … I dunno … do something. That work for you?”
“Oh, absolutely,” said Scorpia, putting her claw on her chest. “I won't let you down.”
“Have you ever been to the Flay Desert?” Lonnie asked, dragging her hand across her forehead to wipe away the sweat.
“Never,” said Scorpia. “Hah. Wow, it's amazing the places in your own backyard you never get around to visiting, isn't it?”
Lonnie was circling her, staff held out defensively, looking for an opening. “It's really worth going,” she said. “Are you any good with deserts?
“Yeah. Yeah. Maybe. I don't know,” Scorpia admitted. “I'm good with heat.”
“Thought so,” said Lonnie. She ran at Scorpia, staff raised, and brought it down very hard on her shoulder. The staff ricocheted off Scorpia's armour. She grabbed it and, without meaning to, cut it in half.
Lonnie looked at the sheared-off end of the half she was still holding. “Again?” she sighed.
“Oops,” said Scorpia. She picked up the other end and gave it to Lonnie, who threw both into a pile of similar pieces. Perhaps she should try and stick them together again. No one would notice, surely?
While she was getting another staff from a slot in the wall, Lonnie said, “So , uh …” She stopped to examine the new staff in detail. “I thought I might take a book with me.” She looked at Scorpia for a moment, then away again.
“Yeah! That is definitely a thing you could do,” said Scorpia.
“Do you … uh … what would you recommend?”
“Everything!”
“That doesn't help.”
“Okay, well, um. Right now I'm reading the Ishariad. It's so good! And so sad! The final book always makes me cry. And I think think you'll like it, 'cause it's got loads of cool fighting.”
“I'll give it a try.”
“Actually,” Scorpia went on, caught in a surge of enthusiasm, “one of the characters is a bit like Catra. Such a good fighter, and so amazing, and noble and passionate even though she's not always super friendly, you know?”
“Uh huh,” said Lonnie, looking away.
“Oh and when we were up north, Catra was willing to sacrifice herself –”
Lonnie came running at her from behind, staff raised.
“And I just thought wow, she'd do that to stop the rebellion?” Scorpia's tail curled round the staff, wrenched it out of Lonnie's grasp, and used it to knock Lonnie's legs out from under her. “Hey, look,” she said, brandishing the staff. “I didn't break it this time!”
“Yeah. Truly amazing.” Lonnie stood up slowly. She caught the staff when Scorpia threw it, but didn't bother holding up in a defensive posture.
“But we can't lose Catra. She's too important,” said Scorpia. “I mean, she went from a cadet to force captain to Hordak's second-in-command in less than a week, that's how good she is. Don't you think?”
“Yeah, getting promoted is so difficult, isn't it?” said Lonnie, studying the far wall. She turned her gaze on Scorpia. “How the hell did you become force captain?”
“I destroyed twenty-six robots,” Scorpia said immediately. She grinned. “You know, you're not the first to ask me that.”
“Huh?”
“Well, they used to have a thing where in the final test, whoever destroys the most robots in each group of cadets becomes force captain. That was me!” Scorpia thought for a moment. “Also, my instructor broke his arm.”
Lonnie looked at her for a moment, then started to laugh. Scorpia laughed with her
“I'll check out the Ishariad then,” said Lonnie with her grin, and ran at Scorpia, staff raised.
Scorpia paced up and down the corridor, her tail flicking back and forth. “Okay. Okay. It's cool. It's just two best friends hanging out and doing … something. Yeah. Should I ask her what to do. Or should I decide? Oh, goodness, no time to worry about that now. We'll figure something out. It'll be fine.” She stopped in front of Catra's door, took a deep breath, lifted her claw, put it down again took another deep breath, and –
The door opened.
Catra glared out. “What the hell are you doing out here?”
“I, uh, well, I, I mean we, decided … How did you know I was here?”
“The amount of noise you were making, I bet the whole section knows where you are.”
Scorpia gave an awkward laugh and rubbed the back of her neck. “Hah. Yeah. I guess I'm not much of a stealth person. Anyway, I'm here because … ”
“Because we agreed to hang out,” said Catra. “I know.”
Catra knew! Of course she did! She wouldn't let her down, not really. Not when it come to something important like this. She beamed. “Yeah! So what do you wanna do? I know you we didn't decide on anything, but maybe we could just … I don't know. Do something fun!”
“Yeah,” Catra said. “About that. Something's come up. It's Shadow Weaver, and it can't wait.”
“Oh.”
“Look, I'm sorry. We can do it some other time, I promise,” said Catra.
“Yeah,” said Scorpia, putting all her energy into maintaining a smile. “Some other time. That's fine. You go talk to Shadow Weaver.”
“She cancelled on you? Just like that?”
Scorpia nodded. “Yep. Something to do with Shadow Weaver.” She let the staff crash down on her shoulder, and made a vague and ineffectual attempt at grabbing it. “I'll just have to try again, that's all.”
“Why?” Lonnie fell back, dropped the staff on the floor and gave her a long look. “Why do you bother? You're just making yourself unhappy.”
“But I have to keep trying!”
Lonnie sighed and shook her head, and slumped against the wall.
The silence that followed seemed to be trying to suffocate Scorpia. “Don't you wanna hit me?” she said offering her shoulder.
“I really do,” growled Lonnie. She pressed her palm against her forehead. “Okay, let's keep going.” Leaving the staff, she advanced on Scorpia, and made a few lacklustre feints. “I … just don't see why you keep going back when it's obvious she's going to cancel again.”
“Because she won't!” said Scorpia. “I know she won't! She'll notice me when she's not so busy. Nobody seems to see it, but she's great! She's passionate and fiery and capable, but so vulnerable beneath it all. She cares so deeply about life! And … and … she's capable and smart!”
“Yeah, sure she is.” Lonnie brought her fist down on Scorpia's armour to punctuate her words. “Catra, Catra, Catra. She's so wonderful, isn't she? ‘Oh, my life is so difficult, being made Hordak's second in command days after graduating. Poor me. My life is pain.’ And it's not like anyone else had to deal with losing Adora as a friend, is it? No, it's only her.”
Scorpia let the punches fall. She barely noticed them, until – “Lonnie … Lonnie.” She stepped grabbed Lonnie's wrist as gently as she could.
The knuckles were covered in blood.
Lonnie stared at them for a moment. Her throat bobbed. Scorpia let her pull free. She turned around and wiped her eyes with her other hand. “Maybe … ” She took a deep breath. “Maybe she's so wrapped up in her own obsession that she doesn't notice you.”
“Lonnie –”
But Lonnie walked out of the training room, muttering about needing to disinfect the wound. She didn't look at Scorpia, and she didn't come back.
Scorpia didn't talk to Lonnie for the next couple of days. She saw her a couple of times, working with other soldiers, but Lonnie never looked at her.
Uncertain what to do, she tried to put the matter out of her mind. When she had a moment, she went to see Catra. Remembering what Catra had said last time about noise, Scorpia tried moving down the corridor as quietly as she could.
As she lifted her claw to knock on the door, she heard Catra speaking:
“It was always about Adora, wasn't it? You never cared for me. It was all Adora, Adora, Adora.”
There was no reply.
So wrapped up in her own obsession she doesn't notice you.
“Oh,” Scorpia whispered to herself. “Oh.”
She moved back down the hallway as quietly as possible She would talk to Catra, but there was something she had to do first.
She found Lonnie coming out of the training room where they had been sparring. After a moment of eye contact, Lonnie had turned and began to walk away.
“Lonnie! Hey, Lonnie, wait up!”
“I'm kinda busy here,” said Lonnie without turning around. She quickened her pace.
A fraction of a second later, Scorpia caught up with her and pulled her into a hug. “I'm so sorry!” she cried.
“Let go of me!”
“I didn't realise you felt that way about me!”
“I don't know what you're talking about,” said Lonnie, wriggling free of Scorpia's grasp. “And … keep your voice down.” She still wouldn't meet Scorpia's gaze. She was blushing.
“I had to –”
“Wait,” said Lonnie. She looked up and down the corridor to see if anyone was around, then grabbed Scorpia's claw. “In here,” she hissed, dragging Scorpia into the training room.
Inside, Scorpia sat down on one of the benches while Lonnie paced up and down.
“I can't believe this is happening,” said Lonnie. “You really are an idiot. No. No, I'm the idiot. I don't know what you see in Catra, but … you do. And I can't compete with that.” She stopped and finally looked at Scorpia. After a moment, she came over and sat beside her, and put her head in her hands.
Scorpia put her arm around her. Lonnie didn't resist. “You're right,” Scorpia said. I can't stop …” The word tripped her up for the moment; she'd never voiced it before. “ … loving Catra.”
“I know,” Lonnie said. “I never thought it would go anywhere.” She snorted. “People like us don't get what we want. No … I just liked spending time with you. That's not too much to ask, is it?”
Scorpia thought of Catra for a moment. “It seems like it is with some people,” she said.
Lonnie looked up at her. They laughed softly.
“I do love Catra. But … I really like you too. And … and I don't want to do this thing of avoiding each other. Look, I can't offer much …”
“No false promises,” Lonnie warned.
“No false promises,” Scorpia agreed. “But … how about we keep hanging out? And I promise not to talk about Catra any more?”
“Yeah, I could work with that.”
“And I totally understand if you don't want me along anymore, but … maybe if you want …. I could go hiking in the Flay Desert with you.”
“If you tell anyone about this … I'll deny it, okay?” said Lonnie.
“About what?”
Lonnie turned and kneeled on the bench, which gave just about enough height to lean over and kiss Scorpia's cheek. “Yeah, let's go together.”
“Well, here we are!” she said. “Back in the warm again. Now, as for, uh, hanging out, I was thinking –”
She saw Catra was no longer standing beside her.
Being a talent Scorpia herself lacked, Catra's ability to move almost unnoticed impressed her far more than any feat of strength. But there were times when its exercise was frustrating.
“Oh. Alright then. Well, I .. I guess now isn't the best time,” she said to the absence, and headed for the gangplank.
Catra was already off the ship, bounding along one of the docking clamps to the loading bay beyond. “Get that thing to Hordak, ASAP!” she shouted at the running dockworkers and technicians. “Tell him the mission was success. And be careful. If anyone damages it …” She stood in that confident hands-on-hips pose that Scorpia loved, and scowled a silent threat at everyone. “The rest of you, unload the ship.”
Lonnie, Kyle and the lizard guy whose name once again escaped Scorpia gave more detailed orders. Nervous workers trying to balance speed and caution rolled the disk down the gangplank. Others manned craned in the loading area or boarded the ship.
Scorpia crossed the loading bay to meet her. “So, Catra – ” she began.
“I'm going with it!” Entrapta cried, running after the disk.
“Fine, whatever,” said Catra.
Catra turned back to Scorpia, who was about to try again.
“Get this unloaded,” Catra told her, turning away.
Scorpia's tail drooped. “Sure thing,” she said. After a moment's hesitation, she stepped forward. “Just, uh …”
Catra turned back to face her. “What is it?”
“What we said about hanging out.”
Catra was already striding away when she answered. “When I'm free.”
“Yeah, sure,” said Scorpia. “When you're free. I'll … I'll just help unload the ship. You can count on me!” She waved after Catra, who didn't turn round again.
Once Catra was out of sight, Scorpia went back to the ship. Unloading, yeah. She could do that. Well, she could certainly lift the containers. And she knew she had to move them off the ship. After that things got a little hazy.
Lonnie joined her on the way back to the ship. She had to take two steps for each one of Scorpia's.
“Sounds like everything went well,” said Lonnie.
“Oh, yeah! Yeah, totally,” said Scorpia. “I mean, it was touch and go there for a moment, but in the end, it all worked out!”
“Pretty big piece of Ancient tech,” said Lonnie.
“Ancient tech?” Scorpia stared at Lonnie and scrabbled for context. “Oh. Right, yes! Ancient tech. Yes, we succeeded in getting the piece of Ancient tech. Which was our mission.”
“Right,” said Lonnie, the syllable almost a grunt.
Standing before the containers, Scorpia clapped her claws together with a sharp clonk. “Alright then,” she said. “Let's get this thing done!”
She cut through the rope securing them, picked up a stack of three containers, turned around, and realised that she could no longer see where she was going.
“Oh, shoot,” she said. “I was … not expecting that. Er, Lonnie?”
Lonnie, who had just picked up a single, rather small, container, sighed. “Hold on,” she said. After hefting her own cargo under one arm, she put her free hand on Scorpia's claw. “Follow me.”
They made several trips like this, Lonnie guiding Scorpia by the claw: “Stop! Okay, keep going. This way.” And when the ship was unloaded, they headed out of the docks together.
“Catra agreed to hang out with me!” Scorpia said as they headed down broad walkway. “I'm so excited! But … when I tried to arrange something, well, there wasn't enough time.”
“Well, what did you expect?”
“I know, I know,” Scorpia said. “But she's busy! She has to do almost everything here, she told me herself.”
“Okay, okay,” said Lonnie, a little too loudly. “Forget I said anything.” She sighed.
“It'll be okay,” said Scorpia.
They walked in silence for a while, until Lonnie said, “I … guess you have some free time, then?”
“Yeah.” Scorpia sighed.
“The thing is, I need a new sparring partner. The robots aren't good enough. And Kyle is being a huge baby about it and won't spar with me since he broke his arm.”
“What about Jelly-oh?” said Scorpia.
“Huh?”
“Lizard guy, about so high.” Scorpia held up her claw.
“Rogelio.”
“That's the one! What about him?”
“Well,” said Lonnie. “He won't spar with me … since he broke his arm.”
Oh. So what you want,” Scorpia said flatly, “is a sparring partner you can punch as hard as you can without having to worry about them getting hurt?”
“Yeah, kinda.”
Scorpia grinned. “I can totally do that!” She gave Lonnie a friendly thump on the back. “Let's go! … Hey, Lonnie, you want help getting up?”
“No, no … I'm good.”
“Okay, try and hit me.”
“You mean hit you hit you? 'Cause that seems …”
“Whatever. Think fast!” And then Lonnie was running at her. Scorpia took a swing, missed, took another swing, missed again. On the third attempt, Lonnie ducked under her claw and landed the first blow.
Lonnie was nearly as agile as Catra, Scorpia realised. Neat! And she could certainly throw a punch. But now she had come to a momentary halt. Scorpia swatted her lightly and sent her flying into the opposite wall.
“You, uh, you alright?” she asked.
Lonnie came up laughing. “Now that's what I want in a sparring partner!” she cried.
They got into a steady rhythm, Lonnie attacking, trying to hit Scorpia, and then getting out of range before Scorpia could knock her down. After a few attempts, they got talking in between rounds.
“You know … the Flay Desert?” Lonnie asked between breaths. She was circling Scorpia, looking for an opening.
“The one with all the rocks?”
“Well … rock formations. Yeah.”
Lonnie launched herself at Scorpia before she'd finished speaking and dived under a belated swing to get past her. Behind her, she leapt up and hooked her arm around Scorpia's neck and hung there.
“Hey, no fair,” said Scorpia, scrabbling ineffectually to grab her.
“I could ride around like this all day!” said Lonnie, laughing.
Scorpia backed into a wall to try and dislodge her. Lonnie landed her punch and leapt away before Scorpia hit the wall.
“Another point for me,” said Lonnie. She stood up and brushed herself down. “Yeah, the Flay Desert. I'm gonna go hiking across it when I get some leave. One place in the Fright Zone where you can get away from all this.” She gave a vague gesture at the whole room.
Scorpia looked around them. “Walls?” she ventured.
“Sure. Walls. Ceilings. Lights. Pipes. Wires. Metal and concrete,” said Lonnie. “Don't get me wrong, I wanna stop the Rebellion as much as anyone, but you gotta have downtime, don't you? Hell, Hordak knows you can only work so long before your effectiveness drops. He wouldn't give us leave otherwise, would he?”
“No. No, I guess not,” said Scorpia. Truth be told, she'd never really considered the matter.
“Anyway, what about you?” said Lonnie. You were a force captain before everything got all weird, weren't you? What did you use to do back then?”
Scorpia hesitated for a moment, then gave a small, embarrassed laugh. “Oh, nothing. Nothing important, really.” She waved her claw to dismiss the topic. “It doesn't matter.”
Lonnie looked up at her, grinning. “Now I have to know.”
Scorpia tapped her claws together. She knew when she was beaten. “I … read.”
Lonnie stared at her. “Seriously?”
“Yeah.”
“You?”
“Yeah.”
“Huh.”
“Yeah.”
“So, uh, do you mean like those trashy romance books that fall apart when you open them?”
“Not quite,” said Scorpia. “I read older stuff.”
“Like what?”
“The pre-Maran classics..”
“Right, right …” Lonnie frowned. “Wait. How do you, y'know … turn a page? I mean, everyone knows you can't stand paperwork 'cause you keep dropping it.”
“I have a reading stand and this sticky stick.”
“Sticky stick?”
“It's a stick, and the end is slightly sticky so it can lift a page. Like this.” Scorpia mimed the motion.
“That is so …” began Lonnie.
Scorpia's face fell. She shouldn't have said anything. Her fellow cadets hadn't even believed her when she told them.
“ … cool!” said Lonnie. “I totally did not expect that at all.”
“Aw, shucks. Well, thanks, Lonnie.”
“And here's something you won't expect,” said Lonnie, pointing behind her.
“What?” Scorpia turned around to look.
The next thing she knew, Lonnie had leapt up to grab her back again. “Yeah! Gotcha!”
Scorpia found Catra in her office, shouting at a group of force captains: “I don't care how you do you, just get it done. We're slipping. We have to take the offensive. Understood? Good. Now get out of here.”
Scorpia jostled past the line of force captains as they were trying to get out. “Catra! Hi!”
“What is it?” said Catra.
“Well … I've been thinking about what you said, about how we could work something out later,” Scorpia explained. “And now is later. So maybe we could, y'know, arrange something?”
Catra put her forehead in the palm of her hand and groaned. Her ears fell flat against her head. “Do you know how busy I am?”
“Well, well, yes, But …” Come on, you can't fail now. “But!” Scorpia straightened up to offer her lecture. “You can only work so long before your effectiveness dropped. Even Hordak knows that,” she added wisely. “He wouldn't give us leave otherwise.”
“Okay, fine,” said Catra. She looked through the mess on her desk for a moment, then gave up with a shrug. “I think I've got a couple of free hours the day after tomorrow. We can … I dunno … do something. That work for you?”
“Oh, absolutely,” said Scorpia, putting her claw on her chest. “I won't let you down.”
“Have you ever been to the Flay Desert?” Lonnie asked, dragging her hand across her forehead to wipe away the sweat.
“Never,” said Scorpia. “Hah. Wow, it's amazing the places in your own backyard you never get around to visiting, isn't it?”
Lonnie was circling her, staff held out defensively, looking for an opening. “It's really worth going,” she said. “Are you any good with deserts?
“Yeah. Yeah. Maybe. I don't know,” Scorpia admitted. “I'm good with heat.”
“Thought so,” said Lonnie. She ran at Scorpia, staff raised, and brought it down very hard on her shoulder. The staff ricocheted off Scorpia's armour. She grabbed it and, without meaning to, cut it in half.
Lonnie looked at the sheared-off end of the half she was still holding. “Again?” she sighed.
“Oops,” said Scorpia. She picked up the other end and gave it to Lonnie, who threw both into a pile of similar pieces. Perhaps she should try and stick them together again. No one would notice, surely?
While she was getting another staff from a slot in the wall, Lonnie said, “So , uh …” She stopped to examine the new staff in detail. “I thought I might take a book with me.” She looked at Scorpia for a moment, then away again.
“Yeah! That is definitely a thing you could do,” said Scorpia.
“Do you … uh … what would you recommend?”
“Everything!”
“That doesn't help.”
“Okay, well, um. Right now I'm reading the Ishariad. It's so good! And so sad! The final book always makes me cry. And I think think you'll like it, 'cause it's got loads of cool fighting.”
“I'll give it a try.”
“Actually,” Scorpia went on, caught in a surge of enthusiasm, “one of the characters is a bit like Catra. Such a good fighter, and so amazing, and noble and passionate even though she's not always super friendly, you know?”
“Uh huh,” said Lonnie, looking away.
“Oh and when we were up north, Catra was willing to sacrifice herself –”
Lonnie came running at her from behind, staff raised.
“And I just thought wow, she'd do that to stop the rebellion?” Scorpia's tail curled round the staff, wrenched it out of Lonnie's grasp, and used it to knock Lonnie's legs out from under her. “Hey, look,” she said, brandishing the staff. “I didn't break it this time!”
“Yeah. Truly amazing.” Lonnie stood up slowly. She caught the staff when Scorpia threw it, but didn't bother holding up in a defensive posture.
“But we can't lose Catra. She's too important,” said Scorpia. “I mean, she went from a cadet to force captain to Hordak's second-in-command in less than a week, that's how good she is. Don't you think?”
“Yeah, getting promoted is so difficult, isn't it?” said Lonnie, studying the far wall. She turned her gaze on Scorpia. “How the hell did you become force captain?”
“I destroyed twenty-six robots,” Scorpia said immediately. She grinned. “You know, you're not the first to ask me that.”
“Huh?”
“Well, they used to have a thing where in the final test, whoever destroys the most robots in each group of cadets becomes force captain. That was me!” Scorpia thought for a moment. “Also, my instructor broke his arm.”
Lonnie looked at her for a moment, then started to laugh. Scorpia laughed with her
“I'll check out the Ishariad then,” said Lonnie with her grin, and ran at Scorpia, staff raised.
Scorpia paced up and down the corridor, her tail flicking back and forth. “Okay. Okay. It's cool. It's just two best friends hanging out and doing … something. Yeah. Should I ask her what to do. Or should I decide? Oh, goodness, no time to worry about that now. We'll figure something out. It'll be fine.” She stopped in front of Catra's door, took a deep breath, lifted her claw, put it down again took another deep breath, and –
The door opened.
Catra glared out. “What the hell are you doing out here?”
“I, uh, well, I, I mean we, decided … How did you know I was here?”
“The amount of noise you were making, I bet the whole section knows where you are.”
Scorpia gave an awkward laugh and rubbed the back of her neck. “Hah. Yeah. I guess I'm not much of a stealth person. Anyway, I'm here because … ”
“Because we agreed to hang out,” said Catra. “I know.”
Catra knew! Of course she did! She wouldn't let her down, not really. Not when it come to something important like this. She beamed. “Yeah! So what do you wanna do? I know you we didn't decide on anything, but maybe we could just … I don't know. Do something fun!”
“Yeah,” Catra said. “About that. Something's come up. It's Shadow Weaver, and it can't wait.”
“Oh.”
“Look, I'm sorry. We can do it some other time, I promise,” said Catra.
“Yeah,” said Scorpia, putting all her energy into maintaining a smile. “Some other time. That's fine. You go talk to Shadow Weaver.”
“She cancelled on you? Just like that?”
Scorpia nodded. “Yep. Something to do with Shadow Weaver.” She let the staff crash down on her shoulder, and made a vague and ineffectual attempt at grabbing it. “I'll just have to try again, that's all.”
“Why?” Lonnie fell back, dropped the staff on the floor and gave her a long look. “Why do you bother? You're just making yourself unhappy.”
“But I have to keep trying!”
Lonnie sighed and shook her head, and slumped against the wall.
The silence that followed seemed to be trying to suffocate Scorpia. “Don't you wanna hit me?” she said offering her shoulder.
“I really do,” growled Lonnie. She pressed her palm against her forehead. “Okay, let's keep going.” Leaving the staff, she advanced on Scorpia, and made a few lacklustre feints. “I … just don't see why you keep going back when it's obvious she's going to cancel again.”
“Because she won't!” said Scorpia. “I know she won't! She'll notice me when she's not so busy. Nobody seems to see it, but she's great! She's passionate and fiery and capable, but so vulnerable beneath it all. She cares so deeply about life! And … and … she's capable and smart!”
“Yeah, sure she is.” Lonnie brought her fist down on Scorpia's armour to punctuate her words. “Catra, Catra, Catra. She's so wonderful, isn't she? ‘Oh, my life is so difficult, being made Hordak's second in command days after graduating. Poor me. My life is pain.’ And it's not like anyone else had to deal with losing Adora as a friend, is it? No, it's only her.”
Scorpia let the punches fall. She barely noticed them, until – “Lonnie … Lonnie.” She stepped grabbed Lonnie's wrist as gently as she could.
The knuckles were covered in blood.
Lonnie stared at them for a moment. Her throat bobbed. Scorpia let her pull free. She turned around and wiped her eyes with her other hand. “Maybe … ” She took a deep breath. “Maybe she's so wrapped up in her own obsession that she doesn't notice you.”
“Lonnie –”
But Lonnie walked out of the training room, muttering about needing to disinfect the wound. She didn't look at Scorpia, and she didn't come back.
Scorpia didn't talk to Lonnie for the next couple of days. She saw her a couple of times, working with other soldiers, but Lonnie never looked at her.
Uncertain what to do, she tried to put the matter out of her mind. When she had a moment, she went to see Catra. Remembering what Catra had said last time about noise, Scorpia tried moving down the corridor as quietly as she could.
As she lifted her claw to knock on the door, she heard Catra speaking:
“It was always about Adora, wasn't it? You never cared for me. It was all Adora, Adora, Adora.”
There was no reply.
So wrapped up in her own obsession she doesn't notice you.
“Oh,” Scorpia whispered to herself. “Oh.”
She moved back down the hallway as quietly as possible She would talk to Catra, but there was something she had to do first.
She found Lonnie coming out of the training room where they had been sparring. After a moment of eye contact, Lonnie had turned and began to walk away.
“Lonnie! Hey, Lonnie, wait up!”
“I'm kinda busy here,” said Lonnie without turning around. She quickened her pace.
A fraction of a second later, Scorpia caught up with her and pulled her into a hug. “I'm so sorry!” she cried.
“Let go of me!”
“I didn't realise you felt that way about me!”
“I don't know what you're talking about,” said Lonnie, wriggling free of Scorpia's grasp. “And … keep your voice down.” She still wouldn't meet Scorpia's gaze. She was blushing.
“I had to –”
“Wait,” said Lonnie. She looked up and down the corridor to see if anyone was around, then grabbed Scorpia's claw. “In here,” she hissed, dragging Scorpia into the training room.
Inside, Scorpia sat down on one of the benches while Lonnie paced up and down.
“I can't believe this is happening,” said Lonnie. “You really are an idiot. No. No, I'm the idiot. I don't know what you see in Catra, but … you do. And I can't compete with that.” She stopped and finally looked at Scorpia. After a moment, she came over and sat beside her, and put her head in her hands.
Scorpia put her arm around her. Lonnie didn't resist. “You're right,” Scorpia said. I can't stop …” The word tripped her up for the moment; she'd never voiced it before. “ … loving Catra.”
“I know,” Lonnie said. “I never thought it would go anywhere.” She snorted. “People like us don't get what we want. No … I just liked spending time with you. That's not too much to ask, is it?”
Scorpia thought of Catra for a moment. “It seems like it is with some people,” she said.
Lonnie looked up at her. They laughed softly.
“I do love Catra. But … I really like you too. And … and I don't want to do this thing of avoiding each other. Look, I can't offer much …”
“No false promises,” Lonnie warned.
“No false promises,” Scorpia agreed. “But … how about we keep hanging out? And I promise not to talk about Catra any more?”
“Yeah, I could work with that.”
“And I totally understand if you don't want me along anymore, but … maybe if you want …. I could go hiking in the Flay Desert with you.”
“If you tell anyone about this … I'll deny it, okay?” said Lonnie.
“About what?”
Lonnie turned and kneeled on the bench, which gave just about enough height to lean over and kiss Scorpia's cheek. “Yeah, let's go together.”
"Ancient tech?” Scorpia stared at Lonnie and scrabbled for context. “Oh. Right, yes! Ancient tech. Yes, we succeeded in getting the piece of Ancient tech. Which was our mission.”
scorpia is very scorpia, and i'm living for it.
i know this is the third comment where i'm mentioning characterisation, but as a fanfiction round i feel like an important aspect of writing the same is how well of a grasp the writer seems to have on the various characters in the show, and you've got it down pat. it's less of scorpia's thoughts, and more of scorpia's actions and speech which convey her personality: her speech patterns and the way she phrases her thoughts aloud mimic the scorpia i know and love, and that makes me a happy reader, to say the least.
there is a level of detail delved into here in order to explain various ideas put forth. instead of leaving it at saying scorpia liked reading books, we get a description of a sticky stick, that i now want to own, in order for her book reading to be a reasonable phenomenon: her claws for hands are not forgotten or glossed over. lonnie's kiss on the cheek, something i personally think would generally be out of character for her, is explained as plausible by her making sure scorpia knows she isn't to tell anyone; she has a reputation to upkeep.
this fic and its dialogue rely heavily on the use of ellipses, and while their positioning may make the characters' words sound right in one's head, and give the speech a rhythm similar to how said speech would be heard if voiced aloud, they do not read with an equally good result. not all of them are necessary, and a few in certain lines could even be replaced with commas without disrupting speech patterns, or taking away from the rhythm of scorpia's and lonnie's speeches.
Well, this was immensely cute. Loved, loved, loved the interactions between Scorpia and Lonnie — it totally fits that Lonnie's idea of flirting would be sparring. One thing that romance stories live or die on is showing what makes the relationship unique; what do these characters bring to the dynamic that two other characters couldn't? And I think you do a great job of showing that, what with the sparring sessions, Scorpia's love for reading (her explanation of how she reads was great, I want to see Lonnie turn pages for her now), and Lonnie's desire to see the world. Not to mention the voicing, which was spot on. This isn't a story that could be told in the same way with two other characters.
(Rereading it for this review, love Scorpia using Lonnie's line about Hordak giving them leave on Catra too)
If I have a criticism, it's that the climax — Lonnie's big blowup at Scorpia — comes on too fast. Before it, we've just got them being the best of friends, with one tiny dig at Catra by Lonnie. While Lonnie's blowup is justified and understandable, it feels sudden. I'd love to see more frustration from Lonnie before the argument, and even during, before she goes blood-punching. A more gradual emotion slope. An emope.
(Rereading it for this review, love Scorpia using Lonnie's line about Hordak giving them leave on Catra too)
If I have a criticism, it's that the climax — Lonnie's big blowup at Scorpia — comes on too fast. Before it, we've just got them being the best of friends, with one tiny dig at Catra by Lonnie. While Lonnie's blowup is justified and understandable, it feels sudden. I'd love to see more frustration from Lonnie before the argument, and even during, before she goes blood-punching. A more gradual emotion slope. An emope.
Okay, this story does a really good job of selling its charm. "Sticky stick" is really cute, and you've done a really good job of casting Scorpia as a more introverted character.
Now, I'm going to be honest and say that shipping stories aren't usually my cup of tea. You're utilizing a couple of pretty well-used shipfic tropes (misunderstandings, one party being helplessly oblivious) to advance your plot, which makes the end result a little formulaic. Now, formulaic isn't necessarily a bad thing, because the ending is definitely tidy and feel-good in the way I'm sure you hoped it would be.
Despite that, I am feeling a bit of the pacing hiccups that Dubs mentions. My biggest concern is the second-to-last scene, which has a lot happen in a short time. We get the fallout of Lonnie and Scorpia's argument, an important catalyst moment, and a big personal epiphany from Scorpia in just 150 words. That's pretty breakneck, and I think it doesn't leave the reader enough time to feel the weight of Lonnie and Scorpia's hurt before the resolution scene. This might be part of the reason why the ending read so simply to me.
So in the end, I think my suggestion would maybe be to expand on the conflict between Lonnie and Scorpia. As it is right now, we spend more than two thousand words (almost 2/3 of your wordcount) building up the chemistry between the two, and then we get a resolution in a few hundred words. And while it's a nice resolution, it ends up feeling a little too easy to me.
Now, I'm going to be honest and say that shipping stories aren't usually my cup of tea. You're utilizing a couple of pretty well-used shipfic tropes (misunderstandings, one party being helplessly oblivious) to advance your plot, which makes the end result a little formulaic. Now, formulaic isn't necessarily a bad thing, because the ending is definitely tidy and feel-good in the way I'm sure you hoped it would be.
Despite that, I am feeling a bit of the pacing hiccups that Dubs mentions. My biggest concern is the second-to-last scene, which has a lot happen in a short time. We get the fallout of Lonnie and Scorpia's argument, an important catalyst moment, and a big personal epiphany from Scorpia in just 150 words. That's pretty breakneck, and I think it doesn't leave the reader enough time to feel the weight of Lonnie and Scorpia's hurt before the resolution scene. This might be part of the reason why the ending read so simply to me.
So in the end, I think my suggestion would maybe be to expand on the conflict between Lonnie and Scorpia. As it is right now, we spend more than two thousand words (almost 2/3 of your wordcount) building up the chemistry between the two, and then we get a resolution in a few hundred words. And while it's a nice resolution, it ends up feeling a little too easy to me.
Kind of a neutral opening line. It's not inherently interesting, but it's unusual enough that I still want to see what it's about.
This is pretty far into the story, yet it's the first time you take this personal a voice with the narration. All of it so far either wouldn't sound out of place in an omniscient narration or is at most a pretty shallow limited. If you want to use one this deep, make it clear very close to the beginning of the story, in the first paragraph if possible. You don't want the reader having to re-evaluate what kind of narration you're using, so set those expectations right away.
In the second scene, it's the third paragraph before I'm sure who's been saying each piece of dialogue. Just give me a speech tag on the first one, and it's all clear.
There's a lot of subtext here, and it's really interesting. I could read Lonnie as someone who has a crush on Scorpia and is trying to help her with Catra while secretly wishing Scorpia liked her. I could see Lonnie as just being friendly and getting frustrated that Scorpia isn't being treated fairly. Or maybe I could take Lonnie at face value, she has no attraction to Scorpia, but she's also missing Adora. Any of those are possible, and it's nice to think through the possibilities. Of course, the story might ending up resolving the ambiguity of it...
This wrapped up rather quickly. In a single scene, we start with Scorpia being obsessed with a Catra who will barely give her the time of day, and Lonnie seems to feel the same way about Scorpia. Then we end with Scorpia realizing Catra will never reciprocate, figuring out what Lonnie was doing all along, saying she's still never going to stop loving Catra but willing to start something with Lonnie, both agreeing they're an item, having a first kiss... Yeah, we had some nice pacing through most of the story, but you really cranked it up at the end.
The underpinnings of the romance are done well, though. Like I said in my review of "Transcribed Memories," a great way to sell the romance and bring it alive are to poke at small examples that are representative of the whole. So you chose reading as the way for them to connect, and you did a very good job of it. No, reading doesn't define their entire character, but it doesn't need to. It's just a specific way of getting them to relate to each other, an it gives them quite a bit of depth. Not just the fact that Scorpia likes to read, but what and how, so that it comes across as so much more authentic.
Nice job, and if you take your time with the ending more, you'll have something in great shape to publish.
Unloading, yeah. She could do that.
This is pretty far into the story, yet it's the first time you take this personal a voice with the narration. All of it so far either wouldn't sound out of place in an omniscient narration or is at most a pretty shallow limited. If you want to use one this deep, make it clear very close to the beginning of the story, in the first paragraph if possible. You don't want the reader having to re-evaluate what kind of narration you're using, so set those expectations right away.
In the second scene, it's the third paragraph before I'm sure who's been saying each piece of dialogue. Just give me a speech tag on the first one, and it's all clear.
There's a lot of subtext here, and it's really interesting. I could read Lonnie as someone who has a crush on Scorpia and is trying to help her with Catra while secretly wishing Scorpia liked her. I could see Lonnie as just being friendly and getting frustrated that Scorpia isn't being treated fairly. Or maybe I could take Lonnie at face value, she has no attraction to Scorpia, but she's also missing Adora. Any of those are possible, and it's nice to think through the possibilities. Of course, the story might ending up resolving the ambiguity of it...
This wrapped up rather quickly. In a single scene, we start with Scorpia being obsessed with a Catra who will barely give her the time of day, and Lonnie seems to feel the same way about Scorpia. Then we end with Scorpia realizing Catra will never reciprocate, figuring out what Lonnie was doing all along, saying she's still never going to stop loving Catra but willing to start something with Lonnie, both agreeing they're an item, having a first kiss... Yeah, we had some nice pacing through most of the story, but you really cranked it up at the end.
The underpinnings of the romance are done well, though. Like I said in my review of "Transcribed Memories," a great way to sell the romance and bring it alive are to poke at small examples that are representative of the whole. So you chose reading as the way for them to connect, and you did a very good job of it. No, reading doesn't define their entire character, but it doesn't need to. It's just a specific way of getting them to relate to each other, an it gives them quite a bit of depth. Not just the fact that Scorpia likes to read, but what and how, so that it comes across as so much more authentic.
Nice job, and if you take your time with the ending more, you'll have something in great shape to publish.