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Creation Takes Too Long
God stood upon the world, and its goodness was clear to perceive with each of His three heads. All were equal components of the Divinity, differing only in aspect and temperament. One, Most Eminent, studied a checklist; the second, Lordly Radiance, scanned the seas and mountains and the new foliage from three Divine Days ago; and the third, Cerulean Might, looked upon the flying birds and frolicking beasts that had been created only Yesterday in Godly terms. So far, all was going according to plan.
At the Divinity’s feet stood the latest creation: Humanity. Male and female they’d been created, each in Godly image but with singular heads, in a breeding population of ten thousand to get things going solidly.
God was weary from the labor of the last six days, but there were many, many things to accomplish yet. Most studied the checklist, a worried scowl crawling over His features, as Lordly finished addressing the assembled humans, giving them dominion over all the seed-bearing plants and the creatures that possessed the Breath of Life.
Meanwhile, Cerulean chewed thoughtfully. “Hmm. These things, these apples…?”
“I thought they were pomegranates?” said Lordly.
“Whatever. They’re pretty good. As they age, they start giving Me a tingly sensation on My tongue when I eat them.”
“Oh, really?” said Most.
“And then I start getting the same tingly sensation in My brain…”
“You’re not alone,” said Lordly, his eyes starting to lose their focus.
“I’m feeling it too,” said Most, His head wavering. “Maybe You should stop eating those fruits.”
“But they’re so good!” said Cerulean, popping another handful (several trees’ worth) of brown mushy spheres into His mouth. “Hmm. Maybe You’re right, Mo’. That last bunch tasted really tingly.”
“I find I am no longer able to focus Our power with any reliable accuracy,” said Lordly with deliberate slowness and slurred voice, “and I am further feeling the weight of Our six days of labor. I suggest We take a short break.”
“But, Lorrie, the schedule…” Most blinked, and His vision started to blur. “Very well, I see Your point.”
God approached two mountain ranges, which wavered and resolved into one as He grew near. The Divine Presence sank into a peaceful pose, heads arrayed on the cool snowy peak. “Ah, a rest!” said Most. “But just an hour; there’s so much left to do…”
Soon, thunderous snores from three drooping heads rolled across the lands, and the assembled humans stared up in unease, then increasing dismay.
A whole Divine Day later, The Divinity arose, trying to clutch Its three heads with two hands. The snows had melted from the mountains in the heat of the hangover.
“Ugh. Those apples--” began Most.
“Pomegranates?” said Lordly.
“Whatever they were. I want them banned! Verboten!” cried Most. He scrabbled for the checklist and seized it just as Cerulean and Lordly gasped in dismay. The once-verdant hills were brown; the creatures that depended on the desiccated plants had perished, the creatures that depended on the creatures that depended on plants had perished, and the humans had run out of dried leaves and dead creatures and perished as well.
“Cerulie! This is Your fault, You numbskull!” cried Most, striking Cerulean on his bald pate.
Lordly spoke in deep sadness. “Everything’s dead, Mo’; We’ll have to start from scratch.”
“We can’t, Lorrie!” said Most, the checklist fluttering in his trembling hand. “We’ve sunk most of Our power into this thing. Can’t We just rebuild from what’s left?”
“Well, this human here…” Lordly pointed to a dusty form. “He’s moribund, but let’s see if We can breathe some life back into him. Then We can try to restore some plants and a few animals and restart the ecosystem. Maybe create some basic species and use natural selection to close the gaps…” Lordly noted the panic and frustration growing in the others. “…I think it’s the best We can do right now,” He finished quietly.
“What about the female humans?” said Cerulean. “We’ve lost Our breeding stock!”
“If I get this one going, We can use some flesh from him to recreate them. Let Me work!” Lordly raised the corpse to infuse it with Divine Breath.
Most stared at the checklist in horror. The whole plan was ruined; this project would only be a shadow of what the Divine Will had intended. He wanted to scream. “What’s that human’s name, anyway?” He said instead.
Cerulean rolled His eyes, then winced and clutched His aching head. “Ah… damn.”
At the Divinity’s feet stood the latest creation: Humanity. Male and female they’d been created, each in Godly image but with singular heads, in a breeding population of ten thousand to get things going solidly.
God was weary from the labor of the last six days, but there were many, many things to accomplish yet. Most studied the checklist, a worried scowl crawling over His features, as Lordly finished addressing the assembled humans, giving them dominion over all the seed-bearing plants and the creatures that possessed the Breath of Life.
Meanwhile, Cerulean chewed thoughtfully. “Hmm. These things, these apples…?”
“I thought they were pomegranates?” said Lordly.
“Whatever. They’re pretty good. As they age, they start giving Me a tingly sensation on My tongue when I eat them.”
“Oh, really?” said Most.
“And then I start getting the same tingly sensation in My brain…”
“You’re not alone,” said Lordly, his eyes starting to lose their focus.
“I’m feeling it too,” said Most, His head wavering. “Maybe You should stop eating those fruits.”
“But they’re so good!” said Cerulean, popping another handful (several trees’ worth) of brown mushy spheres into His mouth. “Hmm. Maybe You’re right, Mo’. That last bunch tasted really tingly.”
“I find I am no longer able to focus Our power with any reliable accuracy,” said Lordly with deliberate slowness and slurred voice, “and I am further feeling the weight of Our six days of labor. I suggest We take a short break.”
“But, Lorrie, the schedule…” Most blinked, and His vision started to blur. “Very well, I see Your point.”
God approached two mountain ranges, which wavered and resolved into one as He grew near. The Divine Presence sank into a peaceful pose, heads arrayed on the cool snowy peak. “Ah, a rest!” said Most. “But just an hour; there’s so much left to do…”
Soon, thunderous snores from three drooping heads rolled across the lands, and the assembled humans stared up in unease, then increasing dismay.
A whole Divine Day later, The Divinity arose, trying to clutch Its three heads with two hands. The snows had melted from the mountains in the heat of the hangover.
“Ugh. Those apples--” began Most.
“Pomegranates?” said Lordly.
“Whatever they were. I want them banned! Verboten!” cried Most. He scrabbled for the checklist and seized it just as Cerulean and Lordly gasped in dismay. The once-verdant hills were brown; the creatures that depended on the desiccated plants had perished, the creatures that depended on the creatures that depended on plants had perished, and the humans had run out of dried leaves and dead creatures and perished as well.
“Cerulie! This is Your fault, You numbskull!” cried Most, striking Cerulean on his bald pate.
Lordly spoke in deep sadness. “Everything’s dead, Mo’; We’ll have to start from scratch.”
“We can’t, Lorrie!” said Most, the checklist fluttering in his trembling hand. “We’ve sunk most of Our power into this thing. Can’t We just rebuild from what’s left?”
“Well, this human here…” Lordly pointed to a dusty form. “He’s moribund, but let’s see if We can breathe some life back into him. Then We can try to restore some plants and a few animals and restart the ecosystem. Maybe create some basic species and use natural selection to close the gaps…” Lordly noted the panic and frustration growing in the others. “…I think it’s the best We can do right now,” He finished quietly.
“What about the female humans?” said Cerulean. “We’ve lost Our breeding stock!”
“If I get this one going, We can use some flesh from him to recreate them. Let Me work!” Lordly raised the corpse to infuse it with Divine Breath.
Most stared at the checklist in horror. The whole plan was ruined; this project would only be a shadow of what the Divine Will had intended. He wanted to scream. “What’s that human’s name, anyway?” He said instead.
Cerulean rolled His eyes, then winced and clutched His aching head. “Ah… damn.”
This'll probably end up being one of my favorites from this round. From a certain perspective, it's just dumb fun, but it's undeniably fun. I love how the moment the godheads start talking serves as this kind of mini-twist that instantly deflates the reverent mood of the first three paragraphs. And then, well, the rest of it is silly entertainment.
One thing I'd like to note, is that all three voices sounded basically identical to me. But to be honest, I'm not sure how much this story actually needs three distinct voices to me effective. As it is right now, I may have gotten frustrated for a second or two as I tried to figure out who was talking in one or two places, but it definitely didn't single-handedly ruin the experience for me.
Overall, very enjoyable and just light enough to go down easily.
One thing I'd like to note, is that all three voices sounded basically identical to me. But to be honest, I'm not sure how much this story actually needs three distinct voices to me effective. As it is right now, I may have gotten frustrated for a second or two as I tried to figure out who was talking in one or two places, but it definitely didn't single-handedly ruin the experience for me.
Overall, very enjoyable and just light enough to go down easily.
Fun and absurd, not a whole lot to suggest for it.
One nitpicky observation - moribund, is not a corpse yet
Way to subvert the trinity with the three stooges; it took me until the second read to catch the larry/moe/curly paralellism.
One nitpicky observation - moribund, is not a corpse yet
Way to subvert the trinity with the three stooges; it took me until the second read to catch the larry/moe/curly paralellism.
I always had a fondness for creation stories, especially those which take the subject lightly like this one. I would lie if I wrote the subject is new, but the way you tackled it is fun, although I vaguely remember a story where the protagonist wasn't a three-headed god, but a three-headed hydra whose heads would never agree.
I don’t have much to add, because there’s not much besides that. It’s more like an elaborate joke (maybe even a feghoot) than a true story. I think it’ll end up in the middle of my slate.
I don’t have much to add, because there’s not much besides that. It’s more like an elaborate joke (maybe even a feghoot) than a true story. I think it’ll end up in the middle of my slate.
Yours is the last story I read so it gets the perspective of critiquing all the rest. Three stories with religious themes this time! Something about unimportant days? Not sure...
What I am sure is that your story did entertain me. I felt the three heads angle was somewhat refreshing, though the names were too difficult to follow and slowed it down. While the plot felt creative, and it was, it also felt vaguely hackneyed. I suppose every writer must do an Adam and Eve story, and the pun at the end did bring a smile to my face. Together with the entertainment value, it kept your story midway in my voting.
So, you've done your Adam and Eve. Good. It's out of your system. Don't do that again.
What I am sure is that your story did entertain me. I felt the three heads angle was somewhat refreshing, though the names were too difficult to follow and slowed it down. While the plot felt creative, and it was, it also felt vaguely hackneyed. I suppose every writer must do an Adam and Eve story, and the pun at the end did bring a smile to my face. Together with the entertainment value, it kept your story midway in my voting.
So, you've done your Adam and Eve. Good. It's out of your system. Don't do that again.
>>Bachiavellian, >>Ratlab, >>Monokeras, >>scifipony
Creation Takes Too Long
My main point of departure with this was considering the Book of Genesis, which most scholars agree is several inconsistent creation stories mashed together. I thought of trying to reconcile the second chapter with the events of the first, and from this the Stooge Trinity developed. It helped that I have painted a certain notorious Ral Partha miniature called the Three-Headed Troll…
Thanks to all who enjoyed and reviewed it!
>>scifipony
I don’t think this counts as a stereotypical “Adam and Eve” story. I am clearly talking about the events of the Book of Genesis from the start and am not trying to spring a concealed-identity surprise at the ending, though maybe giving a different etymology for his name.
Creation Takes Too Long
My main point of departure with this was considering the Book of Genesis, which most scholars agree is several inconsistent creation stories mashed together. I thought of trying to reconcile the second chapter with the events of the first, and from this the Stooge Trinity developed. It helped that I have painted a certain notorious Ral Partha miniature called the Three-Headed Troll…
Thanks to all who enjoyed and reviewed it!
>>scifipony
I don’t think this counts as a stereotypical “Adam and Eve” story. I am clearly talking about the events of the Book of Genesis from the start and am not trying to spring a concealed-identity surprise at the ending, though maybe giving a different etymology for his name.