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Grand Dreams, Wordsmith
Dear Pa,
I have just arrived in backwater Ponyville. Doesn’t show up on the map, so it’s perfect! An up-and-coming town for an up-and-coming stallion. Trust me, I’m going to make miracles here.
Locals are pretty neighbourly. Already made friends at the bakery.
Grand Pear.
Dear Pa,
The bakers here sent me to some apple farm! Alas, the bigwigs own the land “by royal appointment”. Big for their britches here, but that’s why I love it!
The old pear charm’ll wrangle us a farm.
Grand Pear.
Dear Pa,
Life Lesson Number One: Just because the main farmhoof is a mare, don’t expect her to be instantly charmed. The Apple family daughter runs things. She’s got a tongue like a whip!
Grand Pear.
Dear Grand Pear,
I know your “wrangling”. Tried asking nicely, idiot?
Papa Pear.
Dear Pa,
Yes. It worked.
Where’s the fun in that?
Grand Pear.
Dear Mister Pear,
This here’s the map laying out your new pear farm. I got you a spot in the marketplace.
Miss Smith.
Dear Miss Smith,
Thank you for all your help, from the bottom of my heart. To show my appreciation, may I invite you to dinner tonight?
Grand Pear.
Dear Mister Pear,
Don’t you come on to me! Ma warned me about Pears like you. This is strictly business.
Miss Smith.
Dear Miss Smith,
I apologize. You see, my old town Vanhoover was so stuffy and hectic. It’s incredible to come to such a peaceful place and meet such relaxed friends.
Would you consider dinner tonight? As friends?
Mister Pear.
Dear Mister Pear,
Well, alright. It wouldn’t be neighbourly otherwise.
Miss Smith.
Dear Grand Pear,
You wanna meet up again tonight? Tell me more crazy stories! That last one still makes me laugh.
Miss Smith.
Delighted to.
Mister Pear.
Again tonight? You’re a rare find. We could play that horseshoe-tossing game again.
Granny Smith.
Dear Granny,
Roll this way, Apple-Of-My-Eye!
Grandy.
Dear Grandy,
Again tonight?
Granny.
Dear Granny,
Whoa, slow down. I’m losing my sleep.
All right.
Grandy.
Dear Granny,
I’m concerned. How come you didn’t show up last night?
Grandy.
Dear Grandy,
Ma and Pa stopped me. Pears are best kept at a distance, apparently.
Forget their rules. I’m slipping out.
Granny.
Dear Granny,
It’s nonsense. Look at us. We’re thick as thieves, stealing away with all the charm. Still, it might be worth pretending we distrust each other. Keep up appearances.
Can’t wait for tonight!
Grandy.
“Prickly Pear”,
Charred Oak sent you this. I trust him.
I hate pretending we hate each other. Take me to Las Pegasus like you promised! This farm-work is killing me.
Granny.
“Crabapple”,
Use your secret name!
Yes, what my kin say about you is beyond shocking. Be strong!
We need money first, which means farming. Las Pegasus is somewhat above my pay.
“Prickly Pear”
“Prickly Pear”,
Balderdash. You said your Pa was rolling in it.
“Crabapple”
“Crabapple”,
Forgive a stallion a lot of things said in his passionate throes, my sweet. We will go places in time.
“Prickly Pear”
“Prickly Pear”,
When?
“Crabapple”
“Crabapple”,
When I damn well please.
“Prickly Pear”
“Prickly Pear”,
Don’t you swear at me. I asked a civil question.
“Crabapple”
“Crabapple”,
You used to love my swearing. You said it was “liberating”.
“Prickly Pear”
“Prickly Pear”,
Common courtesy ain’t a burden. Your pears don’t sell as well as our apples, so when is this mythical Las Pegasus trip?
“Crabapple”
“Prickly Pear”,
You talked to Cinnamon Swirl in the square today! Leave her alone. She’s my friend.
“Crabapple”
“Crabapple”,
I’ll talk to whoever I want. There’s enough pear charm to go around. She’s sympathetic.
Anyway, you talked to Charred Oak last night. I heard you downhill.
“Prickly Pear”
“Prickly Pear”,
None of your business! In fact, forget this! I’m telling Ma what’s been going on between us. Maybe then it’ll serve as a warning not to get drawn in by a good-for-nothing scallywag.
“Crabapple”
To Miss Smith,
Suit yourself! I don’t want to get bogged down by a high-and-mighty workaholic. Good day to you, ma’am!
Mister Pear.
To Mister Pear,
Glad to hear what’s rightfully on your mind. To think that used to charm me.
Miss Smith.
To Miss Smith,
Alas, when you wear the mask of hatred too long, you inevitably become the mask.
Farewell, Crabapple!
I have just arrived in backwater Ponyville. Doesn’t show up on the map, so it’s perfect! An up-and-coming town for an up-and-coming stallion. Trust me, I’m going to make miracles here.
Locals are pretty neighbourly. Already made friends at the bakery.
Grand Pear.
Dear Pa,
The bakers here sent me to some apple farm! Alas, the bigwigs own the land “by royal appointment”. Big for their britches here, but that’s why I love it!
The old pear charm’ll wrangle us a farm.
Grand Pear.
Dear Pa,
Life Lesson Number One: Just because the main farmhoof is a mare, don’t expect her to be instantly charmed. The Apple family daughter runs things. She’s got a tongue like a whip!
Grand Pear.
Dear Grand Pear,
I know your “wrangling”. Tried asking nicely, idiot?
Papa Pear.
Dear Pa,
Yes. It worked.
Where’s the fun in that?
Grand Pear.
Dear Mister Pear,
This here’s the map laying out your new pear farm. I got you a spot in the marketplace.
Miss Smith.
Dear Miss Smith,
Thank you for all your help, from the bottom of my heart. To show my appreciation, may I invite you to dinner tonight?
Grand Pear.
Dear Mister Pear,
Don’t you come on to me! Ma warned me about Pears like you. This is strictly business.
Miss Smith.
Dear Miss Smith,
I apologize. You see, my old town Vanhoover was so stuffy and hectic. It’s incredible to come to such a peaceful place and meet such relaxed friends.
Would you consider dinner tonight? As friends?
Mister Pear.
Dear Mister Pear,
Well, alright. It wouldn’t be neighbourly otherwise.
Miss Smith.
Dear Grand Pear,
You wanna meet up again tonight? Tell me more crazy stories! That last one still makes me laugh.
Miss Smith.
Delighted to.
Mister Pear.
Again tonight? You’re a rare find. We could play that horseshoe-tossing game again.
Granny Smith.
Dear Granny,
Roll this way, Apple-Of-My-Eye!
Grandy.
Dear Grandy,
Again tonight?
Granny.
Dear Granny,
Whoa, slow down. I’m losing my sleep.
All right.
Grandy.
Dear Granny,
I’m concerned. How come you didn’t show up last night?
Grandy.
Dear Grandy,
Ma and Pa stopped me. Pears are best kept at a distance, apparently.
Forget their rules. I’m slipping out.
Granny.
Dear Granny,
It’s nonsense. Look at us. We’re thick as thieves, stealing away with all the charm. Still, it might be worth pretending we distrust each other. Keep up appearances.
Can’t wait for tonight!
Grandy.
“Prickly Pear”,
Charred Oak sent you this. I trust him.
I hate pretending we hate each other. Take me to Las Pegasus like you promised! This farm-work is killing me.
Granny.
“Crabapple”,
Use your secret name!
Yes, what my kin say about you is beyond shocking. Be strong!
We need money first, which means farming. Las Pegasus is somewhat above my pay.
“Prickly Pear”
“Prickly Pear”,
Balderdash. You said your Pa was rolling in it.
“Crabapple”
“Crabapple”,
Forgive a stallion a lot of things said in his passionate throes, my sweet. We will go places in time.
“Prickly Pear”
“Prickly Pear”,
When?
“Crabapple”
“Crabapple”,
When I damn well please.
“Prickly Pear”
“Prickly Pear”,
Don’t you swear at me. I asked a civil question.
“Crabapple”
“Crabapple”,
You used to love my swearing. You said it was “liberating”.
“Prickly Pear”
“Prickly Pear”,
Common courtesy ain’t a burden. Your pears don’t sell as well as our apples, so when is this mythical Las Pegasus trip?
“Crabapple”
“Prickly Pear”,
You talked to Cinnamon Swirl in the square today! Leave her alone. She’s my friend.
“Crabapple”
“Crabapple”,
I’ll talk to whoever I want. There’s enough pear charm to go around. She’s sympathetic.
Anyway, you talked to Charred Oak last night. I heard you downhill.
“Prickly Pear”
“Prickly Pear”,
None of your business! In fact, forget this! I’m telling Ma what’s been going on between us. Maybe then it’ll serve as a warning not to get drawn in by a good-for-nothing scallywag.
“Crabapple”
To Miss Smith,
Suit yourself! I don’t want to get bogged down by a high-and-mighty workaholic. Good day to you, ma’am!
Mister Pear.
To Mister Pear,
Glad to hear what’s rightfully on your mind. To think that used to charm me.
Miss Smith.
To Miss Smith,
Alas, when you wear the mask of hatred too long, you inevitably become the mask.
Farewell, Crabapple!
Pics
Bravo for trying something different! There's also a really neat idea, here, that Granny and Grand were actually lovers before having a falling out. It was definitely fun to see when/how their relationship fell apart, since the reader knows how things ended up.
I have to admit, though, I really got the feeling that this shouldn't have been a minific. Call it a personal hang-up, but I don't think that this is how angry people write letters. Replying to a letter takes a long time. It's something you do when you've read the other party's letter, thought about how to express yourself, and then taking efforts to best put it down in words, because you know that there will be no instant feedback if part of your letter is misunderstood. There's a thoughtfulness to it even when you're angry, and I think the fact that a lot of these letters came across like impulsive text messages to me isn't the best.
The emotions end up feel rushed, especially with the "When I damn well please" letter. I actually scrolled up to see if I had missed anything, because it felt really out of the blue to me.
Honestly, I feel like a single letter should probably have been a few hundred words at least. Of course, there's no way you can fit something like that into the scope of this contest, but personally I feel that a big expansion is the way to go to make this piece work as intended.
I have to admit, though, I really got the feeling that this shouldn't have been a minific. Call it a personal hang-up, but I don't think that this is how angry people write letters. Replying to a letter takes a long time. It's something you do when you've read the other party's letter, thought about how to express yourself, and then taking efforts to best put it down in words, because you know that there will be no instant feedback if part of your letter is misunderstood. There's a thoughtfulness to it even when you're angry, and I think the fact that a lot of these letters came across like impulsive text messages to me isn't the best.
The emotions end up feel rushed, especially with the "When I damn well please" letter. I actually scrolled up to see if I had missed anything, because it felt really out of the blue to me.
Honestly, I feel like a single letter should probably have been a few hundred words at least. Of course, there's no way you can fit something like that into the scope of this contest, but personally I feel that a big expansion is the way to go to make this piece work as intended.
Reading a bunch of very short letters is boring for me, especially when the content sounds like a normal conversation. You're sacrificing valuable word count for a gimmick while making the dialogue less interesting and harder to read.
This approach is also unrealistic. Hardly ever would a pony write a one-line letter and send it off, much less several in a row. Because this form of conversation takes a long time, writers are bound to impart more information than this in each letter. This is especially true if the content of the letters is dramatic and emotional. What is the benefit of doing it this way when you could just have the characters converse? I'm far more interested in what they say to each other in person than by mail, but I never get to see it.
I realize this is a behind-the-episode fic, but I don't feel like you have a full story here. The resolution offers nothing substantial. Two ponies flirt a little, then get bizarrely jealous and quickly break off all ties as friends? If they're so jealous, they must mean something to one another, so this doesn't make sense. I don't feel like you've provided a conclusion that ties the story cohesively together.
This approach is also unrealistic. Hardly ever would a pony write a one-line letter and send it off, much less several in a row. Because this form of conversation takes a long time, writers are bound to impart more information than this in each letter. This is especially true if the content of the letters is dramatic and emotional. What is the benefit of doing it this way when you could just have the characters converse? I'm far more interested in what they say to each other in person than by mail, but I never get to see it.
I realize this is a behind-the-episode fic, but I don't feel like you have a full story here. The resolution offers nothing substantial. Two ponies flirt a little, then get bizarrely jealous and quickly break off all ties as friends? If they're so jealous, they must mean something to one another, so this doesn't make sense. I don't feel like you've provided a conclusion that ties the story cohesively together.
