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The Gang Sells Hard Flower Arrangements
"We're not going to make rent," Lily said.
"Of course we are!" Rose shoved her away and pointed into the books. "Look, there's all these high numbers! We're doing great!"
"The high numbers are on this side." Lily pointed. "The profits are on this side." She moved her hoof to a column of smaller numbers that dwindled towards zero, passed it, then kept strolling into the negatives without a care in the world.
"That's a problem, isn't it?" Rose asked.
"And that's why we're going to go with my idea," Daisy said.
"We can't sell brownies with poison joke in them," Lily sighed.
"It's not technically illegal yet!" Daisy protested. "Do you have a better idea?"
"And it's safe to eat?" Pinkie asked, rubbing her chin.
"It's like a party in your mouth!" Daisy assured her. “And a hundred percent legal!”
“Until the town meeting next week to vote on the bill Mayor Mare proposed,” Lily mumbled.
“Which means you should buy them now while you can! Otherwise you’ll never get to experience the joy of soaring like a pegasus!” Daisy pushed the tray towards Pinkie. “Only twenty bits each!”
“I do like parties in my mouth,” Pinkie admitted. “When you say soaring like a pegasus do you mean literally or figuratively? Because I’ve been flying and you definitely don’t want to fly while high. Trust me. Rainbow Dash still isn’t sure how she ended up in Las Pegasus married to Trixie.”
“...Just figuratively,” Daisy said.
“Probably,” Lily muttered.
“I’ll take a dozen!”
Daisy packed the brownies away and took Pinkie’s bits, waving as the pink pony pronked away.
“See?” Daisy said. “That’s a quarter of the way there already! We just need to sell a few more and…” She frowned, counting the brownies on the tray. “I could have sworn we had more than this.”
“Oh, uh, I didn’t have lunch so I ate a few.” Rose swallowed. “Sorry. My bad.”
“A few?” Daisy blinked. “How many is a few?”
“I don’t know. Ten?” Rose shrugged. “You know, they’re kinda weak. I’m not feeling anything. They’re really weird-tasting, too.”
“You ate ten of them?!” Daisy gasped.
“How much poison joke is that?” Lily demanded, standing up and looking at Rose’s eyes. “Is she going to be okay?”
“I used the whole stash! It’s going to be illegal, so I figured we should get rid of it!”
“The whole stash?!” Rose shrieked. “Am I going to die?!”
“Probably,” Lily said.
“Nopony has ever died from eating poison joke,” Daisy corrected. “We just need to make sure that we keep her in a safe place and, as responsible adults, we walk her through her trip until she comes down. Which, given how many brownies she ate, will take about a week.”
“I’m gonna die!” Rose screamed, bolting past Daisy and Lily.
“You’re gonna die,” the bat whispered as it flew past her ear.
“I know,” Rose groaned. “And the worst part is, the drugs haven’t even kicked in yet!”
“It’s gonna be real bad once they do,” the ground said, its mouth opening up in front of her hooves. She had to jump over the pit, nearly burning herself on the sun in the process.
“The best thing to do when you get lost is to stay still,” Rose said. “I should just stand as still as I can.”
A tree leaned over to whisper advice “If you do that, they’ll never find you!”
“They won’t?”
“No!’ You’re too good at standing still. You’ll be totally invisible!”
“Oh Celestia!” Rose gasped.
“The only way to make sure they see you is to run as fast as you can!”
“You’re absolutely right, tree!” Rose bolted again.
“Thanks for finding me,” Rose said, a little hoarsely. She took the hot tea Lily offered, soothing her throat.
“It wasn’t hard. You were running in circles and screaming about how you were too slow and we’d never see you,” Lily said.
“It was terrifying. Especially when I imagined Twilight was there lecturing me.”
“That part happened,” Lily said. “You’re signed up for a week of classes on self-control.”
“Oh.”
“It was that or two hundred hours of community service.”
“Thanks anyway,” Rose sighed.
“Girls!” Daisy burst in. “I have a great idea! I took all the money we got from the brownies and I invested it!”
Lily covered her face and held back a sob. “Invested it in what?”
“I bought more poison joke! Everypony’s gonna want it after they saw Rose!”
"Of course we are!" Rose shoved her away and pointed into the books. "Look, there's all these high numbers! We're doing great!"
"The high numbers are on this side." Lily pointed. "The profits are on this side." She moved her hoof to a column of smaller numbers that dwindled towards zero, passed it, then kept strolling into the negatives without a care in the world.
"That's a problem, isn't it?" Rose asked.
"And that's why we're going to go with my idea," Daisy said.
"We can't sell brownies with poison joke in them," Lily sighed.
"It's not technically illegal yet!" Daisy protested. "Do you have a better idea?"
"And it's safe to eat?" Pinkie asked, rubbing her chin.
"It's like a party in your mouth!" Daisy assured her. “And a hundred percent legal!”
“Until the town meeting next week to vote on the bill Mayor Mare proposed,” Lily mumbled.
“Which means you should buy them now while you can! Otherwise you’ll never get to experience the joy of soaring like a pegasus!” Daisy pushed the tray towards Pinkie. “Only twenty bits each!”
“I do like parties in my mouth,” Pinkie admitted. “When you say soaring like a pegasus do you mean literally or figuratively? Because I’ve been flying and you definitely don’t want to fly while high. Trust me. Rainbow Dash still isn’t sure how she ended up in Las Pegasus married to Trixie.”
“...Just figuratively,” Daisy said.
“Probably,” Lily muttered.
“I’ll take a dozen!”
Daisy packed the brownies away and took Pinkie’s bits, waving as the pink pony pronked away.
“See?” Daisy said. “That’s a quarter of the way there already! We just need to sell a few more and…” She frowned, counting the brownies on the tray. “I could have sworn we had more than this.”
“Oh, uh, I didn’t have lunch so I ate a few.” Rose swallowed. “Sorry. My bad.”
“A few?” Daisy blinked. “How many is a few?”
“I don’t know. Ten?” Rose shrugged. “You know, they’re kinda weak. I’m not feeling anything. They’re really weird-tasting, too.”
“You ate ten of them?!” Daisy gasped.
“How much poison joke is that?” Lily demanded, standing up and looking at Rose’s eyes. “Is she going to be okay?”
“I used the whole stash! It’s going to be illegal, so I figured we should get rid of it!”
“The whole stash?!” Rose shrieked. “Am I going to die?!”
“Probably,” Lily said.
“Nopony has ever died from eating poison joke,” Daisy corrected. “We just need to make sure that we keep her in a safe place and, as responsible adults, we walk her through her trip until she comes down. Which, given how many brownies she ate, will take about a week.”
“I’m gonna die!” Rose screamed, bolting past Daisy and Lily.
“You’re gonna die,” the bat whispered as it flew past her ear.
“I know,” Rose groaned. “And the worst part is, the drugs haven’t even kicked in yet!”
“It’s gonna be real bad once they do,” the ground said, its mouth opening up in front of her hooves. She had to jump over the pit, nearly burning herself on the sun in the process.
“The best thing to do when you get lost is to stay still,” Rose said. “I should just stand as still as I can.”
A tree leaned over to whisper advice “If you do that, they’ll never find you!”
“They won’t?”
“No!’ You’re too good at standing still. You’ll be totally invisible!”
“Oh Celestia!” Rose gasped.
“The only way to make sure they see you is to run as fast as you can!”
“You’re absolutely right, tree!” Rose bolted again.
“Thanks for finding me,” Rose said, a little hoarsely. She took the hot tea Lily offered, soothing her throat.
“It wasn’t hard. You were running in circles and screaming about how you were too slow and we’d never see you,” Lily said.
“It was terrifying. Especially when I imagined Twilight was there lecturing me.”
“That part happened,” Lily said. “You’re signed up for a week of classes on self-control.”
“Oh.”
“It was that or two hundred hours of community service.”
“Thanks anyway,” Rose sighed.
“Girls!” Daisy burst in. “I have a great idea! I took all the money we got from the brownies and I invested it!”
Lily covered her face and held back a sob. “Invested it in what?”
“I bought more poison joke! Everypony’s gonna want it after they saw Rose!”
Pics
I loved this. So many good jokes, one after another.
And many of them are funny because they're not exaggerated, but true. If you know what I mean.
Even the title's great.
The only thing missing is what happened to Pinkie Pie. If this gets expanded for Fimfic, I hope she'll show up again. I can kinda see her breaking the 4th wall into someone else's hallucination.
And many of them are funny because they're not exaggerated, but true. If you know what I mean.
Even the title's great.
The only thing missing is what happened to Pinkie Pie. If this gets expanded for Fimfic, I hope she'll show up again. I can kinda see her breaking the 4th wall into someone else's hallucination.
This is fun! As Haze said! Yippee!
BUT!
And this is a problem I have with the artwork, I guess, but... Poison Joke isn't marijuana. It's a fun pun-vention that plays specific pranks on ponies, and it asks for a lot of creativity from the writer to really make it shine. So this sort of shoehorning-in of a real world drug into ponyland without doing anything to ponify it kind of doesn't sit well with me.
But that's just concept. The execution is definitely great, so thanks for writing!
BUT!
And this is a problem I have with the artwork, I guess, but... Poison Joke isn't marijuana. It's a fun pun-vention that plays specific pranks on ponies, and it asks for a lot of creativity from the writer to really make it shine. So this sort of shoehorning-in of a real world drug into ponyland without doing anything to ponify it kind of doesn't sit well with me.
But that's just concept. The execution is definitely great, so thanks for writing!
Always nice to see an It’s Always Sunny reference in a pony round. ^^
Actually, this is very much in line with the kind of hilarious hijinks the gang tend to get up to, and now I’m rereading it with Charlie, Mac, and Dennis voicing Rose, Daisy, and Lily. It works, Writer. Well done.
I, uh, can also say that certain details of the story ring true, if you know what I mean. <.<
Actually, this is very much in line with the kind of hilarious hijinks the gang tend to get up to, and now I’m rereading it with Charlie, Mac, and Dennis voicing Rose, Daisy, and Lily. It works, Writer. Well done.
I, uh, can also say that certain details of the story ring true, if you know what I mean. <.<
Meh.
I'm sure this is funnier if you're into drug culture, but it landed kind of flat for me. I will echo the sentiment that this story was trying to shoehorn a real drug into Equestria, rather than letting poison joke be its usual punny self.
I enjoyed what character interaction there was between the flower girls. I would have liked to see more of that and less "tee-hee they're doing drugs."
I'm sure this is funnier if you're into drug culture, but it landed kind of flat for me. I will echo the sentiment that this story was trying to shoehorn a real drug into Equestria, rather than letting poison joke be its usual punny self.
I enjoyed what character interaction there was between the flower girls. I would have liked to see more of that and less "tee-hee they're doing drugs."