“I stopped at Tea and Spice, on the way here, and the young mare asked me, ‘Hello, are you feeling good today?’ The nerve of some ponies. I mean, of course I have to say, ‘Yes, it’s a wonderful day isn’t it?’ and start talking about the weather, or any other nonsensical topic you ponies love. I’ve never needed her to teach me that, I already knew. It’s just that, well, I usually didn’t bother before, before I met her I mean. I snapped my fingers and suddenly my well-being wasn’t their problem anymore and theirs wasn’t mine too. Maybe that’s why I didn’t get the question for a time...

“So when this mare wanted to know if I was feeling good, I couldn’t help but be honest with her. I wasn’t having a good day—how could it be when your best friend is dead?—so I told her that, ‘My friend is dead.’ And she immediately burst into tears. Which should have made me happy but didn’t. And yet I had promised myself I would go back to my old ways once this small parenthesis was over, but no. I guess she did leave her mark on me.

“Anyway, I try to comfort her: ‘It’s fine, it’s fine’—it’s not—and you know what she does? She gives me some free samples with my order.

“My friend died and I got free samples. Is that a friendship thing I’m not aware of—when someone you cared for dies—are ponies supposed to offer you free samples?

“But I digress. This is not what we’re here for after all. I apologise.

“So here I am, Discord, Chaos incarnate, doing a eulogy for Fluttershy, Kindness incarnate. Pretty ironic, if you ask me. Am I really supposed to live up to her actions?

“She did a lot of things, you know. One day, she traveled all across the world to heal a critter. Another day, she sang for an entire town. And during all this time, I never understood what she saw in me. It’s not like she needed me in her life—she already had five amazing and annoying friends. But this day, I realised I needed her in mine. Is that what befriending someone means? That you make the other one dependent on you while you’re not? That’s kinda twisted if you ask me, and that comes from the spirit of Chaos.

“My friend is dead and everything is deafening now—which is, once again, kinda ironic when you knew her. She said that a lot, ‘everything is deafening’. Every time a critter she cared for passed away... I only understand now what she meant, because now, every sound I hear is an offense to her memory. I mean, come on, the greatest pony is dead, can’t you just keep it quiet for a second? Yes, you in the second row, you’d be a delight if you’d stop your unremitting sighing.

“You know, for a long time, a very long time, I thought ponies were funny: running around like headless chickens—no offense, lady—desperately looking for their reason to exist, but with such a short lifespan it makes the joke even more delicious. You are creatures of chaos, and yet you hold onto every semblance of order you manage to find. And I laughed, all this time I laughed. Then I met her. And now that she is dead, now that we’ve reached the funniest part, I don’t want to laugh. Funny...

“Anyway, even though she wanted her coffin to remain closed, I believe, as her friend, she deserves to shine one last time. Only she couldn’t see how she brought beauty and peace to everything she touched, like when she convinced hornets to stop stealing honey from the bees and actually make their own. With a few kind words, she turned millennia of instinctive behavior into peace and harmony. Maybe that’s why she wanted me as her friend. She needed me to see her, not like her other friends, but like only I could…

“Maybe… But let’s let her light bask us and open her coffin shall we?

“...Wait a minute, is this the two pm funeral...?”

“Discord! Discord!”

“F-Fluttershy?”

“Oh Discord, I’ve finally found you! How are you feeling? Are you confused?”

“Well… Kinda…”

“Oh poor thing, Twilight told me it could happen, that mixing time and chaos magic could mess with your brain, but she swore to never try again. And of course, she deeply apologizes… Discord? Why are you laughing?”