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So... not only did she get a mysterious call begging for help, but also a possibly different mysterious caller has her cell phone number and knows she is on her way to Winter Haven, FL, and is trying to convince her to not investigate?
I like the character of Mary, but I'm pretty confused as to what's happening.
I like the character of Mary, but I'm pretty confused as to what's happening.
Someone found an incredibly engaging method to show off their knowledge of varied composers throughout history.
This really reminds me of something I'd have seen in a more teen-leveled episode of "Are You Afraid of the Dark," honestly, which is great because I loved that show as a kid. There's spookiness, a bit of casual mean spirited coworkers, and a nobody about to meddle her way into forces well beyond her comprehension, if my guesses are right.
Good job.
This really reminds me of something I'd have seen in a more teen-leveled episode of "Are You Afraid of the Dark," honestly, which is great because I loved that show as a kid. There's spookiness, a bit of casual mean spirited coworkers, and a nobody about to meddle her way into forces well beyond her comprehension, if my guesses are right.
Good job.
Fair entry. I mean, I agree pretty much with >>Hap that the fake call she receives while she’s on the go is hard to construe. Who is it, and why? That left me a bit confused.
Also I learned a trivia about Mahler. Thanks for that, although Mahler is not my favorite composer by a long shot (I tend to favor concerti anyway). Dvorak I know little apart of the famous From the New World symphony (#9).
Anyways. A nice little story, which hold its own. Good job.
Also I learned a trivia about Mahler. Thanks for that, although Mahler is not my favorite composer by a long shot (I tend to favor concerti anyway). Dvorak I know little apart of the famous From the New World symphony (#9).
Anyways. A nice little story, which hold its own. Good job.
Goddamnit.
The best cliffhangers are the ones that leave you in suspense. The worst ones are the ones that give you suspense and then leave you. I supposed it's the best way you could have annoyed me, author: By ending your story way before I wanted you to.
I think if I had to pick three things that I care about most when it comes to these write-off entries, they would be characterization, plot, and resolution. You totally nailed the first two, and then when the third one came up you punched me in the jaw. I was more engaged by this than any other story that I read, and Mary's character was phenomenal. I especially loved the call-back to the librarian whisper, which I wasn't expecting at all, yet it fit like a book sleeve.
But then it's all left unresolved. Cliffhangers are great when the next part of the story is readily available (like the next chapter, or you just have to wait a week for the next episode), but I'm now left totally disappointed because I feel I'll never know how this'll end.
This would have been a topper if the conflict had resolved in a satisfying way (though it had a tough act to follow!). But unfortunately I'm gonna have to dock it a few places. Still though, this is a dynamite opening to a much longer story.
The best cliffhangers are the ones that leave you in suspense. The worst ones are the ones that give you suspense and then leave you. I supposed it's the best way you could have annoyed me, author: By ending your story way before I wanted you to.
I think if I had to pick three things that I care about most when it comes to these write-off entries, they would be characterization, plot, and resolution. You totally nailed the first two, and then when the third one came up you punched me in the jaw. I was more engaged by this than any other story that I read, and Mary's character was phenomenal. I especially loved the call-back to the librarian whisper, which I wasn't expecting at all, yet it fit like a book sleeve.
But then it's all left unresolved. Cliffhangers are great when the next part of the story is readily available (like the next chapter, or you just have to wait a week for the next episode), but I'm now left totally disappointed because I feel I'll never know how this'll end.
This would have been a topper if the conflict had resolved in a satisfying way (though it had a tough act to follow!). But unfortunately I'm gonna have to dock it a few places. Still though, this is a dynamite opening to a much longer story.
I'm split here, too, author:
Mary has a complete character arc, sure--I mean, she's quite literally answered the call to adventure--but is that enough? This could easily blossom out into a novel, but as a short story, I don't know if it quite satisfies...
Mike
Mary has a complete character arc, sure--I mean, she's quite literally answered the call to adventure--but is that enough? This could easily blossom out into a novel, but as a short story, I don't know if it quite satisfies...
Mike
Congrats to our medalists:
And thanks for the comments, folks. I wanted to try two experiments here: first, to write a story with only human characters in it and second, to write a story that focused completely on the character while only kind of implying the larger action of the story. Neither of them quite worked out, but I think I got a kernal that I can do more work on.
Thanks again!
Mike
And thanks for the comments, folks. I wanted to try two experiments here: first, to write a story with only human characters in it and second, to write a story that focused completely on the character while only kind of implying the larger action of the story. Neither of them quite worked out, but I think I got a kernal that I can do more work on.
Thanks again!
Mike