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Bad Romance
Rarity was not having a good day.
She had spent hours upon hours looking for a single mare: Applejack, and her search had ended up being fruitless. A lost cause. For some reason, the farm pony had chosen this day out of all possible days to go out of town to deliver some apples, and she had only found out half an hour ago.
It was lonely, trudging her way to Carousel Boutique. The windy weather didn’t bother her that much either, though she attributed that to the fact that she was caked in mud from head to hoof. Something that was, frankly, not the worst thing that could’ve happened to Rarity.
Sighing, Rarity stared at the limp and dying flowers in her magical grip. Looking back on the day, she really couldn’t do anything but mope. It was terrible.
She had started by going on a morning stroll. Contemplating her purpose in life, as any proper lady should spend time on doing, as well as brainstorming new ideas that could fit into her newest line of clothing. Upon seeing a couple softly leaning against each other while they walked, Rarity stopped and looked at them with longing.
It was then, Rarity realised, that she was missing something. Something important. It was a feeling that she only got when she looked at couples with longing… and when she looked at Applejack. It was Applejack, she realised, that she’d been thinking about more and more everyday.
At that point, Rarity had marched up to the only plausible store to sell high quality flora for a bargain price, but found that their stock of a couple more roses had just depleted mere moments before she had come. Frowning with incredulity, Rarity nearly cried as she bought daisies. When the Flower Ponies questioned Rarity about her need for roses, she deflected it with a lame excuse.
The Flower Ponies merely smiled and looked at each other knowingly, until they noticed a flower out of place and collapsed in a fashion that rivalled Rarity’s at her worst. After having bought flowers, she had proceeded to Applejack’s vendor stand to display the flowers before talking to her in private, but found the stand devoid of life.
What followed at first was a friendly visit to Pinkie Pie. When Rarity went to ask her, she ducked and missed a cupcake nearly touching her natural coiffure by only a couple breadths of hair strands. Pouting angrily at Pinkie, she had asked where Applejack was. Pinkie shrugged and offered a cupcake for nearly hitting her. As the lady she was, Rarity accepted, but Pinkie asked why finding Applejack was important.
Rarity said it wasn’t anything important. Pinkie only smiled and nodded with a devious “Mm-hmmm… When you need me, I’m here!”
After that, she had knocked on Twilight and Fluttershy’s doors, only to find similar notes about their companions being sick. She huffed.
“If I didn’t know better, I’d say everypony I care about was trying to ignore me!” Rarity had grumbled, resolving to finally go straight to the source: Sweet Apple Acres. No matter how… inappropriate it actually was to come unprecedented for such a reason. But when she got there…
Now Rarity could see the door of the Boutique, and all she wanted to do was lie on her couch and cry while eating ice-cream. It was the most pathetic thing to do, and she didn’t care if she would track mud. All because she had been standing in the wrong place at the wrong time, allowing for a carriage to splatter her in the vile concoction and trample her precious flowers.
To say it was a surprise to see Applejack standing patiently by Rarity’s front door was an understatement.
“A-Applejack? What-?”
“I heard you’ve been lookin’ for me, Rares,” Applejack smiled. “What’s poppin’?”
“I’ve, I,” Rarity began, before sighing and looking down limply. “I’ve had the worst day, Applejack, and you weren’t even there for me to complain about it.”
“I’m here now, blabber all you want!” Applejack joked, until she saw Rarity’s face. “Come on, tell me the truth.”
“I… there’s nothing that needs to be talked about.”
“Yer lyin’. I know you. Who’re those flowers for?”
“You of course- I mean Opal needed something and-”
“Rarity?” Applejack whispered, shaking her head. “Lie me a river all you want, but I know exactly why you came looking for me.”
Rarity gulped. “And w-why’s that?”
“This.”
Wiping Rarity’s face with a hoof, Applejack kissed her.
She had spent hours upon hours looking for a single mare: Applejack, and her search had ended up being fruitless. A lost cause. For some reason, the farm pony had chosen this day out of all possible days to go out of town to deliver some apples, and she had only found out half an hour ago.
It was lonely, trudging her way to Carousel Boutique. The windy weather didn’t bother her that much either, though she attributed that to the fact that she was caked in mud from head to hoof. Something that was, frankly, not the worst thing that could’ve happened to Rarity.
Sighing, Rarity stared at the limp and dying flowers in her magical grip. Looking back on the day, she really couldn’t do anything but mope. It was terrible.
She had started by going on a morning stroll. Contemplating her purpose in life, as any proper lady should spend time on doing, as well as brainstorming new ideas that could fit into her newest line of clothing. Upon seeing a couple softly leaning against each other while they walked, Rarity stopped and looked at them with longing.
It was then, Rarity realised, that she was missing something. Something important. It was a feeling that she only got when she looked at couples with longing… and when she looked at Applejack. It was Applejack, she realised, that she’d been thinking about more and more everyday.
At that point, Rarity had marched up to the only plausible store to sell high quality flora for a bargain price, but found that their stock of a couple more roses had just depleted mere moments before she had come. Frowning with incredulity, Rarity nearly cried as she bought daisies. When the Flower Ponies questioned Rarity about her need for roses, she deflected it with a lame excuse.
The Flower Ponies merely smiled and looked at each other knowingly, until they noticed a flower out of place and collapsed in a fashion that rivalled Rarity’s at her worst. After having bought flowers, she had proceeded to Applejack’s vendor stand to display the flowers before talking to her in private, but found the stand devoid of life.
What followed at first was a friendly visit to Pinkie Pie. When Rarity went to ask her, she ducked and missed a cupcake nearly touching her natural coiffure by only a couple breadths of hair strands. Pouting angrily at Pinkie, she had asked where Applejack was. Pinkie shrugged and offered a cupcake for nearly hitting her. As the lady she was, Rarity accepted, but Pinkie asked why finding Applejack was important.
Rarity said it wasn’t anything important. Pinkie only smiled and nodded with a devious “Mm-hmmm… When you need me, I’m here!”
After that, she had knocked on Twilight and Fluttershy’s doors, only to find similar notes about their companions being sick. She huffed.
“If I didn’t know better, I’d say everypony I care about was trying to ignore me!” Rarity had grumbled, resolving to finally go straight to the source: Sweet Apple Acres. No matter how… inappropriate it actually was to come unprecedented for such a reason. But when she got there…
Now Rarity could see the door of the Boutique, and all she wanted to do was lie on her couch and cry while eating ice-cream. It was the most pathetic thing to do, and she didn’t care if she would track mud. All because she had been standing in the wrong place at the wrong time, allowing for a carriage to splatter her in the vile concoction and trample her precious flowers.
To say it was a surprise to see Applejack standing patiently by Rarity’s front door was an understatement.
“A-Applejack? What-?”
“I heard you’ve been lookin’ for me, Rares,” Applejack smiled. “What’s poppin’?”
“I’ve, I,” Rarity began, before sighing and looking down limply. “I’ve had the worst day, Applejack, and you weren’t even there for me to complain about it.”
“I’m here now, blabber all you want!” Applejack joked, until she saw Rarity’s face. “Come on, tell me the truth.”
“I… there’s nothing that needs to be talked about.”
“Yer lyin’. I know you. Who’re those flowers for?”
“You of course- I mean Opal needed something and-”
“Rarity?” Applejack whispered, shaking her head. “Lie me a river all you want, but I know exactly why you came looking for me.”
Rarity gulped. “And w-why’s that?”
“This.”
Wiping Rarity’s face with a hoof, Applejack kissed her.
There's a lot of summary in this story, which kinda almost works for it? It gives a feeling of length, and keeps any one part from totally overstaying its welcome.
On the other hand, the ending here is kinda just... eh. Like, Rarity goes through all this, and then just stumbles into a happy ending. It's not really very satisfying, and nothing she did along the way really plays into it. Sure, it's a story, but it feels awfully unearned.
I mean, you can make that work, too. Love is given, not earned. But to be honest, I'd like to see this focus more on Applejack and Rarity, and less on Rarity and everyone else. Even if that's just more reflection on why Applejack is The One or what.
Anyways, it's a drama, things happen, I understood what was going on, and bit of shipping never hurt anyone. I just wish it landed better is all. Thanks for writing!
On the other hand, the ending here is kinda just... eh. Like, Rarity goes through all this, and then just stumbles into a happy ending. It's not really very satisfying, and nothing she did along the way really plays into it. Sure, it's a story, but it feels awfully unearned.
I mean, you can make that work, too. Love is given, not earned. But to be honest, I'd like to see this focus more on Applejack and Rarity, and less on Rarity and everyone else. Even if that's just more reflection on why Applejack is The One or what.
Anyways, it's a drama, things happen, I understood what was going on, and bit of shipping never hurt anyone. I just wish it landed better is all. Thanks for writing!
Applejack smiled. “What’s poppin’?”
I'm not sure that I ever thought I would hear Applejack say that string of words.
I... don't know how much the title is supposed to describe the story, because, and I apologise for my words, this is literrally a bad romance fic. I can almost see this image. And I think the reason is that more than half of the story is just recall of past events. Rarity has a bad day, and here are the reason why, blahblahblah, and then pouff, Applejack is here, and then they kiss.
The only things Rarity does before meeting Applejack is walking home and sighing.
As my esteemed colleague >>Not_A_Hat mentionned, it's not really satisfying. Not because she hasn't worked for her love, but because she almost didn't do anything to simply exist as a character.
My (probably bad) advice would be to take everything that happened in the past of the story and to make it happen in the present of the story. This way, you'll have your main character acting instead of enduring the story (even if the story is indeed about Rarity enduring suffering).
The only things Rarity does before meeting Applejack is walking home and sighing.
As my esteemed colleague >>Not_A_Hat mentionned, it's not really satisfying. Not because she hasn't worked for her love, but because she almost didn't do anything to simply exist as a character.
My (probably bad) advice would be to take everything that happened in the past of the story and to make it happen in the present of the story. This way, you'll have your main character acting instead of enduring the story (even if the story is indeed about Rarity enduring suffering).