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When he smiles at me, his eyes are dull and empty. When I kiss him, the movement of his lips against mine feels mechanical, almost rehearsed. When we make love, there is no love to be found. I feel nothing from him.
It's been this way ever since our wedding. He hasn’t said anything to me about it. He goes about his day, masquerading as if nothing has changed. On the surface, nothing has.
Perhaps he feels obligated. To me. To his duties. To the Empire. He has always been so steadfast. It's one of the infinite number of things I love about him.
I just don’t understand why I’m not good enough for him anymore. I don’t know if I ever want to.
It hurts to pretend like this, but the pain of even imagining the alternative is so much worse.
I lie awake most nights, wondering when he’ll finally tell me.
Perhaps I’m selfish, but I pray he never does.
She’s my everything. She always has been. Her heart was broken once when I fell victim to that monster, and I would give my life a thousand times over to keep from hurting her like that ever again. It may be over now, but the damage is done.
She wants to pretend like nothing happened. I suppose that makes it a bit easier for both of us. Still, no matter how much time passes, I will never forgive myself. I may never be whole again, but I’ve already accepted my fate. In a way, I deserve it.
I love her. I do. That spark I felt for her is still there. I know it is. I just have to act as if I can still feel it, as if I can feel anything other than hollow echoes in my soul. I need to show her that I still love her, even if I can’t anymore.
So I smile when she needs me to, during the times when I know it should come naturally. I kiss her and hold her the same way I always have, the way I remember from memories clouded with passion. I do everything I can in the hopes that she never learns the truth. I have to. Being with her, even if it’s just a facade, will at least allow her to be happy. That’s all that matters to me, then and now.
It's been this way ever since our wedding. He hasn’t said anything to me about it. He goes about his day, masquerading as if nothing has changed. On the surface, nothing has.
Perhaps he feels obligated. To me. To his duties. To the Empire. He has always been so steadfast. It's one of the infinite number of things I love about him.
I just don’t understand why I’m not good enough for him anymore. I don’t know if I ever want to.
It hurts to pretend like this, but the pain of even imagining the alternative is so much worse.
I lie awake most nights, wondering when he’ll finally tell me.
Perhaps I’m selfish, but I pray he never does.
She’s my everything. She always has been. Her heart was broken once when I fell victim to that monster, and I would give my life a thousand times over to keep from hurting her like that ever again. It may be over now, but the damage is done.
She wants to pretend like nothing happened. I suppose that makes it a bit easier for both of us. Still, no matter how much time passes, I will never forgive myself. I may never be whole again, but I’ve already accepted my fate. In a way, I deserve it.
I love her. I do. That spark I felt for her is still there. I know it is. I just have to act as if I can still feel it, as if I can feel anything other than hollow echoes in my soul. I need to show her that I still love her, even if I can’t anymore.
So I smile when she needs me to, during the times when I know it should come naturally. I kiss her and hold her the same way I always have, the way I remember from memories clouded with passion. I do everything I can in the hopes that she never learns the truth. I have to. Being with her, even if it’s just a facade, will at least allow her to be happy. That’s all that matters to me, then and now.
Nice exploration of the characters reinforcing mindsets, though there aren't a whole lot of clues about who it is. On reflection, I'm pretty sure it's Candace and Shining Armor. Succinct, but does its job.
Well, that was fairly depressing.
I do like the way the second section sorta re-casts the first section. This sort of attitude in relationships tends to bother me, though; it's very unlikely things will ever get much better if they never talk about it. Like, alright, this isn't idiot-ball level plot contrivances (these things can be hard to talk about!) but man. Relationships run on communication, not assumption. I guess that's part of the tragedy here?
I dunno. Maybe I'm too tired to be reviewing, but i'm having trouble coming up with anything really coherent to say. The concept is interesting. The treatment is decent. There's some tangible emotion. I'd like more progression, but it kinda works as-is.
I do like the way the second section sorta re-casts the first section. This sort of attitude in relationships tends to bother me, though; it's very unlikely things will ever get much better if they never talk about it. Like, alright, this isn't idiot-ball level plot contrivances (these things can be hard to talk about!) but man. Relationships run on communication, not assumption. I guess that's part of the tragedy here?
I dunno. Maybe I'm too tired to be reviewing, but i'm having trouble coming up with anything really coherent to say. The concept is interesting. The treatment is decent. There's some tangible emotion. I'd like more progression, but it kinda works as-is.
The two perspective/scene structure does the job of getting across both sides of the problem, and the title gives a huge clue to our broken couple's identity, if it wasn't obvious. Also, nice implication that the aftermath of the Invasion left Shining fundamentally broken inside. That's the sort of thing that just talking about it might not fix.
But seriously, both of you dumb ponies should still just talk about your feelings..
But seriously, both of you dumb ponies should still just talk about your feelings..
I'm having a little trouble buying this particular dynamic from this particular couple. I can get past that, but the lack of an actual narrative (as opposed to these two segments of introspection) make it difficult for me to invest anything in the piece itself. The prose is lovely, and the feelings genuinely moving, but as there's no story to contextualize it, it's just so many pretty words. Know what I'm saying?
Nice. And okay yes they should be talking, but if the worst that can be said about this story is that the characters need a relationship counselor because otherwise the story wouldn't meet a difficult and limiting prompt, the problems are relatively minor.
One thing you might want to be aware of, author: the early point of
pretty much forces this to be either Chrysalis or Cadance, and the juxtaposition of it with
got me thinking initially that the narrator was Chrysalis, because I associate the idea of a "love sense" with changelings (though admittedly it's also canonically a princess power). I mean, the scene doesn't really make sense if it's Chrysalis, unless this is going into some weird AU where she actually falls in love with him after conquering the world, but that cognitive dissonance still slowed me down and I would have loved even a tiny hint up front — "It's been this way ever since we fought off Chrysalis and got married", perhaps, which would also alleviate other readers' confusion.
One thing you might want to be aware of, author: the early point of
It's been this way ever since our wedding.
pretty much forces this to be either Chrysalis or Cadance, and the juxtaposition of it with
When we make love, there is no love to be found. I feel nothing from him.
got me thinking initially that the narrator was Chrysalis, because I associate the idea of a "love sense" with changelings (though admittedly it's also canonically a princess power). I mean, the scene doesn't really make sense if it's Chrysalis, unless this is going into some weird AU where she actually falls in love with him after conquering the world, but that cognitive dissonance still slowed me down and I would have loved even a tiny hint up front — "It's been this way ever since we fought off Chrysalis and got married", perhaps, which would also alleviate other readers' confusion.
>>Caliaponia
>>GaPJaxie
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Rao
>>Posh
>>horizon
\o/ Woo! Got to the finals! It's more than I was hoping for, so I'm happy with that.
I'm not gonna lie, I rushed to submit this as fast as possible once it was exactly long enough. I panicked about time, despite having multiple hours to spare. Because of this, I didn't give myself the chance to use my logic gland, resulting in some pretty glaring flaws, namely communication. I have no idea how this slipped by me. I could have simply let them talk around the subject, with Shining lying to protect her in his mind, and Cadance unwilling to call him out on it because she's extremely insecure and afraid of losing him after just getting him back (this was supposed to be set shortly after the wedding, less than a month later). This would more easily show how both were scarred by the invasion in different ways, which is what I was trying to go for. Looking back, Cadance's section doesn't do the best job of portraying that.
Perhaps there are other fixes for this, but that's the first thing that came to mind.
Posh:
I was experimentingwith my college friends with telling a story through the aftermath. There's no story happening because it already happened, if that makes sense. I wanted the reader to put the pieces together about what happened. I can clarify in detail if you want, since I seem to have missed the mark in that regard.
Horizon: I think I can make it more clear that it's Cadance by having her think about how she nearly lost Shining once to a mere bug, and now she might lose him again because she isn't good enough. It would play more on the idea that Cadance is insecure and thinks that Shining wouldn't have fallen if he really loved her, or if she were worth loving at all. However, now you've put it in my mind to turn this into Chrysalis's POV, or maybe an intentionally vague POV that could have either her or Cadance as the first part, with Shining oblivious to the possible ruse. That'd be pretty neat.
Anywho, thank you all for the feedback! I will use it wisely. o7
>>GaPJaxie
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Rao
>>Posh
>>horizon
\o/ Woo! Got to the finals! It's more than I was hoping for, so I'm happy with that.
I'm not gonna lie, I rushed to submit this as fast as possible once it was exactly long enough. I panicked about time, despite having multiple hours to spare. Because of this, I didn't give myself the chance to use my logic gland, resulting in some pretty glaring flaws, namely communication. I have no idea how this slipped by me. I could have simply let them talk around the subject, with Shining lying to protect her in his mind, and Cadance unwilling to call him out on it because she's extremely insecure and afraid of losing him after just getting him back (this was supposed to be set shortly after the wedding, less than a month later). This would more easily show how both were scarred by the invasion in different ways, which is what I was trying to go for. Looking back, Cadance's section doesn't do the best job of portraying that.
Perhaps there are other fixes for this, but that's the first thing that came to mind.
Posh:
the lack of an actual narrative (as opposed to these two segments of introspection) make it difficult for me to invest anything in the piece itself.
I was experimenting
Horizon: I think I can make it more clear that it's Cadance by having her think about how she nearly lost Shining once to a mere bug, and now she might lose him again because she isn't good enough. It would play more on the idea that Cadance is insecure and thinks that Shining wouldn't have fallen if he really loved her, or if she were worth loving at all. However, now you've put it in my mind to turn this into Chrysalis's POV, or maybe an intentionally vague POV that could have either her or Cadance as the first part, with Shining oblivious to the possible ruse. That'd be pretty neat.
Anywho, thank you all for the feedback! I will use it wisely. o7