Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
Fear of Evil
“We can’t keep letting this happen,” Twilight Sparkle mumbled.
They had a special guard for this. Europa, a magical prodigy second in order only to Twilight herself and trained in resisting every form of mind control the princesses knew. His fluted golden helmet was said to have been forged by King Sombra and enchanted to defy the glamour of the Northern Lights. Every five minutes he was supposed to recite the names of three ponies he loved and who loved him in return.
The cell door was open, and Europa was inside. Twilight could just barely make out his pearl coat against the smooth ebony of Chrysalis’s hide, his face pressed into her underbelly. Twilight dared to lean forward, peering into the shadows. Then she had to turn away and resist the urge to retch.
Europa was trying to nurse.
“Clever little thing, this,” Chrysalis said. She peered at the helmet in her hooves, then tossed it away with a clatter.
Twilight took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Let him go.”
“Who, Europa?” Chrysalis ran a hoof through his mane. “I don’t think he wants to leave.” A pause. “Who do you think he’s imagining?”
Something inside her snapped. A white hot rage spilled out from her chest with a roar, her horn burned like a star, and the world went away for a while.
“You look upset, princess” Chrysalis said. A long tongue unwound from her jaws, licking her lips and cheeks clean. “Want to talk about it?”
The manacles were back on her hooves, and the cell door securely locked. It wouldn’t last, Twilight knew. As soon as she walked away Chrysalis would have the door open again. The guards would unlock it for her.
“Why are you doing this?” Twilight said.
“I told you the first time. I’m tired of life on the run.” Chrysalis stretched, then reclined on the spread of velvet pillows a charmed guard had brought her at some point. “So I turned myself in.”
It was so obviously untrue Twilight half-expected lightning to strike through the stone ceiling and smite the changeling queen. Instead silence reigned. Twilight could hear her heart hammering in her chest. It vibrated her shoes against the granite floor.
“That’s a lie,” she said.
Chrysalis grinned at her, revealing a forest of teeth. “It’s true. Or, it’s half true. Which is pretty good for me.”
Half true. “Which half?”
“That would be telling.” Chrysalis’s eyes shifted to the guard beside Twilight, and a leer replaced the mocking smile on her face. “Anyway, shouldn’t you get going? Off to do princessy things?”
“I’m not leaving you alone with them again.” They’d already lost four guards that way. Europa still hadn’t woken up.
“Then I guess we’ll spend eternity here, staring at each other through the bars of a cage.”
Twilight swallowed. “We have other options.”
“No you don’t. If you were strong you might, but ponies are weak.” Chrysalis stretched languidly, and one of Twilight’s guards stumbled, nearly falling to his knees. “You have me at your mercy. I am your prisoner. Imprison me.”
Twilight shook her head. “No. I talked with Celestia, and… Just go. We don’t want you.”
Chrysalis rolled back onto her belly. Even lying so on the pillows her head was higher than Twilight’s, and she stared down her muzzle at her. “What you want doesn’t matter, princess. That was never the question.”
Twilight shook her head. There was an answer for this. She knew it. For a long while, she stared at Chrysalis, waiting for the answer to come.
She was immortal. She could wait forever, if that's what it took.
She only wished Chrysalis wasn't immortal, too.
They had a special guard for this. Europa, a magical prodigy second in order only to Twilight herself and trained in resisting every form of mind control the princesses knew. His fluted golden helmet was said to have been forged by King Sombra and enchanted to defy the glamour of the Northern Lights. Every five minutes he was supposed to recite the names of three ponies he loved and who loved him in return.
The cell door was open, and Europa was inside. Twilight could just barely make out his pearl coat against the smooth ebony of Chrysalis’s hide, his face pressed into her underbelly. Twilight dared to lean forward, peering into the shadows. Then she had to turn away and resist the urge to retch.
Europa was trying to nurse.
“Clever little thing, this,” Chrysalis said. She peered at the helmet in her hooves, then tossed it away with a clatter.
Twilight took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Let him go.”
“Who, Europa?” Chrysalis ran a hoof through his mane. “I don’t think he wants to leave.” A pause. “Who do you think he’s imagining?”
Something inside her snapped. A white hot rage spilled out from her chest with a roar, her horn burned like a star, and the world went away for a while.
“You look upset, princess” Chrysalis said. A long tongue unwound from her jaws, licking her lips and cheeks clean. “Want to talk about it?”
The manacles were back on her hooves, and the cell door securely locked. It wouldn’t last, Twilight knew. As soon as she walked away Chrysalis would have the door open again. The guards would unlock it for her.
“Why are you doing this?” Twilight said.
“I told you the first time. I’m tired of life on the run.” Chrysalis stretched, then reclined on the spread of velvet pillows a charmed guard had brought her at some point. “So I turned myself in.”
It was so obviously untrue Twilight half-expected lightning to strike through the stone ceiling and smite the changeling queen. Instead silence reigned. Twilight could hear her heart hammering in her chest. It vibrated her shoes against the granite floor.
“That’s a lie,” she said.
Chrysalis grinned at her, revealing a forest of teeth. “It’s true. Or, it’s half true. Which is pretty good for me.”
Half true. “Which half?”
“That would be telling.” Chrysalis’s eyes shifted to the guard beside Twilight, and a leer replaced the mocking smile on her face. “Anyway, shouldn’t you get going? Off to do princessy things?”
“I’m not leaving you alone with them again.” They’d already lost four guards that way. Europa still hadn’t woken up.
“Then I guess we’ll spend eternity here, staring at each other through the bars of a cage.”
Twilight swallowed. “We have other options.”
“No you don’t. If you were strong you might, but ponies are weak.” Chrysalis stretched languidly, and one of Twilight’s guards stumbled, nearly falling to his knees. “You have me at your mercy. I am your prisoner. Imprison me.”
Twilight shook her head. “No. I talked with Celestia, and… Just go. We don’t want you.”
Chrysalis rolled back onto her belly. Even lying so on the pillows her head was higher than Twilight’s, and she stared down her muzzle at her. “What you want doesn’t matter, princess. That was never the question.”
Twilight shook her head. There was an answer for this. She knew it. For a long while, she stared at Chrysalis, waiting for the answer to come.
She was immortal. She could wait forever, if that's what it took.
She only wished Chrysalis wasn't immortal, too.
So many baits, so many hooks. I bit every one of them but unfortunately none pulled me out of the river of lies.
What does Chrysalis really want? What has she done to the guards to left them in such a state? Did she hurt them with mind control? With her words? Is Twilight really ready to give up on her life and leave her friends without even knowing a basic fact like Chrysalis' mortality?
And the list could go on and on. That's too bad because I feel like this story is on the verge iof establishing a nice atmosphere with a character piece. I believe that the few things to work on are who is this character piece supposed to study (Twi or Chrys?), and resolve some of the things it has started.
Bonus points for Chrysalis lines, intriguing and adding a sense of mystery to the whole.
What does Chrysalis really want? What has she done to the guards to left them in such a state? Did she hurt them with mind control? With her words? Is Twilight really ready to give up on her life and leave her friends without even knowing a basic fact like Chrysalis' mortality?
And the list could go on and on. That's too bad because I feel like this story is on the verge iof establishing a nice atmosphere with a character piece. I believe that the few things to work on are who is this character piece supposed to study (Twi or Chrys?), and resolve some of the things it has started.
Bonus points for Chrysalis lines, intriguing and adding a sense of mystery to the whole.
Man, what ever happened to turning the villians to stone?
I dunno. I don't think I can bite hard enough on your premise here to actually engage with the rest of the story. I thought of three ways to keep Chrysalis imprisoned more safely - starting with don't give the guards keys - as I read this. Solitary confinement is not a very difficult concept to come up with.
Eh, maybe I'm being too harsh. There's some good dialogue and interesting ideas in here, and I was never really confused about what was going on.
I dunno. I don't think I can bite hard enough on your premise here to actually engage with the rest of the story. I thought of three ways to keep Chrysalis imprisoned more safely - starting with don't give the guards keys - as I read this. Solitary confinement is not a very difficult concept to come up with.
Eh, maybe I'm being too harsh. There's some good dialogue and interesting ideas in here, and I was never really confused about what was going on.
Seconding 2Merr here, in that there's a brilliant opening to something possibly grand here. But, Hat also has a valid point. I can't see any of the princesses, especially Twilight, let more than one guard get his brains scrambled before at least attempting some other prison method. Tartarus, just off the cuff.
Otherwise, wow..
Otherwise, wow..
>>Not_A_Hat I think you're being just harsh enough. This is eerie, with some sharp dialogue and a wonderfully written Chryssi, but the specifics of this scenario just aren't fleshed out very well. Twilight, in general, seems to treat Chryssi more like an unwelcome roommate than an imprisoned archvillain, and I'm not too sure what to make of Chryssi's "half-truth" here.
I'm not sure there's enough context to effectively glean what's going on.
I'm not sure there's enough context to effectively glean what's going on.
While a brilliant opening and the generally high quality of the execution will keep this near the top of my slate, the story's lack of development and its ultimately lackluster ending prevent this story from being truly great. I am in awe of your prose, but a lot of the scenario presented doesn't hold up.