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Hour of Victory
Graginor, Bane of Innocents, Eater of Small Animals, and General Sort-of Bad Guy leaned back in his makeshift throne. "Grr," he said menacingly, rubbing his back. In truth, the 'makeshift throne' was just a foldup chair made from his favourite breed of kitten bones.
But that wasn't the point. Now was his hour of victory. Or at least, that's what the Google Now notification on his Moto 360™ smartwatch told him.
"It doesn't feel like my hour of victory," he said to his chief advisor.
The bovine skull didn't reply.
The screams of innocents and the clatter of swords that serenaded his relaxation seemed to have melted into an uneasy silence. The cunning, magnificent and deliciously evil theme song of his also no longer played.
Graginor shifted even more uncomfortably in his throne. He didn't even know that it was possible to be this uncomfortable. "Remind me once I take over this rotten land to fashion a throne out of—"
The doors burst open, and the triumphant band of protagonists entered the room.
They struck a heroic pose, shining so brightly with good-ness that Graginor had to hold his hand over his eyes. "Alright, alright, I get it, you're the good guys! Please turn the light down."
"Your reign of terror ends now, Graginor!" announced the handsome and kind Sir Henry Goodman.
"Summon the guards!" Graginor shrieked at his advisor.
The skull continued to be inert. "Do I have to do everything around here?" Graginor sighed. "OK Google, call Guard Cap—
“It is over, Graginor,” said Zala the Spirit Maiden. “You are out of tricks. The innocent are safe from your terror.”
Graginor turned his back and grabbed his advisor off the table. “Can it be true, my friend?” He whispered, “Are we really out of tricks?” The skull continued to do absolutely nothing.
It was clear. Even his only friend had abandoned him.
He fell into his throne. The bones dug into his skin with defiance, they too informing him of his demise.
“I’ve had it!” Graginor kicked the chair away. “I have no friends. No allies. Life has only given me suffering!” Tears of frustration streamed down his face.
All he wanted in life was a comfortable chair to sit in. But these ‘heroes’—these fiends and their defense of the ‘innocent’—they had taken it all away from him. He wanted nothing more now than to see everyone and everything burn with the epitome of agony, their souls forever subjected to the most tantalizing torture, he could even see it now, every lick of hellfire that—
A hand was placed on his back. “Now, now,” said Eva the Butterfly Guardian warmly. “It’s alright. I understand. All you need is friendship to guide you.”
Graginor looked up in surprise. Did these fools actually think he needed their vile ‘friendship’?
Sir Henry Goodman seemed to agree. “What are you doing, Eva? This man has killed countless innocents. He even killed my dog! He should be executed in front of all he harmed.”
“Don’t you understand, Henry? Look at the poor thing, he’s just a misguided soul. He’s never tasted friendship. We can show him what it means—make him good, make him…”
Graginor was about to inform Henry how vile his dog tasted—even when prepared by that five-star chef he kidnapped—when it hit him like a barbed mace. It was just all over. His life was forfeit, ensnared by the heroism of these fools. Yet the same heroism may save his life. The same world that had berated him until this point now showed him a pathway to salvation. He could live to fight another day. His mouth almost watered at what nefarious tricks and heinous crimes he could have time to pull.
All it took was one sacrifice.
“Friendly?” Graginor offered.
“Yes, that’s the word,” said Eva.
“Can he really be redeemed?” Questioned Zala.
“Yes,” said Graginor. He made puppy eyes. He had a lot of experience with those—they went well with teriyaki sauce. “Uh, please?”
“If we kill him, we are no better than him,” said Eva philosphically.
“Fine,” said Henry. “But he’s buying me a new dog.”
And so, the heroes and theformer villain left the palace and lived happily ever after. Or so they hoped.
The notification on his smartwatch reminded him of his ‘Hour of Victory’ event. He snoozed it. “Hour of victory indeed,” he snickered. “OK Google, set a reminder for betraying my newfound ‘friends’ and doing evil things.”
“What was that?” said Henry.
“Nothing!”
But that wasn't the point. Now was his hour of victory. Or at least, that's what the Google Now notification on his Moto 360™ smartwatch told him.
"It doesn't feel like my hour of victory," he said to his chief advisor.
The bovine skull didn't reply.
The screams of innocents and the clatter of swords that serenaded his relaxation seemed to have melted into an uneasy silence. The cunning, magnificent and deliciously evil theme song of his also no longer played.
Graginor shifted even more uncomfortably in his throne. He didn't even know that it was possible to be this uncomfortable. "Remind me once I take over this rotten land to fashion a throne out of—"
The doors burst open, and the triumphant band of protagonists entered the room.
They struck a heroic pose, shining so brightly with good-ness that Graginor had to hold his hand over his eyes. "Alright, alright, I get it, you're the good guys! Please turn the light down."
"Your reign of terror ends now, Graginor!" announced the handsome and kind Sir Henry Goodman.
"Summon the guards!" Graginor shrieked at his advisor.
The skull continued to be inert. "Do I have to do everything around here?" Graginor sighed. "OK Google, call Guard Cap—
“It is over, Graginor,” said Zala the Spirit Maiden. “You are out of tricks. The innocent are safe from your terror.”
Graginor turned his back and grabbed his advisor off the table. “Can it be true, my friend?” He whispered, “Are we really out of tricks?” The skull continued to do absolutely nothing.
It was clear. Even his only friend had abandoned him.
He fell into his throne. The bones dug into his skin with defiance, they too informing him of his demise.
“I’ve had it!” Graginor kicked the chair away. “I have no friends. No allies. Life has only given me suffering!” Tears of frustration streamed down his face.
All he wanted in life was a comfortable chair to sit in. But these ‘heroes’—these fiends and their defense of the ‘innocent’—they had taken it all away from him. He wanted nothing more now than to see everyone and everything burn with the epitome of agony, their souls forever subjected to the most tantalizing torture, he could even see it now, every lick of hellfire that—
A hand was placed on his back. “Now, now,” said Eva the Butterfly Guardian warmly. “It’s alright. I understand. All you need is friendship to guide you.”
Graginor looked up in surprise. Did these fools actually think he needed their vile ‘friendship’?
Sir Henry Goodman seemed to agree. “What are you doing, Eva? This man has killed countless innocents. He even killed my dog! He should be executed in front of all he harmed.”
“Don’t you understand, Henry? Look at the poor thing, he’s just a misguided soul. He’s never tasted friendship. We can show him what it means—make him good, make him…”
Graginor was about to inform Henry how vile his dog tasted—even when prepared by that five-star chef he kidnapped—when it hit him like a barbed mace. It was just all over. His life was forfeit, ensnared by the heroism of these fools. Yet the same heroism may save his life. The same world that had berated him until this point now showed him a pathway to salvation. He could live to fight another day. His mouth almost watered at what nefarious tricks and heinous crimes he could have time to pull.
All it took was one sacrifice.
“Friendly?” Graginor offered.
“Yes, that’s the word,” said Eva.
“Can he really be redeemed?” Questioned Zala.
“Yes,” said Graginor. He made puppy eyes. He had a lot of experience with those—they went well with teriyaki sauce. “Uh, please?”
“If we kill him, we are no better than him,” said Eva philosphically.
“Fine,” said Henry. “But he’s buying me a new dog.”
And so, the heroes and the
The notification on his smartwatch reminded him of his ‘Hour of Victory’ event. He snoozed it. “Hour of victory indeed,” he snickered. “OK Google, set a reminder for betraying my newfound ‘friends’ and doing evil things.”
“What was that?” said Henry.
“Nothing!”
Preliminary:
-This is fun
-The good material is mostly front-loaded unfortunately, although there is some shine towards the end, particularly with the remark about the dog tasting bad despite being prepared by a five star chef
-Doesn't go ridiculous enough.
-Denouement is lame
-I was expecting the reveal to be that these were just kids all along, but that never happened
-Still left wondering about the specifics of this whole shebang.
-Just needs a bit of polish and to be honed a bit more in terms what the overall product is supposed to be and we're good.
-This is fun
-The good material is mostly front-loaded unfortunately, although there is some shine towards the end, particularly with the remark about the dog tasting bad despite being prepared by a five star chef
-Doesn't go ridiculous enough.
-Denouement is lame
-I was expecting the reveal to be that these were just kids all along, but that never happened
-Still left wondering about the specifics of this whole shebang.
-Just needs a bit of polish and to be honed a bit more in terms what the overall product is supposed to be and we're good.
Okay, it's not quite "mother of dragons" level of a title, but I smirked.
The rest... not so much. The premise sounds fun, but it quickly wears thin, and this story really is kind of a one trick pony in that regard. Even it it wasn't just thinly veiling MLP "friendship" themes.
So yeah, fun idea, but it doesn't go the distance.
The rest... not so much. The premise sounds fun, but it quickly wears thin, and this story really is kind of a one trick pony in that regard. Even it it wasn't just thinly veiling MLP "friendship" themes.
So yeah, fun idea, but it doesn't go the distance.
Yeah, I agree with previous commenters that is a bit of a one-track story. It’s fun at the beginning, but like many parodies of RPG D&D type scenarios, there's not really much substance that underpins it, the characters are pretty cardboard cut-out, and the joke overstays its welcome.
It would made a good scene in a cartoon type of show, but there's little else to it.
It would made a good scene in a cartoon type of show, but there's little else to it.
I guess I'm the odd one out here, because I found myself more confused than entertained throughout this story. To me it just seems like the usual villain meets friendship but plots revenge but with a Google watch thrown in for some reason? I'm sorry if this is harsh, and humor is very subjective so this might just not have been my kind of story.
See >>Cassius regarding that this doesn't go quite far enough. I end up sort of expecting something like a (slightly more) incompetent Warhammer 40K evil doer, where everything he does is grimdark to the extreme, but also completely incompetent. Folder chair of kitten bones sets up a level of foul and ineffective evil that the rest of the piece... never really manages to reach.
I'd also say it reads a little too breakneck. I'm hard pressed at this exact moment point to what in the diction does it, but I never really like I have a chance to breathe, nor do you have time to build up to any punchlines. Its very much thing happens, thing happens, thing happens. Which can work for humor, but those things need to really come out swinging and really smack the reader from out of left field, which nothing here really does.
Still, cute and amusing. Probably would have been better off using a high fantasy substitute for google.
I'd also say it reads a little too breakneck. I'm hard pressed at this exact moment point to what in the diction does it, but I never really like I have a chance to breathe, nor do you have time to build up to any punchlines. Its very much thing happens, thing happens, thing happens. Which can work for humor, but those things need to really come out swinging and really smack the reader from out of left field, which nothing here really does.
Still, cute and amusing. Probably would have been better off using a high fantasy substitute for google.
Eh, the humor was decent and the character archetypes were delightfully goofy. But the story is pretty much a one-joke premise (Graginor is over-the-top evil and his opponents are hammy do-gooders), and the joke gets kind of old even with under 750 words.
A goofy comedy that's amusing, but not hilarious.
A goofy comedy that's amusing, but not hilarious.