Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.

On Thin Ice · FiM Minific ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 400–750
Show rules for this event
Give 'Em Enough Rope
"Well?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"Yes, darling?" asked Rarity.

"Are we gonna start at some point?"

Rainbow chuckled, her legs struggling against the ropes. She wished she could fully appreciate how comfortable Rarity's bed was, but her mind was currently standing at a crossroads. The ropes themselves didn't even feel bad, honestly; they caused less chafing than the cheaper kind Rarity had bought, which meant that the situation had at least slightly improved from before.

Rarity herself rested beside Rainbow, just on the edge, her head on a pillow. She didn't exactly look happy, but she also didn't look displeased. "Maybe when you stop shaking. I find it hard to get in the mood when my partner acts discomforted."

"Oh come on!" Rainbow protested. "I've been prepping all day for this!"

"And you're still not ready," said Rarity dismissively. "Not quite. Do you think I want you to thrash about like this? I can tell you're having second thoughts."

Rainbow wanted to deny it, although she was never the best debater to begin with. "I'm not... okay, maybe a little bit."

A frown spread across Rarity's face, and it made Rainbow frown in return.

She continued with, "Trust me, I really want it. And when I want something, I get it. But, uhh—"

Rainbow tried thinking about something for longer than ten seconds, and thought about when she'd first encountered erotic magazines with images of stallions and mares caught in compromising positions. Although she would never tell anypony this, she identified most with the pegasus mare who got tied down with either ropes or cuffs, being left at the mercy of the dominant pony. It was a sight that consistently sent waves of electricity up her spine, from the base of her tail to the back of her neck, and she dreamed of finding just the right pony to restrain her.

Rarity seemed like an excellent choice. She was, after all, excellent at nearly everything else, and made sure not to hurt her.

Imagining something was different from practicing it, though.

"Darling," said Rarity in a concerned tone.

"You say that word too much," quipped Rainbow.

This managed to curl Rarity's lips upward, if only for a moment. "I know," she said, "but when I call you that, I'm putting emphasis on it."

If only for a brief time, when Rarity was saying all this, Rainbow felt perfectly content with the current situation. It would be awesome to just lie there next to her, and to listen to her talk about things with more articulation than Rainbow herself could muster. Of course, not being tied down would make the whole thing ideal.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Rarity continued.

"Never been surer!" Rainbow couldn't stop redness from creeping into her cheeks. "T-then again, I wasn't totally sure before, ya know? Kinda trotting on thin ice with how this thing's been working out."

Rarity seemed to contemplate something, then said, "All right then." Suddenly she got off the bed and started rummaging through one of her many dresser drawers, pulling out a feather in the process. "It's clear to me, darling, that your muscles are too tense right now."

Rainbow raised a confused brow. "Uhh, what're you doing?"

With a triumphant smile on her face, Rarity hopped back on the bed with the feather enveloped in her magic. "Have no fear, darling, this should do the trick!" She began tickling Rainbow's belly, between her navel and her nether region, and something happened.

Rainbow started to laugh uncontrollably.

"Wait, no!" she yelled, losing breath from how the tip of the feather felt against her coat and skin. "That's not—that's not fair!" Not being able to defend herself, she couldn't stop Rarity from wreaking havoc all long her torso, her neck, and most importantly the sensitive parts of her legs and wings. It was like ascending to the heavens, only for angels to torment her mischievously at the same time.

It felt amazing.

"I should've thought of this sooner!" cried Rarity happily.

At some point, though, this stage of tonight's session had to end.

"Do you feel more relaxed now, darling?" she asked Rainbow.

True enough, Rainbow no longer felt worried. Even her body, irrational as it was, had ceased to treat the ropes as malicious obstacles. They had become simply what they were intended to be: tools of pleasure.

"Y-yeah," replied Rainbow, wanting to give Rarity a kiss. "Yeah, I'm feeling pretty good right now!"

Then the real fun began...
« Prev   4   Next »
#1 ·
· · >>Baal Bunny
I think this is a RariDash fic. I think it might be one, not entirely sure though.

Something I liked:

Tempting to make jokes about this one, but I have to kind of stand back and admire how weirdly wholesome it is. I didn't think that one could take this particular premise and make it pure in a way, but I think that's what happened here. It's just a really good vibe, watching Dash and Rarity work around each other and try their best to have a good time with what is clearly unfamiliar territory to at least one of them. Having Dash fantasize about being a bottom while also being uncomfortable with actually being in that position at first is both different and believable for her, and Rarity is also well-realized here.

Something I didn't like:

Sadly, the story does kind of run at odds with the word ceiling. Things are paced pretty smoothly up until the last quarter, when Rarity finds a solution to Dash's problem and the story hits the fast-forward button. Keep in mind, you could easily expand on this without making it a clopfic. I think it's very much possible to keep this kinky-yet-wholesome tone and leave it at that. I just think that it would be nice to read more about the stuff that happens between Rarity getting the feather and the last sentence, otherwise it feels too abrupt. The last sentence also feels a tad cliche, but that feels more like a nitpick honestly.

Verdict: Very cute and very dedicated to how happy its mission statement is. I really like it.
#2 ·
· · >>No_Raisin
Not my thing, but it was presented in a way that made me comfortable with the story. Going to skip the macro as I don't feel really comfortable commenting on it with authority.

I wasn't really oriented in the story until the 4th paragraph. Not a big deal, but I think shuffling the start a bit would be a slight improvement.

Rainbow raised a confused brow
Rainbow started to laugh uncontrollably.
said Rarity in a concerned tone.

This style of writing bugs me a bit. A brow isn't confused and the word shouldn't (and in this case doesn't) need to be there for me to understand her state of mind. "started/began to" is usually a red flag for me as it's generally unnecessary or abandoned without conclusion. The "concerned tone" is the one I'd keep of the three as she's speaking tonally here and I'm not sure how else that could be portrayed.
#3 · 1
· · >>No_Raisin
Echoing >>No_Raisin:

I love not just how wholesome this is, but how friendly it is. No one's calling anyone "mistress" or "slave" or even being stereotypically dominant or submissive. There wouldn't be any need for safe words here because neither of them are playing a part. And the curtain of discretion falls at exactly the right point. Very fun.

My only nitpick is the line "they caused less chafing than the cheaper kind Rarity had bought". As if Rarity would buy cheap bondage supplies! The very idea's simply preposterous!

#4 · 1
· · >>No_Raisin
I'll be perfectly honest here, I'm a little indifferent towards this story. Not that it's bad or anything, it's just how I usually feel when it comes to reading these kinds of stories. I guess I just want this entry to be more than just some light-hearted foreplay, as nice as it is. I'm thinking maybe a more dynamic narrative progression and oblique prose would help this story leave a longer-lasting impression than it currently does now.

Personal preferences aside, I echo the sentiments of my fellow reviewers above about how pleasant everything is presented here. In a sense, it feels grounded to the show's playbook, subject matter notwithstanding. I do think their names are a bit overused throughout the prose though, which hinders the tone and pacing of the whole story for me. Nevertheless, I like what it represents. With a bit more focus, hopefully it'll be able to captivate me as much as the other stories did.

Thanks for writing, and good luck!
#5 · 1
· · >>No_Raisin
This one is just really cozy, and it helps that the prose is smooth enough to let the whole thing go down easily (pun completely intended). Dash and Rarity's voicing feel good, and I thought you made good use of your wordcount.

I think one of my only complaints would be that the scope of the payoff did feel a little small to me, even for a minific. I was kind of expecting the story to go into why Dash was a nervous mess in the beginning, but Rarity ends up resolving the problem without worrying too much about the details. Now, I know that not every story needs to go into the realm of daddy issues and grand epiphanies, but I did end up coming out of this one wishing that the ending was a little more substantial.

So overall, this was comfy and very well self-contained, even though it doesn't quite satisfy the appetite it whets in me.

Thanks for entering!
#6 ·
>>Baal Bunny

Hey man, writing something this unabashedly hedonistic while also sticking to the fluffy tone of the show's slice-of-life episodes is no easy task. On that note, it's weirdly nice to be on the receiving end of the "Well, you have two entries in the top three, but you can't get two medals, so the next person in line gets the bronze" quirk.

Yeah, I don't know how to dive deep into this. It's basically a 750-word sugar high, with the "conflict" being as inane as possible and the pursuit of having a good time being the end goal. I guess I should say that I originally was going to write an AppleDash fic with a similarly hedonistic premise (with the same title no less!), but I guess my conscience stopped me from committing such a sinful act. RariDash it was, then, and instead of competitive wrestling it would be light bondage. Emphasis being put on "light" here, because I kind of went out of my way to make this situation as comfy as possible. Not to say I couldn't go harder, I've entered more brazenly sexual stories to the WriteOff, but I wanted to reach a tonal balance that would pull something wholesome out of a decidedly not-wholesome set-up. I guess it worked, because I didn't even get a Most Controversial badge for this thing.

Anyway, I wanted to write something that was unequivocally happy, and I needed some extra motivation for that. I'm not a naturally happy person. And then of course on the day we had all submitted our entries, the world of basketball was forever changed for the worse. I don't know what I would've done if I had to write something like this even a day later than I did. Probably nothing. I probably would've just not done anything. But I'm glad I was able to submit something, and more specifically this entry. It reminds me of happier days, and um... I'm waiting for those days to come back around at some point.

Congrats to my fellow medalists.

Rest in peace, Kobe, for real and forever.