Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
The Benefits of Eternity
Celestia blinked.
The throne room filtered into her view and she smiled. She spotted Twilight speaking to a guard at the other end, before he pointed a hoof at Celestia and let her pass.
Twilight smiled and ran the length of the throne room, skidding to a stop in front of Celestia.
“Good morning, Twilight.” Celestia began with her smooth voice.
“I’m so sorry for being late, Princess Celestia. I didn’t mean to keep you waiting on me.”
Celestia waved a hoof. “No need to apologize, Twilight, it’s okay."
These moments were so fleeting, so she had to enjoy every nanosecond. Memorize every feature of Twilight; her face, the light in her eyes when she discussed her reports.
“Alright, then I won’t keep you waiting any longer!” Twilight eagerly removed some documents from the saddlebags she was wearing.
Celestia blinked.
The throne room disappeared, as did Twilight. When she opened her eyes, she was floating in a void of emptiness. Cold sank into every pore of her fur and flesh, and her lungs crumpled and burst with each attempt to breathe.
She turned her eyes to the brightness before her, watching the edges of her sun lash and scorch as it tore away at the ruptured landscapes of what once was Equestria. The green plains of land and blue seas boiled had away under the heat and pressure of the sun, and with a great hiss that was lost in the emptiness of space, the planet itself fractured and split apart, disappearing into the sun.
She wanted to scream, but her lips floundered soundlessly.
Celestia blinked.
She watched the stars whirl and slip around the corona of two super colliding super blackholes. Their light sparkling in and out as they swirled around the edge of nothingness, before winking out of existence as their atoms were ripped apart from the massive gravitational pull. A nearby planet crumbled, its ring being sucked away into the depths of the blackhole, the rest of the planet followed soon, picked apart piece by piece like it was made of dust. Celestia felt the pull of the collapsed stars on her body, as she too fell within the emptiness. Her fur and skin pulled away, elongated, as her bones stretched and broke, and each individual cell inside her ruptured and disintegrated.
Celestia blinked.
Eons and eons and eons and eons crawled by as time flowed forward.
Galaxies collided and exploded, the smaller ones succumbing and being absorbed, planets and systems being thrown into the blackness around her. Stars burned bright and went dark, dead forever in the vast barren universe. Cosmic radiation and hypervelocity stars burned and ripped through her body like nothing, tearing away at the very fabric of her being and soul.
Celestia blinked.
She could see the edges of the universe now, curling it on itself as the voids of space collapsed into each other and boiled away into nothing. There were no stars left now, leaving Celestia in a realm of blackness. She could feel the pressure of gravity hauling her into nanometre that the universe would compact itself upon.
Her very form squeezed itself tighter and tighter. Skin and bone splintered down into cells, those cells broke into atoms, and those atoms ruptured into sub atomic particles. As the very essence of her body was forced into the last Planck unit of being, the universe and all of existence winked out and ended.
Celestia blinked.
The throne room faded back into view. This time it was different; less pillars, a pegasus guard instead of a unicorn.
“Princess, are you alright?”
Celestia looked down.
Twilight was looking up at her, her eyes narrowed, and her face pulled into an expression of concern. Her hair was different. Tied into a tight bun instead of hanging freely.
“If you’re not feeling well, I can come back later.”
Celestia smiled at her.
“No, Twilight, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure you don’t find these reports boring? I mean, you must have a ton of more interesting things to do?”
“Nonsense, Twilight, spending time with my students is the most important thing in my life.”
Celestia blinked.
The throne room filtered into her view and she smiled. She spotted Twilight speaking to a guard at the other end, before he pointed a hoof at Celestia and let her pass.
Twilight smiled and ran the length of the throne room, skidding to a stop in front of Celestia.
“Good morning, Twilight.” Celestia began with her smooth voice.
“I’m so sorry for being late, Princess Celestia. I didn’t mean to keep you waiting on me.”
Celestia waved a hoof. “No need to apologize, Twilight, it’s okay."
These moments were so fleeting, so she had to enjoy every nanosecond. Memorize every feature of Twilight; her face, the light in her eyes when she discussed her reports.
“Alright, then I won’t keep you waiting any longer!” Twilight eagerly removed some documents from the saddlebags she was wearing.
Celestia blinked.
The throne room disappeared, as did Twilight. When she opened her eyes, she was floating in a void of emptiness. Cold sank into every pore of her fur and flesh, and her lungs crumpled and burst with each attempt to breathe.
She turned her eyes to the brightness before her, watching the edges of her sun lash and scorch as it tore away at the ruptured landscapes of what once was Equestria. The green plains of land and blue seas boiled had away under the heat and pressure of the sun, and with a great hiss that was lost in the emptiness of space, the planet itself fractured and split apart, disappearing into the sun.
She wanted to scream, but her lips floundered soundlessly.
Celestia blinked.
She watched the stars whirl and slip around the corona of two super colliding super blackholes. Their light sparkling in and out as they swirled around the edge of nothingness, before winking out of existence as their atoms were ripped apart from the massive gravitational pull. A nearby planet crumbled, its ring being sucked away into the depths of the blackhole, the rest of the planet followed soon, picked apart piece by piece like it was made of dust. Celestia felt the pull of the collapsed stars on her body, as she too fell within the emptiness. Her fur and skin pulled away, elongated, as her bones stretched and broke, and each individual cell inside her ruptured and disintegrated.
Celestia blinked.
Eons and eons and eons and eons crawled by as time flowed forward.
Galaxies collided and exploded, the smaller ones succumbing and being absorbed, planets and systems being thrown into the blackness around her. Stars burned bright and went dark, dead forever in the vast barren universe. Cosmic radiation and hypervelocity stars burned and ripped through her body like nothing, tearing away at the very fabric of her being and soul.
Celestia blinked.
She could see the edges of the universe now, curling it on itself as the voids of space collapsed into each other and boiled away into nothing. There were no stars left now, leaving Celestia in a realm of blackness. She could feel the pressure of gravity hauling her into nanometre that the universe would compact itself upon.
Her very form squeezed itself tighter and tighter. Skin and bone splintered down into cells, those cells broke into atoms, and those atoms ruptured into sub atomic particles. As the very essence of her body was forced into the last Planck unit of being, the universe and all of existence winked out and ended.
Celestia blinked.
The throne room faded back into view. This time it was different; less pillars, a pegasus guard instead of a unicorn.
“Princess, are you alright?”
Celestia looked down.
Twilight was looking up at her, her eyes narrowed, and her face pulled into an expression of concern. Her hair was different. Tied into a tight bun instead of hanging freely.
“If you’re not feeling well, I can come back later.”
Celestia smiled at her.
“No, Twilight, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure you don’t find these reports boring? I mean, you must have a ton of more interesting things to do?”
“Nonsense, Twilight, spending time with my students is the most important thing in my life.”
Celestia blinked.
Some immortality angst fics are more immortality angsty than others, apparently :p
Not sure what I can really say to this. I feel it tells the story the author wanted to tell, and does that well. Readers' reactions will likely depend on how they feel about that story.
I did notice one small mistake; "blue seas boiled had away" should probably be "Blue seas had boiled away."
Not sure what I can really say to this. I feel it tells the story the author wanted to tell, and does that well. Readers' reactions will likely depend on how they feel about that story.
I did notice one small mistake; "blue seas boiled had away" should probably be "Blue seas had boiled away."
Structurally, this fic does well. The blinking is a smart concept to convey how different it must be to an immortal being, and it fits perfectly thematically, so that's a big plus for me.
Speaking of theme, I'll just say the main part is consistent from the beginning to the ending (so it's nice).
However, I have some concerns with what you tell between. The whole central part is Celestia drifting in space and into the void. I think this should have been kept for the final part, before going back Twilight.
Here, there is no real progression, we immediately shift from Twilight to the void. Since the show and many fanfictions focus on ponies and their relationships, I believe you'd have fit this theme better by having Celestia talking with different other ponies several times, the faces becoming blurry and undiscernible, and then having the drifitng into the void part. Moreover, I think it'd have helped your reader connect with Celestia better, because even if we aren't immortal, we tend to meet a lot of people in our life, and many of them will disappear from our memory, ending into an emptiness.
Overall, a strong story that I feel could be improved by just some minor reworks. Thank you for sharing.
Speaking of theme, I'll just say the main part is consistent from the beginning to the ending (so it's nice).
However, I have some concerns with what you tell between. The whole central part is Celestia drifting in space and into the void. I think this should have been kept for the final part, before going back Twilight.
Here, there is no real progression, we immediately shift from Twilight to the void. Since the show and many fanfictions focus on ponies and their relationships, I believe you'd have fit this theme better by having Celestia talking with different other ponies several times, the faces becoming blurry and undiscernible, and then having the drifitng into the void part. Moreover, I think it'd have helped your reader connect with Celestia better, because even if we aren't immortal, we tend to meet a lot of people in our life, and many of them will disappear from our memory, ending into an emptiness.
Overall, a strong story that I feel could be improved by just some minor reworks. Thank you for sharing.
Very powerful imagery. The sequence goes on a little too long.... which may be exactly the correct choice. it keeps going on and on, until it's uncomfortable. it's too much. overwhelming.
as it "returns to Earth" for the conclusion, I assumed that this would be a similar message as Bad Horse's The Gathering. but the details of the scene Celestia returns to are slightly different from when it began, implying the whole universe has been recreated, restarted all over, and this was no mere hallucination or fantasy. I'm even less sure of what this fic is trying to say, by taking me on such a vast trip, seemingly on a trite subject as immortality angst. But it gives me this mysterious unsettling feeling, and not as an unpleasant reaction of disappointment, but of awe. This is quite a one-two punch, delivering that massive wall of description... and then letting the implications sink in from just a few straightforward details.
This is a type of fic that could usually be called pretentious, especially with Celestia's last line of dialogue, but this performance is something unique in the genre. I'm not sure what the message is, but maybe that's because it's stealthily suggesting a question instead. Especially that final short sentence, almost offbeat, serving as punctuation to let this trail off, rather than definitively seal it all up.
My god, it's full of ponies.
as it "returns to Earth" for the conclusion, I assumed that this would be a similar message as Bad Horse's The Gathering. but the details of the scene Celestia returns to are slightly different from when it began, implying the whole universe has been recreated, restarted all over, and this was no mere hallucination or fantasy. I'm even less sure of what this fic is trying to say, by taking me on such a vast trip, seemingly on a trite subject as immortality angst. But it gives me this mysterious unsettling feeling, and not as an unpleasant reaction of disappointment, but of awe. This is quite a one-two punch, delivering that massive wall of description... and then letting the implications sink in from just a few straightforward details.
This is a type of fic that could usually be called pretentious, especially with Celestia's last line of dialogue, but this performance is something unique in the genre. I'm not sure what the message is, but maybe that's because it's stealthily suggesting a question instead. Especially that final short sentence, almost offbeat, serving as punctuation to let this trail off, rather than definitively seal it all up.
Hmmm, I'm not sure I would define the theme here as immortality angst, as I think the Angsty part is missing. The immortality and constancy is presented as a fact, a state of being that simply is, with the brief glimpses of joy and love being treasured and celebrated. It may seem horrible to us, and yet Celestia seems to be, if not fine, at least accepting of the condition most of the time. It is never said if her silent scream comes from being surprised, in pain, or from despair.
This is an interesting story that is slightly uncomfortable to read. I'm still on the fence if this is a feature or a bug. It communicates the passing of time well, and the repetition is, if not surprising, certainly emotionally effective, driving the point (or a point, considering there could be different readings of the story) home pretty well. On the other hand, it is difficult to truly wrap one's mind around an idea with so few anchors to what we know, to grok what's happening. Which, according to a certain interpretation of the piece, may be exactly how it should be.
Long story short, I liked this a lot.
It still needs some editing and polishing. There are a couple of issues there and some repetition that could go. I think also making the points of light more luminous without extending them too much could improve the improve the impact on the reader.
You have powerful, if a bit raw, stuff here in an engaging format. Thank you for having it written.
This is an interesting story that is slightly uncomfortable to read. I'm still on the fence if this is a feature or a bug. It communicates the passing of time well, and the repetition is, if not surprising, certainly emotionally effective, driving the point (or a point, considering there could be different readings of the story) home pretty well. On the other hand, it is difficult to truly wrap one's mind around an idea with so few anchors to what we know, to grok what's happening. Which, according to a certain interpretation of the piece, may be exactly how it should be.
Long story short, I liked this a lot.
It still needs some editing and polishing. There are a couple of issues there and some repetition that could go. I think also making the points of light more luminous without extending them too much could improve the improve the impact on the reader.
You have powerful, if a bit raw, stuff here in an engaging format. Thank you for having it written.
This was... interesting.
Nice concept, and well structured. I agree with >>Fenton, there should have been at least one scene in a future Equestria before jumping into space, so that it gives more a sense of escalation.
That typo made me laugh. They're not just colliding, they're super colliding.
Nice concept, and well structured. I agree with >>Fenton, there should have been at least one scene in a future Equestria before jumping into space, so that it gives more a sense of escalation.
super colliding super blackholes
That typo made me laugh. They're not just colliding, they're super colliding.
The concept is a nice departure from the regular Immortality Angst fare as >>Haze said, and the implications are delicious. In addition, this story has a rare quality: it works perfectly at its current length, or could be expounded upon and made into an epic and not loose anything. Whereas I keep finding a lot of stories here being grander concepts that aren't exactly best suited to the constraints of minific, this story is just as poignant now as I imagine it would be at a longer length. Obvious benefits come from the expansion of it, but this little tidbit has the perfectly distilled essence of the idea.
Great job, author.
Great job, author.
>>Bremen
>>Fenton
>>Haze
>>Orbiting_kettle
>>moonwhisper
>>regidar
>>AndrewRogue
Thanks guys, for all the reviews.
I am surprised at the decent response, never expected this story to perform that well since, as others noted above, it's a take on the 'Celestia Immortal' type of thing that is more than worn out in the fandom. Especially with a lot of them being 'woe is me'.
I'd just finished writing Sanitation and realized, "this is hot garbage," and the idea just suddenly popped into my mind. All the scenes were there and I was almost feverish in writing it, which is probably the reason for the spelling mistakes pointed out above.
In all honesty, I'm not sure if I intended the story to be angsty or not. I wrote it intentionally with the whole universe starting over, and these elements are being set in stone in Celestia's life. It really didn't cross my mind much. I was trying to show that Celestia appreciates all the time she spends with her students, even in the most boring and mundane of matters, because this amount of time is such a small, finite amount in comparison to the rest of her existence. Regardless of if that makes all the rest of her being alive worth it for Celestia, I never really decided upon that.
I was originally going to have the entire thing repeat, with all of existence reforming and basically being the same, but changed it last minute to have small differences, enough for readers to realize that things were slightly off-center now. I played with the idea of even having someone else other than Twilight be the student, but figured that would have been too far of a jump into a new reality, and just maintained some small changes, such as her hair and the different throne room guard.
If I had more words, I'm almost sure it would have strayed into angst territory, and I was initially planning on having a scene a little bit into the future to break up the jarring shift to Celestia drifting in space, but the room wasn't there to expand.
Overall, I'm glad you guys took the time to read and review the story, and thanks for pointing out the shortcomings. It's always nice to have feedback to improve your work on.
>>Fenton
>>Haze
>>Orbiting_kettle
>>moonwhisper
>>regidar
>>AndrewRogue
Thanks guys, for all the reviews.
I am surprised at the decent response, never expected this story to perform that well since, as others noted above, it's a take on the 'Celestia Immortal' type of thing that is more than worn out in the fandom. Especially with a lot of them being 'woe is me'.
I'd just finished writing Sanitation and realized, "this is hot garbage," and the idea just suddenly popped into my mind. All the scenes were there and I was almost feverish in writing it, which is probably the reason for the spelling mistakes pointed out above.
In all honesty, I'm not sure if I intended the story to be angsty or not. I wrote it intentionally with the whole universe starting over, and these elements are being set in stone in Celestia's life. It really didn't cross my mind much. I was trying to show that Celestia appreciates all the time she spends with her students, even in the most boring and mundane of matters, because this amount of time is such a small, finite amount in comparison to the rest of her existence. Regardless of if that makes all the rest of her being alive worth it for Celestia, I never really decided upon that.
I was originally going to have the entire thing repeat, with all of existence reforming and basically being the same, but changed it last minute to have small differences, enough for readers to realize that things were slightly off-center now. I played with the idea of even having someone else other than Twilight be the student, but figured that would have been too far of a jump into a new reality, and just maintained some small changes, such as her hair and the different throne room guard.
If I had more words, I'm almost sure it would have strayed into angst territory, and I was initially planning on having a scene a little bit into the future to break up the jarring shift to Celestia drifting in space, but the room wasn't there to expand.
Overall, I'm glad you guys took the time to read and review the story, and thanks for pointing out the shortcomings. It's always nice to have feedback to improve your work on.