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Twin Star · Poetry Minific ·
Organised by Anon Y Mous
Word limit 15–1000
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Dancing Kings
The old king, the new king, the twin kings
They are the gods of broken time, rusty fortune and twirling
Usurped by the king of kings, the son of another god

Or so the story was told, on clear nights long
But not so, because instead they herald His coming
The old king and new king dance, prance and shined

For all crowns become heavy on the heads of all kings
And weary who wears the shiny metal for so long
Even strongest become old and seek retirement from the burden

Though no longer kings in name, they are still strong
Dancing their separate ways in life, they are very adventurous
Prancing and hoping to meet others, they are quite patience

The kings of old and new still meet now and then
On clear nights long, they come and tell their stories
And those with time and fortune watch and listen to them
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#1 · 1
· · >>Baal Bunny >>Griseus
It's hard to know what to make of this one. It seems to be heading in one direction for the first stanza, then it goes on about something else entirely for the rest. Maybe this was inspired by the recent astronomical conjunction? It seems to have several references to it. I think it's equating stars to kings and saying that they remain kings even after they've burned out. It's an interesting concept, but I'm struggling to find a message to it beyond just setting up the conceit.
#2 · 1
· · >>Griseus

Once I read >>Pascoite's comment, I saw the astronomical reference, but what mainly confused me here is that we have three kings set up--the old king, the new king, and the newest king--but the poem only really talks about two of them. I'd recommend taking the metaphor all the way to the end, bringing in the three kings of the Christmas carol following the old king and the new king to find the newest king. Something that'll bring all the imagery around and close the circle, at least.

#3 ·
>>Baal Bunny
Pretty sure I just pull this out of my backside. Mostly wanted to make this pretty to read while keeping this short and to the point. Long poems are not my thing nor do I enjoy reading them. Want to feel or imprint it all at once. Like a cookie in one bite or a shot of alcohol. I guess? Don't drink much but I do like cookies. Need to work on a lot of stuff and at least ask myself "Doesn't this make sense and come together?"