I've read all of these at least twice, and I am only now coming back to comment on them, from top to bottom.

I say this partially so that you know that when I call this a top contender for me, that's not just my excitement at reading this first.

Metafiction is damn hard to pull off. All too often it comes off as trying that little bit too hard to be 'fun and quirky' and instead coming off as a little tired and nonsensical. But here, you wield it like a master. I didn't think you could have an emotional punch with metafic, yet here I am--very much corrected.

I was surprised by how unobtrusive I found the animal helper-esque characters (I suspect there was some deeper meaning to them beyond voicing the author's own self-criticism, but I didn't find it), as they act less as characters and more for vehicles of the plot. But given the way the story is written...

I dunno man, I'm no literary critic. This just works for me. Good job.

So this is really well written.

I really doubt even a crow would fumble the name of Starbucks, though.

I am conflicted about the place this story ends. While there certainly is some value to the parallel anti-climaxes, at the same time, is rather dissastifying to a degree that I feel it does interfere a bit with the emotional payoff. And then, of course, you do have to somewhat odd meta-positioning of the fact that the story WAS actually submitted (insofar as you want to take the meta-ness to that level - which the fic does invite by being directly about the circumstances of the Writeoff) which works a bit against the emotional punch of the story.

I think like Bartown, this story is a bit hobbled by the fact that it buries its heart pretty deep and misleads you about the actual nature of its conflict until the moment it becomes relevant. This can make for a nice little gut punch at the right moment, but, at the same time, it interferes with actually building to that climax since you're saving its reveal for that moment, leaving the rest of the story feeling a bit... perfunctory? An enjoyable perfunctory as we journey through the process, but a little lean.

And of course, the other issue with this particular short, sharp punch is you are writing it to an audience of writers. While it makes the struggle relatable, it also makes the ultimate conclusion... frustrating? Which I think goes against the tone you are going for. Because while the struggle is indeed relatable, the ultimate thing about writing is that you just have to fucking do it and put it out there. And that sort of self-pitying ending really rubs the wrong way, especially without any real build up to it. Like, I am not necessarily left thinking "poor guy", I'm left thinking, "God, just fucking do it!" And that might be a bit unfair, but that's sort of the problem about writing about writing to writer's who are writing.

And again, none of this is to say you can't have a protag that fails. But it makes blindsiding(-ish) with the failure a bit more of an issue.

All that said, I'm still not fully sure I'm correct here. It's a relatable punch, like I said. And the writing on the way up is fun (though Harmon's last line about Miranda might be a bit much). There's some good stuff here. I do think it would gain a bit from being a bit meatier on the way through. But I'm of various minds about the ending.

Also, as a pantser, I feel misrepresented. There's not enough bashing of the head on the desk, screaming "WHAT THE FUCK COMES NEXT?" :p

I'll pretty much agree:

With >>Meridian_Prime and >>AndrewRogue as to the strengths and weaknesses here and suggest that more stuff should happen in the middle. Give the hippo story the full three act treatment--what we have right now is pretty much just the first act--and have the author and his assistants kicking each other around throughout the whole process. And put me down as wanting one story to end well while the other doesn't. Either the hippo enters the contest and the author doesn't, or vice versa.

Mike

This story is difficult to stab review. It's very well written, though, so I can start there. All your characters are well realized and make great companions for the reader, the idea is unique, and at no point was I confused as to what was going on. And there's a lot to be said about pulling that off in three days.

Well, okay. There was one point where I was confused. It's just an editing thing, I think, but Harmon appears to ask Steven if he'd like to submit this story right after he has replied 'N' to saving the document, thus deleting it forever. Is he meant to be hovering a talon over the key, asking one more time, and then pressing it?

Speaking of which, it seems weird to me that he deleted it. The character is shown as somebody who clearly likes writing a lot, so it just seems weird that he wouldn't want to go back and read anything. It would kind of be like Helga finishing her dance, pulling out her iPod, and deleting the song forever. It's more emotionally impactful, sure, but to me it doesn't hold water.

I agree with Andrew's diagnosis about the ending. I mentioned in the fic channel that you were cheating a little in the relatability front, writing about submitting to the writeoff for an audience of people who submit to the writeoff. But then I do think more care could have been taken to how we would react, especially considering that this story made it into the competition. I can't say I found the ending very satisfying, because in my opinion, you can accomplish a lot in life with the most magic of words: Fuck it.

But still, you wanted the unsatisfying ending, and you nailed it. So I can't fault you for it too much. In my opinion, though (which isn't the same as being my advice in this case), I think the story would have been a lot more satisfying having those two magic words show up in this story (preferably in both Steven's and Helga's journey). Again, that's not advice, just my preference. I would have preferred a story about overcoming your fears and/or finding a way to withstand the slings and arrows, that's all. C'mon, Steven. Say the words and they'll set you free.

In conclusion… top of slate. Thanks for submitting!

Thanks, folks!

And congrats to our other medalists. I'm still conflicted about the ending on this one--I wanted to do this whole "fantasy vs. reality/happy ending vs. unhappy ending" thing, and I fell in love with the image of the story ending with the computer shutting off. But I think I'd rather have the animal folks browbeat Steven into submitting the story since that's what my brain has to do to me every single stupid time I finish a story...

Anyway, it still needs more stuff in the middle, too, so on to the 2nd draft!

Mike