There's only a mild emotional journey here, but for what it is, it's cute, and I can't find any faults in the structure. The star in denial seems easy to convince, but unless you let the poem go on for a few thousand words, there's probably nothing else you could do. Yet on top of that, it has a comical air to it, so it was never really about getting emotionally engaged with the characters anyway.

Whimsy again!

I could do with a bit more, though--scene-setting stuff like what the blackness of space looks like when you're a star and character stuff like what it feels like to expand till you destroy the planets you once protected. Keep that stuff as light as what's here, and you'll be set.

Mike