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Chicxulub
My ancestor with whiskers draped
Cringed back on tiny paws, away
From fang-mouthed scaly fiend that scraped
To widen burrow's entranceway.
And as the creature pressed its face
Inside, foul breath of carnivore,
there came the blow that rang the world
Earth shook. The reptile's beady gaze
Was torn away and seen no more.
The skies streamed red and roared, the gale
Tore up the land and flattened trees
Five thousand miles away, the flail
of heaven smashed into the seas
And turned the waters into steam
The broken bedrock splashed like mud,
And chunks of molten magma streamed
Through sky with the colossal flood
That scoured all the land around
of life. Tsunamis, poisoned air,
Relentless dust and fire, sound
of dread disaster, life's despair.
And from one burrow poked a nose
As twitching whiskers sensed the breeze.
The furry thing emerged, exposed
To sky and wind and broken trees.
So little of the chain of prey
And predator would carry on
Through bitter strife and darkened day,
But my ancestor (and your own)
While starving, scraping, stayed the course
And rose to take the reins that all
The saurians had dropped. The doors
Were parted, and along the hall
Of life there would arise the ones
Inheriting that ancient gift,
Who'd look back on the fossil bones
And tell the tale that they had lived.
Cringed back on tiny paws, away
From fang-mouthed scaly fiend that scraped
To widen burrow's entranceway.
And as the creature pressed its face
Inside, foul breath of carnivore,
there came the blow that rang the world
Earth shook. The reptile's beady gaze
Was torn away and seen no more.
The skies streamed red and roared, the gale
Tore up the land and flattened trees
Five thousand miles away, the flail
of heaven smashed into the seas
And turned the waters into steam
The broken bedrock splashed like mud,
And chunks of molten magma streamed
Through sky with the colossal flood
That scoured all the land around
of life. Tsunamis, poisoned air,
Relentless dust and fire, sound
of dread disaster, life's despair.
And from one burrow poked a nose
As twitching whiskers sensed the breeze.
The furry thing emerged, exposed
To sky and wind and broken trees.
So little of the chain of prey
And predator would carry on
Through bitter strife and darkened day,
But my ancestor (and your own)
While starving, scraping, stayed the course
And rose to take the reins that all
The saurians had dropped. The doors
Were parted, and along the hall
Of life there would arise the ones
Inheriting that ancient gift,
Who'd look back on the fossil bones
And tell the tale that they had lived.
I really like this. There are some areas where the rhythm is a little forced, but they're pretty minor. Only one really stuck out to me. Though there are also a few where you use words that people pronounce with a different number of syllables. Like you use "fire" as two syllables. I've always said it as one. I don't know which is more common, but Webster lists both as acceptable. You go the other way on "tale" as one syllable, where you'll find some people pronounce it as two.
I appreciate it when a rhyming or metered poem doesn't feel obligated to make the ends of lines be at natural break points in the language. I also really like how the asteroid impact quite literally disrupts the poem's structure. But as the mammalian ancestor finds a way to survive, so does the poem immediately return to business as usual. The topic and execution of this are both clever.
I appreciate it when a rhyming or metered poem doesn't feel obligated to make the ends of lines be at natural break points in the language. I also really like how the asteroid impact quite literally disrupts the poem's structure. But as the mammalian ancestor finds a way to survive, so does the poem immediately return to business as usual. The topic and execution of this are both clever.
They did not know, they only lived
And died and left their forms,
Until that spark that sees itself
But passed to us the better gift
Of thought that swarms in storms.
And died and left their forms,
Until that spark that sees itself
But passed to us the better gift
Of thought that swarms in storms.
Wow this was actually pretty cool. I'm not a poetologist so I can't dig too deep into things, but I am pleasantly surprised to see extinction and humanity's eventual rise to dominance recorded in verse for a change, rather than whatever tack ration they call high school text books.
"Flail of Heaven" is evocative. Has a bit of a Warhammer 40k ring to it. I particularly dig the idea that the direct ancestor of humanity was this close to being something else's lunch when ol' SMOD 1.0 hit. Really emphasizes the fragility of life and how big a role chance plays in life sometimes.
"Flail of Heaven" is evocative. Has a bit of a Warhammer 40k ring to it. I particularly dig the idea that the direct ancestor of humanity was this close to being something else's lunch when ol' SMOD 1.0 hit. Really emphasizes the fragility of life and how big a role chance plays in life sometimes.