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The Artist of Harper's Fen
I met a man whose heart was made of stone
Away down south, in gloomy Harper's Fen,
Who builds a monument himself alone.
I would have not engaged if I had known
His wicked deeds, his moral compass, when
I met a man whose heart was made of stone.
Eight feet the monstrous statue stood, full-grown,
Its visage hitherto unknown to men.
Who builds a monument himself alone?
"Why watch me so?" With deadened eyes and tone
He spoke. I should have fled right there and then!
I met a man whose heart was made of stone!
The body lacked an arm, just like his own.
"How strange you are. You, living in your den,
Who builds a monument himself alone."
"I make my masterpiece here bone by bone.
Your flesh will be my crowning, grand 'Amen!'"
I met a man whose heart was made of stone
Who builds a monument himself alone.
Away down south, in gloomy Harper's Fen,
Who builds a monument himself alone.
I would have not engaged if I had known
His wicked deeds, his moral compass, when
I met a man whose heart was made of stone.
Eight feet the monstrous statue stood, full-grown,
Its visage hitherto unknown to men.
Who builds a monument himself alone?
"Why watch me so?" With deadened eyes and tone
He spoke. I should have fled right there and then!
I met a man whose heart was made of stone!
The body lacked an arm, just like his own.
"How strange you are. You, living in your den,
Who builds a monument himself alone."
"I make my masterpiece here bone by bone.
Your flesh will be my crowning, grand 'Amen!'"
I met a man whose heart was made of stone
Who builds a monument himself alone.
Ah, a villanelle, probably my favorite form. They're not required to have a meter, but this one is a common one to use for it when a poet decides to. Rhyme and meter all conform well.
In the end, I couldn't follow what happened. The narrator finds this strange man building a statue. But then I get what seems to be conflicting information. The narrator says he didn't know at the time that this man had a sordid past, so he must have lived on after this encounter. But the sculptor says "your flesh," an apparent threat to the narrator. As an aside, I guess the speaker changes for each of the last three stanzas, not that it matters much. It wouldn't help my understanding either way. So does the sculptor mean the narrator becomes his monument just by witnessing it? That's the only explanation I can think of, but there's no context as to whether it plays out this way. The narrator doesn't cite any long-term effects beyond a matter-of-fact recollection of the event, so I don't know what conclusion to draw.
In the end, I couldn't follow what happened. The narrator finds this strange man building a statue. But then I get what seems to be conflicting information. The narrator says he didn't know at the time that this man had a sordid past, so he must have lived on after this encounter. But the sculptor says "your flesh," an apparent threat to the narrator. As an aside, I guess the speaker changes for each of the last three stanzas, not that it matters much. It wouldn't help my understanding either way. So does the sculptor mean the narrator becomes his monument just by witnessing it? That's the only explanation I can think of, but there's no context as to whether it plays out this way. The narrator doesn't cite any long-term effects beyond a matter-of-fact recollection of the event, so I don't know what conclusion to draw.
>>Pascoite
Thanks so much for the feedback! I've already reworked some of the weaker lines in my own version to strengthen the intended meaning, but I wouldn't have been able to see it without hearing from you. I appreciate your taking time to break down some of the areas that need work here.
Thanks so much for the feedback! I've already reworked some of the weaker lines in my own version to strengthen the intended meaning, but I wouldn't have been able to see it without hearing from you. I appreciate your taking time to break down some of the areas that need work here.
This one reminded me much of a line-palindromic poem by J. A. Lindon, which I only found online at the top of this page: "As I Was Passing Near the Jail." I enjoyed the incantatory force and spookiness of your piece, though as with Pascoite I did not feel I could fully derive its intent.