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Make Twilight's Butt Great Again
Twilight's butt was good but not great. I mean it had some bounce, some chubbiness, some softness, but it just was all over the place, yaknow?
I mean, think about Fluttershy. That is a phat butt right there, squeezable like charmin, the kinda thing where when she walks through town, everypony in the street gets an all-you-can-see buffet. She's got four anacondas, and they all want some, because she's got buns, hun.
Or Rarity, who doesn't have as much natural ability (if you know what I mean) but she got it together and brought it back to ya. That yoga stuff is keeping it high and tight. Wowzers.
And of course, Applejack what with all the kicking trees and working out and oh my Celestia, one time I bounced a bit off dat ass and I think it landed in Cloudsdale. (Oh and geez, speaking of Celestia, she may be a Princess and not a Queen, but that's one fat-bottomed girl that makes the rockin' sun go round)
Anyways, I'm losing track. See, the problem is Twilight's butt is too wishy-washy, too indecisive. If it worked on any particular area it could really shape up, be something worth writing a rap song about. Instead—
"I'm not reading any more of this," Twilight said. "Ugh. Gah. Blechhhh!" She continued through a whole range of disgusted noises, reprising several she had already unconsciously made whilst working her way through Make Twilight's Butt Great Again.
"See, much better, right?" Rainbow Dash said. "I think I'm onto something here."
"You can't—" Twilight screwed her eyes shut. "Okay, let's start with the minor problems because I think language has not developed far enough to describe the enormity of the larger problems. First, why are you using first person, as the narrator?"
"It's meta!" Rainbow Dash said proudly. "People love meta in the Writeoff!"
"No!" Twilight yelled. "They don't! I mean, occasionally something can cleverly use it to accomplish some core story goal or supplement the narrative."
"So you're saying I need it to be more meta? Maybe I should have a line that—"
"Absolutely not! Calling attention to the fact that it's meta isn't in itself even interesting!!"
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "I think someone's just annoyed that Single Caress didn't understand her metaphorical fic about boning Princess Celestia and left a bad review."
"That's not what it was about!!"
"I told you you should have been more straightforward."
"Look," Twilight said icily. "The problem is that this doesn't fix any of the things I identified about the first draft." Twilight shuddered, remembering that experience. "You don't have a narrative arc at all, and I told you to fix that a hundred times."
"Nuh uh," Rainbow Dash said, a wicked grin on her face. "That's not what you said. Not exactly."
"Yes it is," Twilight rummaged through the desk, looking for the paper. It was easy to find, seeing as how the entire page was covered in red ink from corrections. "See? Right… Oh no."
"Oh yes."
"No!"
"I even incorporated that exact line as the ending. You just didn't get all the way to it."
"But you can't! That joke is awful and tired!"
"I know, I pointed that out in the meta part, right above."
"THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT BETTER THAT JUST MAKES IT WORSE."
Twilight's head thudded down into the desk, as Rainbow Dash grabbed her most recent draft and began reading.
"Make Twilight's Butt Great Again. Let me see… Ah, right here at the end: Needs more plot."
I mean, think about Fluttershy. That is a phat butt right there, squeezable like charmin, the kinda thing where when she walks through town, everypony in the street gets an all-you-can-see buffet. She's got four anacondas, and they all want some, because she's got buns, hun.
Or Rarity, who doesn't have as much natural ability (if you know what I mean) but she got it together and brought it back to ya. That yoga stuff is keeping it high and tight. Wowzers.
And of course, Applejack what with all the kicking trees and working out and oh my Celestia, one time I bounced a bit off dat ass and I think it landed in Cloudsdale. (Oh and geez, speaking of Celestia, she may be a Princess and not a Queen, but that's one fat-bottomed girl that makes the rockin' sun go round)
Anyways, I'm losing track. See, the problem is Twilight's butt is too wishy-washy, too indecisive. If it worked on any particular area it could really shape up, be something worth writing a rap song about. Instead—
"I'm not reading any more of this," Twilight said. "Ugh. Gah. Blechhhh!" She continued through a whole range of disgusted noises, reprising several she had already unconsciously made whilst working her way through Make Twilight's Butt Great Again.
"See, much better, right?" Rainbow Dash said. "I think I'm onto something here."
"You can't—" Twilight screwed her eyes shut. "Okay, let's start with the minor problems because I think language has not developed far enough to describe the enormity of the larger problems. First, why are you using first person, as the narrator?"
"It's meta!" Rainbow Dash said proudly. "People love meta in the Writeoff!"
"No!" Twilight yelled. "They don't! I mean, occasionally something can cleverly use it to accomplish some core story goal or supplement the narrative."
"So you're saying I need it to be more meta? Maybe I should have a line that—"
"Absolutely not! Calling attention to the fact that it's meta isn't in itself even interesting!!"
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "I think someone's just annoyed that Single Caress didn't understand her metaphorical fic about boning Princess Celestia and left a bad review."
"That's not what it was about!!"
"I told you you should have been more straightforward."
"Look," Twilight said icily. "The problem is that this doesn't fix any of the things I identified about the first draft." Twilight shuddered, remembering that experience. "You don't have a narrative arc at all, and I told you to fix that a hundred times."
"Nuh uh," Rainbow Dash said, a wicked grin on her face. "That's not what you said. Not exactly."
"Yes it is," Twilight rummaged through the desk, looking for the paper. It was easy to find, seeing as how the entire page was covered in red ink from corrections. "See? Right… Oh no."
"Oh yes."
"No!"
"I even incorporated that exact line as the ending. You just didn't get all the way to it."
"But you can't! That joke is awful and tired!"
"I know, I pointed that out in the meta part, right above."
"THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT BETTER THAT JUST MAKES IT WORSE."
Twilight's head thudded down into the desk, as Rainbow Dash grabbed her most recent draft and began reading.
"Make Twilight's Butt Great Again. Let me see… Ah, right here at the end: Needs more plot."
I whole-heartedly agree with Dash's piece and I would have put it at the top of my slate.
The world needs more buttfiction.
The world needs more buttfiction.
What Twilight said. The references got a chuck-le, butt this feels a little padded and roundabout. It just sits and doesn't go anywhere, except for the tail end.
The break is an interesting way to accomplish structure, so that's neat! Alas, though, it calls attention to just how much better the opening is than what comes afterwards, and that leaves me coming away a bit sore, which is not what you generally want in a comedy piece. Good hustle though, I respect the attempt. Thanks for writing!
The break is an interesting way to accomplish structure, so that's neat! Alas, though, it calls attention to just how much better the opening is than what comes afterwards, and that leaves me coming away a bit sore, which is not what you generally want in a comedy piece. Good hustle though, I respect the attempt. Thanks for writing!
She's got four anacondas, and they all want some, because she's got buns, hun.
So, I believe this is a reference to the seminal rap classic known as "Baby's Got Back" by the artist known as Sir Mix a Lot. My assertion is further supported by the repeat reference to the hindquarters of ponies as, in the rap, Sir Mix a Lot discusses the pros and cons of girls with "big butts," a fact which he cannot lie about. As horses are quite large animals (and ponies, despite being diminutive versions, are still quite large and thick -- or, as the modern vernacular has adapted, "thicc" -- in comparison to humans), I feel it is not unreasonable to consider that even the thinnest pony would indeed have quite a big butt, thus making for a reasonable point of comparison to the women that Sir Mix a Lot discusses.
Now, as the rap progresses, Sir Mix a Lot describes his distaste for girls without big butts by stating that, "My anaconda don't want none / Unless you've got buns, hon." Now, the wordplay here is difficult to parse for the layman, but allow me to attempt to explain. In this line, the "anaconda" is not actually a snake, but rather another (at least if Sir Mix a Lot is to be believed) large, generally cylindrical object: his penis.
See, in western culture, a large penis is generally seen as a status symbol, indicating not only virility and appeal to potential partners, but, in addition, an overwhelming masculinity. The importance of masculinity in western culture (particularly rap culture) is difficult to overstate, so it should come as no surprise that the largest snake in the world would be used as a point of comparison for one's own penis if they wished to assert, without question, that they were a true "alpha" example of their species.
Which brings me to my point.
WHY THE FUCK ARE WE INDICATING FLUTTERSHY HAS 4 DICKS?
Alternatively that Fluttershy has 4 acceptable ships and they are either all male or futanari, but the other answer is funnier.
More seriously, ehhhh. It's amusing, but I think it kinda undermines itself a bit by doing all the meta stuff (ironically).I dunno, so I get that being odd is apparently the form of Feghoots, but in this case I think it is actually a bit distracting and the story would be better served by staying more "in world" as it were?
Still, a solid punchline.
>>AndrewRogue
I think the joke is that Fluttershy takes care of animals
she literally owns 4 anaconda snakes.
ba dmm tshh.
this raises further funnier questions of what Dash thinks she's doing with her animals...
I think the joke is that Fluttershy takes care of animals
she literally owns 4 anaconda snakes.
ba dmm tshh.
this raises further funnier questions of what Dash thinks she's doing with her animals...
This was a cute feghoot. I see two issues.
First, the intro portion is not in Dash's voice. That needs fixing. Dash would write the same way she speaks, especially in a ('meta') first-pony viewpoint. I initially thought this was supposed to be Scaramucci writing the first half the story.
The second part is the larger issue: the meta-ization here is very complex, yet unstructured. Meta is hard to pull off in the first place, and you're kind of all over the map about whose perspective we're seeing things through in this case. Dash is in the Writeoff, so she's writing this story; but the entire story clearly isn't in her writing, only the first portion is (supposed to be). We don't see any 'meta' in her actual story, so I don't know what meta she's referring to in the rest of the story. I don't know if this is supposed to be our Writeoff, or another one. It makes much more sense for it to be another one, in which case there's no meta in her writing at all: Dash is writing nonfiction, not meta-fiction.
The only two things that are meta here are Dash's Writeoff is spelled like our Writeoff (but is clearly very different), and the use of the word 'plot' for ass is fanon-meta (and one I avoid in my non-meta writing). In something 'meta' I should still be able to determine which level I'm on, and this left me a little confused.
I think this story can totally be fixed. But you need to be much more clear about where each piece fits into the overall theme. I don't think you can mush different levels of meta together without structure and end up with a cohesive 'meta' story. :ajunsure:
First, the intro portion is not in Dash's voice. That needs fixing. Dash would write the same way she speaks, especially in a ('meta') first-pony viewpoint. I initially thought this was supposed to be Scaramucci writing the first half the story.
The second part is the larger issue: the meta-ization here is very complex, yet unstructured. Meta is hard to pull off in the first place, and you're kind of all over the map about whose perspective we're seeing things through in this case. Dash is in the Writeoff, so she's writing this story; but the entire story clearly isn't in her writing, only the first portion is (supposed to be). We don't see any 'meta' in her actual story, so I don't know what meta she's referring to in the rest of the story. I don't know if this is supposed to be our Writeoff, or another one. It makes much more sense for it to be another one, in which case there's no meta in her writing at all: Dash is writing nonfiction, not meta-fiction.
The only two things that are meta here are Dash's Writeoff is spelled like our Writeoff (but is clearly very different), and the use of the word 'plot' for ass is fanon-meta (and one I avoid in my non-meta writing). In something 'meta' I should still be able to determine which level I'm on, and this left me a little confused.
I think this story can totally be fixed. But you need to be much more clear about where each piece fits into the overall theme. I don't think you can mush different levels of meta together without structure and end up with a cohesive 'meta' story. :ajunsure:
>>AndrewRogue
Due to your lack of spoilers and the all caps, I inadvertently saw this in the list of reviews. I didn't connect your review to this story, because unlike the urban legends, I actually do not see dicks everywhere.
So I must add that I am disappointed in the lack of dicks in this story, through no fault of the author.
WHY THE FUCK ARE WE INDICATING FLUTTERSHY HAS 4 DICKS?
Due to your lack of spoilers and the all caps, I inadvertently saw this in the list of reviews. I didn't connect your review to this story, because unlike the urban legends, I actually do not see dicks everywhere.
So I must add that I am disappointed in the lack of dicks in this story, through no fault of the author.