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Time
Minuette nodded to herself. She had really outdone herself this time.
One month ago, in the first week of spring in Canterlot Plaza, Moondancer had asked her to teach her a spell to slow down time. “Can you teach me a spell to, you know, slow down time? Maybe just by a bit? It would really help me in my studies.”
“I could,” said Minuette, “but all the well-known slow-down-time spells are about faster reaction times. I’ll have to come up with something custom, or you’ll just be flipping pages really fast without processing them. And even then, the Consortium of High Magic had tried for centuries to get a proper time-slowing spell, so my spell would only have a minor effect—”
“Oh! You’d do that for me? That’d be fantastic!”
That’s exactly how their conversation went. And Minuette sympathized—there were only so many hours in a day, and you didn’t have amazing scheduling skills like Minuette had, then there were just so many things that you didn’t have time to do. So of course Minuette agreed because they were good friends and that’s what good friends did.
After that, Minuette looked into the old spells and subjects she used in school—basic time manipulation, timesifting, space-time fabric cross-stitching, and so on—and took bits and pieces that she could use for Moondancer’s relativistic time dilation spell. She had sifted through hundreds of dog-eared textbooks was on her way to the Canterlot Archives when she bumped into Moondancer again.
“Minuette! I was just looking for you. How’s progress on the spell?”
“Pretty slow. Turns out there’re some good reasons the Consortium has taken hundreds of years to make a proper slow-down-time spell aside from bureaucracy and budget cuts.” Minuette then said technical details, and Moondancer nodded along.
Moondancer lifted a tome out of her bags. “How about taking a look at this, then? I did a bit of research myself, and it looks like they were halfway through this particular project before their funding got pulled. I think it might be promising.”
“What made them pull funding for it?”
Moondancer flipped through the pages. “I’m not sure—something about temporal instability, I think. But hey, I’m sure the best time unicorn in our class could do something with it. It looks mostly complete.”
Minuette raised an eyebrow. “Mostly?”
“Some steps they detail need to be followed to the letter or else things might go south, but I checked the math and it looks solid. I’d trust it, at least.”
Minuette took the tome.
A week after that, she summoned Moondancer to her home.
“Is it done?”
“A prototype is.” She held out a scroll. “Like you said, the details need to be followed to the letter, but if it is, then maybe...”
“Amazing!” Moondancer snatched it from Minuette’s hooves. “I can’t wait to test this out!”
Minuette reached out as Moondancer’s horn glowed red. “Moondancer, no, wait—”
Minuette looked at Moondancer now, smiling stoically, eyelids were halfway closed. She’d finish blinking when the sun comes up tomorrow, with any luck.
Minuette nodded to herself. She had really outdone herself this time.
One month ago, in the first week of spring in Canterlot Plaza, Moondancer had asked her to teach her a spell to slow down time. “Can you teach me a spell to, you know, slow down time? Maybe just by a bit? It would really help me in my studies.”
“I could,” said Minuette, “but all the well-known slow-down-time spells are about faster reaction times. I’ll have to come up with something custom, or you’ll just be flipping pages really fast without processing them. And even then, the Consortium of High Magic had tried for centuries to get a proper time-slowing spell, so my spell would only have a minor effect—”
“Oh! You’d do that for me? That’d be fantastic!”
That’s exactly how their conversation went. And Minuette sympathized—there were only so many hours in a day, and you didn’t have amazing scheduling skills like Minuette had, then there were just so many things that you didn’t have time to do. So of course Minuette agreed because they were good friends and that’s what good friends did.
After that, Minuette looked into the old spells and subjects she used in school—basic time manipulation, timesifting, space-time fabric cross-stitching, and so on—and took bits and pieces that she could use for Moondancer’s relativistic time dilation spell. She had sifted through hundreds of dog-eared textbooks was on her way to the Canterlot Archives when she bumped into Moondancer again.
“Minuette! I was just looking for you. How’s progress on the spell?”
“Pretty slow. Turns out there’re some good reasons the Consortium has taken hundreds of years to make a proper slow-down-time spell aside from bureaucracy and budget cuts.” Minuette then said technical details, and Moondancer nodded along.
Moondancer lifted a tome out of her bags. “How about taking a look at this, then? I did a bit of research myself, and it looks like they were halfway through this particular project before their funding got pulled. I think it might be promising.”
“What made them pull funding for it?”
Moondancer flipped through the pages. “I’m not sure—something about temporal instability, I think. But hey, I’m sure the best time unicorn in our class could do something with it. It looks mostly complete.”
Minuette raised an eyebrow. “Mostly?”
“Some steps they detail need to be followed to the letter or else things might go south, but I checked the math and it looks solid. I’d trust it, at least.”
Minuette took the tome.
A week after that, she summoned Moondancer to her home.
“Is it done?”
“A prototype is.” She held out a scroll. “Like you said, the details need to be followed to the letter, but if it is, then maybe...”
“Amazing!” Moondancer snatched it from Minuette’s hooves. “I can’t wait to test this out!”
Minuette reached out as Moondancer’s horn glowed red. “Moondancer, no, wait—”
Minuette looked at Moondancer now, smiling stoically, eyelids were halfway closed. She’d finish blinking when the sun comes up tomorrow, with any luck.
Minuette nodded to herself. She had really outdone herself this time.
I read the second half a bit too fast and had to backpedal. Then it hit me. Oh boy did it hit me.
Anyway, this feels like a small section cut out of something a bit bigger, but such is the task of conveying your thoughts in 750 words. Still was quite the ride though and I enjoyed it. Hopefully you'll take some time to build on this.
Anyway, this feels like a small section cut out of something a bit bigger, but such is the task of conveying your thoughts in 750 words. Still was quite the ride though and I enjoyed it. Hopefully you'll take some time to build on this.
I'm not sure the ending works for me. Why would she give her a spell that does the reverse of what she expects? Is it because she didn't follow the instructions carefully? I'd expect Moondancer to be sedulous about that sort of thing, as she's not an impulsive filly.
Is the joke at the end that her spell dilated time for everypony else in Equestria? Her reaction seems far too bland (a simple nod?) for the suggestion that she might not have a way to fix Moondancer, which is the feeling I'm getting.
I was expecting to see something about the spell not extending one's life expectancy, which means Moondancer would just age much faster than everypony else—there's no benefit she gains from having extra study time apart from testing, and she's already an 'A' student.
>>Mordred
I didn't see any repeat time-travel element.
>>NexusDragon
Now it feels like I missed something.
Is the joke at the end that her spell dilated time for everypony else in Equestria? Her reaction seems far too bland (a simple nod?) for the suggestion that she might not have a way to fix Moondancer, which is the feeling I'm getting.
I was expecting to see something about the spell not extending one's life expectancy, which means Moondancer would just age much faster than everypony else—there's no benefit she gains from having extra study time apart from testing, and she's already an 'A' student.
>>Mordred
I didn't see any repeat time-travel element.
>>NexusDragon
Now it feels like I missed something.
>>Trick_Question The story relies on bookends. The whole idea, I think, is that the spell was experimental, and instead of slowing time it put them back at the beginning, because they were dealing with magic out of their depth. The first and last sentence are identical, meaning that the spell failed and they're likely in some kind of time loop.
>>Mordred
Did we read the same story? :rainbowhuh:
Quite literally the only thing that happened after the spell was cast is Moondancer slowed down to slower than a snail's pace: Minuette realizes it will take Moondancer many hours to finish blinking her eyes.
Did we read the same story? :rainbowhuh:
Quite literally the only thing that happened after the spell was cast is Moondancer slowed down to slower than a snail's pace: Minuette realizes it will take Moondancer many hours to finish blinking her eyes.
You don’t need to explain the spell both in narration and in Moondancer’s dialogue, especially not in a format where you can’t afford to waste a single word.
It’s kind of appropriate for a story about time magic to have tense issues, but that doesn’t make them acceptable.
In all, this… really doesn’t make sense. The individual plot elements are straightforward enough, but the end result is the polar opposite of what Moondancer wanted, and yet Minuette seems satisfied with the outcome. The first part feels bloated, the rest rushed, and the whole thing doesn’t cohere. You may need to go back to the drawing board with this one.
It’s kind of appropriate for a story about time magic to have tense issues, but that doesn’t make them acceptable.
In all, this… really doesn’t make sense. The individual plot elements are straightforward enough, but the end result is the polar opposite of what Moondancer wanted, and yet Minuette seems satisfied with the outcome. The first part feels bloated, the rest rushed, and the whole thing doesn’t cohere. You may need to go back to the drawing board with this one.
I think you should break up the parts that take place at different times. Without any sort of break between them, it seemed like you were rushing through the whole thing, which I suppose might have been the point. Even if it was, it didn't really work for me.
The story seems straightforward enough, but the ending makes it seem like I'm missing something important. Why is Minuette so happy with what happened? Was she trying to teach Moondancer a lesson? Does she really hate Moondancer? I don't get it.
The story seems straightforward enough, but the ending makes it seem like I'm missing something important. Why is Minuette so happy with what happened? Was she trying to teach Moondancer a lesson? Does she really hate Moondancer? I don't get it.
I had some things I was going to say about this story, but >>FanOfMostEverything has made them all already. So rather than repeat, I'll just move on. Great to see Minuette and Moon Dancer featuring together, though. Thanks for sharing.
I sort of like the concept behind this story, with Minuette and Moon Dancer looking for a time travel spell. But the story feels oddly rushed and I really don't think the ending entirely works. Is it supposed to be some sort of ironic punishment or something? I don't know, I didn't fully "get" this one. Interesting effort, though.