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All Around You
Weathered asphalt sparkles on the lot
And scattered cars like coffins, one by one,
The shadows of the great black birds arise,
Circling and basking in the sun.
Hovering, they seek a sign of life
Or sign of death. But all is calm and still
Under the naked brightness, and the land
Takes its own time and counts the seconds well.
And scattered cars like coffins, one by one,
The shadows of the great black birds arise,
Circling and basking in the sun.
Hovering, they seek a sign of life
Or sign of death. But all is calm and still
Under the naked brightness, and the land
Takes its own time and counts the seconds well.
The title made me think of the British series "Look Around You," and all the poem's language fit perfectly with it. It was funny, and I'm sorry, but I can't unsee that now.
I can't tell if this is supposed to have a rhyme scheme, as "sun" and "one" rhyme, but "still" and "well" don't quite. I'm also not sure what's happening here. There seem to be literal pavement and cars, but then are the birds literal as well? Vultures maybe? They would be particularly suited to looking for signs of life or death, but I wondered what they had to do with the cars, which led to me wondering if you were talking about shadows. And in the end, is this a place that's just abandoned? Or has it been so long that all remains of the living are gone? I really like the imagery and mood, but I don't know what's happened.
I can't tell if this is supposed to have a rhyme scheme, as "sun" and "one" rhyme, but "still" and "well" don't quite. I'm also not sure what's happening here. There seem to be literal pavement and cars, but then are the birds literal as well? Vultures maybe? They would be particularly suited to looking for signs of life or death, but I wondered what they had to do with the cars, which led to me wondering if you were talking about shadows. And in the end, is this a place that's just abandoned? Or has it been so long that all remains of the living are gone? I really like the imagery and mood, but I don't know what's happened.
This poem evokes thoughts of the apocalypse. Not with fire and death, but of the quiet afterwards. When the grass is grown and the dust settled. When only husks remain to remind the world what once was, and the world moves on irregardless.
It’s a little hard to pin down the subject or theme, but is effective at conveying the feeling.
It’s a little hard to pin down the subject or theme, but is effective at conveying the feeling.
A very nice image:
And really, that's all I ask of a poem sometimes. The form's a little wobbly with no pattern establlished as to which lines start with stressed syllables and which start with unstressed and with the side rhyme in the second stanza. Words like "circling" are always problematic in metered verse, too, since some people pronounce them with two syllables and some with three...
Mike
And really, that's all I ask of a poem sometimes. The form's a little wobbly with no pattern establlished as to which lines start with stressed syllables and which start with unstressed and with the side rhyme in the second stanza. Words like "circling" are always problematic in metered verse, too, since some people pronounce them with two syllables and some with three...
Mike
High vulture soaring in the sky
Is seeking for a meal.
Death may have come and gone, but still
Earth shall abide, unhealed.
Is seeking for a meal.
Death may have come and gone, but still
Earth shall abide, unhealed.