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The Heat · FiM Minific ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 400–750
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Heat
“Last warning,” called out the policemare. “Release your hostages, throw down your weapons, and come out of the bank.”

There was a very long pause.

“It’s hot out there,” said one of the robbers from inside the bank door.

“Don’t make us go outside!” called a hostage. “I can see the bank thermometer from here, and it just melted.”

“Well, it’s not very comfortable out here either,” snapped the policemare, who was not at all happy with her decision to select a career as a hostage negotiator. “We’re wearing body armor, after all.”

“Could we reschedule for later?” said the bank robber. “Say, after sundown? Because I think I can see the asphalt bubbling from here. Please? I mean the vault door is closed and all we have is about fifty bits from petty cash.”

“No!” The policemare wiped a good swath of sweat from her brow and tried to ignore the way her mane was dripping. “We’re coming in! You’re going to be arrested, taken to jail, and—”

“Um, boss?” One of the other policestallions wearing sweat-soaked armor was leaning against a drooping tree, trying to stay in its problematic shadow. “The station AC is out again.”

The policemare let out a burst of profanity that would have set any surrounding grass on fire, if there had been any grass in the vicinity that had not already been trampled into dust. “Can’t we get any clouds down here for shade?”

“Nope. They evaporated.” The sweaty policestallion took a long drink of lukewarm water from a bottle, then poured the rest on his head. “Can we arrest the weather patrol for scheduling a heat wave right before they all headed north for a ‘conference’ in Yakyakistan?”

“Flew north?” bellowed the policemare. “They’re supposed to be in charge of the weather!”

“Officer?” called out one of the bank robbers. “Are you feeling okay? Because the bank has a bunch of free ice water bottles for VIP customers. We can send some out if you need them.”

“Ice. Water?” One of her eyelids twitched. “You have ice water?”

“We don’t mind sharing,” said the robber. “Well, the bank manager might object, but he locked himself in the vault when we came in.”

“Now I want to storm the building even more,” she muttered to herself. A single drop of sweat dripping down her nose turned her fierce scowl into a growing smile. “Wait a minute. How about a compromise?”

* * *


The reorganized bank lobby had a thin ‘Police’ ribbon dividing the floor into two, with bank robbers and hostages on one side and police officers on the other, both remaining fairly quiet in the air conditioning and regarding each other with a certain resignation. After all, if either side started to make a fuss, both sides would have to trudge across the blistering pavement to the sweltering police station. Even several customers came in to do their banking, regarded the two sides of the standoff with relative skepticism, then stayed for a while in the cool rather than plunge right back out into summer.

“So… How much longer?” asked the robber who was currently being ‘interrogated’ by the policemare.

“Last I heard, the air conditioning at the precinct should be fixed by evening. Give it an hour or two so it can cool down and I think we can wrap this up.” The policemare lifted her ice water bottle in a toast and settled down in the bank’s cushioned chair. “Probably a good thing. The cheapskate bank manager programmed the building’s air conditioning to go off about then. By dawn when it kicks back in, it’s going to be sweltering in here.”

“Oh.” The robber drank from his bottle for a while until it was empty. “You know, the time lock on the vault won’t open until then. The bank manager is going to get awfully uncomfortable.”

“Yep.” The policemare picked up another bottle of ice water and twisted off the lid. “I bank here, so I know their routines. If I’m not mistaken, that’s the same bank manager who hit me with a fifty bit overdraft when I deposited a check and made a withdrawal on the same day. You may be a robber of banks, but he is most certainly far more a bank robber than you will ever be.”
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#1 · 1
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A fun little comedic tale. Liked how the cops and robbers shared disdain towards the fanatical bank manager. Only critique is that I really wanted to see the manager himself since he seemed to be quite a character. Otherwise, a very amusing work.