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Solar Flare
“You requested my presence, your Highness?”
“Indeed, give me a moment,” said Celestia from her throne.
Spearhead stood at ease, waiting for the beloved ruler of Equestria to finish her letter. Though it wasn’t the first time he’d seen her dealing with government business, Celestia seemed worried — and not the kind of worry he was used to see on her face. Quill and parchment hung in her magical grasp, unmoving, whilst Celestia fidgeted. Spearhead knew what that meant: the letter she was trying to write was intended for Miss Twilight Sparkle.
“No, that won’t do,” she said after a moment, crossing out something with the quill.
“Your Highness?” asked Spearhead in an attempt to break her from her visible anxiety.
He was pretty sure that half of Canterlot’s nobility would have demanded his resignation for having dared interrupt the Goddess. These snobs didn’t know her like he did, though. Spearhead was proud to belong to a small circle of guards who spent countless hours with the princess and, therefore, truly knew who the real Celestia was, whilst the nobility only saw her during official events. Fortunately for his position, he and Celestia were the only ones in the room.
“Lieutenant Spearhead, I need your help.” Okay, that was something new. “The time has come for my student to spread her wings. I must send her away to Ponyville for two very important tasks, but I don’t want her to think I’m leaving her. I need to find the best way to tell her.”
“By sending her a letter, huh?” More than his resignation, the nobility would have wanted his head for that comment.
“Touché, but I have my reasons. She isn’t ready to hear it bluntly from me and, well, I’m not really ready to tell her too.”
“And thus, you chose an indirect path.” Celestia gave him a disapproving look, but remained silent. “Have you thought about making it into some kind of game?”
“I have, but she isn’t a filly anymore.”
“I see… Why not using her sense of responsibility, then? From what my friend Shining Armor told me about his sister, she takes great pride in performing her duties. I’m sure you can trust Miss Sparkle to do more than what you asked her.”
Celestia stayed quiet for a moment, a thoughtful look on her face.
“Right,” she said at last, with a weak smile. “Even if it sometimes tends to drive her crazy, she would never turn her back on a task. Thank you very much, Spearhead.”
“Anytime, your Highness.”
The following day, whilst on patrol, Spearhead heard laughter from the throne room. Intrigued, he entered to find Celestia in a position rather unsuited for a divine ruler. She was slouched on her throne, chuckling from something only known to her.
“Princess?” he asked.
“Spearhead!” she exclaimed. She jumped from her throne and ran to him, grabbing him in a hug and spinning in place. “Spearhead, that’s wonderful! You were right all along.”
“Hmm… you’re welcome?” he managed to say as he was crushed between her forelegs.
“She has even exceeded my expectations!” Celestia added jumps to their hectic round dance.
“Your Highness... please, put me down. I’m... starting to get dizzy.”
She released him. “I forgot you were a wimp,” she jested, laying a wing on his back.
“I’m an artist,” he replied, raising his head in a parody of these aristocrats he despised so much. “A very sensitive heart; not a thousands years old lady with a heart of ice.” She only chuckled in response. “So, from your behaviour I’m guessing, that everything turned out alright?”
“Better than alright! Twilight has friends now, and they even managed to bring me back my sister!”
“You… had a sister?”
“Haven’t I talked about her before? Silly me!” Celestia giggled. “Follow me, I’ll introduce you. She’s an artist too, so I’m expecting you to both get along. Remember she has missed one thousand year of arts, so don’t be surprised if she seems a little out of date.”
“You’re telling me she’s as old as you?”
“Pretty much.”
“Great, now I have another crazy old lady to handle,” Spearhead groaned. “Can we talk about a raise after that?”
“Indeed, give me a moment,” said Celestia from her throne.
Spearhead stood at ease, waiting for the beloved ruler of Equestria to finish her letter. Though it wasn’t the first time he’d seen her dealing with government business, Celestia seemed worried — and not the kind of worry he was used to see on her face. Quill and parchment hung in her magical grasp, unmoving, whilst Celestia fidgeted. Spearhead knew what that meant: the letter she was trying to write was intended for Miss Twilight Sparkle.
“No, that won’t do,” she said after a moment, crossing out something with the quill.
“Your Highness?” asked Spearhead in an attempt to break her from her visible anxiety.
He was pretty sure that half of Canterlot’s nobility would have demanded his resignation for having dared interrupt the Goddess. These snobs didn’t know her like he did, though. Spearhead was proud to belong to a small circle of guards who spent countless hours with the princess and, therefore, truly knew who the real Celestia was, whilst the nobility only saw her during official events. Fortunately for his position, he and Celestia were the only ones in the room.
“Lieutenant Spearhead, I need your help.” Okay, that was something new. “The time has come for my student to spread her wings. I must send her away to Ponyville for two very important tasks, but I don’t want her to think I’m leaving her. I need to find the best way to tell her.”
“By sending her a letter, huh?” More than his resignation, the nobility would have wanted his head for that comment.
“Touché, but I have my reasons. She isn’t ready to hear it bluntly from me and, well, I’m not really ready to tell her too.”
“And thus, you chose an indirect path.” Celestia gave him a disapproving look, but remained silent. “Have you thought about making it into some kind of game?”
“I have, but she isn’t a filly anymore.”
“I see… Why not using her sense of responsibility, then? From what my friend Shining Armor told me about his sister, she takes great pride in performing her duties. I’m sure you can trust Miss Sparkle to do more than what you asked her.”
Celestia stayed quiet for a moment, a thoughtful look on her face.
“Right,” she said at last, with a weak smile. “Even if it sometimes tends to drive her crazy, she would never turn her back on a task. Thank you very much, Spearhead.”
“Anytime, your Highness.”
*****
The following day, whilst on patrol, Spearhead heard laughter from the throne room. Intrigued, he entered to find Celestia in a position rather unsuited for a divine ruler. She was slouched on her throne, chuckling from something only known to her.
“Princess?” he asked.
“Spearhead!” she exclaimed. She jumped from her throne and ran to him, grabbing him in a hug and spinning in place. “Spearhead, that’s wonderful! You were right all along.”
“Hmm… you’re welcome?” he managed to say as he was crushed between her forelegs.
“She has even exceeded my expectations!” Celestia added jumps to their hectic round dance.
“Your Highness... please, put me down. I’m... starting to get dizzy.”
She released him. “I forgot you were a wimp,” she jested, laying a wing on his back.
“I’m an artist,” he replied, raising his head in a parody of these aristocrats he despised so much. “A very sensitive heart; not a thousands years old lady with a heart of ice.” She only chuckled in response. “So, from your behaviour I’m guessing, that everything turned out alright?”
“Better than alright! Twilight has friends now, and they even managed to bring me back my sister!”
“You… had a sister?”
“Haven’t I talked about her before? Silly me!” Celestia giggled. “Follow me, I’ll introduce you. She’s an artist too, so I’m expecting you to both get along. Remember she has missed one thousand year of arts, so don’t be surprised if she seems a little out of date.”
“You’re telling me she’s as old as you?”
“Pretty much.”
“Great, now I have another crazy old lady to handle,” Spearhead groaned. “Can we talk about a raise after that?”
First one up!
This one kinda of pulled toward and against my preferences: I'm not overly predisposed to interpretations of Celestia as a deity, but I do quite like scenarios where wise individuals find themselves having to seek help from other quarters.
Unless I'm missing something, I do perhaps feel as though the prompt has been lost a little in the narrative, the prime culprit seeming to be Spearhead's musings and observations. There are parts of his character I found interesting, and I liked some of the dynamic between him and Celestia (though some of the banter felt inconsistent at times, and sometimes also fell flat), but if the evidence of Celestia initially putting things off had come through a bit stronger, then I think I would have found the story more complete and satisfying. It just didn't feel as though the balance was right, for me at least.
I liked the concept of the scene, though, and it was paced well enough. Sometimes clarity suffers in the minific round, but you skirt round that problem nicely. I don't know if it lands successfully enough for me to place it in the top tiers of my slate, but I still enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing your work.
This one kinda of pulled toward and against my preferences: I'm not overly predisposed to interpretations of Celestia as a deity, but I do quite like scenarios where wise individuals find themselves having to seek help from other quarters.
Unless I'm missing something, I do perhaps feel as though the prompt has been lost a little in the narrative, the prime culprit seeming to be Spearhead's musings and observations. There are parts of his character I found interesting, and I liked some of the dynamic between him and Celestia (though some of the banter felt inconsistent at times, and sometimes also fell flat), but if the evidence of Celestia initially putting things off had come through a bit stronger, then I think I would have found the story more complete and satisfying. It just didn't feel as though the balance was right, for me at least.
I liked the concept of the scene, though, and it was paced well enough. Sometimes clarity suffers in the minific round, but you skirt round that problem nicely. I don't know if it lands successfully enough for me to place it in the top tiers of my slate, but I still enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing your work.
I like each of the scenes quite a lot, but they seem a little flat as a story when just put together like that. I can't detect the prompt connection at all either. Spearhead's characterization is nice. It's not a bad read prose-wise, but not very satisfying at the end.
Celestia having not mentioned Luna to Spearhead before seems kind of odd, though maybe that's explainable by lifespan or careerspan discrepancy.
Celestia having not mentioned Luna to Spearhead before seems kind of odd, though maybe that's explainable by lifespan or careerspan discrepancy.
I liked Spearhead as a character. I didn't laugh much at the humor, but I did find the exchange charming. Let's ship em!
It's a bit amusing that this takes place over the return of Nightmare Moon episodes, and the Canterlot guards are completely unaware that anything happened to Celestia overnight. I guess that makes sense, it happened in Ponyville, why would they know?
side tangent: I always wondered why the ponies thought the Moon Sister was a myth before she returned, but nobody made the connection that Celestia was the Sun Sister. Something about this suggests that the ponies don't know she's over 1000 years old. Yet after the pilot, Celestia is retroactively treated as a deity more than a royal mortal. Whatever, inconsistencies!
It's a bit amusing that this takes place over the return of Nightmare Moon episodes, and the Canterlot guards are completely unaware that anything happened to Celestia overnight. I guess that makes sense, it happened in Ponyville, why would they know?
side tangent: I always wondered why the ponies thought the Moon Sister was a myth before she returned, but nobody made the connection that Celestia was the Sun Sister. Something about this suggests that the ponies don't know she's over 1000 years old. Yet after the pilot, Celestia is retroactively treated as a deity more than a royal mortal. Whatever, inconsistencies!
I'm always bugged a bit by the idea of the Luna myth not being decently well known.
I really like the core ideas here (down to earth Celestia and casual guard interactions are rad), but... I dunno. This doesn't quite click with me and I'm hard-pressed to be able to pin down why. I'll try and come back to this one.
I really like the core ideas here (down to earth Celestia and casual guard interactions are rad), but... I dunno. This doesn't quite click with me and I'm hard-pressed to be able to pin down why. I'll try and come back to this one.
I don't buy that the royal guards, especially one claiming to be so close to Celestia, would have somehow completely missed the whole "sun came up several hours late and now Luna's back" thing.
And this story just doesn't fit in the timing of the show at all. Celestia sent her letter right after she got Twilight's. Are we supposed to assume that Celestia came up with this idea to send Twilight to take care of the Summer Sun Celebration, and then purely by coincidence, Twilight sent her a letter about Nightmare Moon? And I find it hard to believe that Celestia wouldn't have her plans to send Twilight to Ponyville figured out by this point. And your timing is off. When Twilight first told Celestia about Nightmare Moon and got her reply, she said that the Summer Sun Celebration was "the day after tomorrow." So basically, you're off by a day. I suppose that's forgivable because that extra day does kind of quietly disappear on the show, but it just compounds with everything else here.
And the whole "royal guard who is secretly bffs with Celestia" cliche is kinda overdone, and doesn't actually add anything to the story. Why not just use someone like Cadance instead? Then you wouldn't have to go through all this "look at me, the fancy ponies think I'm a nobody, but I'm really better than them" stuff. You could have even had Cadance already in on the plan to have Twilight make some friends and beat Nightmare Moon, and have her shocked that Celestia hadn't sent Twilight to Ponyville months ago like she was supposed to.
And this story just doesn't fit in the timing of the show at all. Celestia sent her letter right after she got Twilight's. Are we supposed to assume that Celestia came up with this idea to send Twilight to take care of the Summer Sun Celebration, and then purely by coincidence, Twilight sent her a letter about Nightmare Moon? And I find it hard to believe that Celestia wouldn't have her plans to send Twilight to Ponyville figured out by this point. And your timing is off. When Twilight first told Celestia about Nightmare Moon and got her reply, she said that the Summer Sun Celebration was "the day after tomorrow." So basically, you're off by a day. I suppose that's forgivable because that extra day does kind of quietly disappear on the show, but it just compounds with everything else here.
And the whole "royal guard who is secretly bffs with Celestia" cliche is kinda overdone, and doesn't actually add anything to the story. Why not just use someone like Cadance instead? Then you wouldn't have to go through all this "look at me, the fancy ponies think I'm a nobody, but I'm really better than them" stuff. You could have even had Cadance already in on the plan to have Twilight make some friends and beat Nightmare Moon, and have her shocked that Celestia hadn't sent Twilight to Ponyville months ago like she was supposed to.
This is working to be a cute, behind the scenes look at Royal burdens, but the emotions are haphazard. Celestia swings wildly from formal modes of address to dancing wildly. The relationship isn't fleshed out enough, so it feels non sequitur for these things to happen in such short succession. The ending also slams in way too much explanation about Luna to try to tie up loose ends too. Lastly, the connection to the prompt feels tenuous.
That said, I do like the core premise. Royalty as "human" (pony) is always a good trope, so there's something that can work here if it's polished up.
That said, I do like the core premise. Royalty as "human" (pony) is always a good trope, so there's something that can work here if it's polished up.
Wasn't much impressed. Celestia’s rendition is crude and lacks finesse. I don't really understand how the guard’s suggestion can lead her out of her quandary. And her behaviour the day after makes no sense. The guard is an artist? You should have made him a playwriter and called him Shake Spear.
:derpytongue2:
:derpytongue2:
>>Monokeras
I'm fairly sure it's meant to be Spearhead the modern artist from S7E03 "A Flurry of Emotions".
Anyway, I'm afraid this story doesn't really do much for me, either. I don't think there's quite enough space to develop Spearhead as an interesting character, or to truly develop his relationship with Celestia. I believe there's potential here, but two short scenes are not quite enough to make use of it.
I agree that it's kind of unrealistic the guards wouldn't have heard anything about the Princess vanishing during the celebration (surely someone must have brought news to the palace?).
I'm fairly sure it's meant to be Spearhead the modern artist from S7E03 "A Flurry of Emotions".
Anyway, I'm afraid this story doesn't really do much for me, either. I don't think there's quite enough space to develop Spearhead as an interesting character, or to truly develop his relationship with Celestia. I believe there's potential here, but two short scenes are not quite enough to make use of it.
I agree that it's kind of unrealistic the guards wouldn't have heard anything about the Princess vanishing during the celebration (surely someone must have brought news to the palace?).
Good talky scenes, focusing on Celestia's characterization. Meh story. I can't find much of a narrative arc here, so my overall reaction is "Eh, that happened." Pick a focus and stick with it, that would help this a lot.
Dittoing other readers on the implausibility of Luna being unknown to the royal guard.
Good on you for not going the Sad Sunbutt route though.
Wow I just can't come up with comments on this. Apologies for that. I do like the Celestia on display here, and I want more of her, have her interact more with Spearhead (maybe characterize Spearhead some), have her do something more than just write to Twilight and be happy afterwards. Thank you for writing though!
Dittoing other readers on the implausibility of Luna being unknown to the royal guard.
Good on you for not going the Sad Sunbutt route though.
Wow I just can't come up with comments on this. Apologies for that. I do like the Celestia on display here, and I want more of her, have her interact more with Spearhead (maybe characterize Spearhead some), have her do something more than just write to Twilight and be happy afterwards. Thank you for writing though!
Highlighting this here:
Be careful with dialogue attribution. Read by itself, this paragraph seems to suggest that Celestia is the speaker, but she's somehow remaining silent as well. If you have a quote from one of your characters, that character should be the one performing any inter-dialogue actions.
“And thus, you chose an indirect path.” Celestia gave him a disapproving look, but remained silent. “Have you thought about making it into some kind of game?”
Be careful with dialogue attribution. Read by itself, this paragraph seems to suggest that Celestia is the speaker, but she's somehow remaining silent as well. If you have a quote from one of your characters, that character should be the one performing any inter-dialogue actions.
Also, what's with people reenacting moments from the show? There's this, Fluttershy being bullied at flight camp, and a whole spate of done-to-death tropes like sad-immortal-Twilight and sad-just-banished-her-sister-Celestia.
Did we run out of ideas this round?
Did we run out of ideas this round?
Solar Flare Retospective
That was my poor shot for this uninspiring prompt (for me). I didn't know what I wanted to write, started something and kept on writing until I stopped, realising I was going nowhere, but somehow a bit satisfied with how it ended. I still submit it, to see how worth it was.
So now, let's reply to everyone
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
I'm not overly predisposed to interpretations of Celestia as a deity
Well, I don't interpret Celestia as a deity. The only mention of the Godess aspect is by Spearhead using the nobility's words. In my opinion, many ponies see Celestia as a Goddess but those who are close to her know that she isn't. I was probably not very clear on that part.
I won't quote the rest but I'm glad that you've found some pleasure reading it. And yeah, the balance didn't satisfy me too but I was running out of time, unfortunately.
>>Light_Striker
I can't detect the prompt connection at all
Just ignore it and it will go away :p
More seriously, the prompt was somehow hidden within the story and the episode Celestial advice. Celestia didn't want to send her student to Ponyville, fearing that she won't need her guidance anymore. I was thinking that maybe Celestia managed to ignore this feeling in the end.
I'm glad that the prose was correct and each scenes enjoyable for you. But yeah, there aren't as connected together as I wish they could be.
Celestia having not mentioned Luna to Spearhead before seems kind of odd
You're not the only one to mention that and I don't really understand how this can be a problem. After all, Luna disappeared 1.000 years ago, everypony thinks it's a myth and Twilight and Mayor Mare don't know at all that Luna is Celestia's sister. so why the guards would know it?
>>Haze
If you found the interactions charming, that means it is not a complete failure. Good.
the Canterlot guards are completely unaware that anything happened to Celestia overnight.
I chose the easy path here. I knew that Spearhead should be aware his monarch disappeared for a moment (even if everything happens around Ponyville, I think Celestia's return to Canterlot was scheduled so they would have known about her missing). Unfortunately, I was short on time and words to properly include that part without making it telly and blunt.
>>AndrewRogue
I'm always bugged a bit by the idea of the Luna myth not being decently well known.
Ponyville folks didn't know it either. You could argue they are just countryfolks and thus, aren't really close to the capital. It was a choice to extend that fact to almost everypony in Equestria.
Glad you like the idea. If you ever find why it didn't work for you, I would be happy to hear it and improve it.
>>The_Letter_J
I don't buy that the royal guards, especially one claiming to be so close to Celestia, would have somehow completely missed the whole "sun came up several hours late and now Luna's back" thing.
Like I said, it's a plothole I didn't know how to resolve in a few words and with so little time. That's why I didn't address it and chose to focus instead on their interaction.
And this story just doesn't fit in the timing of the show at all.
Hmmm yes? I just quickly rewatched the episode and indeed, I've missed a day. So let's pretend that instead of 'The following day', I wrote 'Two days later'.
Are we supposed to assume that Celestia came up with this idea to send Twilight to take care of the Summer Sun Celebration, and then purely by coincidence, Twilight sent her a letter about Nightmare Moon?
No, you're supposed to assume she got the idea at the same time. As the season 7 premiere told us, Celestia knew she had to make her student leave (in my mind, and it's hinted by the show, she also knew Twilight would be the one deafting NMM) and thus, she saw it as an opportunity to do what she had put aside for too long.
And the whole "royal guard who is secretly bffs with Celestia" cliche is kinda overdone, and doesn't actually add anything to the story. Why not just use someone like Cadance instead?
That's a complete different story. A interesting one, mind you, but it is not this one.
>>Xepher
the emotions are haphazard. Celestia swings wildly from formal modes of address to dancing wildly.
You're definitely not the only one to mention it. Celestia is formal in the first scene because she has many things to handle. She has to send her student away from her, her sinister is about to come back and she's not sure if Twilight will be able to free her sister from NMM or if she will just lock her up in the moon again. She then interacts way more casually with Spearhead because, like she said, everything went perfect, her sister she hasn't for 1000 years is now back and 'reformed' while she wasn't sure there would be a chance for her to even see her again, her student knows the power and the magic of friendship etc, so she is more than happy.
However, I understand that all this explanation was supposed to be conveyed by the story itself and it seems that I failed completly trying to do so.
And thank you for your encouragement.
>>Monokeras
Outch.
No, you know what? Je te recommande vivement de t'entretenir au plus vite avec la population masculine grecque, bouffeur de grenouilles. :p
See others' replies for explanation. As for Spearhead, >>JudgeDeadd has already pointed out the episode.
And true, it's very rough around the edges (and in the middle too).
>>JudgeDeadd
I don't think there's quite enough space to develop Spearhead as an interesting character, or to truly develop his relationship with Celestia. I believe there's potential here, but two short scenes are not quite enough to make use of it.
I realised that but it was too late.
I agree that it's kind of unrealistic the guards wouldn't have heard anything about the Princess vanishing during the celebration (surely someone must have brought news to the palace?).
See above for this plothole.
>>Ranmilia
Good talky scenes, focusing on Celestia's characterization.
Victory!
Meh story.
True. Like I said, it wasn't really going somewhere when I was writing it. Indeed, this happened and there isn't much to tell here and to get from it. Sorry for that.
>>Cold in Gardez
Good point. I didn't realise it all the times I reread it but once you pointed out, it is obvious. So thank you.
Did we run out of ideas this round?
Don't know about the others but yes, I ran out of ideas for this round.
Thank you everyone for your inputs. As usual, I'm always short on time to have something interesting to say or write it properly (sometimes it's both). I hope that wasn't too painful to read (it seems not, at least for some people) and I apologise if it was the case.
Good luck to the finalists!