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Thinking in the Rain
A nice Horde Soldier. Swift Wind never thought in all his years that he would ever meet one, and here he was, sharing a pyschic bond with Adora, a former Force Captain.
Life sure has a funny way of taking your prejudices and stereotypes and tossing them straight out the window. In hindsight, that's probably how Adora felt about the princesses, having been raised her whole life believing they were the enemy. Now, of all people, she was best friends with the heir to Bright Moon's throne, and it was all thanks to the Sword of Protection.
That sword changed both of their lives. Adora, by unlocking her innate ability to transform into She Ra, and Swift Wind, by giving him wings, a horn, and last but certainly not least, a voice.
Being able to fly and use magic were both nice, but Swift Wind's favourite power of all of them is the ability to speak his mind.
All his life, Swift Wind's voice had been locked inside of him,
waiting to be unleashed, and now, thanks to Adora, it was. But what was the greatest contradiction of all? A talking horse, or a nice Horde Soldier?
Swift Wind sat in a field, letting the rain soak him as these thoughts ran through his mind. His orange mane stuck to his neck and his feathers became heavier and heavier from the moisture as his mind raced. The talking horse would certainly thank himself later for wearing his waterproof eyeliner.
Swift Wind became so lost in his own thoughts that he barely acknowledged a horse coming over and sitting on his left, save for his ear turning.
As Swift Wind thought further, he came to a conclusion-Life was full of contradictions. Some amazing and wonderful, others cruel and heartless. His new abilities an example of the former, Adora's sightlessness at the hands of her former best friend an example of the latter. Seeing Adora learning how to navigate her world all over again made Swift Wind feel like someone had ripped his heart out of his chest and stomped on it. If Swift Wind ever got his hooves on that traitorous Catra.....he tensed in anger at the thought of seeing her again, grinning mischievously as he imagined that he would do to that fleabag. Swift Wind's violent yet cathartic thoughts were interrupted by a wing being placed over his shoulder.
"Easy, honey, it's okay." Arrow soothed, rubbing Swift Wind's back.
Swift Wind turned at the sound of his husband's voice.
"Babe? How long have you been there?" Swift Wind asked.
"Pretty much the whole time." Arrow responded.
"Why didn't you try to get my attention? How are you not soaked?"
"First question, I did, my love.-Arrow raised his feather as if counting, the way Etherians do with their fingers. Swift Wind had taught him how.-Three times. Second question,-Arrow raised his second feather-cause I brought an umbrella, silly!"
Swift Wind did the flying unicorn equivalent of a facepalm, realizing that bringing an umbrella would have been a wise decision in hindsight.
Arrow giggled.
"C'mon, Swiftie, let's get inside and dry you off before you catch a cold." Arrow helped his husband up as he spoke.
Holding wings the way Etherian lovers would hold hands, Arrow and Swift Wind walked home, the umbrella Arrow brought shielding them from the elements.
Life sure has a funny way of taking your prejudices and stereotypes and tossing them straight out the window. In hindsight, that's probably how Adora felt about the princesses, having been raised her whole life believing they were the enemy. Now, of all people, she was best friends with the heir to Bright Moon's throne, and it was all thanks to the Sword of Protection.
That sword changed both of their lives. Adora, by unlocking her innate ability to transform into She Ra, and Swift Wind, by giving him wings, a horn, and last but certainly not least, a voice.
Being able to fly and use magic were both nice, but Swift Wind's favourite power of all of them is the ability to speak his mind.
All his life, Swift Wind's voice had been locked inside of him,
waiting to be unleashed, and now, thanks to Adora, it was. But what was the greatest contradiction of all? A talking horse, or a nice Horde Soldier?
Swift Wind sat in a field, letting the rain soak him as these thoughts ran through his mind. His orange mane stuck to his neck and his feathers became heavier and heavier from the moisture as his mind raced. The talking horse would certainly thank himself later for wearing his waterproof eyeliner.
Swift Wind became so lost in his own thoughts that he barely acknowledged a horse coming over and sitting on his left, save for his ear turning.
As Swift Wind thought further, he came to a conclusion-Life was full of contradictions. Some amazing and wonderful, others cruel and heartless. His new abilities an example of the former, Adora's sightlessness at the hands of her former best friend an example of the latter. Seeing Adora learning how to navigate her world all over again made Swift Wind feel like someone had ripped his heart out of his chest and stomped on it. If Swift Wind ever got his hooves on that traitorous Catra.....he tensed in anger at the thought of seeing her again, grinning mischievously as he imagined that he would do to that fleabag. Swift Wind's violent yet cathartic thoughts were interrupted by a wing being placed over his shoulder.
"Easy, honey, it's okay." Arrow soothed, rubbing Swift Wind's back.
Swift Wind turned at the sound of his husband's voice.
"Babe? How long have you been there?" Swift Wind asked.
"Pretty much the whole time." Arrow responded.
"Why didn't you try to get my attention? How are you not soaked?"
"First question, I did, my love.-Arrow raised his feather as if counting, the way Etherians do with their fingers. Swift Wind had taught him how.-Three times. Second question,-Arrow raised his second feather-cause I brought an umbrella, silly!"
Swift Wind did the flying unicorn equivalent of a facepalm, realizing that bringing an umbrella would have been a wise decision in hindsight.
Arrow giggled.
"C'mon, Swiftie, let's get inside and dry you off before you catch a cold." Arrow helped his husband up as he spoke.
Holding wings the way Etherian lovers would hold hands, Arrow and Swift Wind walked home, the umbrella Arrow brought shielding them from the elements.
People who review She-Ra entries be like...
Something I liked:
There are quite a few characters I imagine being the center of mood pieces, and Swift Wind is not one of them. It takes a good deal of guts, author, to write a mood piece about a talking gay horse that isn't Equestrian. On top of the original point of view, the tone of this entry is quite different from others of its kind. It's kinder and more optimistic, which granted, might be hammered in too much by the ending, but it's nice to see that at least someone is having a good time after what happened in season 3.
Something I didn't like:
Unfortunately, there are some major technical problems I have with this entry. Hyphens are used in place of em dashes, and they're not even spaced in such a way that you can at least tell when there are meant to be pauses in the text. The unspoken rule with ellipses is that you use three dots and space them to some degree, and that doesn't happen here. One of Arrow's lines is especially hard to read, both because of the use of hyphens and because I'm pretty sure there's a quotation mark or two missing in that paragraph. Goes without saying that the first third or so of the story is very exposition-heavy.
Verdict: It's cute, but there are some glaring flaws that make me unsure if I enjoyed it or not.
Something I liked:
There are quite a few characters I imagine being the center of mood pieces, and Swift Wind is not one of them. It takes a good deal of guts, author, to write a mood piece about a talking gay horse that isn't Equestrian. On top of the original point of view, the tone of this entry is quite different from others of its kind. It's kinder and more optimistic, which granted, might be hammered in too much by the ending, but it's nice to see that at least someone is having a good time after what happened in season 3.
Something I didn't like:
Unfortunately, there are some major technical problems I have with this entry. Hyphens are used in place of em dashes, and they're not even spaced in such a way that you can at least tell when there are meant to be pauses in the text. The unspoken rule with ellipses is that you use three dots and space them to some degree, and that doesn't happen here. One of Arrow's lines is especially hard to read, both because of the use of hyphens and because I'm pretty sure there's a quotation mark or two missing in that paragraph. Goes without saying that the first third or so of the story is very exposition-heavy.
Verdict: It's cute, but there are some glaring flaws that make me unsure if I enjoyed it or not.
Second gay couple story I've read for this contest.
She-Ra fanfic is apparently super gay. Who knew? I did..
The other one resonates with me a bit more because the conflict is externalized in dialogue, but they both seem pretty similar in theme: reflecting upon an unexpected discovery about another person.
Points here, however, for choosing gay horses instead of gay humans. Bold move. Not sure how the umbrella works for two horses, but I'll just roll with the absurdity for the sake of gay horses.
I feel like we're missing a cute, absurdist moral at the end. Something like ”As you go through life, reader, remember. At some level, we're all just gay horses, trying to keep our husbands dry. Giddy up, partner, and yee-haw.”
She-Ra fanfic is apparently super gay. Who knew? I did..
The other one resonates with me a bit more because the conflict is externalized in dialogue, but they both seem pretty similar in theme: reflecting upon an unexpected discovery about another person.
Points here, however, for choosing gay horses instead of gay humans. Bold move. Not sure how the umbrella works for two horses, but I'll just roll with the absurdity for the sake of gay horses.
I feel like we're missing a cute, absurdist moral at the end. Something like ”As you go through life, reader, remember. At some level, we're all just gay horses, trying to keep our husbands dry. Giddy up, partner, and yee-haw.”
I'll admit that the opening conceit of this story (namely, that Swift Wind knew and cared about the moral alignment of the Horde prior to S1E1) is an interesting one, and I'm not sure I'm fully sold on it. And it can be a bit difficult to enjoy a story when you're not sold on the premise—that I did enjoy myself while reading this speaks volumes about the story's warm tone and uplifting message.
There are, as >>No_Raisin points out, technical errors that hold this piece back. You kinda expect to see that sort of thing in writeoffs, and especially in minific rounds, where the short writing time leaves little room for editing passes. I reckon this piece would look dramatically better with a bit of careful attention post-contest to tidy those up, and I'd love to see it if you do give it that polish! Despite its faults, this piece has some really strong ideas ("Being able to fly and use magic were both nice, but Swift Wind's favourite power of all of them is the ability to speak his mind" is just lovely) that would be a lot of fun to see if given the proper time and care.
There are, as >>No_Raisin points out, technical errors that hold this piece back. You kinda expect to see that sort of thing in writeoffs, and especially in minific rounds, where the short writing time leaves little room for editing passes. I reckon this piece would look dramatically better with a bit of careful attention post-contest to tidy those up, and I'd love to see it if you do give it that polish! Despite its faults, this piece has some really strong ideas ("Being able to fly and use magic were both nice, but Swift Wind's favourite power of all of them is the ability to speak his mind" is just lovely) that would be a lot of fun to see if given the proper time and care.
It's nice to see a story focus on Swift Wind. I think I've only seen one before. I like the idea that he's reconnecting to these horses. Was he with Arrow before he met Adora, or is that a more recent development?
As has been said, this one had numerous editing problems, but those are easy to fix. I would have liked to see more development on something that's actually a source of conflict here. There's a little about his feelings on Adora and what's happened to her, but otherwise, it's just him being pensive without direction, then introducing Arrow, but not having that lead to a message.
For that matter, I'm curious about how this works. As I recall, he can only speak because of She-Ra, so I assume Arrow can't. They must be communicating through normal horse means, right? I'd like to see some of that and how he has to juggle between that and human speech. If Arrow's a regular horse, I don't know why he'd think to bring an umbrella, and how there's one made that horses can operate. Does Swift Wind also find comfort in going back to other horse things? Like how does he feel about grazing or playing or whatever? He's set up to be a great character for being caught between two worlds.
As has been said, this one had numerous editing problems, but those are easy to fix. I would have liked to see more development on something that's actually a source of conflict here. There's a little about his feelings on Adora and what's happened to her, but otherwise, it's just him being pensive without direction, then introducing Arrow, but not having that lead to a message.
For that matter, I'm curious about how this works. As I recall, he can only speak because of She-Ra, so I assume Arrow can't. They must be communicating through normal horse means, right? I'd like to see some of that and how he has to juggle between that and human speech. If Arrow's a regular horse, I don't know why he'd think to bring an umbrella, and how there's one made that horses can operate. Does Swift Wind also find comfort in going back to other horse things? Like how does he feel about grazing or playing or whatever? He's set up to be a great character for being caught between two worlds.