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Six Below Zero
The snow bit into my fur, the feeling of sharp needles poking me prevalent in my mind. Though I may never admit to it, I hated this type of weather. The fact that I couldn’t change it without disrupting the delicate balance of nature was all the more frustrating, but that time would come with Winter Wrap Up.
No, stop getting sidetracked.
Everything as far as I could see was covered in the white powdery flakes of winter. The snow already on the ground was tossed and scattered by the wind, resettling in small niches. Behind me, the only hoofprints I saw were mine. I smirked at that. After all, only somepony as awesome as me would dare venture into a raging blizzard.
As my smile grew wider, I checked the bundle of cloth under my wing to make sure it was still there. Patting it lightly and shifting my wing a little to get a better grip, I pressed forward. The howling wind reminded me of air rushing past me, and I couldn’t help but smile even wider. Then again, air was still rushing past me, albeit freezing… and cold. Stupid annoying snow. Why can’t you leave me alone?
Whatever. It’s not like I can’t handle it. I wouldn’t care even if I couldn’t. This was too important. At least for me.
Everything was covered in snow. Snow here, snow there, snow everywhere. I shivered and gritted my teeth before sighing. This is all for a good cause, and I went here on my own. There’s no use in complaining now. I focused on the path ahead of me. I was almost there. How did I know? Well, the markers I had put this year on the leafless decidgici- decidu- deci-
The markers I had put this year on the not-spiky trees were pretty compelling, especially when one of them was in the shape of a tortoise wearing a flight helmet. Smiling at the sign, I hastened my pace. The cold was beginning to seep into my forelegs, which was pretty impressive considering the natural resistance to cold pegasi had for high-altitude flying, but it did not stop me.
Huffing and seeing my breath fog even more than when I had trekked out for this venture, I winced before continuing on. I could already see the specific tree I needed to go to in the distance, and I nodded to myself. One final stretch.
Breaking from the path and wading into snow that was up to my knees, I dug my way to the tree and stopped, sighing contentedly as I finally found myself exactly where I wanted to be.
Resting a hoof on the trunk of the tree, I inhaled shakily.
“Hey, Tank,” I whispered, rubbing the cold cedar trunk. “Sorry I’m late.”
The only response I got was the howling of the wind around me.
“Fluttershy was trying to look for her animals before the storm got worse and I lost track of time.”
Some of the snow at the base of the tree shifted, and my vision blurred.
“I know I said this last week, but… I miss you. Just because…” I gulped. “Just because it’s been few months doesn’t… doesn’t make it any easier.”
With a sigh, I looked around. Pursing my lips, I brushed snow off of the base of the tree and sat down, pulling the bundle from my wings. With an eager smile, I unravelled the contents of it, and was left with an adventurous-looking book.
“But look!” I said, patting the ground beside me. “A new Daring Do book came out and I thought I could read it to you! It’s…”
I patted my face and felt it was wet with warm water, unlike the snow that was swirling around.
Closing my eyes, I smiled. “It’s the least I could do.”
Grabbing the blanket and throwing it over me so that the snow wouldn’t ruin the delicate paper pages, I cracked it open.
“Daring Do and the Frozen Wastes of Faeridae,” I began, and smiled even wider, the cold now seemingly a proper backdrop to such a title. Shifting against the tree to a more comfortable position, I continued.
“Daring Do ran as hard as she could with the limited vision she had, her clothes wet and dragging from all the rain that was falling. But even though it made her heavier, she would never abandon her trusty clothes, considering them almost like close friends that would never let her down…”
No, stop getting sidetracked.
Everything as far as I could see was covered in the white powdery flakes of winter. The snow already on the ground was tossed and scattered by the wind, resettling in small niches. Behind me, the only hoofprints I saw were mine. I smirked at that. After all, only somepony as awesome as me would dare venture into a raging blizzard.
As my smile grew wider, I checked the bundle of cloth under my wing to make sure it was still there. Patting it lightly and shifting my wing a little to get a better grip, I pressed forward. The howling wind reminded me of air rushing past me, and I couldn’t help but smile even wider. Then again, air was still rushing past me, albeit freezing… and cold. Stupid annoying snow. Why can’t you leave me alone?
Whatever. It’s not like I can’t handle it. I wouldn’t care even if I couldn’t. This was too important. At least for me.
Everything was covered in snow. Snow here, snow there, snow everywhere. I shivered and gritted my teeth before sighing. This is all for a good cause, and I went here on my own. There’s no use in complaining now. I focused on the path ahead of me. I was almost there. How did I know? Well, the markers I had put this year on the leafless decidgici- decidu- deci-
The markers I had put this year on the not-spiky trees were pretty compelling, especially when one of them was in the shape of a tortoise wearing a flight helmet. Smiling at the sign, I hastened my pace. The cold was beginning to seep into my forelegs, which was pretty impressive considering the natural resistance to cold pegasi had for high-altitude flying, but it did not stop me.
Huffing and seeing my breath fog even more than when I had trekked out for this venture, I winced before continuing on. I could already see the specific tree I needed to go to in the distance, and I nodded to myself. One final stretch.
Breaking from the path and wading into snow that was up to my knees, I dug my way to the tree and stopped, sighing contentedly as I finally found myself exactly where I wanted to be.
Resting a hoof on the trunk of the tree, I inhaled shakily.
“Hey, Tank,” I whispered, rubbing the cold cedar trunk. “Sorry I’m late.”
The only response I got was the howling of the wind around me.
“Fluttershy was trying to look for her animals before the storm got worse and I lost track of time.”
Some of the snow at the base of the tree shifted, and my vision blurred.
“I know I said this last week, but… I miss you. Just because…” I gulped. “Just because it’s been few months doesn’t… doesn’t make it any easier.”
With a sigh, I looked around. Pursing my lips, I brushed snow off of the base of the tree and sat down, pulling the bundle from my wings. With an eager smile, I unravelled the contents of it, and was left with an adventurous-looking book.
“But look!” I said, patting the ground beside me. “A new Daring Do book came out and I thought I could read it to you! It’s…”
I patted my face and felt it was wet with warm water, unlike the snow that was swirling around.
Closing my eyes, I smiled. “It’s the least I could do.”
Grabbing the blanket and throwing it over me so that the snow wouldn’t ruin the delicate paper pages, I cracked it open.
“Daring Do and the Frozen Wastes of Faeridae,” I began, and smiled even wider, the cold now seemingly a proper backdrop to such a title. Shifting against the tree to a more comfortable position, I continued.
“Daring Do ran as hard as she could with the limited vision she had, her clothes wet and dragging from all the rain that was falling. But even though it made her heavier, she would never abandon her trusty clothes, considering them almost like close friends that would never let her down…”
So... Rainbow Dash misses Tank so much she's decided to commit suicide by sitting and reading a book in weather so cold it apparently even freezes pegasi? Dang. That's a pretty serious reaction to hibernation.
While the premise is okay, I think it's also a bit overblown. I mean, she's in a blizzard. How is she supposed to read in a blizzard? The pages would be trying to flap around, snow would be building up on them, visibility would be crummy, her hooves would be shaking like crazy, the list goes on and on. I get that this is Rainbow Dash and she's not prone to making smart decisions (especially since it seems the show writers can't take her seriously under any circumstances), but this feels a bit extreme even for her. I don't feel sympathetic and I don't get any warm feelings, all I get is a sense that this is a spectacularly bad idea even by RD standards.
Again, not a bad idea, but maybe the weather could have been toned down a notch.
While the premise is okay, I think it's also a bit overblown. I mean, she's in a blizzard. How is she supposed to read in a blizzard? The pages would be trying to flap around, snow would be building up on them, visibility would be crummy, her hooves would be shaking like crazy, the list goes on and on. I get that this is Rainbow Dash and she's not prone to making smart decisions (especially since it seems the show writers can't take her seriously under any circumstances), but this feels a bit extreme even for her. I don't feel sympathetic and I don't get any warm feelings, all I get is a sense that this is a spectacularly bad idea even by RD standards.
Again, not a bad idea, but maybe the weather could have been toned down a notch.
This is a good entry, well written and with enough emotional impact at the end.
Rainbow Dahs's lack of the right term for the "not-spiky trees" was a nice touch.
>>PaulAsaran has a point. It doesn't make much sense reading a book in such conditions.
Also, the description of the weather conditions fails a bit to build tension. I'm not sure if it's because we don't know what the stakes are, or if it's some passages that drag it down, especially when describing Rainbow Dash's reactions (like the "How did I know?", the "natural resistance of pegasi to cold", and describing the snow as just "stupid and annoying"). Maybe you deliberately wanted to show that the blizzard is no big deal to her, but if so I would have expected more a "this blizzard is awesome, but I'm even more awesome" kind of thoughts.
Anyway, I may be nit-picking a bit. Overall it's a good entry for me.
Rainbow Dahs's lack of the right term for the "not-spiky trees" was a nice touch.
>>PaulAsaran has a point. It doesn't make much sense reading a book in such conditions.
Also, the description of the weather conditions fails a bit to build tension. I'm not sure if it's because we don't know what the stakes are, or if it's some passages that drag it down, especially when describing Rainbow Dash's reactions (like the "How did I know?", the "natural resistance of pegasi to cold", and describing the snow as just "stupid and annoying"). Maybe you deliberately wanted to show that the blizzard is no big deal to her, but if so I would have expected more a "this blizzard is awesome, but I'm even more awesome" kind of thoughts.
Anyway, I may be nit-picking a bit. Overall it's a good entry for me.
The snow bit into my fur, the feeling of sharp needles poking me prevalent in my mind. I really don’t like the way this sentence is phrased. Too bad it’s the hook…
Daring Do ran as hard as she could with the limited vision she had, her clothes wet and dragging from all the rain that was falling. Isn't that a comma splice?
Anyways. Interesting premise, but I don’t see why RD has chosen the worst possible weather conditions to visit a sleeping Tank that will not awake for a couple of months. As PaulAsaran points out, this seems at best moronic, at worse like a suicide attempt.
The story in itself needs to be balanced. The first third fourths are really RD plodding through the tempest, and only in the last quarter we learn why and she does something interesting. So yeah, I'd suggest cutting heavily the first section and beefing the end.
Daring Do ran as hard as she could with the limited vision she had, her clothes wet and dragging from all the rain that was falling. Isn't that a comma splice?
Anyways. Interesting premise, but I don’t see why RD has chosen the worst possible weather conditions to visit a sleeping Tank that will not awake for a couple of months. As PaulAsaran points out, this seems at best moronic, at worse like a suicide attempt.
The story in itself needs to be balanced. The first third fourths are really RD plodding through the tempest, and only in the last quarter we learn why and she does something interesting. So yeah, I'd suggest cutting heavily the first section and beefing the end.
This has a pretty good emotional arc, but it's kinda undermined by Tank not actually, you know, being dead. It ends up feeling pretty melodramatic.
I also spent a while wondering why Rainbow wasn't flying. She can hold things in her hooves and fly, right? Surely it would be better than trudging through the snow?
I want to like this more than I do, I think. The idea is good, but the execution just seems jumbled, even if the presentation is clean and neat.
I did like your characterization of Rainbow. Even without seeing her name, I quickly caught on to who this was.
I also spent a while wondering why Rainbow wasn't flying. She can hold things in her hooves and fly, right? Surely it would be better than trudging through the snow?
I want to like this more than I do, I think. The idea is good, but the execution just seems jumbled, even if the presentation is clean and neat.
I did like your characterization of Rainbow. Even without seeing her name, I quickly caught on to who this was.
I gotta say, the most impressive part about this story was the laugh I got from the "not-spiky trees". The story was cute, but it wasn't really overly impactful. All I can imagine is another scene right after the story ends with Rainbow going "wow, screw this" and flying back inside for the reasons >>PaulAsaran mentioned.
