Nicky Fincher was somewhere between buzzed and resolutely shit-faced when he climbed over the brick wall—not too high—of Rockside Cemetery.

And we're off to a great start! :D

Still in his grey suit, as if he'd just come out of the office, his tie loosened around his neck, like a schmuck, Nicky made his way through the tombstones, half-blind. Tombstones. An army of tombstones.

He was looking for his wife.

Very strong hook.

No, he decided that, at least for the foreseeable future, he must have Albertine; he wanted to feel her again.

...well, this went in a disturbing direction. This story is going to make the top of my slate, because the prose is good, the hook is strong, and it's well crafted, but damn that's weird.

I confess I had some difficulty following this one. There's quite a few interesting bits here -- I got an Island of Doctor Moreau vibe off the introduction, in a way that caught my interest. But I didn't understand where the story went from there, and the ending came a bit out of left field.

There's some neat ideas here, but the twist at the end came out of left field. Why should Margane require a sacrifice when none of the others did? And why does the sacrifice have to be her descendant? And why do they wish to speak to her so badly they'd murder a woman in her own house for a short conversation?

An interesting premise! I like the ending, and the format worked surprisingly well for how sparse it is. The only thing that really tripped me up was:

"Well, I have found that a lot of people are more at ease if they talk over their life. So, tell me about yourself. I'll listen."

"That was a great story, you lived a very happy life."

That's such a curt reply for someone telling the story of their life. What happens in-between these two lines could have been an entire fic inof itself.

Blugh, my entry is in, but I can't say I'm happy with it.

Beware, I live.

I'm in.

>>No_Raisin
>>Baal Bunny
>>Samey90
>>AndrewRogue

Whoops!

Thanks to everyone for the feedback. This story's initial version was over 1000 words long, and when it got compressed for length, it lost a few relevant details. Criticism like that it could be taken as implying vaccines cause autism made me cringe, but is totally fair when reading the literal text.

Probably the biggest thing to get dropped is that the original story had a lot more little moments to show that April is a functional member of society. She has a job, she pays her rent every month, she has loyal friends, and she's trying online dating but her profile scares people off. Her argument that she's not disabled, just different, is meant to be validated by her having a happy life.

In short...

I get that this might be an allegory for autism, and how a lot of people on the autism spectrum would rather stay as they are than be "cured," whatever that means. But autism is something that usually develops naturally, and most people on the spectrum are far more well-adjusted to everyday life than April here.

>>No_Raisin

You nailed the authorial intent on the head, but I failed to execute on it well enough for it to come through.

Still! I'm planning to turn this story into a longer humanfic, so this feedback was all super useful. Thanks everyone!

>>Bachiavellian

I learned something about poetry reading this comment! I never quite understood how meter works, so I could hear that it was off but didn't understand why. This really helped.

Thank you!

>>No_Raisin

Alternate Title: Skyrim: Sing-Along Edition

You are a bad man.

>>Baal Bunny

The picture has a dragon in it, man. The story is called, "Poems About Dragons."

I'm just saying I didn't conceal my intentions.

More seriously, thanks for the feedback. The commentary this round really helped, and with your mentorship and support, I think I might be well on my way to being an average poet.

>>PinoyPony

I will mention that I did enjoy your style. For all my criticisms, you've got something here, and this story deserved its place in the finals.

Looking forward to reading more of your work too. :)

>>Miller Minus

Thanks man, and yeah, the character writing here was good. Looking forward to reading more of your stuff. :)

But that’s the thing about color. It’s the pigment of imagination.

This story introduces the means of the villains defeat -- which was not previously foreshadowed at all -- in the same breath as the villain's defeat. It's a Deus Ex Machina that doesn't resonate with larger themes in the story or relate to the protagonist's character in any way. From a narrative perspective, you might as well have had the dragon explode because of the power of love, or friendship, or cool hard jazz.

Some of the imagery in the story is nice -- it could make an interesting horror short -- but without a way to tie it all together, it feels less like a story and more like an acid trip.

While i concur with Cassius that this is one of the better entries so far, I'm not so sold on the ending. We're told earlier that he can't understand the words on the cover, which I took as an outright statement that the boy was illiterate.

This.

The ending of this story dramatically reveals something that we knew within the first third of the story. This made it fall flat for me, and without that twist, it's really just a summary of three people ransacking an old cabin.

Okay, I'll get straight to it: I didn't laugh either, though I was smiling ear to ear because I did enjoy this entry quite a bit, particularly when it comes to the disgruntled voice of the narration and the dynamic between Silver and our insipid swordsman.

As a comedy I don't think it quite pulls through. There are a few chuckle-worthy lines, and the premise is one that anyone who's played something like Skyrim or The Witcher will be happy to see riffed on, but it lacks teeth.

I found myself smiling while reading this story, but never actually laughing, unfortunately.

I must agree with my distinguished colleagues. As a fan of western RPGs, I certainly enjoyed this story, but it was more amusing than funny. I never quite laughed, and at the end, I didn't have a strong impression of it beyond the sort of humor one finds on a gaming reddit board.

Bad author! I'm giving you a homework assignment. Watch this delightful video and give me a two-page single-spaced essay detailing all the logical fallacies present in this story.

The writing is... fine, I guess, but I seriously could not get over how aggressively this story is pushing bullshit. Automatic bottom of my slate. A poorly written story is just dull, this one is actively offensive.

Alas, late to the party as I am, I don't have much to say that other reviewers haven't already said:

This has a well-constructed first person perspective that really digs in and helps keep me reading. But in the end, I have to agree with >>No_Raisin that this story doesn't really seem to have a satisfying payoff. It all feels pretty by-the-numbers, and by the end of things I haven't learned anything about the main character that I did not already assume was the case after the first 1/3 or so.

This summarizes my feelings perfectly. From the second the existence of the killer was mentioned, I assumed it was the protagonist, and so the rest of the story didn't have any surprises.

There's already four positive reviews for this story, so I hate to be the odd one out -- but I really didn't care for this story. Nothing happens, the conflict is both petty and artificial, and the reveal at the end sucks away any possible tension that may have remained. It's not that the characters are unrealistic or that the story is badly written per-se, but this is barely a story.

There are other stories in this writeoff that aren't proper stories, but they're trying to sell themselves on an intriguing premise. This is a fairly common premise combined with a tepid execution, and (for me at least) it made the story feel dull.

I'm not sure why past commentators have felt this story implies brother/sister incest. I didn't get that vibe at all. They're clearly taking a trip to get revenge on their father for sexually abusing his daughter, and in light of such an emotionally charged moment, their unusual interactions make sense.

The ending is confusing and a bit weak, as it's not like they can smash his headstone every year (unless they keep paying to replace it). But with a few tweaks, this could be pretty good.

Bachiavellian already captured my feelings on this story perfectly:

I can tell that you went into this with a very specific vision. This piece absolutely oozes style.

But I'm afraid for me, it didn't really pay off. I mean, from my perspective, if you just took away the poetic use of colors in regard to objects/things they represent, you'd have a pretty standard description of a forest fire, which is a bit too basic to be really interesting.

You have an interesting style, but this isn't so much a story as it is a test pallete for that style. There's no substance here to appreciate, and the style alone wasn't enough to hold me.

The idea behind this story is neat, but unfortunately, the execution just isn't up to the premise. Moments like this-

Mu-Hak had heard urban legends of metch dealers hijacking small boats with a falsified distress signal. But they were just stories, he decided.

-are fairly ham-fisted, and they give the story an exposition-heavy tone. It feels like cheesy 80s sci-fi, but without any of the campy charm. If the author intends to rewrite it, I'd strongly advise them to focus on showing instead of telling.

I think the author of this story might enjoy How to Succeed in Evil, a book about a consultant who advises supervillians.

Beyond that, this story had an interesting premise, but I felt the execution could have been stronger. The pacing is off, and it rests in an unfortunate middle ground where it's too serious to be comedy but too lighthearted to be drama. This is the sort of story that I didn't enjoy very much while reading, but that I'd love to see a revised version of because the premise is so much fun.

A solid middle of my finals slate. Nice work!

Other reviewers have already praised this story for its many virtues: strong descriptions, a good hook, and an intriguing setting. But where it comes out of the gate with a superb opening, it really loses steam around the middle.

We get almost halfway through the story before anything happens, and when it does happen, it happens to someone who doesn't live to tell the tale. Since the middle of the story is told from William's perspective, but he doesn't live to repeat anything, the perspective here becomes confused.

As others have said, this story's execution is very strong: it shows instead of telling, it makes good use of the length, it's evocative and sad, and the ending is punchy. But underneath the quality of the execution, there's not much substance to this story. I enjoyed reading it, and I don't have many suggestions to make on improving it, but when it was done I was left wanting more.

Still, I think this will rank near the top of my finals ballot.

Evocative and succinct. This is the first story on my finals slate, but it'll be hard to beat.

Normally, when a minific story is good, I say "I'd love to see a longer version of this!" But that's not the case here. This story is exactly long enough to do what it means to do. It gives us a snapshot of this strange boy's life and leaves us wondering if he's psychic, crazy, or just deeply imaginative. Superb use of the available length.

>>AndrewRogue
>>Pascoite
>>Haze
>>Samey90
>>No_Raisin
>>Bachiavellian

Thanks to everyone who left a review! This was some excellent feedback.

This story's first draft was 1,200 words, and when it got cut for length, I think a lot of context was lost. The many comments pointing out inconsistencies in the story are helpful -- some of they were addressed in the longer version, some not. I'm going to turn this story into something longer (maybe 3,000 words or so) so seeing the major points I need to cover is great. ^_^