>>FloydienSlip
I've scrapped two ideas tonight. I'll have to unfortunately bow out this round. Best of luck to everyone else!

Wow. It's been a while. I'll try to submit something this time around.

To whoever referenced Tears for Fears in their prompt submission: you have my vote.

>>Dolfeus Doseux
>>Xepher
>>AndrewRogue
>>Ranmilia
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Oblomov
>>Monokeras
>>horizon

Thank you all for the comments and criticism. This story was originally only the very first part (minus the last sentence in that section), which I discovered was too short to make the minimum wordcount, so I kinda... added a bunch of random stuff to pad it out. I wasn't really expecting it to do well, but I hadn't entered a Writeoff since the first original short story round (October 2015, Eye of the Storm). Apologies for making everyone suffer through this, I know it needs a lot of work.

The lesson here, at least in my case, is don't submit experimental pieces. I'm at a sort of crossroads in my writing where I focus more on the bizarre and surreal, and because I'm still a novice writer, I'm not yet at a place to pull it off. But as someone who has entered Writeoffs in the past, I should have remembered that!

Thanks especially to >>Ranmilia for your feedback early on. There's a lot of good critique in your comment that I'll take to heart in future stories (and I've unfortunately always been bad at good first lines; it's something I'm ashamed to admit), and I'm sorry that this story was so opaque. To be honest, I'm not really sure what I was going for either, plot-wise.

If nothing else, writing this did help me get back to writing on a daily basis. Thanks again to everyone for your comments. It means a lot that you took the time to read through this atrocity and actually give me meaningful feedback. Until next time!

This story isn't on my slate, but it does deserve some feedback.

I really enjoyed this piece. The prose is strong at all the right points, though there is a minor hiccup in the flow towards the end. The voice of the narrator is very tight and focused, though I never quite got to the level of connection I was hoping for. The ending is a tad cliché, but I think it fits the tone and message of the story well enough to give it a pass.

Overall, excellent job.

Great narrative voice, but I have to agree with >>Cassius and say that I don't get the point of this story. The connection to the prompt isn't obvious either, though maybe the narrator is confessing these on his deathbed? It's not clear, and the ending feels anticlimactic compared to the growing tension in the first two parts of the story.

Interesting premise, but the ending is devoid of logic and falls flat, rather than the powerful twist it was intended to be. The dialogue feels somewhat forced and a bit dramatic:

this vale of tears

After I rigged it up, I often took it for a stroll, pointing it discreetly at random people in the streets.

It doesn't flow well and somewhat mutes the urgency of what's actually at stake. The prose itself is competent, but overall it doesn't quite work for me.

Great characterization and imagery, but there's not much in the way of narrative here. There needs to be stakes, something that draws the reader in and keeps them engaged until the end. It's a fine piece of prose (though there are several typos), but something's missing that keeps this from realizing its full potential.

Great prose, but the ending, important as it is, needs some work. It's not subtle, though the imagery is fantastic and definitely adds to the overall tone.

The ending also has "Mika" instead of "Maki," which confused me until I realized it was just a typo.

Overall, though, very well done and thoroughly enjoyable.

Sorry, that's a no-go, author. The first paragraph is actually what threw me; it doesn't make sense. How is 4034 larger than 4969? Combined with copious spelling mistakes and the pure randomness of the content, it just falls flat.

Nerd I got you Rude tbh

Echoing >>Xepher with the rhythm. This was well done for the most part, but the bizarre on-again, off-again rhyming threw me for a loop, and there were a few lines that had a syllable or two extra. I enjoyed the content, and while I think the style worked in your favor, I'm not sure the piece is successful as a whole. It didn't really draw me in.

This was awesome. Beautiful prose and this sinuous rhythm throughout the piece that really makes the ending that much more gut-wrenching. I don't quite understand Lizel standing beside her younger self, and I think that clarifying this point—even slightly—would improve the piece.

Fantastic job, author.

The prose itself could use some work, but this was a good read. I was thinking about relativity, but maybe >>Ratlab is on to something with the atomic bomb theory. Nevertheless, good execution (pardon the pun) and fascinating idea.

Love the imagery going on this, but despite the content of the story, I didn't find it particularly funny. I didn't really connect with the narrator, either, though that may be as a result of his given personality. Not sure I can pinpoint something, exactly, but there just needed to be more... stuff, and I realize how dumb that sounds, given that this is a minific competition. It just didn't do much for me in its current state, but it has a ton of potential.

I want to like this story more than I do, but it came across as vague and hard to understand. I'm not sure what exactly is happening here, and that's really what drags this down. I had hoped the characters were in reference to some work, but searching reveals nothing. The interactions between Judith and Gloriana were excellent, but I didn't feel any connection to them throughout the story.

Maybe someone more versed in story analysis than I will love this, but it's just not my cup of tea.

0/10 hit too close to home.

Just kidding, though this happened to me far more than I care to admit, and why I haven't been in the Writeoff since two Octobers ago.

All good stories have some grounding in reality. This is a good story. Structurally, though, I didn't care for it. The issue with the second-person viewpoint—and the other viewpoints too, really—is the trap that people fall into with "X" sentences. X did Y. X did Z. It becomes monotonous and saps all energy from the story. Towards the end, this doesn't happen as much and the story is all the better for it. There's a tension present there that this piece needs elsewhere.

I was wondering if I would see a meta piece, and I'm glad to see that it's a successful one.

This was wonderful. I really dug the narrative voice and enjoyed the parenthetical asides made. I would have liked more detail on how the earth came to be destroyed, because I think that would have strengthened the overall tone and impact of the story, but that's my only major beef.

>>Not_A_Hat
Echoed my thoughts pretty well. "Spending minutes," I think, is your average "spending time," but the story never really dives into the nuances and ramifications of the titular question. The ending comes off as sentimental, but it's not a bad story by any means.

Interesting little story. There's a great narrative voice at play in the prose that I really enjoyed, but the dialogue is dry and almost formulaic. I would have liked to see this as a full-on short story: too many questions are still floating around for me to truly love this. However, what is here is good, and I did like reading it.

I liked this a lot, but then I've always had a weakness for short sci-fi stuff. It's a neat twist on a tired concept, but I enjoyed the voice of the narrator on the whole. He does tend to get a bit wordy in spots, which drains the energy from the story, but overall this is a strong contender.

Also, a word of advice: write out any words less than 100. It looks cleaner.

I like how casual these two characters are, and how they play off each other. That said, the story itself seemed sort of lackluster to me, a very literal take on the prompt which, while competently executed and amusing to read, doesn't do anything new or exciting. It's a pretty standard doomsday thing.

Submitted, but I don't feel good about my chances. It was good practice at any rate.

First draft is finally done; it only took me all day. Here's hoping I can stay awake long enough to submit.

Now's as good a time as any to make my return to the Writeoff. It's been way too long.

I oddly didn't get an email notification. I guess I'd better tell Roger...

EDIT: Stupid spam folder...